Even Stars Die - 6. Chapter 6

Friday is overcast and raining.

I feel rotten about leaving Alex. He leans against the door post and watches me pack my few belongings into his black kit bag.

'Are you sure you'll be okay? What I really mean is, do you want to do this?'

'I don't want to do this, but I have to. I can't bare the thought of not being able to run, and I have to go home. You know If I could stay I would, but I can't, Al. I want to stay. My parents, they'll worry.'

I turn to face him and he's standing right behind me, his face riddled with anguish and sorrow, 'I'm going to miss you, Keegan Mansfield. These last two days have been like a dream for me.'

He touches my face, his words are sincere. I can feel the loss in them. 'I ... I loved every second of it. Just being with you. I wish I could have this everyday.'

His lips brush against mine, and at that moment I am ready to unpack, but I know it cannot be. I must return home.

'I...I don't want you to go, Keegs.' He clasps my face in both hands, 'I'm so afraid that I'll never see you again.'

'Of-course you will. How can you say something so stupid?'

'I don't want to lose you, not now that I've found you.'

'I promise you will see me again, Al. The moment I get home I'll text you, and every hour after that.'

'Promise?'

'Cross my heart.'

    * * *

I enter the change rooms and before long there's a crowd around me, wishing me well, and it's so good to have you back. Marx doesn't approach me, remains on his bench, staring at his locker. I glance his way now and then, but he doesn't budge. I know it's guilt, but then, we have never been real friends, so it doesn't surprise me that he keeps his distance. Then I notice something, the team is not complete. I realise it's Conrad Smit. He's not here.

'Where's Conrad?'

Just then, Coach enters and answers for me, 'He's off the team. I told you last week that one or two members will be kicked off the team. Unfortunately it was Conrad. And you, young man, what the hell are you doing here. I thought I told you take a rest?'

'I'm not up to resting Coach.'

'Well, there won't be much running today. The rain has seen to that. Maybe tomorrow, so be prepared. Tomorrow's times will count for the Cape Town Golden Track event. Now get on home and do what it is you guys do on a Friday. Mansfield, I want to talk to you.'

I remain behind. Coach approaches me with that attitude look on his face. 'How are you getting home?'

'Patr...' I stop. He's supposed to pick me up but in that moment I don't want him to. I want to be with Alex.

'I have no idea, Coach. Patrick usually picks me up after practice, but today's rather early so I'll have to wait.'

'Well, I can't have you wait here, not in your condition. I'll give you a ride home. Get your bag.'

'That's not necessary coach. I'll be fine. I can take a taxi. Thank you anyway.'

'Listen to me, pighead. You're still arrogant and full of attitude. I'm going your way, have family to visit. You aren't going to have sleepless nights because I offered you a lift, will you?'

I stare at him and realise he's human. For the first time his caring side comes through and it overwhelms me. 'Thanks Coach - but I'm not going home straight away. There's something I need to do, and it's out of your way.'

'No it isn't. Where do you need to be?'

    * * *

He drops me off at Alex's front gate and I see two cars in the drive. Alex could do one of two things; invite me in, or ask me to leave.

'You want me to wait for you?'

'No thanks, Coach. See you tomorrow afternoon. Everything will be okay from here. Thanks for the lift.'

I watch as he turns the next corner, and I feel absolutely alone. For a moment I stare at the windows of Alex's house, wondering if I should be doing this or not.

Instinct tells me to go ahead. Climbing those twelve steps have never been harder. I want to turn back but something keeps pushing me forward. Three knocks on the door. A wait that seems like a million years. The door opens.

Alex stands there half naked.

'Keegs. How did you get here? It's pouring with rain, man.'

Before I am able to say one word, a voice from inside the house shouts out, 'Hey big guy! Shall we do lunch somewhere...?' The voice comes closer to the door.

Another guy without a shirt.

I step back, a little wobbly at first.

I turn and flee down the steps, without tripping.

I'm in the rain and running away from the worst nightmare possible.

I should have known it was too good to be true.

I hear him shouting for me to stop but my feet won't.

He's behind me and I know I can outrun him but he seems to have an angel pushing him forward.

And then it happens.

I slip on the pavement two houses away.

Suddenly he's grabbing my hand, pulling me up.

