Finding A Voice - 4. Chapter 4

Hollow

Loneliness my heart

doubt my best friend.

Pain will never part,

soul trying to mend

Sweet items now tart

forming walls, end.

Tears that I shed

too many to own.

Passion to be fed

actions needing atone.

Echoing doubt in head

suffering to the bone.

Like Horror am hollow.

Screams ripping,

heart soon follow.

Sanity's edge, tipping.

Love's pool shallow,

no longer dipping.

Flung shit on my field

weeds grow, friend grow flowers.

Empty, running, in a void.

Obsessed with impossible,

Depressed, topic of love

so unfair, will I be happy?

Darken Light

No wonder shadows are dark,

hiding that they can, so

past scars, events, bruises, pain...

How can faith in love have I

when shot in my head?

How am I going to love myself?

Playing tricks with my mind

A twisted game

give, take, regret!

One love unconditional,

however not ready.

Someone so young,

newly kissed under a palm.

Intracoastal pier, friends.

Wonder, could it have been?

The first similar to me,

both from familiar state.

Talking over a sundae,

plans, goals, past, future.

Kindness, humor radiating,

I lusted, lost puppy.

Both new to feelings,

broke away, one guidance

other love of self.

Light began with two

each hour slowly dimming

friend leading to more.

Opening his heart

to feelings long locked.

Upfront I told

I could not, should not, would not

open my heart.

Him forever mute, chose poorly.

Love fell on frozen heart.

He backed out of fear,

fell back with ex,

again came back.

Again he fell

several flings later back.

Wanting once held dear;

temptation, controlling

possession, manipulation.

Delivered to me news

set free as he gave boot.

Stranded by the road.

My darken light

shines brighter.

Where, whom, someone?

Share more than conversation,

yet the distance between,

what is allowed,

what is wanted,

the carvass that becomes deeper.

Each sweet sound of his voice.

Fingers across sensitive skin.

Our hearts beating in time.

Every warm embrace,

melting the icy days.

Yet, the reminder that

If you love someone,

both must be able to show love.