I was our Gypsy Leader 1 - My reincarnated Soul Mate - 7. Chapter 7. Misinterpretations and misunderstandings.

The sun was setting and the outside air started to get chilly, so that I decided to leave my porch and go inside. In my living room, I slumped down on my couch and closed my eyes, whilst forcing myself to contemplate on who I really was. Sixty-five years of wasted life, never really listening to my wife or to my two daughters, always doing what I assumed they wished, but never asking them. My little brother didn't seem to need me, until he became dependent on me. My parents were too busy to listen to me. My wife never complained, even after we divorced and went our own ways. My daughters grew up, married, and then moved towards another town...

Today, another badly burnt little boy enters my life and seems to need me. And again, I am making the same mistake! Again, I am just filling in what he wants, without asking him first. Again, I am not listening to what HE has to tell, but I am just assuming things. Clearly, I am still only a selfish egotist; and therefore I will have to change my unprofessional behavior drastically, before I will ever be worthy to help such a special child. And I will have to start RIGHT NOW!

Slowly, my body started to feel drowsy and tired, while my inside started to feel drained as if all my energy was leaving. Assuming that I needed some rest after all those emotions that I had gone through, I stretched out on my couch and closed my eyes. Immediately, I drifted off into sort of a slumber, until my mind was no longer aware of my surroundings and everything around me started to feel surrealistically silent and peaceful. Was I suddenly dying, without comprehending what was happening, and was I now entering Heaven or perhaps hell? Slowly and hesitatingly, I reopened my eyes and looked around...

Surprisingly, instead of seeing my 'normal' living room, I saw my broadly smiling 'Spirit Guide' standing next to me! This time, Jack was no longer some hazy form, as if made of colored steam, but he was REAL, although he was also surrounded by a beautifully colored aura that stretched out into all different directions as if vibrating and glowing with many unearthly colors. For a second, Jack waited, until my eyes got used to the unearthly bright light that started to surround us and that seemed to come from nowhere. Then, Jack approached me, bent over towards me, and embraced me, so that I could feel his very warm ethereal arms folding around my earthly shoulders, while his inside started to radiate lots of powerful Cosmic Love towards me.

While basking in Jack's surprisingly powerful Cosmic Love and Healing Energy, I also heard his by now already well-known warm and soulful voice, this time coming from his OWN mouth. Looking at me with eyes full of Pure Love and Compassion, Jack asked me:

"My dear brother, do you understand now?"

At hearing Jack's concerned voice, involuntarily, I started to cry from my again welling emotions of shame and remorse, while I could only nod. Tears of regret and frustration started to stream down my face, while my inside felt overwhelmed by so much Understanding, Cosmic Love, and Compassion... Yes, this time, I DID understand!

Again, I heard Jack's warm and soulful voice, telling me:

"Don't be afraid, because you didn't make any serious mistakes. Soon, your son from your past life will return to you, because you and he need each other, to start working closely together when it is your time to begin your appointed tasks on our so terribly confused Earth. Please, don't doubt anymore, but only listen to what your own heart tells you, and just go on loving your boy. May our Highest Supreme Being always be with you and bless you, your boy, our young friend, and soon everybody else in your steadily growing family!"

Slowly, Jack withdrew his still surprisingly warm arms from my shoulders, while his ethereal body already started to disappear into the same hazy mist that I had seen before. At the same time, the unearthly bright light faded away into nowhere, while I woke up on my couch, curled up into a tight ball, and started to cry my heart out...

Half an hour later, after crying my heart out until finally my inside felt like having emptied all of its hitherto pent-up pains and sorrows, I first stretched out again on my couch, and then I restarted to think. Clearly, even as a so-called 'ghost' or 'spirit', Jack turned out to be an extremely powerful Healer, just like his son John seemed to be one! Could really John be Jack's own son, although John seemed to live in another house where he had his own parents and younger siblings? Apart from that, Jack and John were certainly looking alike...

