The Star, The Demon, and The God - 24. Guilty Walk of Shame

Tobias

I have been walking aimlessly for so long, Luno’s grip on the fur of my neck has become numb to me.

He has not spoken since we were last in the city...if I can even call it that now.

I rumble out to get his attention, hoping for some insight on whether or not I am going the right direction. I have only been walking in this direction based on memory.

He does not move. It appears he may have actually fallen asleep. I supposed that is understandable but he can do that when we are somewhere safe; preferably in the Sanctuary.

There are a few downsides to Luno being quiet right now.

A constant weight on my back, the slight fear of him falling off, and of course being stuck with my own thoughts alone.

Yes, I normally do that anyway but after all that has just happened, I really wouldn’t mind speaking with Luno.

It feels a lot smaller in the group now. Sure it is not at all like other groups, but Enfi and Kulu are creatures I feel closer to than most demons.

Now Enfi is gone. She died trying to protect Luno. The phoenix was a true hero for that. It is a real shame that she is gone.

My heart grieves for Luno. I know he was close to the fire bird. It must have been like losing one of your own family members. In fact, it should have been exactly like that!

Not only did he lose Enfi, he lost the Gatekeeper not too long ago as well!

Things are really not going so well with him. I swear it feels my fault!

Before I met him, he seemed to have to perfect life. He was sheltered away and happy.

Or so I thought…

Luno did tell me about his first encounter with the humans. It clearly left a scar on him. I am wrong to think that he was perfectly happy.

Nobody is ever perfect or happy. If they look or say so, they are pulling an act.

Raiyo said that long ago. I forget what it was he talked about, but he told me that whenever he slips into the minds of the so called ‘happy ones’, he always finds twisted images hidden beneath the masks.

That of course helped push my distrust for others. It was not a huge part in that regard, but it did help.

I think this journey has made me realize that Luno is a genuine happy person, but the world is never forgiving; not even to the nicest person in the world.

Right now, I want to shift back into my more human form, or maybe even my true form, and hold Luno. I want to surround him and protect him from the world. Let him be safe from any more dangers and sadness.

Maybe I understand why the Gatekeeper kept Luno in the Sanctuary for so long.

Just a bit overprotective I suppose.

Gods. I can't believe I am thinking that crazy bitch’s actions were right.

In a few hours it will be sun down. We must hurry and either find a place to hide, or find a portal to the Sanctuary.

Obviously since it is his home, I assume he would know where said portals are located.

Coming to a stop, I lay myself now and carefully tip Luno off my back. I make sure it would not hurt or anything. He was sleeping so I don’t want to awaken him in a rude way. He does not deserve that kind of treatment right now...or ever…

Luno groans and stretches himself, popping different joints from sleeping in such an uncomfortable way.

He opens his eyes and looks up at me.

“Why did we stop,” he asks sleepily.

Morphing into my human form, I sit next to him and rub my eyes. I am feeling pretty tired as well.

“Had to wake you,” I yawn. “Any idea where a portal could be to the Sanctuary?”

He frowns. “You want to go there? But...Raiyo is free! We can’t let him walk freely! He killed Enfi!”

Trying to be careful with my words, I place my hand on his stomach in a way to calm him down and not get angry with me.

“Luno,” I sigh. “We can’t stop him. By now, he is most likely in Enfierna. There is nothing we can do. I need to drop you off at the Sanctuary and then you will be safe.”

He shakes his head and raises his voice. “But Enfi!”

“I know about Enfi, Luno. I was there too. I also saw what Raiyo did to everything in that city. He shredded the entire city as if it were a piece of paper and then burned the remains. What makes you think we can stop him this time?”

I...I,” Luno’s chin begins to tremble as he tries to think of something to say. “I just need to touch him!”

Pulling him up and off the ground, I pull him into a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry about Enfi,” I say into his head. “She was a good bird.”

Luno clutches onto me and begins to sob against my shoulder. His whole body shakes and heaves as he mourns over his friend.

“I-It’s not just Enfi,” He says before breaking down again.

My chest aches at his words.

I feel so bad for him. The second time he goes out into the world without the Gatekeeper and he ends up losing two of the closest family to him in such a short time.

Such awful luck it must be. First he loses the two human friends, then he loses Enfi and Taisla.

A cruel world it is.

“Why is he so evil?” Luno says between pauses for air. “He keeps killing everyone as if it is nothing! What is wrong with him?”

