Even Stars Die - 9. Chapter 9

Alex opens my door and takes me by the elbow, 'It's okay, I can do this.' I remind him.

He steps back immediately, 'Sorry. I'm always helping my dad. Instinct.'

He takes my head in his hands and kisses my forehead just as a car passes..

'Thank you,' he whispers.

'What for?'

'For coming back.' He kisses me on the forehead again, then takes my hand and leads me up the steps.

The house has the unmistakeable aroma of roasted chestnuts. I notice, for the first time that he smells chestnutty too. The smell of Christmas. He heads towards the kitchen and offers coffee. I politely accept.

'You know that I'm going to phone you every day, don't you? You know that I'm going to message you on the hour every hour.'

I smile at him, 'You know that if you don't, I'm going to be angry.'

'You know I will never delete those messages. Sugar?' He holds up the sugar bowl.

'You are such a romantic. No sugar.

'Cool. I have two teaspoons. Well, I have the perfect man with whom I can be romantic.'

His words comfort me like a warm blanket. Romance is the one thing I have avoided. I see people falling in love and breaking up. I see them marry and divorce. I don't want that. Whomever I fall in love with is stuck with me forever. That's a lot to ask for, I know. I don't expect ringing bells, or flowers. Maybe a silver commitment ring will do.

'Stop thinking so hard, Keegs. That V shape on your forehead is showing. Drives me crazy when you do that.'

The kettle whistles, taking it up, he decants the water into white mugs and hands one to me. Watching me, he sips slowly, 'Would you do something for me tonight?' His lips are full, turned into a smile. Moving closer, he touches my cheek with the back of his hand. 'Will you take off your prostheses before we climb into bed?'

'It's difficult for me to do that. I don't want you to be put off by the way I am without them.'

'Just tonight. Please.'

'I'll feel awkward.'

'You won't put me off. You can never do that. And I will never make you feel awkward. Will you do that, for me?'

'Only for tonight.'

'One night.'

I sometimes sleep with them on, but there are times when I must take them off, especially when they irritate my stumps. With mug in hand, he moves towards the curtain, but before drawing them, he hesitates.

'What's wrong?'

He shakes his head, 'There's a car parked in the street. It looks like someone is in it, watching the house. Take a look.'

He moves away for me to see, and sure enough, there is a car. The moment I get to the curtain, the lights turn on and the car speeds away.

'Anyone you know?'

I shrug. 'Beats me. It's too dark, I couldn't really see.'

'Anyway, it's gone now.' He draws the curtain.

I lied. I could see. It leaves me cold because I know exactly who it is. If I tell him, our night will be ruined. It hasn't been the best of nights, and divulging that information will only make it worse.

'You look tired. I think it's time for bed.' He takes my hand, leads me down the passage to his room and pushes me gently onto the bed, lowers himself onto me, stretches my arms above my head. 'Does it hurt?' Referring to my injuries.

'Not tonight. God, where have you been all my life? Two weeks ago we never knew each other. Now it feels as though the whole world is a better place because you're in it.' My eyes gaze into his for a long time. Silence. His mouth gently meets mine and my heart skips a beat. There are butterflies in my tummy. We kiss gently, and I can feel his hardness pumping beneath our clothes.

'No,' he says. 'Tonight I want to be with you. No sex, no lust. Just you and me, holding each other. Do you mind?'

'Mind?' I whip myself from under him, 'Of-course I mind. I want sex, sex and more sex. Damn! How can you not know?'

He buries his face in his hands. 'Oh, fuck. I've done it again...I'm sorry. If you want sex, then sex you will have...'

I place my hands on his shoulders, 'I'm kidding. Just being with you is enough for me.'

He releases a sigh of relief, and flops down on the bed, rolling away from me. 'Don't do that! You know how much I want you.'

'Now it's my turn to say sorry. Hey, time for me to remove my legs.'

'That sounds so funny - would you mind if I removed mine as well?' I don't believe he has just said that, I flop onto the bed, laughing hysterically.

'Hmmm. I knew you'd like that.'

'Alex Meyer, you will be the end of me.'

I bend down to remove the straps connecting me to the prostheses, but he grabs my hand and holds it above my head. 'Allow me, please.'

His fingers release the straps without effort and he places the prostheses on the floor at the bottom of the bed. He removes my shirt, trousers and under shorts, folds them neatly and places them on the middle shelf of his cupboard.

I watch as he undresses. Mesmerised by the rippled muscles of his tummy, the hard bulge of his upper arms. His skin has a shine I've never seen before.

'You are so beautiful.' I adjust my body so that my head reaches the pillow.

Climbing in beside me, he says, 'Flattery will get you everywhere.'

His hands begin at my head, move through my hair, touches my neck, eyes and mouth. His fingers explore my chest and abdomen; move down towards my groin, upper thigh, around the curve of my stumps, and all the way back to my head. His fingers are so light, my body trembles from the tickle.

'Can I ask you something?'

'Go for it.'

'When will I meet your folks?'

He whispers, 'Soon, Keegs. Very soon. Now I have a question for you. Why is it that Jean is following us?

I catch my breath. 'I don't know. Listen, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you earlier. I didn't want to ruin our night. Enough has happened.'

'I won't allow anyone to ruin our night. Not even you succeeded in that. She's in love with you, Keegs.'

'Is that what you call it? I think it's called stalking.'

'Promise me that you will tell her, soon.'

'Tell her what?'

'That you're gay.'

His eyes emplore me and there's a distinct sadness in them. I touch his face. I am loved. I am.

'I promise. I'll talk to her in the morning.'

Without another word, he cuddles into me.

'Alex?'

'Yep.'

'Is it okay if I stay here tomorrow?'

He squeezes me tighter, and although it hurts a little, I don't moan.

'I'd like that very much.'

I fall asleep with one profound question turning over and over in my mind.

How did he know it was Jean?