Leaving both Jack and John for now, I also recalled how Jack had called little Harry 'your son from your past life', thus confirming that little Harry really had been my own little son during our trapper lives! Would really little Harry and I start working closely together; and would I soon also get a 'steadily growing family', as Jack had already foretold before? Besides, why had Jack spoken of little Harry as being 'YOUR boy', but of John as being 'OUR young friend'?

Feeling rather stiff from lying curled up into a tight ball, I rose from my couch and carefully stretched my cramping arms and legs. What time was it, and how long had I been crying? In the meantime, my living room was already getting dark; so that I switched on a few already found twilight lamps, before I stumbled to my kitchen to brew another much-needed cup of very strong black coffee.

Just before I entered my kitchen, my extremely loud doorbell rang, whilst again reverberating through the entire house! Again, I planned to replace the too wicked thing as soon as possible, preferably before it gave me a real heart attack! Feeling irritated, I stumbled to my front door and opened it, ready to brush off any unwelcome visitors I was absolutely sure I hadn't invited. Who the heck would want to pay me such an unexpected visit, at such an unearthly time in the evening? Silently muttering under my breath, I looked outside...

A split second later, I was almost run over by a human cannonball who suddenly launched himself against my chest and then desperately clamped his boyish arms around my waist. While also trying to bury his head under my chin, John immediately started to cry his heart out! Feeling truly surprised, I folded my own arms around John's loudly sobbing frame and tried to pull him even closer against my chest. What the heck could have happened to my crying young friend?

Before I carried John inside, I first looked around for any more unexpected visitors... Then, seeing that John was all alone, I dragged my crying limpet into the hallway and then also closed the front door. Inside my house, John first slowly released his death grip on my chest, and then he hesitatingly looked up at me. Showing me two teary deep brown eyes in his also tear-stained face, he sobbed:

"Please, sir, can I... sorry, MAY I have another talk with you?"

"Yes, of course you may! Please come in and be my guest."

Still folding my arms around John's now silently sobbing frame, I guided him into my living room. My young friend just ambled next to me, in the meantime heaving several deep sighs and nearly stumbling over the doorsteps. What terrible things could have happened to my young friend that made him feel this distressed? Inside my living room, I first released John and switched on a few more lamps, before I went to my couch and sat down. Invitingly, I patted the empty space next to me... However, John only looked at me with a pleading face. Then, he just threw himself onto my lap, refolded his strong arms around my chest, and again started to cry his heart out!

What should I do now? Could John see me as some 'replacement father', or perhaps as his new 'Big Friend'? Didn't John have his own Dad, to help him cope with his obvious loneliness? Ultimately, John's parents didn't even know me; and what if they didn't want their oldest son to befriend this bearded ancient 'danger stranger'? Then, I decided to listen to what my own heart told me, as Jack had already advised I should do all the time. Not surprisingly, my own heart told me, loud and clear, that my young friend John really needed all my help, my Universal Love, and also some professional guidance!

Therefore, I just wrapped my own arms around John's still sobbing frame, and started to give him all the Universal Love and support that I could provide. That was what I always did with my too emotional little clients, to help them calm down and also feel a bit safer. Out of professional habit, I also tuned in into John's surrounding aura, where I tried to sense what could be his real problem...

This time, my young friend felt like a forlorn child that literally craved for some more tender loving care and parental understanding! Who, or maybe what, could have made him feel this distressed? As if he could have picked up my thoughts, John again started to sob and talk at the same time, whilst trying to tell me:

"Harry suddenly doesn't want to believe me anymore... I told him you didn't freak out on him, because you are already used to seeing your own burnt little brother; but he doesn't listen anymore and just keeps on crying and crying, until my father started to yell at him and then ordered ME to do something about it, or else... That is why I am here, hoping that you might be able to help Harry..."

Still sobbing, John continued to tell me a lot more, but I couldn't understand him through his heavy sobs, and therefore asked him:

"Shush, shush... Please, start talking a little bit slower, so that I can try to understand at least some of what you are saying."