'Keegs, what the hell are you doing? Why are you running away?'

I can't answer. He should know. I'm not used to this kind of thing.

He sees my emotions and holds me tight. My throat constricts.

'Why are you running away?'

At last I blurt out, 'I should never have come. I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't know you had company.'

'Company? That's Rodger, my brother. My brother, Keegs.'

He takes my wet face into his hands and stares into my eyes. I am too dumbstruck to comment. I stare into his wet face, those beautiful eyes that kissed my life the other day, and he laughs.

I close my eyes as tears gush out onto my face, mingling with the cold rain.

'He's with me for the afternoon. He just turned up without warning. His clothes are wet and drying out in front of the heater. You think we...You're bleeding. Come on, lets get you to the house, fix your elbow.'

He takes my hand, places it around his waist and walks me up the steps. 'You won't believe how happy I am to see you. I can't get you out of my mind.'

Inside, he introduces me. Rodger's bigger than Alex, a lot more hair. And while Alex washes my grazed elbow, we get to know each other a little more.

'You didn't tell me you had an older brother.'

Rodger laughs, 'Why would he? I don't exist most of the time. Believe me, he's no angel. Although I will say one thing about him, when he gives his heart to someone, he gives his mind, body and soul. He can't stop talking about you. From the moment I arrived all he's been talking about is how this special guy has come into his life and for the first time in years I can see how happy he is.'

'Shut the fuck up, bok gesig'. (Buck face)

'He told me how you guys met and you're an athlete. That makes a difference. Most of the guys in his life have been losers. Total morons.'

'Enough Rodger!'

'C'mon big guy, face it, if you let Keegs slip out of your fingers, you're a bigger moron than I thought.'

Alex smiles and whispers in my ear; 'He likes you.'

I feel comfortable. I learn that Rodger's son suffers from epilepsy and I feel a lot less inhibited about my own handicap. Alex ran away from home when he was seventeen and started a band almost immediately. Rodger's quite impressed with his brother's achievements.

Alex cuddles next to me and his warmth is welcome. Soon, the time comes for Rodger to leave. He's glad he's met me and his last, parting words are profound and soothing in a way. At the car he turns to me and says, 'All I ask is that you don't hurt Alex. He's just a kid, and I'm glad he's found someone like you.'

I nod and within minutes he's gone.

The excitement of the morning is overpowering and the moment we're inside the house I can't keep the sexual tension in any longer. Our mouths meet and he pushes me up against the wall, tearing my clothes off.

My hands shake as I unbuckle his trousers. He kicks off his shoes. I throw my shirt aside. The husky smell. The wet tongue.The hair on his chest. The muscles of his upper arm. We grope and clutch, feel skin, embrace, and fall into each other like there is no tomorrow.

The passion lasts for hours, and when it's over he touches my face, runs his fingers along my nose and neck, smiles at me and says, 'I'm never going to let you go. I never want to be without you.'

My stomach grumbles, not through hunger, rather through some unrealistic expectation that this is the start of life itself. His fingers tickle my back and I'm comfortable in the thickness of his arms.

My mind is calm. There is no regret. I don't want to leave him. I want to stay like this, in his arms, feeling his powerful, naked body, and the hardness of his manhood against mine, forever.

We talk, we make love, talk some more and make love again and suddenly its Saturday morning. I manage two hours sleep and on waking, finding myself in his bed, in his arms, I am at first disoriented.

The reality of the situation hits me right between the eyes: What the hell am I doing here? I should've been home. Lying awake in my own bed, alone, thinking of Coach and the team and running.

I'm out of his arms and dressing in a flash. He grumbles, wakes up and smiles at me.

'Hey sexy man. Where are you going? Come back to bed.'

'Can't. Got to get to practise. Coach will be worried sick.'

He climbs out of bed and for some reason I can't bring myself to lock my eyes onto his beautiful naked body. He stops me from dressing, takes me in his arms and kisses me gently.

'Just another hour. Stay with me, please. Practise only starts at two this afternoon.'

'I've got to get home...my parents they...'

'They get to see you every day. They get to spend more time with you than anyone else. All I'm asking is for another hour with you.'

He has a point. Two points including the activity between his legs.