I only stare on because I have no idea how to answer. I really don’t understand what I could say to make him feel better. Saying ‘I don’t know’ does not feel like it would be the correct response.

Why is Raiyo killing so many souls? He held only the ones around Thymestrys but for what reason? Nobody would do something that drastic with any good intentions.

As for the attack on the city, I know that Raiyo does not like to be betrayed by his followers. His idea of punishment is death. A lot of demons’ lives have died because of their poor choices.

I supposed I would be one of them. It is only a matter of time before he comes after me.

Gods! I did not even think of that until now! What am I doing?

Raiyo could be looking for me at this very moment, which is far from the truth most likely because those wisps surely would have seen me now.

One day he could remember me and realize that he has not killed me yet. On that day, he will use his resources to scout me out.

The last thing I want is for him to find Luno.

On that battlefield, Luno almost died. Raiyo had him in his grip and almost choked the life out of him.

Never have I ever felt so much anger at seeing someone get hurt. Never did I so badly want to kill Raiyo. Never have I been so scared with the possibility of losing someone so close to me.

I will not risk it again.

“Let’s get you home, Luno,” I say into his hair. “Let’s get you home.”

~~~
~~~

Luno

It was not hard getting back to the Sanctuary.

Mother taught me long ago how to make a portal back. I only need a tall hill large enough for me and any other friends I happen to have at my side.

She had told me that I can only close it after I have returned to the Sanctuary. Nobody else could go through without me or her permission, so there was never the worry of someone else finding it.

The area around the city of Vlad was rather flat and full of of fields with tall grass.

Tobias had walked for hours before asking me how we could get back to the Sanctuary. Plenty of time for the land to change.

Once there is a hill large enough, I create a small cave and draw a small circle into the dirt.

This activates the portal.

As we walk through, I close the cave entrance and we end up swallowed by darkness.

I frown when that happens. Usually I have Enfi to help light up the caves.

Summoning a ball of fire over my palm, I walk through the cave with Tobias at my side.

Kulu unfurls himself from my neck and wraps around my forearm holding the fire. He flaps his wings every so often. They twitch with excitement, no doubt happy to be home once again.

I almost feel guilty with how my mood is already changing.

Enfi has literally just died and the mere thoughts of home are tugging at the corners of my lips.

Should I not feel ashamed?

I grip onto Tobias’ wrist as warm air drifts against us. It tickles at my toes.

I stop moving when I see the light at the end of the cave. Tobias looks back at me.

“What? Why did you stop?” He frowns. “Please don’t tell me you plan to try and assassinate Raiyo…”

His words shocked me to the point that I end up laughing at them.

“Of course not,” I breathe out. “I just...feel happy to be back.”

He gives a small smile and frees his hand to properly hold mine. “I am guessing there is a ‘but’ in there?”

Letting out a small shrug, I eventually let out a sigh and nod along.

“I feel guilty for being happy,” I say. “I lost two members in my family since I left the Sanctuary. I should not be feeling...relieved!”

He tilts his head. “Depends on what you are relieved over I suppose. What is it that has you feeling this way?”

Glancing up at the warm light in front of us, I bite my lip.

Tobias must have followed my gaze because his next words hit pretty close to the mark.

“Responsibilities were shoved into your arms and you were homesick. Now you are free from all the troubles out there. Of course you would feel relieved! You have nothing to feel bad about.”

I turn to him and frown.

“What about Enfi and Mother?” I ask. “When I think of them, my chest still hurts! How do I relieve that?”

He drums a finger on his chin as he thinks of an answer.

He snaps his fingers. “What did you do to get over Viktor and Monie? Why don’t you try the same thing?”

I feel myself deflate at his words.

“I...I never really did get over them,” I say, eyes trained to the ground. “It hurts less when I think of them now, but I never could move past it all.”

Especially when Mother told me that Morgoren was responsible for both of their deaths, but I am not going to tell Tobias that right now. It only makes me angry.

I almost jump when I feel Tobias’ hand on my cheek. It pulls my eyes up to his.

“Well I suppose it just takes time,” He says with a warm smile that really doesn’t match his usual attitude.

“I know that is probably not at all what you want to hear. I know it can be pretty bullshit at times, but you have to push through. If not for you, do it for them. The last thing they would want is for you to brood over their passings.”

He is right. Hearing it does not make me feel any better, but it does help me get over the guilt of feeling relieved.

“Shall we go home then?” I ask while pulling on a small smile.

Tobias appears lost in thought while he looks at me before shaking himself off.

