IceBerg - 13. Chapter 13

‘So, you and Alex W. Scott?’

I blushed and shrugged my shoulders.

'Makes sense now,’ said Charlie, sitting back, flicking through the channels. He took a swig from his beer bottle.

‘How so?’ I asked, staring at the changing channels.

‘With him rushing to help you with Robertson,’ he replied. ‘I thought he was just acting the old heroic act. Makes sense now why he did it.’

I frowned, ‘He is nice anyway. You should give him a chance. He is what you see, no tricks.’

‘Nice people are boring,’ shrugged Charlie. He paused at a music channel and relaxed.

‘Thanks for the complement,’ I grinned at him.

‘Oh, you are the most boring one of all,’ Charlie winked at me before putting his empty bottle on the table. He opened another bottle; the mist floated over the top with a hiss.

‘Congratulations on you two anyway,’ he said. ‘Good looking couple.’

The music channel rang out belting beats.

‘Thanks Charlie,’ I said, almost very quietly.

‘I won’t tell anyone, don’t worry,’ he smiled. He had another sip and asked, ‘Is it true what they all say about swimmers? Cleanly shaved?’ he made a suggestive face, raising an eyebrow, grinning.

I laughed. I could feel my face turning a warm red.

‘I’m not obliged to answer that,’ I said, while Charlie laughed.

He nodded at my black eye, ‘Looks like it has gone down?’

‘Yeah,’ I merely said, shrugging. ‘Still a little sore but definitely healing. Looks worse than what it looks.’

‘That old saying,’ he raised his eyebrow, smirking.

‘Yup!’ I grinned back.

We watched more weird music videos.

‘Why do you have this channel?’ I rubbed my eyes with my forefinger and thumb.

‘Are you kidding? It’s comedy gold!’ he exclaimed. I glanced down at the piles of empty bottles on the table.

‘You shouldn’t be here,’ sneered Jake. ‘You are a bad person for being here. Bad friend. Bad partner. Bad human being. You shouldn’t be allowed to be breathing , not ali…’

‘You, okay?’

I looked back up to Charlie.

I blinked and stuttered, ‘Yeah, yeah, sorry just. Zoning.’

He caught me looking at the empty bottles and murmured, ‘If you are uncomfortable.’

‘No,’ I snapped back, crossing my arms. ‘Why are we watching Korean pop again?’

‘Because it is literally the best pop in the world.’

‘Literally?’ I couldn’t help but mimic him.

‘Literally,’ he nodded at the screen. ‘Look at their tiny little sexy outfits.’

The gaze of white females bending over in short skirts and singing in their tiny voices made me snort.

‘Sexy,’ I stretched out the word, almost rolling my eyes.

‘Oh, you prefer the boys in those outfits,’ he nudged me.

‘No, just Alex,’ I said.

He paused, tilted his head and gave me a little smile, ‘You really like him, huh?’

‘We’ve been dating a while,’ my voice trailed off as I stared at my hands. I added, ‘Sorry about you and Sarah.’

‘Nah, you are right, rebound and all that. I just get sucked in so quickly,’ he replied.

‘How are you feeling about it all?’

‘I told you. Just embarrassed.’

‘You really liked her?’

‘Not really. Like I said, just a rebound.’

‘Rebound over you. Touching you made him sick,’ whispered Jake in my ear, his graveling laugh scraping inside my eardrums. He started to shout, ‘Makes him sick, makes him sick!’

‘Dude, what you are doing?’

Crap. I automatically started to stomp my feet. I hadn’t realised I was doing it.

My feet slammed back on the floor; my toes curled so hard.

‘I do what I like,’ I managed to reply. ‘I like being weird and doing weird things. It’s cool.’

Instead of laughing, Charlie frowned, ‘Look, man, I told you, if you feel uncomfortable.’

‘No, no,’ I blurted out too loud. ‘I mean if this gets too weird for you, I can leave. You just say.’

‘Gets weird?’ his eyebrows knotted. Leaning back, he sighed, ‘I thought we were fine.’

‘Ruining everything as per,’ snarled Jake.

What could I say? ‘Sorry I don’t want to lead you on?’ Talk about what happened last time?

My chest was getting tighter, I couldn’t catch up to my heart it was beating that fast, I could almost see my hands from shaking.

I had to say something, or my body was going to explode.

