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    Jordn87
  • Jordn87
  • Author
  • 10/20/2017
  • 984 Words
  • 3,917 Views
  • 19 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Songs of the Heart - 3. Chapter 3 - 1.800.273.8255

Hey guys and gals :) I am adding a warning to this chapter, it contains talk of suicide. Please know its never an answer, and that whether you feel it or not you are loved! We are going to leave Brady on the floor holding his nuts for one more chapter! Words italicized and bolded are lyrics of the song 1-800 by Logic. The song and words belong to him and his recording company.  Updated 6/21

It’s been three days since that asshole walked back into my life, and I have done the bravest thing I could, I went into hiding. Like, am IG model who gained five pounds and avoiding a mirror type of hiding. Like right now I was listening to Lyric’s song “1-800-273-8255” and fingering this pocket knife I got when I was ten from my grandpa, this little knife has had a big part in me becoming me. It's weird how society still doesn't take suicide seriously. The looks I get when I talk about my struggle and the demons that came with it. Looking down, I stared at the scar on my right wrist, thinking about all I have been through and knowing how close to missing out on the beautiful moments that have happened since.

 

Being the responsible owner I am, I knew I could not just stop showing up. Reaching out to Sara, my lead bartender, and assistant manager. We started talking by text and face time, giving instructions for the bar, and answering staffing issues. Unluckily for her, she was the only one who I had spoken to, something I am sure Ty and Odin will let me hear about. I just can't figure out why people won't understand I just want to be left alone. I need my space and time to come around to him being here

 

I don't wanna be alive

 

I don't wanna be alive

 

I just wanna die today

 

I just wanna die

 

I don't wanna be alive

 

I don't wanna be alive

 

I just wanna die

 

And let me tell you why

 

Why did it have to be him? My heart still thumped at the thought of him and my anger seemed to pulse at the same rate. Because of him, because of his torment and abuse, the fact no one would listen or act to stop it. How many days did I look at my dad's old handgun or the bottle of pills my grandma had, how easy it would be to just let go and die? Some scars are hard to forget, and the white slashes on my wrists were some of the hardest. Luckily for me, there was my mom, a woman who was strong enough to pick up the pieces when I tried to end my life. I let myself sing along with the next set of lyrics, they were my favorite part of this song.

 

It's the very first breath

 

When your head's been drowning underwater

 

And it's the lightness in the air

 

When you're there

 

Chest to chest with a lover

 

It's holding on, though the road's long

 

And seeing light in the darkest things

 

And when you stare at your reflection

 

Finally knowing who it is

 

I know that you'll thank God you did

 

I could just feel the Logic’s lyrics just flow within me. I didn’t want to be the scared, lonely, hurt little boy, I wanna live and enjoy life. Now there's only one way to do that, and in all honesty, I had been avoiding it but I really can't avoid it anymore. I had to confront the demon from my past. I let my fingers run over the tip of the sharp blade when suddenly I heard a loud crack causing a twitch.

 

“FUCK! SON OF A BIT-” Was all I got out as I put a nice slicing gash across my finger. Standing to turn and look into my living room, I managed to get there just as my front door, deadbolts, and all swung open. I could feel my jaw drop as I watched a shadow enter my home.

 

I been on the low

 

I been taking my time

 

I feel like I'm out of my mind

 

It feel like my life ain't mine

 

Who can relate?

 

I been on the low

 

I been taking my time

 

I feel like I'm out of my mind

 

It feels like my life ain't mine

 

I watched as he entered all the way slowly, never taking his eyes off me. He then came over gently removing the knife from my hand, placing it gently on the coffee table. Next, he wrapped his arms around and crushed my body into his. Before I could object a pair of lips came crashing down onto mine. This was no sweet and slow kiss, this was teeth-rattling filled with need type of kiss. My whole body felt like it was up in flames, it had been a long time since we had shared a kiss. I had started pressing against his chest trying to break loose, any hope of doing that quickly faded as I let myself enjoy the feeling of our bodies touching. He finally broke this kiss leaving us panting and gasping. His more muscled and wider frame easily hugging my more lean one. His hand slid up my side, his fingers giving me goosebumps, then he cupped my chin and tilted my head back, our eyes locked.

 

Pain don't hurt the same,

 

I know The lane I travel feels alone

 

But I'm moving 'til my legs give out

 

And I see my tears melt in the snow

 

But I don't wanna cry

 

I don't wanna cry anymore

 

I wanna feel alive

 

I don't even wanna die anymore

 

Oh I don't wanna

 

I don't wanna

 

I don't even wanna die anymore

 

I saw so much in the crystal blue eyes fear, hurt, anger, and sadness. The thing that stood out the most though, was love. Our lips slowly met once again, this time I wasn't going to let it end anytime soon.

