IceBerg - 5. Chapter 5

After work that week, I had been writing some more things, poems and short stories, general junk, and put them online. I kept checking but there were no other comments left on the website.

I frowned as I clicked off it. So, two comments. Yes, success was half way. I nearly rolled my eyes to myself and stretched my legs out on Oli’s couch.

We were at his on this Friday evening and I was checking my website and emails on his laptop while he ordered takeaway. He never cared for his laptop, so he never minded if I used it.

‘So, you enjoyed time at your sisters then?’ I asked, clicking on my emails.

‘Yes and no,’ he called over his shoulder from the sofa, lighting up a vanilla scented candle. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging with Jenna, but Ben drives me insane, he is so shouty for a fourteen-year-old.’

‘All fourteen-year-olds are, Oli.’

‘It is not sexy; it is very annoying.’

Before I could turn around and tell him everything wrong with that sentence, there was a flashing on my email.

AJ.

Opening it up, I read the message, ‘Hey hope you are good! I love the new stuff you have put up!’

I smiled and typed, ‘Hey I am good! I am glad you like the stuff, I am at my friend’s house at the moment, so I will talk when I get back.’

‘Oli? Tell him I said Sup!’

‘Oli!’ I called over my shoulder. ‘AJ says hi.’

‘What?’ Oli threw himself next to me with a thud and pushed my legs off onto the floor so he could stretch out.

‘Oh, this is so adorable,’ he peered over my messages before I had time to hide them. ‘Tell him I said sup too.’

‘I will,’ I said in haste, logging myself out.

‘You asked him out yet?’

I sighed, and closed his laptop lid down, ‘He doesn’t have time for relationships.’

‘Has he said that?’

‘Somewhat, yes, Oli. He said he doesn’t have time to socialise.’

‘So, what’s the point, you guys just going to chat and that’s it? No action?’

‘I don’t care about that, Oli. I enjoy talking to him, he is a really nice guy.’

‘Improvement from your ex, then.’

I said nothing. The vanilla was quite strong in the air. The smell was relaxing and sweet; Oli’s apartment was always nicer than mine. He offered me his hand.

‘Seriously,’ he said, pulling me up off the couch and taking the laptop from me. ‘You need to get some action.’

‘Need is a strong word, there, Oli.’

‘You haven’t been with anyone since and that was two years ago. Play the field. Just get some action, doesn’t need to be a relationship.’

‘I don’t hook up,’ I muttered.

‘I don’t hook up,’ he mimicked me. ‘Chill out. Why not go for that Charlie Conray? Closet folk are the best sex.’

‘The very straight comedian that has just come out of a very straight relationship,’ I said, flatly. I shook my head. ‘Shut up, Oli. I am happy with AJ. It wouldn’t matter to me if we never met. We have fun, he makes me smile, that’s all I want right now.’

Shrugging his shoulder, Oli reached over to the table for his brown bottle of beer. The bottle hissed when he opened it.

                                                                 ***

‘So, you don’t like Oli?’

‘No, that’s not it’ I stuck my tongue out as I replied to AJ’s comment. ‘I do like him, he is my friend, he is an awesome person.’

‘But?’

I tilted my head at that, and replied, ‘The only things we have in common are that we write and are both gay. Which are good things in common, but Oli is a bit too … he is more flamboyant than me?’

‘Ha, ha, ha! Flamboyant?’

I smiled at that, almost hearing his deep laughs.

‘That makes me a misery sod, right? That I get annoyed about that. He is a great guy. I don’t have many friends so I should stop being mean.’

‘Well, he isn’t your only friend,’ he replied with a smiley face emoji.

I sent a smiley face emoji right back.

‘Can I ask something?’

I blinked at his message. Was he going to ask me out? Ask about meeting up?

‘Sure, ask away!’ My fingertips bounced off the keyboard.

‘Are you out in all aspects of life?’

Out? I frowned at that. What does…

Oh.

‘Yes, I’ve been out since I was thirteen. It’s not really been an issue for me so far.’

‘No family or friend issues?’

