Even Stars Die - 13. Chapter 13

Have you ever awoken to a clear, azure sky, clearer than the day before? It immobilises. Have you ever heard birds singing and recall each whistle in your head like a song you've never heard? It's penetrating. Have you ever comforted yourself with the fullness of true love? The greatest love of all? Its rare. I have. Thursday morning is such a day. I wake feeling energised like never before with Alex beside me. I'm drowning in the strength of his love. It is the end of yesterday. It is the beginning of life. We lie in, silently facing each other, our fingers wrap, our noses touch. We don't need to make love. We are love. The aroma of our love making throughout the night lingers in the sheets. The juice of his mouth sparkles on my tongue.

'Thank you.' I whisper.

'I should thank you, for coming into my life.'

'Thank you for letting me taste you. I've never experienced it before.'

He stares at me with surprise behind his gaze,'You mean the blowjob?'

I nod. 'The first time ever. Your flesh in my mouth was like heaven opening. I could get used to it.'

He smiles, then giggles and kisses my nose. I expect him to say something like, stick around, you'll get used to it, but he doesn't.

    * * *

'I'm going to miss you,' he says. 'But I've told you that.'

'Not as much as me.'

I wish he could join me. I feel the suggestion should come from him. It's eating me up that he doesn't say anything. I mean, Cape Town, man, that is the most romantic setting. Table Mountain in the background lit up at night, the two of us sharing a bottle of Cape wine. Wine did I say? Coach will flip from here to eternity. I'm selfish. This is a track event, not a romantic interlude. He knows and I know that if I want London 2012, I have to do this on my own. But he has these powers and he could easily will me to win. Unlike roids, no one will ever know.

I hand him my blades to pack into their designer casing and he shakes his head with a smirk on his face.

'What?'

'You know I can't do that. I mean, I can, but I won't.'

'What?'

'Help you win.' After packing the blades he straightens out, gazes into my eyes.

'You're reading my mind.'

'I can't help it. Your mind is wide open.' His tongue flicks my lips and in an instant I'm aroused.

'Nooooo. Don't, Alex. please.'

'What? Read your mind?'

'Yes and this...' I reach out with my hand and gently touch his manhood through his trousers. 'You drive me up the wall.'

He laughs softly, 'I know. That's why I do it.'

'When I get back we'll have the whole week to ourselves.'

His lips close in on mine and he whispers, 'A whole week, here, with me? I'll keep you to that.'

It's a soft, sweet, lingering kiss that leaves a dollop of moisture on my lips. He pulls away, 'Time to get you to the airport.'

'Just one last thing. I have to pack toiletries, and I don't have any.'

He walks into the bathroom on suite, singing. 'It just so happens that I have everything you need.' He returns with the same brand of deoderant that I use, same toothpaste, same blue toothbrush, four grey towels, the same brand of hair shampoo, and Arnica massage oil that I use on my thighs.

'And this?' I point at the mound he's dumped onto the bed.

He shrugs, crunches his chin. 'I know what you like. Bought them day before yesterday.'

'You'll never stop surprising me, will you?'

'Nope. So while you pack the toiletries in, I'll get these down to the car.' He reaches for the blades and my one bag of luggage and heads for the front door.

Times like these I wish I didn't have to go. I could stay in bed with him for eternity. The front door opens and closes, footsteps down the stairs. My life has changed for the better since Alex came into it. I don't know how I survived without him. I know that the now, the present, is the most important part of living, and I am living.

A shout bordering on a scream reaches my ears. I freeze for an instant. Cold skin. Hair on end.

I'm running down the steps, turning into the garage.

I'm met with utter chaos.

The car is there, but the windows, the headlights, the bonnet and the boot have been smashed.

'Fuck!' He runs his hands through his hair, 'I should have seen this coming. Fuck! Fuck!'

'Oh my god! This is Marx's work isn't it?'

'It was someone he paid to have this done. Here's a note, I found it on the broken windscreen.'

I unfold the white sheet of paper and read:

YOU LIKE LEGLESS MEN. YOUR LEGS ARE NEXT PANSY

The blood drains from my face. My fingers tremble. My forehead burns. 'Alex, I'm not going.'

'Yes you are big guy. You have no say in this. Let them come. I'll be ready.'

