Even Stars Die - 10. Chapter 10

A cool breeze slaps my face. I am awake. The headache is gone. My chest isn't hurting. My nose isn't blocked, I wrinkle it; no cracking and the plaster has been removed. One other thing, Alex isn't holding me.

'Al?' I mumble.

No answer.

I whip my head around to face him.

His side is cold.

I call out, hoping he's in the shower.

No answer. He's placed my prostheses on a chair beside the bed. I fit them, and head for the bedroom door, passing a tall mirror on the way. By chance, I glance sideways at my reflection and backtrack instantly.

This isn't possible.

I check my reflection carefully, and feel my chest just to make sure.

The bruises have completely disappeared.

The swelling beneath my eyes has disappeared. I am rejuvenated, but it's more than that, I am healed.

Completely.

'Hey! Big boy. Get back into bed.' Alex suddenly appears in the doorway, carrying a tray loaded with morning goodies. 'Breakfast for my hunk.'

'I've been calling.'

'I know - I heard. Now back to bed with you,' he places the tray on the bed and irons out the sheets with the palm of his hand.

'Erm...what happened last night?' I sit in the bed, reeling from the shock of seeing myself in the mirror.

He glances my way and shrugs. 'What do you mean? Nothing happened last night. We didn't have sex at all.'

'I'm not talking about sex. What happened to the plaster? What happened to my body? Before I climbed into bed I had bruises and my head felt like shit. I wake up this morning and everything's back to normal. What happened?'

'Oh, I took the plaster off your nose. That's all I did. Nothing else happened I swear.'

That can't be right!

He touched me last night.

His fingers made my skin tingle.

I know muscles and and broken bones and bruises don't heal after a couple of days. Is this real?

'I'm dreaming, right?'

'Want me to pinch you?'

'Alex, don't play. How is this possible?'

'Well, maybe your body heals quicker than most. Hey, If I were you I'd be over the moon.'

'I... I know my body. It doesn't have that kind of healing capacity.'

'Want to see a doctor?'

'I'm not sick. No need to. I just don't understand.'

'Listen to me, Keegs. There are some things in life that just happen. Can't be explained. As far as I can tell, you're fine. Accept that these things happen. Besides, you're an athlete, your body wants to be healthy. Now eat.'

I eat, but I'm not in his presence. I'm far away. These things don't just happen and I'm not a kid. I understand the human body.

Alex paces the room, I notice the tension and invite him to sit next to me, he continues pacing. His mood has changed from cheerful to serious. 'Why aren't you eating? It's a damned good breakfast.'

'Not hungry.'

'Why are you pacing?'

'In a few minutes Jean is going to text you. She'll want to meet with you. Whatever you do, remember I am with you. I will always be with you. Okay. Is that okay, big guy.'

Alex confounds me. I can't help thinking that things are not what they seem. I can't put my finger on it. His words leave me with little hope for the future.

'Are you telling me that you're leaving me?'

'No! Absolutely no! I'm nervous because I don't know if you're ready to come out.'

My cell phone lights up, indicating a text message. It's from Jean. She wants to meet. Something urgent has cropped up and needs discussion. She suggests we meet at Mandela Square, Sandton City. This is it. This is where my world comes crashing in and everything falls apart.

I look up from the message and I'm bewildered, 'How did you...'

'It doesn't happen all the time. I know things, sometimes, like I have this built in radar that can sense how things will pan out. Not all the time.'

'You're freaking me out, Al. Pass me my clothes.'

    * * *

We're on the highway driving East, another kilometer and we'll veer left and drive South on the M1 towards Sandton City.

'You haven't said a word since Jean's message.'

'I'm not looking forward to this, Al. I know I must do it, but people are going to get hurt and that's the last thing I want.'

He reaches for my hand and squeezes. 'I didn't say it will be easy. And I'll be there. You'll be just fine.'

'What if she won't accept me?'

'Let's cross that bridge when we get there. Assumptions aren't good for the soul. Breathe in, breathe out. Get some air into that brain of yours.'