In the meantime, I started to look around for my packet of tissues. Where could I have left it, now that I needed it for John to wipe his tears and blow his nose? I was sure I had found it on the bottom of one of those cardboard boxes! Only, where had I put it, thinking I would be able to find it back easily? Had I left it in my kitchen, or maybe in my hallway closet? Obviously, I was really becoming some forgetful 'old grandpa'! Feeling rather irritated about my very obvious forgetfulness, I reached into my trouser pocket to get one of my own handkerchiefs and help John with his teary eyes and runny nose.

However, John already beat me to it. Still sobbing, he worked his own handkerchief out of his back pocket. After wiping his teary eyes and wet face, he also blew his runny nose in it before he neatly folded it together and put it back into his pocket. Now that John had calmed down some, he was finally able to tell me what unexpected things had happened to his friends and to him during the past two days:

John started to repeat what he had already told me before, that his little Gypsy brother had been angry with his deceased Big Friend for abandoning him. During the past two months, Harry plainly refused to listen to Jack's warm voice in his inside, although he could clearly see Jack's spirit trying to contact him. Until yesterday morning, when a bearded stranger suddenly showed up in Jack's former backyard and curiously looked at Harry's little herbs garden that he still maintained. Feeling surprised, Harry sensed how the stranger's aura seemed to be in perfect harmony with Jack's aura, with John's aura, and also with his own aura! Therefore, he decided to ask his deceased Big Friend about this phenomenon that he didn't understand. From then on, they were friends again, and Jack even told Harry that he liked the new owner of his former house, who obviously had to be ME...

Feeling happy again, Harry asked John to contact the new owner of Jack's former abode, because he was a bit afraid that this bearded stranger would refuse to let him maintain his own little herbs garden, and he also was afraid that the stranger would reject him once he saw his so terribly burnt face, as so many others had done in his past.

That was why John decided to try to contact this bearded 'old man', even while he seemed to take a nap during the middle of the day. Together with his friends, John started to lean against the closed fence, although feeling unsure about what he should do next. For a moment, John was afraid that I would be too angry, because his friend Thomas had called me an 'ancient grandpa' and I seemed to be glaring at them. But then, Jack showed up, together with several other Spirit Friends, and they persuaded a giggling Chrissy to open the closed gate, so that all five kids suddenly tumbled into my driveway!

From that moment on, I turned out to be really friendly; and, after John told me his own sad story about his burnt 'little Gypsy brother', I even promised to help Harry, and also to give him his old room back. Only, John still hadn't told me the most important part of their story, about his little Gypsy brother being badly burnt all over, especially his face, and therefore nearly every stranger who could see his burnt face for the first time, calling him a 'freak or an 'alien'...

Immediately after John told me that most strangers called his burnt little brother a 'freak' or an 'alien', I started to cry, left my chair, fled into my house, and even closed my front door, leaving all five kids alone whilst not understanding what could have happened. Could they have done something stupid, and was I now angry with them? Feeling both confused and disappointed, they decided to leave my porch and start playing elsewhere around another block.

That same evening, Harry told John that he had been spying on me from within a thick bush in my backyard, until I saw him and even waved at him. Still fearing to be rejected for the umpteenth time, once this bearded old man could see his so badly burnt face, he impulsively fled away into an adjoining backyard, although, at the same time, he regretted his hasty decision. What if this bearded stranger would not reject him, as so many others had done? Plus, why had Jack told him that he liked the new owner of his former house? Still doubting, Harry asked John to try to contact the bearded man again...

This morning, after first doing some necessary chores, John went to my house, to try to contact me and then ask me why I suddenly left his friends and him alone on my porch. Fortunately, everything had turned out for the best, I had not been angry at all, and John was now sure that he could trust me with his own life if ever needed! Feeling reassured, John asked his friends to help him find Harry. After some searching, they found Harry in my backyard, again hiding in the same thick bush. He had cleverly positioned himself so that he could see into my living room, to find out what John and I could be doing.

Triumphantly, the children took the little spy towards John's room, because they too wanted to know everything about me first. Sitting on his bed, John told them a few minor things about me and my own burnt little brother. However, John didn't want to tell them too many private things, because he wasn't sure how much information he could relay without my consent. He only assured Harry that I was a really nice and friendly man, and I had personally asked my little namesake to accompany John into my newly bought house to get acquainted.

