The Broken Boy - 11. Cannonball

I stumbled down the path toward Brett’s house. I was in a daze. Right at that moment, my best friend was being molested. And I was running away from it. I felt like such a douche. I should have gone back. I should have called the cops. I should have done something. Anything! But I didn’t. I didn’t know what to do, really. What could I do? I was just a kid! What if I told and things got even worse for Dustin? What if his dad killed him? Or worse, what if I told and Dustin hated me forever because of it? I couldn’t tell. I didn’t even know if I could talk to Dustin himself about what I saw and heard.

A buzzing sound kept getting louder and louder. I couldn’t tell if it was coming from the world or my head. I walked into Mrs. Fox’s yard, and right in front of Brett riding on a lawn mower.

“Watch out!” Brett cried. He hit the brakes and barely avoided running into me. “Are you fucking deaf? Couldn’t you hear the lawn mower?”

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” I said.

“Jesus Christ, Billy! Scare a guy half to death why don’t you?” He was shirtless, and beads of sweat made his smooth pale chest and shoulders glisten in the sun. “I’m almost done,” he informed me. “Why don’t you wait in the house until I’m finished?”

I did as he told me. Once inside, I poured two glasses of iced tea, one for him and one for me. Then I sat in the living room and turned on the television while I waited for him to finish the yard work. It had been two weeks since I’d turned on a television. Fortunately, the programming was as dumb as ever so I hadn’t missed anything.

Brett came inside a few minutes later. He was all hot and sweaty and covered with grass and dust. He’d slipped a white t-shirt on and it was soaked through with sweat and I could see his dark pink nipples through it. He stuffed a couple twenty dollar bills in his pocket and gulped down the iced tea I’d poured for him.

“That hit the spot!” he thanked me appreciatively. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “What were you doing jumping out in front of me like that? You scared the crap out of me. Trust me, you don’t want to get hit by a moving vehicle, it sucks.” He rubbed the back of his head. “Anyway, I’m glad to see you’re free again. We still have some time before Emily’s party and my mom’s not home if you want to have some fun.”

“Dustin’s fucking his neighbor,” I blurted out. I couldn’t believe I’d just done that! I hadn’t had the chance to see him for two weeks outside of school and that was the first thing I said!

Brett stood there quietly for a second. “Okay then…” He paused and scratched his head. “You mean the video game guy?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I replied.

“I thought that might be what he was up to. Cool,” Brett said.

“How the fuck is that cool?”

“I like Mike. I know Dustin didn’t want me to meet him. But that just made me want to meet him even more. He was really nice, though. I knew he was gay right away. Now that I know that he’s screwing him it makes sense why Dustin wouldn’t want me to meet Mike. Dustin’s afraid I’ll steal him like I stole you from him.”

“But he’s like ten years older than him!”

“So? Come on Billy. Get with the times, dude. This is 2002, not 1992. Dustin’s fifteen years old, not five. He’s old enough to decide who he wants to fuck. Good for him, I say! There needs to be more guys fucking each other in the world. It would make the world a better place! There could be two more guys fucking each other this afternoon if you wanted.”

“What? You mean like right now?” I asked.

“Yeah! Why not? Let’s do it. I mean, my mom’s not going to be home all day. I haven’t been able to see you for two weeks. I’m horny as hell and I’ll bet you are too! Ever since you started blowing me I’ve just wanted more. Jacking off just doesn’t cut it anymore Billy. It’s boring. We don’t have to be at that party for a while. Let’s fuck each other’s brains out.”

“Do you have to be so crass about it?” I asked.

“Fuck. Make love. Get laid. Sleep with each other. You can call it whatever you want to call it as long as it involves us getting naked getting our asses fucked,” Brett replied. “I need it Billy. I need it bad.”

“I’m not letting you fuck me this afternoon,” I insisted.

“Why not?” Brett asked.

“Because it would be too weird! I’m not ready for that. And we’re going to be in a pool later.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Brett asked.

“I don’t want you messing with my butthole, getting it all loose and weak and stuff. What if you weaken it and I shit myself in the pool or something? You think of that?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Brett asked. “Now you’re just talking crazy. If you’re so worried about it, then just don’t go in the pool.”

“That’s easy for you to say. I’ve waited two weeks to go swimming! I don’t see you volunteering to get fucked,” I said.

