The Letter: A Christmas Tale - 1. Story

It felt like five miles tonight; the walk from home to the local grocery store but it was only five minutes. The weather was closing in and Wil had only put on his thin jacket. He pulled his jacket tighter while peering upward at the clouds, thinking, ‘Not too bright buddy. Guess we’re in for some snow.’

Wil walked through the store picking up milk, bread and candy bars. ‘Perfect for a night of sulking alone.’

***

Truth was Wil had been alone a lot lately. Not through his own choice. Davis had left a month ago, after a three-year relationship. Why? There hadn’t been much of an answer when he asked Davis.

“Wil there’s no one else. This – you and me – just isn’t working.” Davis sat on the sofa, in their living room.

Wil stared. ‘Too bad you didn’t say that last night when you were up my ass,’ he thought. “Davis I don’t understand. I thought we had a future; we had plans.”

Davis walked over and hugged Wil. “Look babe, I’m so sorry okay? I just need more than this. I’ve decided to move to Hawaii. Alone.”

“Hawaii? Why there?” Wil wanted to cry, to scream, no, he really wanted to slap Davis.

“I have a job.”

“Just like that? You never thought about saying anything? Taking me with you?” Wil pulled out of Davis’ arms. “You’ve been plotting this for a while, you fucking prick.”

“Look Wil. You’re a good guy – just not enough for me. I’m sorry. I packed my stuff earlier. I’ll leave now.”

Wil sat in silence as Davis brought down cases and bags. Watched as Davis pulled on his coat and carried his things out to his car. Watched as Davis walked over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, and then handed him an envelope. Watched as Davis left their home for the final time; the click of the door locking was as loud as gunshot, and as final.

Then and only then, Wil allowed himself to cry.

*** 

Jimmy, the cashier at the Corner Market smiled as Wil put his purchases on the counter. “Getting cold, isn’t it? And only a few weeks to Christmas.” Jimmy scanned the few objects and packed them.

Wil had grunted in acknowledgement. He didn’t feel much like talking. Instead he looked busy reading the magazines on the stand next to the counter. He picked up one called G-Boyz, liked the look of cover model and purchased it on a whim.

As he scanned it, Jimmy looked at Wil and said in a conspiring whisper, “You know this is a gay mag, right?”

Wil smiled. “I know, I’m gay.”

Swallowing noisily, Jimmy turned red and smiled uncomfortably. “Oh, I see. Okay. Well, that will be $27.89, please.”

Wil handed over $30.00 and mentally shook his head. ‘It’s not catching dude.’

“Thank you. Have a good night.” Smiling as he accepted the change and picked up his packages, Wil forced himself back out into the worsening weather.

Just as he thought he’d lose his ears to frost-bite, Wil opened his front door and closed it carefully. He no longer let it close itself, loathing the loud click that had been the last sound in his relationship with Davis.

In the bright kitchen, he turned on the radio just in time to hear the announcer say, ‘Only another month to Christmas.’

“Yippee,” Wil said to no one. “Yip-fucking-ee.” He put away the milk and placed the bread in the ex-broom closet that was now a small pantry. He started a pot of coffee and put his stash of candy bars on the table. He chose to ignore his brain’s warning: if you eat those you’ll get fat and you’ll still be alone!

“Huh, thin and alone, or fat, full of chocolate and alone?” Will chose the latter.

While he waited for the coffee, Wil sat at the tiny kitchen table looking at his magazine. It was full of gorgeous men of all nationalities and in all states of dress. Or undress. A ghost of a smile passed his lips.

He opened his first chocolate bar and ate it while he flipped through the magazine. Wil got his coffee and returned to the table for the next chocolate bar and pretended to read an article on what to wear to the beach while he ate it.

Halfway through, he dropped the candy and put his head on his arm. ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ Sighing, he raised his head and continued to read.

Turning to the last page, he scanned over the ads on the back. One caught his eye and he read it slowly: Lonely? Call 1-555-434-5656. Talk to your perfect date. First call free! 24/7!

