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Peter's Probationary Poems - 6. Thoughts on a War Cemetery - Poetry Prompt 6 - Elegy

Thoughts on a War Cemetery

 

Hiking through a forest so still

even birds seem apprehensive

of the clearing lying pensive

beneath the unexpected hill.

 

White marble slabs in tidy lines

each one of which identifies

a man whose offer justifies

this silent place's lasting signs.

 

Most have a name and state a rank

the birth dates differ, the others

all the same; next to their brothers

‘known only to God’, they rest blank.

 

The lives not lived, the dreams not dreamed,

the telegrams with grave errands,

the inconsolable parents,

it makes them all the more esteemed.

 

If not for these men to defray

their young lives taken in their prime,

I could not stand here in peacetime

and be who I am: free and gay.

The prompt: write your own set of four-lined Elegy stanzas. The theme is 'Remember,' … Keep the rhyme pattern a-b-b-a, use as many stanzas as you like, but maintain a consistent 8-syllable line. Play with it; your poem does not have to be about death or loss, just remembrance.

Thanks AC for your help.
Copyright © 2016 J.HunterDunn; All Rights Reserved.
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Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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AC Benus

This is a beautiful poem, Peter. You have done the Elegy form proud, as far as I'm concerned. Here you illustrate the grandeur this type of poem can command, and being a lyric type with short lines, it's a challenge to convey all the meaning in so few words. You do it here, and it's very moving too.

For me, your poem's stately rhythm, coupled with beautifully natural-sounding rhymes, reminds me of Edgar Allan Poe - and that is HIGH praise indeed.

Very well done!

Edited by AC Benus
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Aditus

I have a strange fascination with war cemeteries. They are one of the saddest places in the world. And somehow they make me proud too. So many young people (men) lost their life because we couldn't find a way to fight the evil otherwise. But we (they) fought it anyway. I visit them every time I can. I will never forget Verdun.
Your poem let me feel all of this, the agony of the ones left behind, the uncertainty, the lost, pride and resignation. I love it.
On another note: I wrote my elegy about my uncle Ewald. One of my earliest memories with him was when we visited a war cemetery in my hometown and put flowers on his sister's grave. We stood there at that slab of granite and he told me about her. I think that was where my fascination started. Thank you for giving me that memory back.

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Mikiesboy

Never been in a war. But i cannot watch a thing about them or war cemeteries without a tear for the fallen.
Lovely poem, Peter... brought a tear to my eye ..
tim

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Headstall

As always, Peter, you reached me. We must never forget. I embraced the stillness of that visit to a place of reverence. Thank you for ending on the note you did. While we must remember, we must also give credence to what they accomplished with their sacrifice. I welled up, as I always do when I think about my family members lost in such a way... Thank you... Gary....

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Emi GS

A resting place seems so normal for so many. But for some it give memories, for some it gives fear and for some it give solace.

 

You have shown these all feelings in this poem, which is so appreciable. I can see and feel through you. Through this poem.

 

Nice poem. I liked it very much... :)

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J.HunterDunn
On 02/02/2016 05:46 AM, AC Benus said:

This is a beautiful poem, Peter. You have done the Elegy form proud, as far as I'm concerned. Here you illustrate the grandeur this type of poem can command, and being a lyric type with short lines, it's a challenge to convey all the meaning in so few words. You do it here, and it's very moving too.

 

For me, your poem's stately rhythm, coupled with beautifully natural-sounding rhymes, reminds me of Edgar Allan Poe - and that is HIGH praise indeed.

 

Very well done!

Thank you, AC, for your praise. It had been in the back of my mind ever since visiting the cemetary in November. And it was really the emotion I had then, being able to walk between the graves in freedom with the man I love, that filled me with deep gratitude. Judging by your words I think I have been able to express that emotion. I'm very happy you like it.

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J.HunterDunn
On 02/02/2016 06:21 AM, aditus said:

I have a strange fascination with war cemeteries. They are one of the saddest places in the world. And somehow they make me proud too. So many young people (men) lost their life because we couldn't find a way to fight the evil otherwise. But we (they) fought it anyway. I visit them every time I can. I will never forget Verdun.

Your poem let me feel all of this, the agony of the ones left behind, the uncertainty, the lost, pride and resignation. I love it.

On another note: I wrote my elegy about my uncle Ewald. One of my earliest memories with him was when we visited a war cemetery in my hometown and put flowers on his sister's grave. We stood there at that slab of granite and he told me about her. I think that was where my fascination started. Thank you for giving me that memory back.

I hadn't been at a war cemetary for some time. The large ones are impressive, but also really sad because of the endless rows of slabs or crosses. The one we visited was wuite small and had an intimite feeling, especially because we were the only visitors there.

Although the subject is sad, I'm glad it also brought back a treasured memory for you.

Thanks for your review, Adi.

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J.HunterDunn
On 02/02/2016 08:00 AM, Mikiesboy said:

Never been in a war. But i cannot watch a thing about them or war cemeteries without a tear for the fallen.

Lovely poem, Peter... brought a tear to my eye ..

tim

I'm happy to say that I've never been in a war either, which is for a large part because of the people in those cemeteries, I think.

In this country the graves are mainly American, Canadian and British and they will always be a reminder to never forget the people who fought for our freedom.

Thanks for your review, tim.

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J.HunterDunn
On 02/02/2016 09:32 AM, Headstall said:

As always, Peter, you reached me. We must never forget. I embraced the stillness of that visit to a place of reverence. Thank you for ending on the note you did. While we must remember, we must also give credence to what they accomplished with their sacrifice. I welled up, as I always do when I think about my family members lost in such a way... Thank you... Gary....

Thank you, Gary. As far as I know no members of my family were lost, but the war did have a great impact on my parents. They always observed May 4th, which is the day of remembrance in my country, a tradition they made their children aware of from an early age. When they moved house years ago they gave me their flagpole, in which I remember my father making a hook so the flag could also hang half mast. The hook is still there.

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J.HunterDunn
On 02/02/2016 01:03 PM, Doctor Oger said:

I was too lazy to check the number of syllables.

This is excellently executed, my friend.

Thank you for the review. AC was kind enough to comment before I posted it, and he indeed found a line with nine syllables, which was repaired. :-)

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J.HunterDunn
On 02/03/2016 02:45 AM, Emi GS said:

A resting place seems so normal for so many. But for some it give memories, for some it gives fear and for some it give solace.

 

You have shown these all feelings in this poem, which is so appreciable. I can see and feel through you. Through this poem.

 

Nice poem. I liked it very much... :)

Thank you for your review. I'm happy I seem to have been able to let you feel the emotions I had. That is rewarding.

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