‘I’m sorry,’ I murmured. ‘I just… after last time. I don’t want to be leading you on or anything.’

The music was still popping away in the background.

He still wasn’t talking. I messed up. I really should not have said a damn word.

He sighed, clicking his tongue. ‘Nathan. I don’t know why that night happened. I don’t really know what else to tell you.’

Despite my body on the verge of shaking and exploding into madness and a heart attack, I muttered ‘I think saying we were both drunk is a stupid reason.’

He shrugged, ‘You’re right.’

‘I care about you Charlie,’ I turned to him. ‘You’re my friend. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardise that.’

His smile was warm and the look in his eyes was so genuine, ‘Nathan.’

‘You got to stop calling me Nathan, you know. It’s not my name.’

He laughed and pulled a face. ‘I care about you too, Nathanial.’ He paused. ‘Alex is lucky to have you.’

I felt bad.

‘If you do need some space, if I have messed up your head, just say. I don’t want to hurt you or make you feel confused.’

He shook his head, smiling, ‘You are way too nice, Nathan.’

‘Nathanial! I can be mean!’ I exclaimed, standing up. ‘If I need to be mean to help I can.’

‘That’s not.’

‘No wonder that girl left you, you kiss like a gross slug.’

He looked stunned before he burst out laughing. ‘Evil isn’t missing a trick with you, is it? You suck at this. You’re just a kind of person I can’t ever be mad at.’

I opened my mouth to reply when my phone rang out, I took it out at my pocket. Why was Oli ringing me?

‘One second, someone is trying to ring me,’ I said before pressing onscreen buttons, going into the hallway.

‘Oli?’ I said.

‘I don’t have much time to talk,’ his voice was rushed. ‘I am in a really bad situation. I need you to pick me up, Nathanial.’

‘What’s wrong?’

Oli cursed and muttered, ‘Nathanial, this guy made me go out a date with him, I said yes to shut him up, I told him I was with David. I am at the Blanc Restaurant, near work, this guy’s being weird all night, I cannot leave this place with him, he won’t leave me alone. He’s been talking about watching me after work. I don’t know what to do Nathanial.’

‘Alright!’ I said, firmly. ‘I’ll come get you. I’ll be ten minutes. You can hold on?’

‘Yes, ten minutes is perfect. Thank you, Waldo, thank you. I wouldn’t have called if I could handle this.’

‘Charlie,’ I rushed into his room.

‘What?’ he raised an eyebrow. ‘Boyfriend jealous already?’

‘Oli is in trouble,’ I said, grabbing my coat. ‘I need to go get him. On a date with a newfound stalker, he is scared to leave.’

Charlie jumped up, ‘I’ll come with. We don’t know what we are dealing with.’

‘Charlie, I can handle.’

Charlie lifted his finger to cut me off and grabbed his house keys.

 

                                                          ***

‘I cannot thank you guys enough,’ Oli marched into Charlie’s apartment, shrugging his jacket off him.

Charlie peered out before closing the door behind him, and said, ‘I thought that guy would never let go.’

‘Always fun pretending to be the jealous dangerous boyfriend of yours, Oli,’ I stuck my tongue out.

‘You guys played jealous boyfriend and angry homophobic brother so brilliant.’

‘Homophobia does scare gay people off, Charlie did a good job,’ I said, shrugging my own coat off.

He pulled a face at me and turned to Charlie, ‘Sorry we had to meet on these circumstances.’

Charlie laughed, ‘Don’t worry about that. That guy looked incredibly creepy. I am sorry you had to be in that circumstance. Want a beer?’

‘I don’t drink.’

I turned to him and narrowed my eyes.

‘Nathanial,’ Oli tried to keep a straight face. ‘You don’t believe that people in that don’t drink?’

‘I have nothing against that, and you know it,’ I said, walking past him back to the couch.

‘I can offer you some juice,’ Charlie tried.

‘Yes, Oli,’ I sneered back at him. ‘Get some juice.’

Oli’s serious face broke, he walked in, picked up a beer and muttered, ‘You suck, Waldo. Was going to convince him all night.’

Plonking himself next to me on the couch, he called to Charlie, ‘Thanks for the beer, Charlie!’

Chuckling, Charlie sat down too and asked, ‘Waldo?’

‘Yes’ I turned to Oli. ‘Why, Waldo?’