“Oh no, Wil. No you will not go there.” He left the open magazine, the half-eaten chocolate bar and undrunk coffee on the table. “Fuck it. I’m going to bed.”

Turning off the radio, he gave a moment’s notice to the envelope Davis had given him tucked behind it, dismissed it, and then turned off all the lights. Slowly he climbed the stairs up to the bedroom he’d shared with Davis. He switched on the light and walked to his side of the bed.

Wil looked at it. “This is my fucking bed now and I can sleep where I want.” He marched over to the other side and pulled off his clothes; then he walked naked to the ensuite to brush his teeth.

Staring into the mirror he wondered again for the thousandth time why this had happened. Three years; they’d had fun, planned a shared life, swore to be each other’s and wanted to marry. ‘Then the fucker decides to move to Hawaii … why, what was there?’

“It doesn’t matter does it?” Wil checked his face. “He’s gone and he’s not coming back. You need to forget him. Fuck! No chance for one of those either!”

‘Just go to bed!’ Wil thought angrily.

“Fine, okay.” Wil returned to bed and crawled in still naked and he shivered between the cool, crisp sheets. He touched his dick and played gently with his balls. Used to sex on a regular basis, he missed it. His hand traveled up the shaft of his cock, and then back down. Jimmy, the grocery clerk, slipped into his thoughts. He was cute, about twenty-two, he was muscular, full-lipped; Wil thought about Jimmy stealing a kiss, and then taking him right there on the check-out counter. Then, Jimmy’s face was hijacked by Davis’, and that was the end of his hard-on.

“Oh, fuck it.” Will turned over, snuggled into the blankets and closed his eyes.

Sleep did come, but it was haunted with memories of Davis, flashes of Jimmy and volcanos erupting. As lava almost trapped him, Wil awoke with a gasp, soaked in sweat and panting. “Jesus.” He sat up and switched on the bedside lamp.

Swinging his legs over, Wil let the cool air soothe his sweating body. Standing up he pulled back the drapes and saw the first snow starting to fall. “Great.”

‘I’m gonna shower and make some warm milk and read my skin mag.’ Wil turned on the water in the shower and stepped in. He stood under the warm stream and washed away all the sweat. ‘Wish I could wash away Davis, too.’

***

While the milk warmed in the microwave, Wil cleaned up the table and threw out the partially eaten candy and put the rest in a cupboard. Beeping indicated the end of the cycle and Wil removed the steaming mug, stirred it and sat at the table. He sipped and looked at his magazine, but he was drawn back to the ad on the back cover.

“Would it hurt to try it?” he said to the book. “I’m fucking lonely. Be nice to just talk to someone.”

Wil went into the living room. He didn’t come in here often; there were too many memories of Davis. ‘No, I’ll go up to bed, use the phone there.’

He crawled into bed and looked again at the ad. ‘Just do it, Wil!’ Dialing the phone, Wil felt his heart beat increase. ‘Oh good grief, what am I doing? Hang up!’

It was too late; the call was connected. A woman’s voice answered. “Lonely Hearts, can I help you?”

Wil couldn’t speak. His mouth just opened and closed.

“Hello? Are you there?”

“Um, hi, yes.” Wil managed at last. “I saw your ad. I’m not sure how this works.”

“Well, in what magazine did you see our ad?”

“Oh, um G-Boyz.” Wil felt himself blush. ‘Oh, this was such a bad idea.’

“So you’d like to speak to a man? Is that right?” The woman’s voice was kind.

“Yes, please.” ‘Let me just crawl away….’

After taking a few particulars, and his credit card number – which Wil had run downstairs naked for – the operator connected him to someone.

“Hello, you’ve got Morgan.” The voice was pleasantly deep.

“Oh hi, I’m Wil.”

“Hi Will, how are you?” Morgan’s voice sounded disinterested.

“I’m okay thanks. How are you? You sound bored.”

“Oh, do I? Sorry. I’ll do better.”

“So … have you been doing this for a long time?”

“A little while. So, what are you looking for? We doing oral, or the full monty?”

Wil sounded confused. “What?”