‘Not really. Nothing exciting, I told them when I was thirteen, they were understanding, well, sort of. It was enough to make me happy. They didn’t throw me out or disown me or get embarrassed by me. My mum did go through a phase of telling everyone I was gay constantly. I think she just likes attention of being a cool ‘modern’ mum.’

‘Friends?’

‘I didn’t have many friends in school, a small circle, and they were funny with me for a day but then they got over it.’

‘Weird?’

‘They pointed at every single guy that walked past and asked if I liked them. All day. It got old quick.’

I was talking too much about myself. Rein in, Nathanial, I had to ask more on him.

‘I get that I am lucky with it all. How about you, out?’ I typed

‘I don’t think you’ll like the answer.’

Ah. Well, at least he was honest.

‘No one cares about my sexuality at work. I am not really close with my parents, so I don’t talk to them about this kind of thing.’

Before I could type a reply, he added another comment, ‘Plus, it is hard for someone into sports to come out.’

AJ then just went offline. I clicked a few times. But he was gone.

Rolling away from the table, I dragged myself to the kitchen. Throat was dry. Grabbing the orange juice from the fridge, I opened it up and drank straight from the bottle. The cold drink was so fresh and smooth against my throat. I closed the fridge door and rolled back to the table.

Still nothing. Weird. I checked my website, attempting to be patience and kill time. He usually didn’t take his time to reply. Or maybe his connection went off.

‘What a time for it go off,’ sneered Jake.

A flash. I clicked back onto our conversation.

‘I need to be honest with you Nathanial because you are a genuinely awesome guy and you deserve it. I don’t mean to be all secret with you. I am not married or any of that bull. We have actually met before. I don’t know if you’ll remember me, but we met at your workplace. I found your site like months before that, completely by accident I swear, then I’ve just been hooked talking to you since. I was so starstruck when I saw you, I hope I didn’t make a complete idiot out of myself.’

My workplace? That crap hole?

‘Oh, so you work there?’

‘No, I was there as cliental.’

Oh. Rich. Snob. Celebs.

‘I hate to sound like a douche, but I serve a lot of people. You will have to give me more clues. I also hope I wasn’t too rude to you or anything.’

‘Did you change your shirt?’

What?

He added, ‘You had champagne on it. I tried to clean it up after we bumped into each other and I took an empty glass from you.’

No. What? I didn’t understand. I couldn’t be right.

‘Alex W. Scott?’

No wonder he liked swimming. The swimmer legend Alex W. Scott. No. This was stupid. He would correct me any minute now.

‘I guess everything makes sense now?’

It was him. What the hell.

My vision of AJ dissolved away into a puddle of nothing. I couldn’t imagine Alex W. Scott, the tall athletic superstar staring at the laptop back at me.

It was weird.

This was weird.

This was weird.

‘I hope I haven’t freaked you out too much,’ he typed.

Why the hell was Alex W. Scott wanting to talk with me?

‘No,’ I typed in a haste. ‘I just don’t understand why you would read my website. You don’t seem the kind to. How did you find my site?’

‘Because I am into sports or because I am a little famous?’

Little famous?! Ha! One of the most successful athletes in the country thought he was only a little famous. Even people who didn’t watched sports knew Alex W. Scott.

‘You are successful, you can do anything you wanted. Talk to whoever.’

‘I want to talk to you and I enjoy reading your stories. I found your site just by accident, that’s all.’

Ah. I was being mean. Ungrateful. I didn’t know what he wanted me to say.

He added, ‘I would still like us to meet, you know. I do really like you, Nathanial.’

‘This is not real,’ chanted Jake. ‘Not real, not real, not real, not real, not real.’

‘You are freaked out, aren’t you?’

‘No,’ I paused.

‘You say no a lot, don’t you?’ giggled Jake.

I took a breath.

‘Thank you for telling me. I know it must have been hard. I am sorry I am not acting the right way.’

‘There is no right way, you are being too harsh on yourself, if you told me that you knew how I was, now that would be freak me out.’

‘What do I call you now?’