‘Waldo is my special name for this guy,’ he rustled my hair. ‘When we first met you looked like waldo to me. He even had glasses back then before he was brave enough for the laser.’ He leaned over to Charlie and in a loud whisper said, ‘Can you imagine this guy without a beard?’

‘You saying he looks like waldo without one,’ grinned Charlie. He stared at me, turning his head sideways, ‘I can almost see it. Looks weird.’

‘He’s the only person in the world to look better with a beard.’

‘Guys!’ I throw my hands up in the air, pointing at myself. ‘Right here!’

‘Don’t remind us,’ Oli raised an eyebrow at Charlie. ‘Can smell you from a mile away.’

‘Oh, so you want me to come back to the Blanc and tell that guy I’m not proposing to you tonight?’

‘Yeah, that got really out of hand didn’t it,’ Oli had a sip of his drink. ‘Sorry about that. After you pretending to propose, and Charlie sprouting all homophobes loving words, I was almost worried the guy wouldn’t leave.’

‘Good thing we didn’t say we were having a threesome otherwise he definitely would not have left,’ said Charlie, tilting his beer at us.

Oli burst out laughing, ‘You cannot turn down a threesome with two hot dudes and Charlie Conray.’

Charlie chuckled, turning to me, ‘I stand corrected. This is way better than my wine singles party.’

Oli said, ‘Waldo and I always make the party start!’

‘Oh, yeah?’ grinned Charlie.

Whacking my shoulder, Oli replied, ‘Yeah, can you believe that in back in the day we used to party up, this guy could handle any shot you gave him.’

‘It was a long time ago,’ my eyes casted down.

Oli nudged me and muttered ‘Damn Jake.’

‘Jake?’

We both looked up.

I clicked my tongue and replied, ‘Jake was just an ex. Didn’t like parties.’

‘He’s also one of the worst people in living existence in the world.’

‘Oli!’

‘It’s fine,’ Charlie smiled, and drank his own beer. ‘My ex wasn’t an angel either. Karen got very bad tempered. It wasn’t fun.’

‘Sorry to hear that,’ I said, softly.

‘Oh! It wasn’t abusive or anything,’ Charlie shook his hand. ‘I mean, she used to throw things, but you know, as long as it was her things she broke, I didn’t care.’

I smiled.

Oli raised his beer, and passed me a bottle ‘To bad partners and decisions! Come on, Waldo, have a drink. Charlie won’t mind if we crash over.’

Charlie laughed at Oli’s comment, ‘I’d love yous to stay, man. This is fun.’

The air filled with laughter as we clinked our bottles, the beer wafted through between us like a stained fragrance.

Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I raised an eyebrow, ‘Come on. Selfie.’

‘Selfie!’ Oli mocked me in a high pitch voice.

Charlie burst out sniggering into his hand. I pulled a face.

‘Just kidding,’ Oli leaned over as I took the picture. We were all grinning, wild eyed at the camera, holding our bottles up. Like foolish teenagers.

As Oli and Charlie chatted away, I looked down and sent the photo off on my phone.

‘Hi Alex, I am here with Oli and Charlie. Miss you!’

‘Are you looking at how handsome we are in the photo, Waldo?’ called Oli.

I grinned and looked up at them two cackling away at each other. I blinked and I saw them being quite close, laughing at each other, nudging. Quite close. I grinned. Perhaps I was worried about nothing with Charlie. Nothing to worry about at all.

‘Don’t be so stupid,’ Jake snipped. ‘Nothing would happen with them. Oli is with David. Charlie is straight. You are just seeing things that aren’t there, you really are a crazy person.’

‘Yo, Waldo!’ Oli said. ‘You good?’

‘Yeah,’ I nodded.

‘You, spacing out?’ he winked. ‘You, missing a certain someone.’

                                                                   ***

There was a sea of empty bottles and two large greased stained pizza boxes, half empty, the large pizzas nearly sobering us up.

Oli reached for another pizza slice while Charlie flickered through the channels before landing on his show.

‘Watching yourself on T.V, again?’ I teased.

‘Hey,’ Oli called up from slouching on the sofa, his mouth full of cheese. ‘The guy can watch himself. The show is good!’

‘Why thank you,’ Charlie grinned back.

‘Don’t worry about him,’ Oli teased back. ‘He is just a grump because he had to work double shifts this week.’

‘I had to pay for my car.’

‘I thought your parents did?’