***
 

On the other end of the line, Morgan Roth was bored. He was tired of talking to horny men. The latest guy, Morgan looked at his notes – Will – seemed different, not the usual caller.

“Well Will, usually guys that are calling are looking for phone sex. So a blowjob or intercourse. What can I help you with, stud?”

“Oh, oh no. I mean, I just wanted to talk … you know.”

Morgan blinked. “Seriously? You want to talk?”

“Yes. I just wanted some company.”

“Okay. So you’re lonely?”

“Yeah, I am.”

‘Whatever. Him talking – is easy duty.’ Morgan sat back and put his feet up. “Okay, so why are you lonely, Will? I mean you sound nice; no boyfriend?”

“No, not any more. He dumped me after three years and a house.”

“Wow, that’s pretty shitty. I’m sorry...” Morgan adjusted his earpiece. “So, any reason why? You guys fighting, or what?”

“Nope, he just sprung it on me. Out of the blue. Said he was going to Hawaii alone for some job.”

Morgan shook his head. ‘For a blowjob most likely; attached to something tall, dark and handsome,’ he thought. “Hey, I’m really sorry for you. That is awful.”

“Yeah, thanks. So, I was trying to sleep and couldn’t, so I thought I’d call.”

Morgan was beginning to feel sorry for Will, and interested all at the same time. They had been speaking for nearly an hour when Morgan got a reminder on his computer. He needed to get Will off the phone to ensure his quota was met.

“Will, look I’m really sorry, but our calls are timed. I need to move on.”

“Oh, sure. I understand.”

“I enjoyed it. Look, if you want to talk again. Just call back and ask for Morgan. Sorry, but you’ll have to pay for the call.”

“Yes, of course. Thanks Morgan. It was nice talking to you.”

Morgan smiled. “And you. Have a good night.”

Morgan disconnected the call and found himself wondering what Will looked like, and if he’d hear from him again.

***

Calling Morgan became the highlight of Wil’s days. It was also getting expensive at $15.00 an hour. Their simple discussions had become more and more personal and had started to include endearments and gentle words of desire. Wil felt an ache in his soul and a need for human touch that he couldn’t have with Morgan. Friday after work he decided to go out to the local bars to relax and dance.

Wil had dressed in his tightest jeans and a nice butter-yellow button down shirt. He looked in the mirror. ‘Not bad.’

In the bar, Wil was asked to dance by several nice looking guys. He enjoyed himself and being held again. The last guy, Silvio, suggested a rendezvous back at his place for another kind of rumba.

“Wil, come on, look how well we fit together.” Silvio writhed against Wil. He kissed Wil’s neck. “Come home with me, it’ll be fun. You’ll enjoy it, I promise.”

Wil didn’t enjoy it and decided not to spend the night, even with Silvio’s pleas. Pulling on his clothes, Wil called a cab. As he waited, Wil berated himself, ‘Idiot. God, he was the worst. Kissing Silvio was like making out with a mastiff. Gross.’

Sighing with relief when the cab drew up, Wil closed Silvio’s door and climbed in the back seat. He gave his address to the driver.

As the cab moved through the quiet streets Wil began to feel distressed. ‘Why did I do that? You are so sad Wil, god.’

Wil checked his watch, if he got home within ten minutes, he could give Morgan a quick call.

Wil then realized the driver was talking to him. “So, you got all your shopping done for Christmas?”

“Um. Yeah I do.” He hadn’t, but there was no one to buy for and nowhere to go.

The cab pulled up to the house; Wil paid the driver and went up to unlock the door. He hurried in, forgetting to close it and he didn’t hear the lock click. He pulled off his shoes and ran up the stairs two-at-a-time and threw himself on to the bed.

Wil grabbed the phone, hit 12 for Lonely Hearts, and listened to it ring. ‘Come on, come on.’

“Lonely Hearts, how may I help?”

“Morgan, please.”

“I’ll try him, one moment.”

‘Please, please be there.’ Wil wished fervently.

There was a short silence. “Morgan speaking.”

“Hi.”