“Yes of course,” He coughs and walks ahead.

~~~

We enter the spring area of the Sanctuary.

It is the one with the flower fields and tall green trees.

Based on how many trees have been knocked over, I can imagine a certain mossy wolf was a little antsy about me being gone.

As soon as we exit the cave, Tobias stops me.

“You’re all bruised up,” He frowns. His fingers lightly brush along my side.

It is true. The entire right side of my body has different blotches of purple bruises. Even with how lightly he touches them, I still wince and step away from the pain.

“Raiyo hit me with something,” I say. “I’ll be fine. I can heal it when we get to the shack.”

He gives a small nod but he clearly is still worried about it.

I smile at that.

Last time we were here, he was a bit of a jerk. He has been for quite awhile. Now he is over here caring for bumps and bruises.

Who would have thought the big bad demon would be such a softie?

Trick question! I knew it!

I called it the first night he spent in my bed when he snuggled with the polar bears!

“What are you smiling about?” He narrows his eyes at me as we walk through the fields.

I shrug and turn my gaze to the flowers. “Oh nothing. Just how cute you looked sleeping with a bunch of polar bears the first night we met.”

When I look up at him, I swear the big baddie’s cheeks are turning pink.

“I did no such thing,” He grunts, turning his face the other direction, no doubt trying to hide his blush.

I laugh and hug his arm. “There is no reason to feel embarrassed by it! They are awfully cuddly here!”

He rolls his eyes at me and freezes up when he looks ahead of us.

A stampede of animals are barreling their way towards us. Some even trip among themselves!

“I think they missed you,” Tobias chuckles.

I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face when I see them all. I missed them so much! It makes me happy to see they missed me as well.

“Goodluck with your bruises,” Tobias says. “I bet they will run you over and make you feel like shit after.”

I grimace at the thought and the inevitable pain.

“Um,” I say, a little nervous. “I used a numbing spell a few hours back. Maybe I will still be fine?”

Tobias turns to me with a frown on his face.

“Were there more than just bruises, Luno?” He says, an edge to his voice that says if I lie, he will know.

I bite my lip and hug myself, wishing all the creatures could get here faster.

Why did we have to walk so slowly?

“Maybe,” I simply say, walking forward a little faster.

“Luno,” He says as a command. It makes me stand still.

With a sigh, I turn and lift my shirt and pull my pants down slightly, careful to not reveal anything intimate.

Tobias practically chokes on air as he sees the nasty cut that has sliced along the bottom of my ribs and all the way down my thigh.

It has become more of a long messy scab with creepy black lines underneath my skin. I had tried to heal it, but obviously it has not healed well.

Raiyo’s magic is truly stronger than mine. It completely defeats my healing magics!

“What the hell!” He shouts. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

I feel myself shrink into myself at his shouting. Obviously I deserve it. I should have told him when I had the chance! I couldn’t though. I was busy feeling awful about Enfi. I did not want to talk at all!

“I’m sorry,” I say with my head down.

Strangely enough, Tobias does not stay mad. Instead he lifts my shirt to inspect the wound better. His face is clearly worried and I feel awful because of it.

“Did you try healing it,” He asks.

Just as I am about to answer, we both end up being tackled by a giant, white furred beast.

At first, I end up a bit frightened because of the situation with Tobias, but then I end up laughing when I realize it is Avric!

Avric makes a bunch of grunts and grumbles as he tries to speak to me.

“Aww I know big guy,” I hug his neck and kiss the side of his cheek. “I missed you too!”

Tobias growls on the other side of Avric’s head.

“Tell him to let go of me!” He says barks.

Avric understands him just fine. He drops Tobias without a thought.

I hear Tobias flop onto the ground.

He yelps as a swarm of horse sprites end up crowding around him, licking him all over.

Avric and I laugh at the sight.

Once Avric lifts me to sit on his shoulder, he carries me through the mass of animals. Tobias follows close by, careful to not step on anyone by accident.

“How did you do this everyday?” He says after shaking off another tiny horse sprite.

I grin when I see him brush his hand over a polar bear’s head.

“Oh you know,” I say. “You get used to it! Plus, this only happens after I leave the Sanctuary.”

He grunts out in answer and I lean on Avric’s horns.

Seeing Tobias interact with all the creatures is making my chest feel weird. I don’t think I have felt like this in quite awhile. Not since Viktor; only...this feels different in a way.

“Tell the yeti to take you home. I want to check over that cut.”

To my dismay, Avric listens and walks on to the shack.