Very much to everybody's disappointment, Harry only stared back at John with a blank face, as if he couldn't believe his praising words. Getting a bit frustrated, John tried again to assure Harry that I really was a very nice man and absolutely wanted to be his new Big Friend! His little brother had nothing to be afraid of, as Big Harry was already used to having a young boy with a badly burnt face around, because of his own severely burnt little brother Joshie.

Looking more and more frustrated, Harry suddenly blurted out:

"Why was Big Harry angry with me after he returned into Jack's living room? Before he sat down on his new couch, he cursed and kicked a chair around! Of course, after what you told him about me, he certainly doesn't want to have ME in his house with such a freaky face, and he also doesn't want me to have my own little herbs garden in Jack's former backyard. Therefore, I could better be DEAD!"

Feeling severely shocked, John just didn't know anymore how to respond to such an unexpected outburst. After some more thinking, he decided to tell Harry everything that he knew about little Joshie's burns, his sudden death, and my own horrible youth. John only hoped I wouldn't mind all the others hearing my sad story as well, because it was for the sake of my own little namesake.

Soon after John started to relay what I had told, Harry sat upright and started to listen intently, while all my other little neighbors finally understood why I unexpectedly left them all alone on my porch. Now that they knew my own sad life story, they reacted both shocked and full of understanding, while Harry finally accepted that my anger had nothing to do with him or with his little herbs garden in my backyard. I had only felt my own pain and frustrations, because I remembered my own burnt little brother! After John had told them everything that he knew about me, Harry hesitatingly confessed:

"I'm still afraid that Big Harry doesn't want to accept me in Jack's former house, even after everything that you told me about him. I'm also still afraid that I have to remove my little herbs garden, because Big Harry has already kicked at a few white cobblestones..."

Feeling relieved now that his little brother finally started to listen, John again tried to convince Harry by explaining:

"I think that Big Harry stumbled across your white cobblestones by accident and without knowing what they are for. But he has a truly understanding character, and he absolutely wants to meet you! Please, don't be afraid anymore, because Big Harry is already used to seeing a boy with a badly burnt face because of his own burnt little brother. Shall we go to Big Harry's house now, to get acquainted?"

Finally, little Harry agreed to join his persuading friends, although he was still a bit afraid that I would reject him once I could see his so terribly burnt face, in spite of being used to seeing my own burnt little brother. Too many strangers had panicked, or called him a 'freak' or an 'alien', at seeing his so badly burnt face for the first time.

At last, Marrie just threw her arms around her still hesitating 'little Gypsy brother' and dragged him down their stairs and out their door. Determinedly, she guided him towards my house, followed by all the others. Inside my house, everybody felt elated to see our first meeting going so surprisingly well! Inwardly, they had hoped and prayed that Harry would find himself a new 'Big Friend'... Now, all of a sudden, their hopes and prayers seemed to be answered. When I saw Harry for the first time, I just embraced him and even kissed his burnt forehead, without any visible hesitation. Therefore, to them, things looked like John's little brother really had found himself a new Big Friend!

That is, until they saw me carrying a silently sobbing little rag doll towards the kitchen table, first take him onto my lap, and then turn him around to make him face his friends... Immediately after I turned him around, little Harry started to scream, fought himself free from my enveloping arms, and ran out of the house at lightning speed!

Of course, none of my surprised little neighbors understood what could have happened. Could Big Harry have done something bad to their unexpectedly crying little friend? Following John outside, they spread out into all different directions and started to search for their runaway friend. After searching in vain through all the surrounding backyards, they finally found him in John's bedroom, slumped down on John's bed and burying his face in a pillow to muffle his sobs.

Feeling concerned, John sat down next to his little brother and asked him to explain what had happened. Only, Harry refused to talk and just went on crying and sobbing! Feeling at a loss, John told his little brother that none of them had any idea why he ran away. Had Big Harry done something bad to him, maybe unintentionally? At hearing John's accusing words, Harry suddenly screamed that he had lost EVERYTHING and only wanted to DIE!