‘They did,’ I said, ‘but I had to pay them back.’ I turned to Charlie, ‘My car got damaged. Really badly.’

‘I bet they didn’t leave a note either,’ Charlie shook his head. ‘It wasn’t Roberston, was it?’

Before I could reply, my phone sang out.

I took it out of my pocket. Alex. I smiled and opened the message.

‘You guys look like you are having fun, I am so pleased to see! Have a great night I love you so much.’

‘It’s from Alex, look at that grin on his face,’ Oli almost hollered. He started singing, ‘Alex and Waldo sitting in a tree.’

‘Shut up, Arseface.’

Oli just laughed at me. Charlie smiled.

I went back onto my cell phone and typed, ‘I love you too! Good luck tomorrow, you will destroy those records!’

‘I do love your show Charlie, by the way,’ Oli placed a hand on his shoulder.

Charlie turned around and grinned, ‘Thanks. You watch it a lot?’

‘A few times,’ Oli replied. ‘It is very funny. We usually watch DH on Fridays, but there are times we have seen your show.’

‘We?’ Charlies caught my gaze and raised an eyebrow. His voice lowered, a little smile appeared, ‘You both watch my show?’

‘DH stands for Desperate Housewives, Oli is a huge fan,’ I said, quickly, looking away.

‘It is a good show. Both of them are!’ Oli stuck his tongue out at me. He reached for another slice of pizza, ‘You should eat more, Waldo.’

‘I told you I am full!’

Snorting, Oli said, ‘Guy turning down pizza. Can tell he is going out with an athlete. You guys eat salads all day? Ha! Hey! Ow! Don’t throw bottles!’

I picked up another empty bottle.

‘Charlie!’ wailed Oli. ‘He’s going to throw things at me again.’

‘If I need to, I will squirt both of you with water,’ Charlie shook his head.

‘You got to be good for your God, Waldo,’ Oli called, his hands up in defence mode.

I almost rolled my eyes.

‘You believe all that?’ Oli asked Charlie

Charlie shrugged and shook his head.

Oli then bellowed, ‘See, Waldo, two against one. Stand down, sir!’

‘You guys going to mock me all evening?’

‘Where is your god now?’ Charlie boomed his voice while Oli cackled.

Reaching over, I grabbed two slices of pizzas and slabbed them both at them. ‘Arse face one. Arse face two.’

After more mocking, we realised it was late.

‘Crap, we should get going,’ Oli stood up, wobbling onto his feet.

‘Nah,’ Charlie mumbled, clearing his throat. ‘Just, ah. Stay here. Like you said before. I will get you guys some pillows.’

I squinted, watching him stand up, leaning against Oli.

‘Two couches, you guys can have one each to sleep on,’ Charlie merely said.

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah, it’s not a big deal,’ Charlie shrugged and waded through the bottles and boxes. He tried to maintain his balance, but slipped and fell backwards, landing with a thud onto me, sitting on my lap. I could smell fresh apples. I closed my eyes and slapped my hands against his back in good gesture.

Pushing himself off me, Charlie got up and carried on walking.

Oli went to sit on the couch, already yawning and stretching his legs out.

‘Waldo?’

I blinked and coughed, ‘Yeah?’

‘Can you send me that picture later on? Of us three. It looked pretty good,’

I smiled, stretching my feet out on the couch, ‘I will send it tomorrow.’

‘Here you guys are!’

Charlie dumped the pillows and blankets all over me.

‘Hey!’ I called out, clawing my way out.

Charlie’s face hovered above mine. A cheeky grin appeared. He backed away, and walked off saying, ‘Good night!’

Pulling a face, I threw a pillow and blanket over to Oli. Oli grabbed the blanket, half asleep and turned over.

The light went out in the room. Propping my own pillow against my head, I lay back down and stared upwards. I turned over, letting the pillow fabric smell waft through. Smelt like Charlie.

                                                                             ***

There was some banging. I opened my eyes. Sitting up, I rubbed my face and looked around. Oli was still asleep, breathing heavy. There was a clutter of noise coming from the kitchen. I stood up and followed the noise.

Charlie’s shadow was standing there in the dark with a tin opener and a tin of beans. He raised his full hands.

‘Didn’t mean to wake you,’ he whispered, loudly.

Walking over, I pointed at the tin.

‘Want a hand with that?’ I whispered.

‘I am not that drunk,’ he whispered back.

‘Just hungry?’ I teased.