Hugs and lots of love to all who read this :) If anyone ever needs to talk I am always here to listen, benefit of having a boring job ;) Next chap our hero returns to try and calm a certain short firecracker!
 
Here is the link to the music video that goes  with the chapter 
 
Copyright © 2017 Jordn87; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

Jordn87
1 hour ago, avidreadr said:

Just started reading this story and I will definitely be following it.   I like the situation and the characters and I look forward to reading the rest.  

 

Welcome and thanks for reading ;)  It’s hard not to like Nessay, though I think people will like Brady better after the next chapter!

Edited by Jordn87
  • Like 3
Lisa

Your comment in your ending author's note totally confused me. I thought for sure it was Brady who came into Ness' house. But based on your comment, it sounds like someone else. Or I read your note all wrong.

 

I wouldn't forgive Brady that easily either (if, in fact, it is Brady that walked into to Ness' house).

 

Oh, at the beginning of the chapter you wrote Lyrics' song 1-800 (whatever), but then you changed it to Logic's 1-800 (whatever) song. According to Google, it's Logic (and I think Alessia Cara, also) who sings it.

 

I'm looking forward to the next chapter! :)

  • Like 1
Jordn87
31 minutes ago, Lisa said:

Your comment in your ending author's note totally confused me. I thought for sure it was Brady who came into Ness' house. But based on your comment, it sounds like someone else. Or I read your note all wrong.

 

I wouldn't forgive Brady that easily either (if, in fact, it is Brady that walked into to Ness' house).

 

Oh, at the beginning of the chapter you wrote Lyrics' song 1-800 (whatever), but then you changed it to Logic's 1-800 (whatever) song. According to Google, it's Logic (and I think Alessia Cara, also) who sings it.

 

I'm looking forward to the next chapter! :)

Hahaha the hero is Brady and he returns with a bang ;) the song is logic’s I just meant none of the lyrics used belong to me they all belong to him :) 

 

btw the number is super important, it’s the suicide prevention line ;) it’s why I used this chapter :) 

  • Like 1
Jordn87
On ‎10‎/‎22‎/‎2017 at 11:21 PM, JeffreyL said:

A kiss is a good thing. The thoughts of suicide, not so much. Both are a part of life. Kissing back gives me hope there will be a dialogue, and maybe the friendship (at least) can be salvaged.

Kissing is Brady's secret weapon, its the one way to stop Nessay from going over the edge or talking lol  

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skyacer

I had never seen that video before but it was an extremely powerful one.  Is the last 30 seconds of the video what we have ahead of us for Brady and Ness? Hmmmm. Most of that video sounds a lot like what Ness' life was like after Brady left, or at least a good glimpse into his life.  I'm drained after that, but I am looking forward to Chapter 5.

Great writing, btw!

 

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Jordn87
2 hours ago, skyacer said:

I had never seen that video before but it was an extremely powerful one.  Is the last 30 seconds of the video what we have ahead of us for Brady and Ness? Hmmmm. Most of that video sounds a lot like what Ness' life was like after Brady left, or at least a good glimpse into his life.  I'm drained after that, but I am looking forward to Chapter 5.

Great writing, btw!

 

Thank you for your wonderful comment, the song is a drainer and I kind of feel like an idiot for not posting it in the beginning. Its the complete inspiration for this chapter I had it on repeat the whole time I was writing ;)

  • Like 2
Sweetlion
On 20/10/2017 at 11:43 AM, BlindAmbition said:

Sorry, I don’t forgive that easy. Especially if I almost killed myself over him. Hold that bull by his balls a little longer.

What he said...

 

I am not even sure I could ever forgive, at least to be something more than mere acquaintances. Even if it made me miserable as well.

Edited by Sweetlion
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mogwhy

the thing about forgiveness is, that it is not for the other person. forgiveness is for yourself. i forgave the person who was the love of my life, and still is(it's the basis for my poem "It's Raining"). he left, literally ran out of town, without a word to me  or for me. left me pregnant and humiliated. i wanted to kill myself, but there was a baby. at almost 5 months, i miscarried and almost bled to death(again there is more and his part in this part). there is a lot more to the story but this enough. at that point i wanted to die. no children for me because of the this and i wanted a house full. a month later i overdosed. i no longer wanted to live. my heart was shattered, but i still loved him,  if i had not forgiven him, i would not have been free of the pain. if he had come back within a couple of years, i would have welcomed him. to me, there is always room for 2nd chances when a change occurs. i think Brady may have had the change and deserve at least a chance to prove it. that's my $1 worth

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