“Will! Didn’t think you were gonna call me tonight. I missed you.”

‘Oh you don’t know how much I missed you!’ Will thought.

***

Morgan noticed immediately that Will sounded odd. “You okay, babe?”

“No, not really.”

His feet were off the desk in a flash, and Morgan sat up. “What’s wrong, Will?”

“Morgan, I did something stupid. Please don’t hate me.”

That didn’t sound good. “Just tell me.”

“I went dancing, met a guy and, oh fuck. I went back to his place. I just got home.”

Morgan’s heart dropped a little bit. He shook his head. ‘Will doesn’t belong to you, Morgan!’ he thought. “Not a good time?”

“No. I’m sorry.”

‘Huh?’ “Hey it’s okay. I mean, we aren’t together, Will.”

“I wish we were, Morgan.” There was a silence. “Do you think …?”

Morgan’s shift was over; he had five minutes to get off the call. “Ok listen. McDonald’s on Eastern and Peony. I’ll be there in thirty. Can you do that?”

“Yes, sure.”

“I’ll be wearing a green parka, and I have a neon orange laptop bag. I gotta go, Will. But I’ll see you there.”

***

Wil looked at the phone and his heart pounded. He called a taxi, quickly washed his face and pulled on a clean shirt. Hastily checking he had his wallet and keys, Wil slipped on his shoes and coat and waited for the cab.

‘Finally!’ Wil pulled open the door, closed it, and ran down the path. He opened the cab’s back door and slid into the back seat. He gave the driver the address and sat back. Snow was falling gently, and Wil would have thought it beautiful, if he hadn’t been so preoccupied.

He was angry with himself for sleeping with a virtual stranger, and at the same moment excited to meet the man he’d come to depend on.

The cab pulled into the McDonald’s parking lot. Wil paid the driver, got out, and looked at the restaurant’s door. Now he felt nervous, almost afraid to enter. ‘Just do it, Wil. It’s what you’ve been hoping for,’ he thought, frustrated at his own fear.

Taking a deep breath, he walked in the side door and paused to look around for the orange laptop bag. It was busier than expected and Wil felt a rising panic as he looked and saw nothing. He forced himself to move farther into the restaurant.

Then he spied it, a neon orange bag there at the back of the restaurant. Relief flooded through Wil, as he walked back. The man sitting with the bag had black hair, long, to his shoulders. He looked up as Wil drew near and confirmed the bag was for a laptop. A smile spread slowly and he started to rise. “Will?”

Wil noted Morgan was about 6-feet, average in build and had blue-gray eyes. “Morgan?”

Nodding, Morgan put out his hand. “Hello. It’s nice to finally meet you. Come and sit down.” He hadn’t let go of Wil’s hand and guided him to the seat across from him.

Morgan leaned forward, still holding Wil’s hand. The face across from him was handsome. Wil’s eyes were chocolate-milk-brown, and his mouth generous; Morgan wanted to kiss him. “How are you feeling? You were kind of upset on the phone.”

Wil shook his head, tears pooled in his eyes. “I was so stupid, Morgan.”

“Hey, Will, it’s okay.” Morgan covered Wil’s hand with his other. “You know, we all do things we wish we could change. Don’t beat yourself up.”

“Thanks Morgan. I was scared you wouldn’t want to talk to me.”

Morgan smiled, his eyes held Wil’s. “Let’s not do this, okay. We’ve finally met – something we said we wanted. Let’s enjoy being here, now, together.”

Wil nodded and squeezed Morgan’s warm hands.

Morgan leaned closer to Wil and said, “And I don’t know about you but I’m starving. Big Mac?”

“Yeah, and a chocolate milkshake?”

Standing up, Morgan grinned and replied, “Done! Be right back.”

***

After finishing their food, the pair sat and talked until the morning. The sun had started to rise.

Morgan was disappointed. “Look, sun’s coming up.”

Wil looked around. “Oh. Too bad. I guess we should go. Unless ….”

Bleary-eyed Morgan looked at Wil. “Unless what?”

“You want to come back to my place.”

“You think that’s a good idea?” Morgan looked a little bit brighter.