‘It’s for my wine singles party, except with beans,’ he whispered back.

‘Oh, I thought you had a good party earlier,’ I whispered.

We could hear Oli groaning and turning over on the couch.

‘It wasn’t a party until you guys turn up,’ he teased back, standing closer to me so we could talk without waking Oli.

‘Seriously though,’ he added. ‘I am glad you came. I told you it wouldn’t get weird.’

His hand brushed up against me, the tin comes between us. I smiled at him, ‘No, it didn’t. Not even when…’

No.

‘When what?’ he whispered.

‘Nothing,’ I smiled. ‘Just when you were falling over earlier.’

He smiled back, tilting his head, ‘You liked that?’

I laughed a little, looking down. Placing the tin on the counter along with the tin opener, his free hands lingered up in the air as he teased me, ‘You really liked that?’

I grinned and shook my head, ‘Pft, yeah, right.’

Charlie moved a little closer to me. Still grinning, he said, ‘If you enjoy it, I don’t mind you looking.’

My voice got caught in my throat. I cleared it and whispered, ‘I’m more of a Korean pop guy myself.’

Charlie chuckled out loud. In an instant, my hands reached over forward to cover his mouth. We both giggled. I bit my bottom lip and removed my hands.

‘Besides,’ I whispered. ‘How can I impress the Korean pop guys when hot guys keep falling into my lap.’

Charlie bit his own bottom lip and edged closer to me.

Oli groaned and turned over on the couch again.

Charlie’s hand landed on my chest. ‘Maybe they fall deliberately into your lap because it feels so good to touch you.’

Charlie was so close to me. He stared at my lips.

‘Nathan, I can’t stop,’ he murmured. ‘I can’t stop.’

His lips brushed against mine.

He pulled back and whispered, ‘Please. Stop me.’ His lips grazed against mine again, this time firmer.

His tongue tethered on my lips and his hands went around my neck. The smell was overwhelming. I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop myself.

Pushing him against the counter, I grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him deeply. He groaned and clutched at the back of my hair as I leaned in against him.

‘Nathanial,’ he whimpered. I couldn’t help but groan, hearing my name on his lips. My hands go went his hips and pulled him closer to me, my lips against his with much urgency.

I pulled away from him. Pressing a finger against his face, I went to take his hand. Walking past a sleeping Oli, I guided Charlie through the dark, holding onto his hand. We reached the bedroom.

Turning around, I pushed him onto the bed and climb up onto of him and deepened the kiss from before as if it never stopped for a second. He pulled me down towards him, his legs tangled in mine. His shirt rose up, I sat up and clawed the shirt above his head, nearly ripping it off his skin. I reached for his lips again, becoming desperate, almost groaning his name in the back of my throat. Sitting up again, I started unbuttoning his jeans.

           

My eyes shot open.

A dream. That. It was a dream. Wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. I didn’t kiss him. That never happened.

No. I was alone on the couch with the blanket hanging off me. I stared at the ceiling, almost panting. Oli was snoring, I turned my head to him then back at the ceiling. Breathing deeply, I watched the shadows of wall paint merge into shapes. I turned over on my side, pulling the covers over me.

I thought that was frighteningly real. It felt too real, I could almost taste it, touch it. Touch him. I stared out at Oli for a while, hidden in the clump mess of pillows and sheets. I could not close my eyes again. The shadows were so disorientating, my brain was a mess. That was a dream. It didn’t happen. Right?

My phone was buzzing; it was so loud and continued for ages. Someone must be ringing. I reached down to the floor and look at it.

Blank screen. Phone was dead.

                                                                  ***

I barely slept all night. I checked the clock on the wall. 6am. It was a decent time to leave.

Rubbing my sore eyes, I lifted myself up, taking care that every creak didn’t stop the snoring of Oli. I treaded along the floor and let myself out. The air wasn’t that cold, but it was still icy enough to shock my skin, the sunrise burned my eyes. I almost stubbled over my feet, people looked so distorting.

How could I face him after having that dream? How could I ever face him again? It was too weird. Why did I have that dream? I cheated on Alex in my dream and I didn’t even care. What kind of guy was I?

Alex. My chest felt caved. How could I look Charlie or Alex in the eye?

Alex.

I immediately went into my pocket; I wrapped my fingers around my cell phone. I wanted to tell Alex. It was an instinct. He was not just my partner; he was my best friend.