“Are you kidding? I would love to get fucked,” Brett replied. “It’s all I’ve thought about. I want you to fuck me. Hell, I’ll even make it easy for you.” Brett turned around and dropped his shorts and bent over, exposing his amazing ass to me. “Fuck me, Billy. Fuck me right here and right now,” he peaked at me over his shoulder. He put his hands on his cheeks and spread them apart so I could see his tight pink little hole. My dick lurched to full attention. My god his ass was beautiful. “Come on Billy! I want your dick inside me. I want it fucking bad and I want you to give it to me. So grab some lube and fuck my hot little ass!” he said. “You know you want it.”

Holy shit I almost jizzed in my pants! My boyfriend was begging for my dick. He was offering exactly what I wanted, but I just couldn’t do it.

“Don’t point that thing at me,” I laughed. “Pull your pants back up. I’m not fucking you either. Come on, quit joking around. I just saw Dustin being molested, Brett. I’m not joking around.”

Brett pulled his shorts back up and turned around. He had a massive bulge in the front and his dick was practically bursting out of his shorts like mine was. “Billy, I’m serious about this. I love you. I want to have sex with you. No, I don’t just want to have sex, I need to have sex with you. I’ve wanted to have sex with you for a year now. I don’t care who does who, I just want to do it with you. I really was hoping that today would be the day. I’ve missed you so much these last two weeks it’s driving me crazy! But I guess Dustin’s ruined that for me. Just know that I am ready and willing. If you’re not comfortable with being the one who gets a dick in your ass I get it. You can fuck me when the time comes. I think I would like it more than you anyway. I just love you so much and I’ve missed you like crazy! I just want to be with you. You want to be with me, don’t you?”

“Of course I want to be with you, Brett. But I just… I’m not ready yet. It would be too weird. I’m already having enough trouble trying to sort it all out. Everything’s happening so fast now. Even us doing what we do together… Sucking each other and everything. I mean, I like it and everything, but it’s still weird. Like, I just need time to sort it all out without joking around.”

“What’s wrong with what we do? I thought we were pretty good at slurping each other’s salami!” Brett chimed in.

“See this is what I’m talking about, Brett. I’m trying to be serious and you’re making jokes,” I scolded.

“Well you’re being too serious, Billy. Sex is supposed to be fun! Sure there’s a serious side to it, but it’s not all serious. I mean it’s hard to be too serious with somebody who’s seen your bare butt up close. I love being with you. I just want to have fun with you.”

“There’s a time for that. Sex changes things. We’re already different than we were before we started doing stuff together. Once we go there we can’t go back. You know I want to have sex with you, but I want our first time to be special - not something that we squeeze in after lunch. This is a huge step and I want it to mean something, not just having sex for the sake of doing it. This means a lot to me. We’re only going to lose our virginity once. It’s a big deal. You understand?”

“Yeah. I get it. You’re right. Our first time should be special. I don’t want to have to throw our clothes on like maniacs like when I blew you the first time. We should take our time.”

“Exactly. You don’t have to be hyperactive about this. I’m not going away any time soon. It’ll feel right when the time comes. You’ll see. I want it to be perfect.”

“Can I at least hug you?” Brett asked.

“Of course!” I laughed. We hugged. He was soaked from sweat and he smelled terrible. But I treasured being able to hold him close to me again. Someday soon we’d make love. I knew we would. It would probably be sooner than later. But for the time being, I just wanted to enjoy our relationship as it was. There was still an innocence about it that sex would change forever. I loosened my grip and kissed him on the forehead.

“You stink, by the way,” I laughed.

“Thanks. I love you too!” Brett laughed.

“Sorry. You always smell so good any other time. You’re all sweaty.”

“Yeah, I sweat a lot. You want to play a video game while I take a shower?”

“Okay,” I said. We walked up the stairs to his room. He stripped off his smelly shirt. Then he pulled down his pants and hooked his socks off. He stood there in his boxers and smiled.

“You can play that new racing game. It’s pretty fun. I’ll only be a minute,” he said, then he hurried off to the shower. I heard the sound of the water running and Brett’s singing. I turned the sound down on my game and listened to his singing. He was getting even better now that he was more comfortable with his deeper voice. I could listen to him all day. He was so adorable and sweet. How could you not fall in love with him?