At hearing Harry's outburst, all five children felt severely shocked. For a second, they didn't know how to help their desperate little friend who suddenly wanted to die. Then, John pulled Harry onto his lap and almost begged his little brother to tell him why he felt so desperate... However, Harry only shook his head, while he just went on sobbing and now and then wiping his more and more teary eyes with the backs of his hands. At last, both Thomas and Chrissy had to go home to eat dinner with their parents, while John, Mark and Marrie took their still sobbing little brother downstairs and into their living room to eat their own dinner. When Harry still went on sobbing, their angrily shouting Dad finally ordered John to do something about it, or else...

Again, John took his still sobbing little brother upstairs; where, at last, Harry hesitatingly started to tell John what had happened:

While Harry spied on me from within a thick bush in my backyard, he had already sensed a strong feeling of harmony between himself, the bearded stranger, his Big Friend Jack, and John! Feeling curious, he tried to read the stranger's thoughts, although the bearded man had his eyes closed and pretended to take a nap. Then, Harry sensed that the man tried to contact him, whilst telling him in his thoughts that Harry could trust him and was still welcome in his old home! Feeling more and more drawn towards the bearded man, Harry took a small step forward; but, then, the man suddenly saw him and even waved at him. Still being afraid of getting rejected once the bearded stranger could see his so terribly burnt face, Harry panicked, turned around, and quickly disappeared into one of the adjoining backyards, although he almost immediately regretted his too hasty decision.

After confessing everything to John and John helpfully talking to the bearded stranger, Harry finally decided to discard his unnecessary fears and to follow his friends towards Jack's former house that now belonged to the stranger. Inside the house, his feelings of belonging to the bearded stranger started getting stronger and stronger, although he was still a bit afraid of being rejected once the man could see his so terribly burnt face. Therefore, he still kept his head down, while he stealthily tried to read the man's thoughts...

Feeling extremely surprised, Harry suddenly sensed that I tried to contact him in my mind! At the same time, I also started to send him an astonishing amount of Pure Cosmic Love, whilst telling him in my thoughts that he was still welcome in his old home, he could trust me absolutely, and I certainly wanted to be his friend!

At that moment, Harry was sure that he had found himself a new 'Big Friend'! When I finally saw his so badly burnt face for the first time, unlike what everybody else always did, I didn't even flinch. I only sank onto one knee to be on the same level, and then asked him for a hug! Feeling very surprised, Harry first contacted my enveloping aura to sense my true intentions. Could he really trust me, and would I really accept him for what he was, including his terribly burnt face? When Harry again sensed my powerful Unconditional Love, he left Marrie's arms, stepped towards me, and trustfully leaned into me. While basking in my extremely powerful aura full of Tender Loving Care, his inside felt like coming home! Finally, his mourning was over, and he was now sure that he had found a new Big Friend!

At the same time, Harry was also sure that he recognized me as once being our Beloved 'Gypsy Monarch Harold the Great', next to already being Eternal Soul Mates for now and forever and ever...

Then, his Big Friend bent over towards him and KISSED him! This time, Harry's heart felt all warm and mushy, while he basked in his joyful feelings of being totally accepted. He was now sure that I was going to love him at least as much as Jack had done, and perhaps even more! How could he show me that he felt elated to have me as his new Big Friend? Almost drowning in his feelings of Pure Love, he put his small arms around my neck and hugged me. Then, he made the biggest mistake of his life... HE KISSED ME BACK.

Immediately when his wrinkled lips touched mine, my entire body stiffened and my shocked face contorted and froze. At the same time, all my feelings of Pure Love and Acceptance disappeared completely, while my aura that had been full of love went cold and retreated into my inside. Obviously, I was suddenly feeling too disgusted by those badly burnt lips that unexpectedly touched mine. Without saying a word, I waited, until his ugly shriveled mouth would leave mine...