I tightened my grip.

How could I tell the person I love I just had a dream of being with another man? A man I knew Alex already felt uncomfortable about. If I told him, he would have never wanted me to see Charlie again. He would question my feelings for him.

My head was hurting.

 

                                                           ***

‘Hey Nathan (or should I call you Waldo from now on?). Hope you are okay, you rushed off the other day, you missed out on my legendary bacon breakfast!’

I stared at the text message in my hands. It had been two week and I hadn’t replied back yet properly. I had send a thumbs up like an idiot.

A warm body sat up beside me, his bare chest rested against my back. Little kisses were placed on my shoulder and a hand was placed on my other shoulder.

‘You okay, Nathanial?’ Alex’s voice was soft.

My stomach ached. I put the phone to the side and shook my head.

I smiled, whispering, ‘Just missed you.’

‘Well, I am glad you had a good time with the guys,’ he rubbed my nose.

My eyes faltered for a second and Alex caught it.

His smile dimmed a little, ‘You guys did have a good time?’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ I snatched my gaze forward. ‘Just like the youths do, ha. Drinking and eating takeaway. Party animals.’ I gave a small laugh.

My phone vibrated. Alex glanced at me then at the phone. It definitely went off this time. Clenching my hand, I snatched it off the counter and looked at a new text message.

‘Will you reply back to me Waldo?! You on a pilgrim or something? Text me! David and I are out but I will have my phone on.

Alex tittered, ‘You’re popular today.’

‘Yeah,’ I merely replied, resting my head against his shoulder blade.

He kissed the top of my head, ‘Hope everything is okay.’

‘I’ll reply to everything later,’ I said too quickly. I turned my face away.

                                                                      ***

‘You finally talking!’ Oli exclaimed into the phone. ‘Glad you aren’t dead, dude.’

‘Sorry, just been busy, Alex came back,’ I muttered, coming home, taking my shoes off and letting them rest against the humid tiles.

‘You rushed off very early last time.’

I winced at his words and stuttered, ‘I know, I know. Did Charlie say much about it?’

‘You haven’t spoken to him?’

‘I haven’t spoken to anyone really,’ I replied. Picking up my black bag off the floor, I chucked it into a corner.

‘It was fine,’ said Oli. ‘We just hung out, had some breakfast then I left. We were both worried about you, we tried calling.’

‘I just wanted to get home. I felt like crap and I wanted some alone time.’

‘That’s what I told Charlie, actually. Word for word.’

I smiled.

‘If you need me, let me know okay,’ said Oli. ‘FYI, thank you for saving me from that date. Just please don’t tell David. I feel awful, I didn’t know how else to get rid of him.’

‘You don’t have to justify yourself to me, Oli,’ I said, softly. ‘I get it, okay.’

He paused for a while before saying, ‘Friday still good?’

           

                                            ***

Alex had been in good mood since his swimming training; it made me chuckle. The good vibes floated between us glowed, and I was able to pick the phone up and text Charlie to meet up this Saturday. He seemed fine with it, he put a smiley face on the text message.

‘I am still glad you guys are meeting up,’ Alex said, while we were at eating food at mine.

I snapped my head back up.

‘What scenes are you doing next?’

He really was trying.

‘We are up to the scene where she is learning about her great grandchildren’s crimes.’

‘Aha! You are already up to there! You guys must be working hard,’ he bit into another steak part.

What else would we be doing? Ah. No. Shut up, brain.

I just nodded, put my phone down and ate some of my own food.

‘You nearly at the end of story, how are you going to end it?’ he said, almost putting his fork and knife down. ‘You never made a real ending to it.’

‘I was and then. Aha,’ I trailed off and winked at him.

‘I have been very distracting for you?’ he almost smirked, reaching for his glass of water. ‘That is terrible of me, bad Alex!’ he tapped the back of his hand in a mock slap.

I chuckled and ate another slice of steak. I chewed it, replying, ‘Yes, stop distracting me with how great you are.’

‘I’m your number one fan,’ he teased. He laughed out loud at my eye rolling. He began to sing, ‘Number one fan, number one fan, number one fan.’

‘I actually don’t like Stephen King,’ I muttered, taking a sip of my own water.

He cocked his head to the side, ‘Yeah, you do. You have his collection in your room.’

‘Pft,’ I pulled a face. ‘You weren’t supposed to know.’