While I could hear the water running, I paused the game and very quickly opened a few of his desk drawers and looked inside. Sneaker the snake and the iguanas watched me suspiciously. I could find no hint of pot. I had been right. Dustin was wrong about Brett, just as I’d expected. Brett wasn’t a stoner! What a stupid idea! I felt a little easier about things, even though I’d had to spy on Brett to feel that way.

I started a new race. Brett returned to the room wearing only a towel. I couldn’t concentrate on the game with my naked and wet boyfriend in the room with me. I had to take in his body. It didn’t matter how many times I saw him shirtless, his chest made me pause every time I saw it. His belly button was about the cutest sight in the world. Even his bare feet and his cute little toes were sexy!

“You crashed,” Brett teased. I looked at the television, and sure enough I had smashed into the wall. He sat on his bed behind me while I sat on the floor playing the game. As I was trying to concentrate on the race, I started to feel a tickle on my ear. I tried to ignore it. Then my other ear started to tickle. Then both ears were tickling. Brett laughed. He was tracing my ears with his feet.

“You’re going to crash,” he laughed.

“Stop it!” I laughed.

“Make me,” Brett jested.

My car spiraled out of control and exploded. Brett laughed his head off as my poor racer escaped his car in flames. I jumped off the floor and on to the bed. We wrestled around and Brett’s towel got lost in the scuffle. As usual, he quickly had me on my back and he sat on my chest. He held my hands down above my head.

“You give?” he asked.

“Never!” I insisted, squirming a little bit but not really trying to escape.

Brett slid himself further up my chest toward my face. His dick was about an inch from my chin. “Give up or suck it,” he smiled down on me. I struggled a bit as if I actually wanted him off me.

“You’re going to have to make me!” I said.

Brett scooted closer. His dick now touched my lips. I licked it right in the little cleft under the head. He relaxed his grip on my hands and repositioned himself even closer to me. Slowly, he allowed more and more of himself into my mouth. I gently sucked and licked everything he was feeding me. He stopped when his balls rested against my chin. Then he slowly pulled out until just the tip was still in my mouth. Then he began filling my mouth with his dick again. He repeated this process several times, getting a little bit faster each time until he built up a nice rhythm. He closed his eyes and moaned softly. I kept my eyes open and watched the ecstasy build on his face.

He released my hands. I placed them on his hips. I could feel his muscles tightening and relaxing with each thrust of his hips. His balls bounced off my chin again and again. He grabbed my hands and moved them from his hips closer to his asshole. My fingers delicately massaged his tight little hole. He smiled.

“That feels nice, Billy,” he said. “I really like it.” His voice was like music to me. It wasn’t a boy’s voice any more, but it wasn’t quite a man’s voice yet, which was just awesome. His naked body was so warm and still moist from his shower. He opened those gorgeous blue eyes of his and looked down at me. His dick stiffened even more within my mouth. “Oh shit, dude,” he panted. “You better stop or I’m gonna shoot.”

I grabbed his butt cheeks with both hands and held him against me and wouldn’t let go.

“Billy, I’m serious,” he whined. “If you don’t stop, I’m gonna cum in your mouth!”

I closed my eyes and sucked even harder. His thrusts became erratic as he lost control.

“Okay, I warned you!” he cried. I opened my eyes and saw that he had closed his. Now his hips thrust hard and deliberate as nature took over. Brett moaned as the overwhelming feeling of orgasm flooded his body and he filled my mouth with his stuff. I swallowed as quickly as possible since I didn’t want to gag. It was hot! He shot his stuff again and again into my eager mouth. What possessed me to let him squirt in my mouth I’ll never know. Whatever the reason, I really felt closer to him for letting him do it.

It didn’t taste like anything I’ve ever tasted before. In all the stories I’ve read on the internet they always describe it as tasting so wonderful and good. But it really didn’t taste like anything at all. It was like a hot blast of gooey slime, and most of it shot right past my tongue and down my throat anyway. I guess it tasted like Brett’s cum, a taste all of its own.

As he was coming down from his moment, he never expected me to flip him onto his back. I sat on top of him and counted, “One! Two! Three! I won! I finally beat you!”

Brett laughed, “That so doesn’t count!”

“You had your moment, let me have mine,” I replied.