I am almost tempted to tell him to run somewhere else because I really don’t want to be checked over. I am fine!

When Avric steps through the small creek around my shack, he crouches down to drop me off.

Tobias jumps through the stepping stones, careful to not fall into the water.

“Must you put this stupid water here?” He sighs when he reaches me.

I smile. “Of course! It is calming!”

He rolls his eyes but I see a corner of his mouth turn up.

“You’re insufferable,” He says, but the look on his face says otherwise.

Tobias motions for me to sit on the bed and pulls out a bag from a small portal.

“What’s that?” I ask, mainly to give more time for him to not look at the wound.

He pulls out a white cloth, two bottles of some kind of substance, and a roll of bandaging.

I wrinkle my nose at it all.

“Maybe If I keep trying to heal it, it will get better over time!” I say, hoping to avoid whatever this is.

For a moment, a dead-panned expression crosses Tobias’ face. Maybe he realizes that I am scared because he all of a sudden gives a small smile.

“I won’t lie to you, it is probably going to hurt a bit,” He says. “We only need to clean the wound for now. You still have dried up blood around it. It could lead to infection!”

I shake my head. “I-I’ll be alright! I promise!”

He sighs and grabs my hand. “Listen, magic is clearly out of the question here. You would have healed it by now and you know it. Just let me do this for you, alright?”

Biting my lip, I take off my shirt.

“How far down along your leg does it go?” He asks.

I press my finger to the middle of my thigh.

“You might want to change into your skirt,” He purses his lips. “It will be easier.”

I give a tired glare at him calling it a skirt but I quickly stand and move outside to change.

It helps that with a wave of my hand, I can change into anything that I want. If only I could do the same with food.

Tobias nods to the change and I sit back down on the bed.

“You should lay down,” He says, using his hand to push against my shoulder. “It will be easier.”

My hands are shaking like crazy right now. I’ve never done something like this before! Magic has always been the answer!

“Is it going to hurt?” I ask, staring up at Tobias. He better give me the truth.

He blinks down at me before turning away, clearing his throat.

“How strong is that numbing spell? Does it block everything?”

I shake my head.

“Oh!” He breathes out a small laugh. “Uh, here bite this.”

He rolls up the white cloth and places it in my mouth.

“Lucky for you, you stopped bleeding,” He says as he lifts up one of the bottles and pours it onto another clean cloth. “All we have to do is clean it and then put some medicine on it to keep it from getting infected.”

He gives a slight pause before looking down at me again. “The alcohol and medicine are going to sting quite a bit.”

I gulp on the bubble in my throat and close my eyes as he soaks a cloth up with some kind of smelly liquid. It is not the good smell either.

That must be the alcohol.

“Okay, I’m doing it now,” he says, bringing the cloth to my ribs.

My teeth clamp down on the cloth in my mouth and I am thankful for it. I felt like I could have broken my teeth!

I let out a muffled growl as the pain flaring up along my side feels like a literal fire is burning up against me.

With one hand, I reach out and grab Tobias’ leg, desperate to hold onto something.

He doesn’t even flinch, he keeps working on cleaning up whatever mess is on me. He even picks at the scabs which only makes me scream into the cloth.

What is he doing? This is torture!

Tears are spilling from my eyes and I try to glare up at Tobias but again, he continues to keep his attention to the cut.

Curse you and your ignoring me!

After 10 minutes, or what felt like an agonizing three hours, Tobias is finished. He gets the roll of bandaging and lifts me up slightly to wrap it around me.

“See,” He grins. “It wasn’t so bad!”

I throw my fist out at him and hit him square in the jaw.

He only laughs and hands me the rest of the roll.

It probably hurt my hand more than his face.

“You can roll up your thigh,” He says. “It would be best if you did that part yourself.”

I do as he says, but still glare daggers after him.

At least now it does not hurt as much as before. The stinging was awful! Is this what all the humans go through? How could anyone live without magic?

Tobias checks over my work, making sure it is tight enough.

“Good,” He says. “For what I am guessing is your first time with real medicine, you did quite well for a pansy.”

I scoff and push on his shoulder, making him laugh.

“Never again,” I say. “I would rather die!”

He laughs again and ends up laying back on the bed.

“Yeah well, I’m still proud of you. You got your first battlescar! You even fought a God and lived to tell the tale!”

I lay next to him and can’t help giving a smile at the praise.

“You’re really proud of me?” I pretty much stare at him with hopeful eyes.

He rolls his eyes and brings me closer with one arm. “Yes, really,”