‘You can still call me AJ if it makes you feel comfortable, or Alex. Whatever takes a fancy to you as long as it isn’t ‘jock’. No matter how tempting it is!’

I gave a small laugh at that.

‘Still thank you for telling me.’

‘Quit being nice, Nathanial. It’s done. So, you know who I am now. Are we cool? Still want to talk to me?’

He was nervous. It was definitely Alex W. Scott. He remembered that moment weeks ago. I blushed to myself. I hadn’t thought about that for a while. There wasn’t any reason for me to hold onto that memory. Cliental came and went and never looked back.

None of this made any sense. How could someone like Alex W. Scott find my unsuccessful blog? Or Charlie Conray for that matter? It’s not like it was the first thing that popped up on a Google search. Or was it? I mean what were they typing in to find it?

I didn’t understand.

‘It doesn’t make sense because this isn’t reality,’ Jake’s voice was so smooth and loud against my ear, almost as if he was really here, standing over me. ‘These are just illusions, it is in your head. Illusions, Nathanial. Remember, you’re a crazy person, it must be in your head. You are reading things that are not there. You kept hearing the door knocking months ago, then your phone going off and now you are seeing things that cannot be. You are in the madness, Nathanial.’

This wasn’t real life.

Jake was right.

Stupid me.

Nonetheless, I typed my response, ‘I do want to keep talking, AJ.’

I stopped and deleted the word ‘AJ’ and instead I typed, in ‘Alex.

                                                                         ***

After a few days we continued talking. It started off a bit awkward but AJ… Alex had really tried, telling me jokes and commenting on our old conversations. We hadn’t mentioned other things yet. I didn’t know if he wanted to talk about the fact that he was famous successful swimmer or how he remembered a background servant like me.

I was surprised Jake wasn’t around to wind me up with some sarcastic comments.

‘When are you meeting Charlie Conray again?’

That was a random question Alex asked.

‘It’ll be this week sometime. Saturdays. Why?’

‘Oh, so you won’t be free this Saturday.’

Was he really asking what I thought he was?

‘It’s not a permanent thing. I can always email him and ask to change.’

Alex just sent back a smiley face emoji.

‘What made you think of…’ No. I deleted that and tried again. How did I word it right? This should be easier for a writer. ‘How come you remembered me?’

Yawning, I glanced over at the clock. Midnight. We had been talking for two hours, I had thought it was just an hour.

‘Remembered you? You mean from when we first met? Why wouldn’t I remember you, you and those eyes, your face, and that beard.’

‘Gregory hates the beard.’

‘It’s why I love it!’

Blushing, I bowed my head down, nibbling the corner of my mouth. The neighbours banged on the walls. Oh right, the music. I forgot it was on. I had put it on a while ago and forgot. I turned it down, feeling more confident in talking to Alex without my brain going on its own fun adventure.

This was a good night. A quiet brain night.

‘Bet when you swim you can’t have much hair . . .’

‘Oh, the classic dot, dot, dot, you know that’s my soft spot. If you are hinting at hair being removed because I am a swimmer, I will leave that to your imagination, you little pervert!’

I snorted at that and replied, ‘So, that’s what it was. You were falling in love with my beard. The hair you aren’t allow to have.’

‘It’s why I bumped into you, I was so hypnotised by facial hair, the forbidden entrapped me.’

‘Sounds like you need to be writing some of my stories!’

‘The Hairy Swimmer That Never Was.’ He paused and added. ‘Shame that you haven’t swam for so long.’

‘Yes.’

That’s all I could say to that. Because there was not much else to do say. My phone buzzed.

Glancing over, I picked it up. No messages or calls. But I heard it buzz; it was clear and loud. Ugh, I hated when that happened.

Phone wasn’t going off. Shut up brain.

Smacking the phone hard onto the desk, I then typed into the laptop, ‘I am sure someone who is a little good at swimming like yourself could teach me all the ways, I am sure I can pick everything back up again.’

He sent a smiley face emoji back and replied, ‘So, are you free this Saturday?’