“I’ll let you have your moment alright!” he said. He yanked my shirt loose and then pulled it off of me. He sucked on my nipple, which made me laugh because it tickled. Then he unbuttoned my shorts and unzipped them. I allowed him to pull them off of me, and then my underwear. It was probably the fastest I’ve ever gone from completely clothed to completely naked. “Now there’s my Billy!” Brett exclaimed. He was tossing my clothes around like he was opening a Christmas present. He pushed me over onto my back again and then he slid between my legs. He licked my dick up and down like a lollipop. Then he crawled up toward my chest and licked my other nipple. He sucked at it and licked it. It was definitely an enjoyable experience. I loved that he was exploring my body. He kissed his way up to my face and then we locked ourselves into a deep embrace. His body felt so warm and wonderful against mine. Legs and arms tangled and dicks jostled against each other. He was already hard again after having just shot his load. I was impressed.

Brett straddled my belly on his knees. He grabbed my dick behind him and slapped it against his butt. “God I really want you inside me! You sure you don’t wanna fuck me?” he asked. He lined my dick up with his asshole and smiled. I could feel his asshole pressing against my throbbing dickhead. It was starting to give way and I was literally as close to being inside of him as I could be without it going in. The slightest push and I would be inside him. My god it was intense! “Come on, Billy, fuck me. All I have to do is sit down and you’ll be inside me. Just say the word.” The word was literally starting to form in my mouth and come out of me when he pulled away and said, “just kidding! Not without lube! Are you trying to kill me?”

He had come that close to getting what he wanted, and if he hadn’t been such a jokester we would have gotten laid that afternoon. But instead, he laughed and asked, “You wanna sixty-nine?” He didn’t wait for me to answer. He turned himself around and lay on his side. I repositioned myself and once again found myself with Brett’s thick dick in my mouth. He slurped my dick into his mouth as well. It was the best feeling yet! He was so good at making me feel awesome! His tongue did things to me that I didn’t think were possible. I couldn’t begin to keep up with him. He positioned us so that he was on top of me. I had his dick in my mouth and was staring up at his tight balls and asshole. He let my dick out of his mouth and began working on my balls. Each one found its way into Brett’s warm mouth and massaged by Brett’s skilled tongue. I moaned as he pleasured me. Then he licked under my balls between my legs. He kept kissing closer and closer to my ass. I had no idea what he was going to do next. He spread my legs and I felt my asshole being exposed as never before. I was getting very uncomfortable with where this was going. I wanted him to stop but my mouth was full of… him. Then I started to feel Brett’s tongue licking my asshole! I felt his tongue slide into my asshole! I threw him off of me and jumped up to my knees so fast I almost knocked him off the bed.

“Stop! You have to stop! What the hell are you doing?” I asked.

“What?” he asked, looking a bit distressed. “What’s wrong? What did I do?”

“What were you doing to my asshole?”

“I was only gonna lick it a little bit. You didn’t like it?”

“Eww! No! Dude, that’s my butthole. Why would you even think about putting your tongue there?”

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because it’s fucking gross!” I exclaimed. “I shit out of there, man! Disgusting! Oh, I’m gonna puke just thinking about it!”

“I thought you’d like it.”

“What are you, retarded? Why would you think I’d like that?” I asked. “Do you want shit in your mouth or something? That’s fucking sick.”

“Okay, I won’t do that anymore then!” Brett snapped. His face turned extremely red. “I just wanted to do something fun for you. I thought you’d like it!”

“Well that was retarded!” I snapped. “Don’t do that ever again!”

“Oh, believe me I won’t,” Brett replied angrily. “Since you piss out of your fucking dick I guess I’ll keep my stupid mouth off of it, too!”

“Brett, don’t be mad,” I sighed. “It was too much too fast, that’s all. Doing asshole stuff is just too gay for me. I know you’re okay with doing gay stuff but I’m still getting used to this whole thing. I’m sorry I flipped out. Let’s just suck each other’s dick some more.”

“I don’t feel like it anymore,” Brett announced. He jumped off the bed and opened his dresser drawer. He pulled out a clean pair of boxer shorts and put them on.

“Aw, come on Brett! Don’t be like that,” I whined. “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for? You’re right! I’m just a stupid retarded queer. Right? Sorry me being a stupid gay gross disgusting poop-eating retarded fucking faggot is too fucking queer for you!”

“That’s not what I said. Come on, Brett! I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” I said.