Harry's entire world felt like falling into shambles! Feeling awful, severely disappointed, rejected, and also terribly ugly, he slid down onto the kitchen floor and started to cry. The only other grownup he had trusted unconditionally, next to Jack and his own parents, had turned him down... Although he involuntarily started to cry, he also tried to muffle his sounds, so as not to alarm his still waiting friends. For a split second, his hope flared up again when I lifted him off the floor. However, I still didn't talk to him and I also didn't ask him why he cried or what he wanted. I just took him to my kitchen table, where I sat down and placed him onto my lap without saying a word. Then, I turned him around, so that he sat away from my face! Clearly, I really felt too disgusted at seeing his so terribly tainted 'freaky' face with those ugly wrinkled lips and all those awful scars...

Screaming his heart out, while feeling as if he had lost everything on earth that could be worth living for, he wrestled free from my arms and ran away from Jack's former house, feeling less than worthless. He thought about throwing himself in front of an approaching car to end his life, but ended up in John's bedroom. However, he still didn't want to live anymore. He had trusted me, and I had turned him down! From now on, he didn't even want to trust Jack anymore, because his deceased Big Friend had assured him that he liked the new owner of his former house... From now on, he only wanted to DIE!

After telling me everything, John sagged down against my chest, from where he again started to cry his heart out. Again, I folded my arms around his heavily sobbing frame and pulled him closer against my chest, while sending him all the Universal Love and compassion that I was able to bring forth. In the meantime, I started to feel guilty! Why hadn't I ASKED little Harry why he suddenly cried, instead of assuming I was doing the right things? Now, everything had been misunderstood, and our first meeting had gone awfully wrong. What a terrible mess! How would I ever be able to explain my severe lack of compassion to the poor child, supposing he would have the courage to return to Jack's former house and meet me again?

In the meantime, John continued to sob in my arms, still burying his head in my chest to muffle his sobs. Where the heck could I have left my packet of tissues now that I needed it? I was sure I had put it in some 'safe place' where I would be able to find it easily... If only my too rusty brain could remember where that safe place had been...

Fortunately, John was already calming down. While his teary face showed up from my chest, he looked at me as if apologizing for being such a crybaby. Again, he worked his handkerchief out of his back pocket. Looking for a dry corner, he wiped his eyes and blew his nose in it, unintentionally making a lot of noises... Hoping to relieve at least some part of our built-up tension, I worked my handkerchief out of my pocket and tried to make the same noises. For a second, John and I looked at each other whilst trying not to laugh. Then, both of us started to bellow with laughter, which made our built-up tension quickly diminish and soon fade away. Being able to behave like two mischievous little kids turned out to be a very welcome release!

Out of the blue, a truly important thought struck me as a lightning bolt, making me realize that I was taking on an enormous amount of responsibility by letting such a vulnerable young child enter my life! This burnt little Gypsy boy wasn't only damaged on his outside, but he could be severely damaged in his inside as well. Therefore, I had to be extremely careful with my suddenly suicidal little friend! And, just like before, I had to start RIGHT NOW!

After looking at my clock on the wall, to estimate how much time would be left, I hesitatingly asked John:

"What do you think, John, is your little brother still awake?"

Looking at me with sudden hope in his still a bit teary dark brown eyes, John nodded in agreement while he responded:

"I am relatively sure that Harry is still waiting for me to return; because, just before I left home, he asked me to tell me everything about you and what you did! But my father also ordered me to be right back, so I think I have to go home now."

Still trying to help little Harry, if ever possible, I suggested:

"Shall I walk you home and try to have another word with your little brother, if he is still downstairs and awake?"

"Yes please; that would be totally wonderful!"

Looking much happier, John left my lap, turned around, and then unexpectedly planted a long and warm kiss onto my bearded cheek! Again, my young friend was working his way even deeper into my heart, while I returned his kiss by teasingly placing a wet one onto his wrinkling pug nose, which made John snicker and wipe the wet kiss away with his handkerchief. Again overflowing with Pure Love for my newly found 'former friend', I also told him:

"Thank you very much, my young friend, for being such a helpful and also truly lovable and affectionate person!"

Beaming back at me with brightly sparkling eyes, John responded:

"Thank you very much too, my older friend, for helping both me and my little brother! And I wish that you could be my Dad..."

Before both John and I left the living room and raced outside, in my sudden hurry, I almost forgot to close my front door. Very clearly, I was really becoming a forgetful 'ancient grandpa'!