'They'll kill you. I don't want to end up with a dead lover. I don't want this to happen to you on my account. I'm staying.'

'No! Keegs, look at me.'

I know his power. If I look at him he'll make me go. 'No. Please Alex, I can't go now. I love you too much to lose you. They won't stop.'

He takes my face into his hands, 'Keegs. Look at me. Look at me!'

Slowly my gaze meets his. 'You have to go. This is your moment, not mine. I'll sort it out. They don't know what I can do.'

I slump onto the luggage, 'Please Alex, don't make me go.'

He leans over and grabs my shoulder,'I won't. But you have no option. In just over five hours you will be in Cape Town, and all this will be over.'

'How can I perform when all this is happening? I expect to see headlines announcing something bad, or a phone call telling me you're in hospital. I'll never forgive myself if anything bad happens to you.'

He sits beside me, one arm over my shoulders, silent at first. There's something missing in that silence. It's as though he's not there and I can't imagine what my life would be like if he wasn't there.

'Nothing is going to happen to me. Okay, I'll make a deal with you. There are a couple of things I must do for my folks tomorrow, but I'll fly out tomorrow night to be with you. I won't pursue this. Like a good lad I'll let this go. Do we have a deal?'

He did it! He wants to be with me. A smile wraps me in its warmth.

'Promise?'

'Cross my heart big guy.'

He leans into me, lips softly touching mine. Now, I know I'll perform. Just the thought of him being there makes it so.

'Did you call Jean?' He asks, pulling away from me.

'No - why?'

'She's on her way. In fact she should be here any moment. Like now.'

And sure enough, she pulls up into the drive and pumps the hooter at us.

'What the hell happened?' Her eyes widen when she sees the damaged car. She runs around it, palms on her cheeks.

Both of us are silent.

'Marx!' She answers her own question.

I shrug. 'Can't say for certain.'

'Only he's capable of this. I heard about what happened. The steroids and de Beer. That's why I'm here.' She hugs me, then Alex.

Taking another look at the damage on the car, she shakes her head, 'Marx is such a prick. Someone ought to teach him a lesson. I should have reported it to the police when you were in the infirmary.'

    * * *

The airport is a hive of permanent activity. The first person to greet us is Coach. He waves from a distance and gestures for us to join him. The team is with him. Marx is nowhere to be seen.

'Mansfield, glad you could make it. I hope you're ready for this.' He smiles at me, nods at Alex and Jean.

'Okay. I have boarding passes for you, myself, and the rest of the team. You need to get uyour luggage through and join us the moment you can. We leave in 45 minutes, so there might just be time for a refreshment.'

I finish quickly at the weigh in counter and rejoin the team in a cafetaria upstairs. Everyone seated close to not take up too many tables. Alex has ordered me a large orabge juice.

'Okay, everyone. Quiet.' Coach announces. 'As you can tell, Marx is not with us. I'm sure you all know the reason by now. We tested him for steroid abuse and found that he is pumped with the stuff. Now let me tell you all, I will not tolerate liars and cheats. We do things above board and we don't get into trouble. Anyone not understand English here?' He turns to me and smiles,'I had a meeting with the team this morning and explained your status.' He turns to the team, 'What do we say to honesty and teamwork, guys?'

The team crowded around me and sang, 'Hip, hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! We don't care if keegan is gay!' At the top of their voices.

Alex closes in on me and smiles, takes my hand and squeezes. Jean's face lights up. Coach gives me a gentle pat on the pack. 'Thanks guys. This is really special. Thank you so much.'

I could have sworn the entire airport came to a standstill and all eyes focused on me in that instant.

Alex whispers in my ear. 'I told you there was nothing to worry about. Your guardian angel must love you.'

Coach raises his voice. 'That's settled then. We'd better get moving.'

The team and Coach move away from us and I hug Jean, 'Don't fret now,' she says, 'I'll be looking after this dude of yours. He's in safe hands.'

Alex moves into my arms, hugs me. 'I'll see you tomorrow night. Be sure there's someone at the airport to meet me. I love you.'

'Tomorrow night. Can't wait.'

I collect my hand luggage off the floor, and walk away from them. Suddenly I remembered something. Turning, I find Alex and Jean holding onto each other.

'I love you.'

His mouth forms the words, 'I love you so much.'

He's crying.