“Well you did,” Brett snapped. “Fuck it! I don’t want to fucking fight with you. Let’s just fucking go. It was fucking stupid. I thought you’d like it, but you’re right. That was retarded. You are such a fucking closet case! Jesus, you’re so fucking afraid to be gay you won’t even admit it to yourself and just enjoy something fun! Oh fuck it anyway! I don’t want to fight about it. We’re going to be fucking late now anyway. Fuck it! It was stupid. I don’t want to fight with you. I’m sorry. Just put your clothes on and let’s go.”

He tried to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand so that I couldn’t see that he was doing it. Great, it had only taken me one day to piss off my dad so much that he hit me and make both my best friend and my boyfriend hate me because of something stupid I’d said.

I put my clothes back on while Brett found clothes to wear for the party and got dressed with his back to me. I could tell he was really mad at me. It was awkwardly quiet except for his occasional sniffling for a long while after that. It was exactly what I was afraid sex would do to our relationship. Now things were getting more and more complicated as we were getting closer and closer. I hadn’t meant to hurt Brett’s feelings, but I had. He was never this quiet unless he was really upset. He’d only wanted to make me feel good, and I’d basically just called him a stupid fag.

We went downstairs to get ready to leave in silence. I slipped my shoes on and waited as Brett tried to tie his shoe. Brett had always had trouble tying his shoes. His mom used to buy him shoes with Velcro straps until the other kids started to pick on him so he switched to laces. He tried twice to tie his left shoe, but it just wasn’t working.

“Bunny… Bunny… Tree…” he mumbled to himself, not even realizing he was saying it aloud. Suddenly he stopped and looked at me. He realized what he was doing and he snapped, “This fucking thing sucks!” he shouted as he pulled the shoe off and threw it at the floor. It bounced across the room.

“You want me to do it for you?” I asked. Boy that was a mistake! Brett lost it.

“No, I don’t want you to tie my fucking goddamn shoelaces! I can do it myself! I’m not a fucking retard, Billy! I just want you to shut the fuck up for one goddamn minute so I can fucking concentrate! Fuck! Just go away! You’re annoying me!”

“Okay,” I replied. “I’ll just wait outside.”

I waited outside on the back patio for him. Eventually, he joined me with his shoe laces still not tied and tucked into his shoe under his foot, red-faced from a mix of anger and embarrassment. We walked down the street without saying anything to each other. The only sound between us was the flapping of his shoes against the pavement.

Just to break the silence, I spoke, “My dad slapped me in the face last night.”

“Good,” Brett snapped.

“I’m serious,” I replied.

“So am I!” Brett said. “You’re such a dick, Billy. I know your dad wouldn’t hit you. Don’t make up shit like that just to make me feel sorry for you.”

“It’s true!” I insisted. “We really went at it. He tried to make me miss the party and I flipped out on him.”

“You flip out all the time. Why’d he slap you this time?”

“I guess because I called him an asshole,” I admitted.

Brett laughed, “Wow! You know, for someone who’s supposed to be a genius, you’re really a fuckin’ idiot sometimes.”

“Gee, thanks!” I steamed.

“It’s true. You called your dad an asshole over some stupid party. What did you expect, he was going to be happy about it? You realize you’re lucky all he did was slap you? Any other father probably would have beat the shit out of you. Even I wouldn’t be that stupid. You’re really on the ball today aren’t you? You call your dad an asshole and you call your boyfriend a stupid queer. You’re a real dick, you know that?”

“Can we drop it please?” I asked. “I get it. I’m a dick. I know I’m a dick. Everybody knows I’m a dick. I don’t need to be reminded over and over again.”

“Apparently you do need to be told again and again because you just don’t get it. You can be a real asshole sometimes, Billy. You know that? You’re supposed to be so smart, but then you do things that are completely stupid. You say some pretty mean shit to people and it really hurts. You call me stupid all the time.”

“You know I don’t mean it!” I said.

“Well it still hurts! I’m not smart like you. I know that. But I don’t need you to remind me how stupid I am.”

“You’re not stupid!” I replied.