I lean against the headrest, close my eyes and sigh. I feel a lot more confidant now that Alex is with me. I may have chickened out without him. Still, he's right; never hurt the people you love. For your own sake, they need to know who you are, and not the person you pretend to be.

Mandela's statue is larger than life, and stands six metres tall in front of the main entrance of the square. Inside, shoppers rush between banks and restaurants and shops in a crazy spending frenzy. It's like this every day. Above the din I hear a familiar voice calling out. I spin about and spot Jean not too far away, running and waving at us to stop. Patrick's beside her, grinning from ear to ear. Jean's wearing a yellow blouse and blue chino's, her hair has grown a little, but it's obvious she's still practising Yoga. Patrick's black shirt matches his Autumn mood, which isn't what I expected. We hug and confer greetings, and decide to have coffee at Mug n Bean.

Jean released a sigh, unable to conceal the tension building up inside of her, she looks away, avoids my gaze. 'I know what you guys are thinking. You think maybe I'm stalking you. Last night you saw me, I know.' She glances at me, 'All I can say is I don't know what got into me. I immediately went to Patrick's place and told him what I had done.'

Patrick perked up, 'That's why I'm here, guys.'

For a moment I'm silent, the waiter takes our order. 'Jean, you know that I love you, as a friend I will do anything for you. But I think you feel much more than simple friendship for me. Am I right?'

Her gaze drops, 'Yes. Patrick and I stayed up late talking about it. He agrees that my feelings for you can't be anything more than friendship. Ever.'

I glance at Patrick. He raises his hands, 'Don't look at me, Keegs. I didn't say a word.'

'He doesn't need to say anything, Keegs. I know.' A tear falls from her eyes.

As she says I know, Alex places his hand on mine. He leans forward and with his other hand wipes away Jean's tears. She notices our hands have met and turns to Patrick. 'See, I told you my best friend is gay. You wouldn't believe me.'

Patrick reaches for her and brings her head into his chest, comforting her, 'What did you expect me to say, girl? Keegs and I go a long way, and even though I may have had a sneaky suspicion, I couldn't ruin his coming out moment by telling you. That's something he has to do. Not me.'

She raises her head, with red eyes she smiles at me and sniffs, as she speaks, her voice trembles, 'Well, I just wanted to tell you that I love you very much Keegan Mansfield, as a friend. I wanted to say that I wished we could have been more, and mean it when I say to Alex that he's cornered the catch of the millennium. Also, I won't be stalking you guys from here on in.'

Our coffee arrives. 'Who else knows?' She wants to know.

'Just us.' I tell her.

'You going to keep it that way?'

'I'd like to. Just us.'

'Then so be it.' She leans over and kisses me lightly on the cheek. 'Your secret's safe with me, until you're ready.'

Patrick is unusually quiet, I wonder what it is going on in his mind. He's shaking his head, more out of disbelief than celebratory. He points an accusing finger at me. 'I'm pissed off right now. You could at least have said something to me, Keegs. This is not just about being gay or coming out you know, this is about who you trust and love as your best friend. I mean, I asked you to tell me how you feel about Alex and you said you didn't know. I asked if you were gay and you said you didn't know. That was three days ago, Alex.'

'Much has happened since, Patrick. Please don't whip me. I'm sorry. Believe me I was just as confused then as you are now. You are my friend and I love you, please believe me, if I had known then, I would have told you. Alex, well...' I gaze into Alex's eyes and they smile back at me, '...he's...he's made me see who I really am.'

'You could have told me. I mean, how hard can it be to come out to a gay guy like me?'

'I'm sorry, Pat. I promise there'l be no more secrets from my side.'

'I'll hold you to that.'

Jean lifts her brow, 'Are you going to come out as a gay man to the team? To your parents?'

Alex takes the words out of my mouth, doesn't allow me to reply, 'Not yet. In good time. I think he wants Greece, first.'

Time. I check the time and realise that if we don't leave now, I'll be kicked off the team for Saturday's race in Cape Town. As we leave, Jean glances my way, 'By the way, your face has healed beautifully. Another thing, you guys don't mind if I visit every now and then, do you?'

'Erm...Alex and I don't...'

Alex completes the sentence for me, 'Of-course you can. Anytime.'