Nodding, Wil grinned and said, “Yeah, I think it is.” Wil pulled out his phone and called a cab. “You don’t have a car, do you, Morgan?”

“No, I got dropped off here last night.” Morgan reached over and took Wil’s hand. “You sure about this?”

Wil squeezed the strong hand he held and nodded.

***

Wil lay in Morgan’s arms; both were quiet, enjoying the afterglow of their lovemaking. Wil traced a finger from Morgan’s collarbone, down the centre of his chest, over the strong stomach and down the black treasure trail.

Morgan’s hand stopped him before Wil had reached his ultimate goal. “Where are you going?”

“Me?”

Morgan kissed Wil’s cheek. “You’re insatiable. Three times not enough?”

Wil laughed and snuggled closer to this wonderful man. “It’s you. I can’t get enough.”

“Well, I’m here Will. Let’s sleep a little okay. I’m a bit tired.”

Wil turned on his left side and Morgan pulled his lover’s body close; he covered Wil possessively with his arm.

***

Morgan explored Wil’s tidy little house while Wil fixed coffee and sandwiches.

“Wil,” Morgan said, as he entered the kitchen. “Your house is really nice.”

Smiling, Wil answered, “Thanks.”

“There’s one thing I noticed.”

“What?” Wil sounded concerned.

“Well, Christmas is next week. You have no tree? No decorations? Don’t you celebrate it?” Morgan sat at the kitchen table.

Wil put the plate of sandwiches on the table and then straightened. “Well, I’m on my own, and have no family. No reason to bother really.”

Morgan looked at Wil. He was beautiful, but sad and it touched Morgan deeply. ‘You’re in love, Morgan,’ he thought, surprised. He stood and pulled Wil into his arms and kissed him. Deeply. Passionately. Morgan felt Wil respond.

Wil looked into Morgan’s eyes, he saw love there and that gave him the courage to say, “If you’re going to be around. Maybe we could get a small tree or something.”

“Oh, Will.” Morgan couldn’t bear the disappointment in Wil’s eyes as he said, “I’m so sorry babe, but I’m going home for Christmas; back to Halifax.”

Wil turned away briskly and went to the fridge. ‘Do not fucking cry!’ He thought angrily, then turning back to Morgan said, “That’ll be nice. When are you going?”

“Wil, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be silly, Morgan. You deserve to see your family. You made plans before you knew me.”

Morgan sat at the table and shuffled through the stack of mail. “Wil?”

“Yes?” Wil had joined Morgan at the table and nibbled a sandwich.

“No. I thought your name was W-i-l-l, not W-i-l.”

“Oh yeah,” Wil smiled. “My name is Wilem, not William. I shorten it to Wil.”

“Hmm, cool.” Morgan reached for Wil’s hand. “Look, I’m sorry I won’t be here for Christmas, Wil. I’ll come back early. We can be together for New Year’s Eve.” He looked hopefully at Wil.

‘Let the poor guy off the hook, Wil.’ He squeezed Morgan’s hand and leaned in to kiss him. “That will be great, baby. It’s not your fault. I expected to be alone. I’ll go down to the mission and volunteer. Go to a film and then come home. Drink some spiked eggnog, watch TV and then sleep.”

“After we talk, right? I’ll phone you. Of course I’m gonna phone, Wil.”

“Yeah, after we talk. That would be great.” Wil smiled. “When are you leaving? Christmas is what, in four days?”

“Yeah, Tuesday. I’m actually leaving on Monday.”

‘Oh fuck!’ “So we have today and a bit of tomorrow together then.” Wil smiled and watched Morgan chew.

“Yeah we do. So let’s enjoy it okay?” Morgan looked at Wil, who nodded.

They went to a film and dinner, and afterwards returned to Wil’s and watched TV, then went to bed early. On Sunday, they both went to Morgan’s place. Wil helped him pack and they made love a couple of times.

After their shower, Wil decided it was best if he went home.

“Are you sure? You don’t have to, Wil.” They sat together on the couch in Morgan’s bright apartment. Wil snuggled into Morgan.