“Yes I am! Jesus, I’m fifteen years old and I can’t even tie my own fucking shoe. You know how humiliating that is? I get it, I’ll never be as smart as you. But you can be pretty thoughtless sometimes too! You’re so afraid to get hurt that you just build these big walls and you blast anyone who tries to get in. You wonder why you don’t have friends but you push away anyone who gets too close to you. You want to know why I got so mad at you? It wasn’t because you didn’t like it. I mean, it hurt my feelings but I can at least understand that you still have issues with being who you are. I was mad because you called me stupid for wanting to try it. You could have told me you didn’t like it without calling me a retard. That really hurt me, Billy, and you know that it hurts me and that’s why you did it. I don’t know, maybe I was stupid for thinking you were ready to move our relationship forward.”

“Did I say you were a retard?” I asked.

“Yeah, you did. You use that word all the time and it really hurts my feelings when you do,” Brett insisted. “Just because I’m dumber than you doesn’t mean you have to treat me like an idiot. And just because you’re not ready to accept yourself for who you are doesn’t mean I haven’t accepted myself! I like who I am. I like being gay. I like sucking your dick. I’m going to like getting fucked. You may not be comfortable enough with yourself to admit it yet, but you don’t have to be a dick to me because I’m proud of who I am and who I love.”

“I’m really sorry I made you feel that way. It’s not what I meant. It just really took me by surprise. Licking your asshole isn’t something I’d ever thought of as being something I’d ever want to do. Maybe I will someday. You’re a lot farther along than me on all this gay stuff. I wasn’t ready for it yet. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like you to try again or that I think you’re stupid for thinking of it. It just wasn’t what I expected to happen. Do you know what I mean?”

“I guess,” Brett said. “I’ll bet your dad wasn’t expecting you to call him an asshole, either. You can be a real douchebag when you’re angry.”

“Yeah, but I’m just a kid. Dad’s an adult. He should have known better. I didn’t deserve to get slapped. I’m his kid. He shouldn’t have hit me.”

“You’re so obnoxious sometimes and you don’t even realize it. You’re ashamed of being gay so you act like you’re smarter than everybody and you lord it over people. That’s the reason Joey’s been acting like a jerk to you. That’s why your dad slapped you. You don’t think before you speak. You just say hurtful things and get mad when people are upset that you hurt them. You’re a bully.”

“What? No, I’m not!” I complained.

“It’s true. You just ran into someone who wouldn’t take your shit. You act like you’re smarter than your dad, and that’s why he hit you, because he’s tired of you acting like a dickhead.”

“Whatever,” I pouted. “How can I be a bully? That’s ret… I mean, that’s… crazy. I’m like a hundred forty pounds soaking wet! I couldn’t win a fight if the other guy was already unconscious! Whatever, dude! I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I just want to go to the stupid party.” I was mad because Brett wasn’t taking my side like he should have and maybe because I was afraid he was right.

“Okay,” Brett said. He leaned toward me for a kiss, but I backed away.

“I’m not kissing you,” I said.

“No? Why not?” he asked. “You mad at me?”

“No! Because you had your tongue in my asshole,” I laughed.

He burst into laughter and said, “You want to stop and get some gum?”

“I’m just kidding!” I laughed. I pulled him close and kissed him right there in the middle of the street. I even slipped him some tongue, even though I secretly was thinking about where he’d just had his tongue and I was still kind of grossed out. After we finished kissing, I dropped down to one knee and knelt in front of him. I pulled the laces out from under his foot and tied his shoe for him.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Brett blushed.

“I know,” I replied. We walked on toward Emily’s house.

“You know, the timing is never going to be perfect, Billy,” he said.

“Timing for what?” I asked.

“You know what I mean. Sometimes things just happen and that’s as perfect as it’s going to get. Sometimes you just have to let go of the controls and live in the moment you’re in, instead of worrying about making everything perfect.”

“So we shouldn’t try to make things nice for our first time?” I asked.

“It’ll be nice because it’ll be our first time. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It couldn’t possibly be as good as we’d like it to be. It’ll be weird and awkward. I mean, we’re going to be naked and you’re going to be trying to stick your schlong my butt. I don’t care how you dress it up, that’s some weird shit going on right there. It doesn’t matter whose house it’s at, or whether we’re in a bed or on the floor. There’s just going to be a moment where it all comes together, and it’ll just happen. It’ll be really weird. But it’ll be right, because we’ll be doing it together. You always try to control everything and make it perfect. It doesn’t have to be perfect, Billy. Just let yourself go and do it. You don’t have to try to be anybody but yourself with me. I love you. I love the real you, not the guy you try to be around everybody else. You’re a sarcastic wiseass who speaks before he thinks. You’re an obnoxious, self-centered, know-it-all jerk and you’ve got a bad temper. You can even be a downright coward sometimes. But you’re also one of the kindest people I know. You’re also not afraid to stand up for what’s right, even though it terrifies you to do it. I love that you think too much and you always try to make things right, but I also love those times when you just let yourself go and aren’t afraid to be lost in a moment. I like when your wild side comes out. There’s this side of you that comes out when we do sex stuff that no one else gets to see but me. I love that I’m the only one who has seen that side of you.”