He pulled a face back and leaned forward to give me a soft kiss on the cheek.

He replied, ‘I can’t wait to see the end product of the script, make sure Charlie doesn’t take over too much. It’s Nathanial original.’

I paused for a second, my shoulders sagged a little before I said, ‘If you ever wanted to read any more.’

‘You should put more up!’

‘I only put on the website everything from my current laptop. I still have many stories on my old one.’

‘You have more?’ his eyes widen with excitement like a young boy.

‘Actually, I do need a proof reader. An editor of some sorts,’ I smiled. ‘Or you know. Just someone to read it.’

‘If you find the laptop,’ he said, his hand comes away from mine as he finished the last slice of steak. ‘I will read through it all. Perfect timing too actually, I am the road a lot next week.’

He hadn’t said it out loud yet, but I knew travelling made him depressed.

‘I wrote really good comedies back in my student days,’ I said, putting my knife and folk onto the half empty plate. ‘Just silly stuff.’

‘All students write silly stuff when they feel… happy,’ he insinuated a smoking gesture with his fingers.

‘I only tried that once. Fell asleep about ten minutes later and woke up with my face drawn like a cat. I was just a natural super silly teenager. Then I became this adult. Huge change. Did you?’

‘What, Alex W. Scott, health and fitness, smoke weed in his uni days?’ he teased and leaned forward. ‘I made the best lasagne once and I was so stoned I can’t remember what the hell I put in it.’

Alex watched me laugh and laughed along too.

He leaned back and said, ‘I am actually excited to read your old work. It will be really good energy for me before I swim.’ He paused and eyed my plate. ‘You want to bag anything for you?’

I nodded, ‘Yeah. It is good, please don’t be offended.’

‘I know you don’t eat much, don’t worry. Besides,’ he winked. ‘I like making extra meals for you, I know you like to eat them later on.’

Our hands were not touching but our arms were close, there had been skin contact throughout the evening. I smiled at him.

Why hadn’t I ever seen this before? I mean I knew I was lucky to be with Alex. At first, it was the looks and the fame, that someone who was such a good-looking person with a good heart and soul would want to be with me. Now I saw it more clearly. I was not just lucky in that sense, I was lucky because Alex made such an effort to impress me, to look after me. That I was more to him than I was to myself.

All my energy was back to me now, I was fully charged, ready for dealing with life. To deal with Charlie and Oli. To deal with work. To deal with Jake. Alex was good to me and I needed to be better for him. When I was with him, everything was better, and Jake’s voice was quiet.

Standing up, I picked up both plates and brought them over to his silver kitchen. I loaded them into his dish washer.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. My chest was full, on the edge of bursting with so much joy. I started to hum.

The hum was a melody playing in my throat like a sweet harp. I could almost smell the old church buildings and my mum’s spiced perfume.

Alex was staring at me. Just staring. His eyes looked misted up, his mouth straight. Did I upset him?

Giving a sheepish shrug, I turned around and smacked the dish washer door shut.

‘You want me to make us coffee or anything?’ I called over to my shoulder in the silence.

A pair of arms wrapped around me, one around my shoulders, the other around my waist. He pulled up close to him, his head was bowed down and buried into my neck.

I paused, ‘You, okay?’

‘I just love you, Nathanial. So much,’ he whispered, his voice strained. Emotional. He sniffed and kissed my neck.

I turned my head and kissed him deeply. I rested my forehead against his and said, ‘I love you, too.’

He blinked a little before smiling, ‘I, um, I actually have some news.’

Standing back, he said, ‘You been following the news of the Olympics?’ he chuckled at my blank face. ‘Well, it’s in Spain. I’ve been part training for a while for it. But it’s next month. Would you like to be my plus one to it? Coach and Tim are already going; they are part of the team. But I want to bring you.’ He paused and added, ‘It would mean you would be gone for a while.’

‘Of course, I want to go! That would be amazing to cheer you on!’ I stopped and peered at him. ‘Cheer you on as a friend?’

He looked away, his face ashen and crushed, ‘I get it.’

‘No, no! I mean I will come along with you.’

‘Be patient with me, Nathanial. Once the Olympics are over, I promise.’

‘You don’t have to promise anything,’ I smiled, reaching around hugging him. ‘Just win those races for me. That’s all I want.’

He tittered and wrapped his own strong arms around me, tightening our hug.