“I know, but I think it’ll be harder if I stay. I know I’m being silly. I know we’ll talk and I know you’ll be back soon ….”

Kissing Wil’s cheek, Morgan felt wetness there. “Oh, Wil. Please, please don’t cry baby. You know I love you, right?”

“Love?” Wil wiped his eyes and sat up. “Love?”

Morgan nodded. “Yes love. I’ve loved you for a while.” He pulled Wil into his arms and they just held on and rocked together. “I love you to smitherines, to the very bones of you.”

Wil had whispered I love you too, so softly, Morgan wasn’t sure he’d heard it.

***
 

Back at home, Wil wandered through the house, rattling around like a quarter in a tumble dryer.

‘Oh jeez, Wil, stop moping. Morgan said he’d call and he will. He’s coming back early just for you as well.’

“Yes, I know.” Wil spoke out loud. Needing some company, he put the radio on in the kitchen. He warmed some cold coffee in the microwave and sat down at the table. He picked up a pile of mail, but before he started to open it, he decided he was ready to open the envelope from Davis. He got to his feet and pulled it out from behind the radio.

Wil stared at the envelope and then tore it open. He was hit in the face with sandalwood, which had been Davis’ favourite scent. Wil smoothed the letter and read:

Dear Wil,

I know this has come as a surprise. I’m sorry. Truly I am. But the life we shared, well it wasn’t enough for me.

I it did this the way I did because I thought it would be easier than a long drawn out goodbye. Yes, I guess it was sneaky, but I honestly thought it would be better for us both.

Wil, I’ve been to the lawyer, about the house. You’ll find the papers here. You need to go in and sign them and the house, will be all yours. It’s the least I can do. Go and see the lawyer and sort it, please.

You were a good partner, Wil. It’s me who was dissatisfied and you’re going to be better off without me.

I hope you find a good guy. Someone who you can love and who loves you like you deserve.

Davis

Wil stared at the letter and sorted through the papers. The deed was there. ‘I better make an appointment and get this done. The house will be mine. I guess, thank you Davis ….’

Morgan called Wil later in the evening and when they said goodnight both were in tears.

Wil tried to sleep and finally got up to read when he couldn’t. His company shut down every year for Christmas week, so he was off; sleeping in didn’t matter.

It was about 11:00 a.m. when Wil heard pounding on his door. Then his cell phone rang. He reached for the phone. “Hello.”

“Wil?”

“Yes. Morgan?” ‘What time is it?’

“Wil, come and open the front door.”

“What?”

“Come down stairs and open the door.”

“Okay. I’ll hang-up and come down.”

Wil pulled on some track pants and trotted down the stairs. He pulled open the door. Morgan stood there smiling.

“Come in, I thought you’d … gone?” Morgan pushed past him, before Wil could finish his sentence.

“Come on.” Morgan pulled Wil upstairs.

Laughing, Wil managed, “Look, there’s no time for a quickie.”

“Not having one.” Morgan tossed a small suitcase onto the bed and went to Wil’s drawers. “Underwear, socks?”

“Wait, what is …?”

“Wil, we have a plane to catch. You need to pack.”

Wil stopped and he took ahold of Morgan. “Stop! What is happening?”

“You’re coming home with me, for Christmas. To Halifax. I called my folks and they said to just bring you. I changed my flight, booked tickets for us both. Now get a move on.”

Silent tears ran down Wil’s face. Morgan wiped them away with his thumbs. “Look. I know this is a surprise. I want them to meet you. Meet the guy I fell in love with over the phone. And I don’t want you here alone. Please come with me.”

Wil nodded as Morgan pulled him close and held him. “I love you, Wil. But let’s pack.”

***

Thirty minutes later they were in a taxi on the way to the airport.

Large white flakes fell gently, like soft white marshmallows. Once at the airport and out of the cab, with their luggage on a cart, the driver Hussain, shook their hands. “Merry Christmas,” he said to them.

“Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays,” they returned. Then arms linked, with bags in hand, they went home for Christmas, together.