We didn’t talk much after that. I struggled with what he said and with everything that had happened in the last few days. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and out-of-control of my life. Whatever control I thought I had in my life had seemed to be slipping away. Didn’t Brett see why I was so afraid to be as carefree as him when so many people were counting on me? I knew that side of me that Brett was talking about was there. But I also knew how dangerous it was to play too close to the fire. Dad had knocked my pride down a peg or two when he slapped me. Dustin’s sexual encounters with his neighbor made me wonder just how well I really knew him. And now I couldn’t even enjoy Brett’s company without having to deal with new issues because of sex. I just wanted to be with him and enjoy ourselves, but as sex was becoming more and more a part of our relationship, the more out of control I felt about it. How well did I even know Brett? As far as I knew, Dustin still could have been right about him being a stoner. I hadn’t really searched all that hard. Surely if he was smoking pot he’d have hidden it a little better than I had searched. If he would hide something as serious as doing drugs from me, what else might he be hiding? Could I trust him enough to give myself completely to him?

I was still struggling with all of those thoughts when we got to Emily’s house, her mom greeted us and allowed us to change into our swimming trunks in the bathroom. Brett and I took turns changing clothes, of course. Although we’d more than seen each other naked, nobody else knew that. I emerged from the bathroom and waited in the kitchen with Mrs. Barnhart, embarrassed because my tight swim trunks weren’t really leaving much to the imagination. My shorts were so tight that everybody could probably tell I was circumcised! The Barnhart family was like family to me. I’d known them forever, and of course, Donnie was my dad’s best friend. Going to their house was like going to my own. Emily was practically my sister as we were growing up. Our parents used to throw us in the bathtub together when we were little. I think everybody kind of expected us to get together someday. But of course, things don’t always work out the way you expect.

Once Brett was changed we joined the party. I quickly scanned the party-goers. There were no tall redheads. I was sort of relieved. Donnie was cooking at the grill. There were many people from school hanging out. You couldn’t miss big Bobby Rush. Sarah Taylor was there, and Joey was there as well. Both of them pretended I wasn’t there. Sarah, I didn’t mind. But Joey avoiding me still kind of hurt.

I enjoyed watching Brett flirt with the girls. Knowing that they had no chance with him and that he was all mine made me feel proud. Not even Sarah was immune from Brett’s charm. But she had no chance with him. Brett loved being with people, but he loved being with me most of all. Still, it was impressive to watch him. People just felt like smiling when they were around him. We had a great afternoon. Donnie kept the hot dogs and burgers coming all day.

Donnie took a little break from the grill, and he wanted to talk to me. He pulled me aside and asked me, “Why aren’t you with your dad?”

“He went without me,” I told him. “So what?”

“He told me that you would be helping him, or else I would have gone with him. I’ve been worried about him lately.”

“What’s the big deal? He’ll be fine,” I reassured him.

“I hope so. He’s been having a time of it lately.”

I shrugged off his concerns and joined my friends. Maybe if dad hadn’t hit me I might be more concerned about him. But at the moment, I really didn’t care. He deserved whatever happened to him.

As early evening settled in, a lot of the party goers began leaving. Donnie had run off in a hurry somewhere, and soon it was just me, Brett, Emily, and Bobby. Sitting on the side of the pool, Em and I watched Brett and Bobby doing crazy dives for a while, including one where Bobby lifted Brett up over his head and threw him in the pool. Brett and Bobby were about as different physically as two young men could be. Bobby was a huge muscular black guy and Brett was a scrawny little white kid whose skin would burn if he saw too close to a light bulb. But the two of them got along great. Brett loved swimming. He did a big cannonball dive at one point that got water everywhere, and then Bobby did one that sent about half the pool’s water flying!

“This was a great day,” I told Em.

“Yeah it was,” she said. “It was nice to see you smiling again for a change.”

“Yeah… It’s been a rough couple of weeks.”

“I know. I know it’s been rough for you lately. I heard you flipped out on Dusty at the park.”

“Yeah. I didn’t mean to.”

“Oh, you never mean to. You always had that temper.”

“Well, I’m trying to be a better person,” I replied.

“I know you are. We’ve known each other our whole lives. You’re like a brother to me, Billy. I’m always here if you need to talk. I know it’s not easy for you to trust people. You can trust me. I know what you’ve been going through.”

“Oh, I highly doubt that,” I laughed nervously.

“You should try me sometime. You might be surprised the things I know about you, William Aaron Roberts.

“Sure thing Emily Danielle Barnhart,” I replied.

“I just wish Dusty had come today, then you two could have worked everything out.”

“You invited him?” I asked.

“Of course. I love Dusty!” she blushed.

“Love him how?” I asked.

“You know what I mean,” she replied. “I’ve known him just as long as I’ve known you. You two have always been best friends. He’s a sweet guy.”

Brett swam up next to us, “Who’s a sweet guy?”

“Dustin,” I answered him.

Brett rolled his eyes. “Ugh! Can’t we go for one day without talking about that prick?”

“Come on Brett,” Em scolded him. “Why don’t you like him?”

“Because he’s a douche!” Brett replied. “What other reason do I need?”

“Well it couldn’t possibly be because you’re both after the same thing, now could it?”

“Shut up, Barney,” Brett replied.

“Hey, here he comes!” Bobby announced from the diving board.

Sure enough, Dustin entered the pool area. He wasn’t wearing swimming gear, though. He was dressed in cut-off jean shorts and a black t-shirt. Em and I greeted him, but he wasn’t smiling. He looked kind of upset. Before we could find out what was wrong with him, his mom and Em’s mom followed him through the gate.

“Billy, we need to have a talk with you,” Mrs. Smith said. I glanced at Brett and he looked just as concerned as I felt. Was it possible that she had found out about what Dustin was doing with Mike? But how did she know that I knew? Brett only shrugged his shoulders and floated near the edge of the pool.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

The mothers looked at each other and then at me, as if they weren’t sure what they wanted to say. I was beginning to feel uneasy.

“Is everything alright?” Emily asked.

Mrs. Smith took a deep breath and spoke, “Billy, it’s your father.”

“My father?” I asked. “What’s wrong with my dad? What’s happened? Is he okay?”

“I’m afraid not. They’ve taken him to the hospital.” Mrs. Barnhart explained.

Brett jumped out of the pool and stood beside me. “Did his sugar drop?” he asked.

“They don’t think so…” Mrs. Barnhart explained.

Mrs. Smith interrupted. “They’re not sure what happened, but they think he may have had a stroke.”

“Oh my god!” Emily gasped.

I don’t know if the sun went behind a cloud or something, but my world suddenly went dark. Everyone talking seemed very far away. Details of Mr. Nicholson finding him, Donnie running off to help and of my mother calling Mrs. Smith to come get me were explained. But I could barely follow any of it. It was like I was underwater. It was very cold. I could barely feel Emily’s hand on my shoulder.

“Well let’s go!” Brett exclaimed, running through the gate and into the house. “Come on dammit! What are you people waiting for?”

“It’s your call, Billy. Do you want to go to the hospital?” Mrs. Barnhart asked.

I nodded. Emily ran into the house to get me a towel. Brett was already dressed and ready to go by the time I got into the house. He took me into the bathroom and closed the door.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah…” I said. “Can you help me?” It felt like my voice was coming from somewhere outside of me.

“Sure,” he replied. He stripped my trunks off and he dried me off. This was one moment where being naked with him meant nothing. He even pulled my underwear and shorts on and helped me put on my shirt. “Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked. I assured him I was okay. When I was dressed, he opened the door and led me to the kitchen where everyone was waiting. I don’t think I would have known even how to dress myself if Brett hadn’t been there. Mrs. Barnhart hugged me and told me everything would be okay. As if she had any way of knowing that! She told Mrs. Smith that she would take Bobby home and then join us at the hospital. Emily was in tears. Bobby hugged me and told me he would be praying for us. Brett helped me into the front seat of the Smiths’ car. Then he and Dustin got into the back seat together. Mrs. Smith quickly backed out of the driveway and we were on our way.