Death is Not an Option - 12. Chapter 12

I had intended to go into the hospital at some point, just to check in on Isaac, but it is so rare that Katie and I have time off together that I didn’t get round to it and, to be honest, by three o’clock I had completely forgotten about Isaac. He was, therefore the last thing on my mind when I reached out for the receiver from where I was stretched out on the sofa with Katie in my arms.

“Richard. I’m really sorry to disturb you but... I thought you would want to know. Well... Isaac’s brother has turned up and... and I... Well I think you should meet him before he sees Isaac.”

“Why?” I sensed something in her voice, something strained, disapproving.

“Isaac has led a sheltered life Richard, in a religious community. It is abundantly clear that his brother... has not.”

“Ah.” I was right, there HAD been disapproval. That didn’t tell me much. Lovely though she was, Noreen, my secretary... ok to be precise the one secretary who serviced the entire psychiatry department... was... disapproving by nature. Isaac of course had captured her heart and imagination but she was able to find something in most people to disapprove of.

“Do you really think that he is likely to traumatise Isaac so much that he needs to be vetted by me before you let him see him?”

“He has brought his... partner with him.”

“And...?”

“It’s a man.” She said it as though it was the most shocking thing she had ever experienced, as if the very act of speaking the words was traumatic. It did, however, spark my interest quite significantly.

“I’ll be right there.”

I was grinning when I put down the phone.

“What has Noreen got a bee in her bonnet about this time?”

“And you tell me I read your mind.”

“I don’t need to... you have a special voice you use when talking to Noreen.”

“Do I?”

“Yes you do. It’s the same voice you try to use when you are humouring me about something or speaking to a six year old.”

“Clearly I am going to have to work on my range of vocal tones.”

“Clearly you do. So... what did Noreen have to say that has you all lit up like a candle?”

“Isaac’s brother has shown up. It seems as though he may be the answer to a prayer.”

“I don’t understand.”

“No. But you will.”

“Are you going in?”

“Noreen won’t let him past her until he has been vetted by me. She disapproves.”

“Noreen disapproves of everyone. The only reason she doesn’t disapprove of me is because she has never actually met me. I am sure that she disapproves slightly just because of that.”

“Slightly. She thinks you are not supportive enough. Women should take an interest in their man’s work, especially when they work in the same building.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Unfortunately no.”

“I can see that I am going to have to come up and have a word with her.”

“That is something that I look forward to with relish. But for now I have to go and save Isaac’s brother from Noreen.”

“Don’t be too long. Don’t forget it’s your turn to do dinner tonight.”

“We’ll get take away.”

“Oh no... that’s what we did last time it was your turn.”

“Do I let you starve woman?”

“No... but you are such a great cook.....”

“Stop fluttering those beautiful lashes at me. Tell you what... meet me at the hospital in an hour and I’ll take you out for a meal at that new Chinese that’s opened round the corner. You ring and make the reservations and I’ll pay AND I promise not to talk about work for the whole evening.”

“Don’t make promises you can't keep. Alright. I could do with an evening out. It’s a deal...IF you take me clubbing afterwards.”

“Clubbing? Er...”

She laughed, her beautiful eyes twinkling. “Don’t worry..... I was teasing. I am working at 6am and you are in at 8 so I don’t think tonight is optimum for clubbing, but a nice quiet meal sounds just the ticket.”

“Deal.”

I am still smiling when I arrive at the hospital. I go to speak to Dr Marsden first, and to the nurses who are caring for Isaac. It turns out to be Sandra and we havr a long chat before I head upstairs.

Noreen looks up when I enter the general office. She has that pursed lip look that she usually reserves for patients and nurses. “The... gentlemen... are in your office. They are becoming restless and demanding.”

I can imagine. “I hope you offered them refreshments.”

“I am not a waitress and this is not a cafe.”

Oh dear, what have they done to upset her? “I’ll go straight in then shall I?” Giving me a hard look over her glasses she goes back to her typing.

Smiling even more deeply I walk past her and open the door to my office. There are two young men sitting on the sofa. They are not what I would have expected Isaac’s kin to look like. They stand up immediately, with the slightly guilty expression that is worn by everyone who has been exposed to Noreen. She could make a saint feel guilty about something.

The taller of the two men, dark haired and dressed head to foot in leather strides forward and extends a hand, gloved with leather and heavy with silver.

“You must be Richard. We spoke on the telephone. I’m Jon, Isaac’s brother.”

“Jon, you have NO idea how pleased I am to see you.”

“How is my brother? I have been trying to find out but your secretary doesn’t seem to know... or at least isn’t telling. She doesn’t seem to like me.” He looks anxious, his handsome face serious and sincere. He does not look like Isaac, although there is a certain something about his manner, his expression, the look in his eyes that is reminiscent, and of course there is the height... Jon, too is over six feet, although broader than Isaac.

“My secretary doesn’t like most people... or at least she disapproves of them. Isaac’s doing well, better than we could have hoped. But he still has a lot of problems. He’s been very ill. There have been a few occasions we’ve thought we were going to lose him.”

“So you said yesterday. I know we didn’t have much time to talk then, so could you please fill me in on what has been going on? I have spoken to my mother and my grandmother and they would both have liked to be here. I thought that it would be best not to overwhelm Isaac to begin with so I suggested they hang fire for a while but the whole family is in uproar, they are all very excited about finding him after all this time.”

“I am very glad to hear that. If there is one thing that Isaac is going to need more than anything else it is feeling that he belongs somewhere.”

I motion Jon and his partner to sit and I flop in my own favourite chair.

“I’m sorry, I have been rather rude. This is Sean, my partner.” Sean smiles at me. He is shorter than Jon, most people would be, and blonde, with cat green eyes. He is also dressed mainly in leather, although there are bright splashes of colour in the purple scarf at his throat and the jewelled studs in his belt. My first impression is that he is ordinary, if a little plain... then he smiles.

It takes some time to fill them in on everything that has happened to Isaac. Jon remains silent, dropping in a question here and there but they both grow pale and their eyes widen with every incident.

“Shit. He’s been through the mill. He’s okay now though?”

“No. He’s not okay. Physically he’s taken a battering. His heart is weak and he’s still having seizures, not major ones but enough to present a risk. He’s getting stronger but it’s going to be a long road. He is going to need a lot of looking after and support, but he’ll get there.

“I am not involved with that side of his care. My concern is his mental health and, frankly, I am worried. He has been through so much in such a short time that it is hardly surprising that it has had a profound effect. He is in a lot of pain. He feels abandoned and alone.

“I don’t think that he is suicidal any more. In fact I am pretty sure that he isn’t, but he is fragile. He has been having extremely vivid nightmares, getting very stressed and waking up fighting. From a psychological point of view this is always concerning as it demonstrates some deep inner struggle. With Isaac it is even more concerning as it is putting strain on his heart. To some extent this is being, if not precipitated then at least exacerbated by the seizures but... I am concerned that he is suffering from the effects of deep psychological trauma. He’s struggling with something, that’s clear...the question is what. Given everything that has happened to him lately there are ample possibilities.”

“Thank you for being so open and honest with us. I hadn’t realised that things had been quite so bad for him. What’s he like?”

“Isaac? He is a very special person. I can’t begin to do him justice by trying to describe him to you. You’ll find out for yourself. One thing I should warn you of though... Isaac was brought up in a very sheltered religious community. He’s had his eyes opened since he’s been out in the world but, even though he fought against it at the time, you have to understand that Isaac’s upbringing was extremely conservative, to say the least.”

Joe frowns. He and Sean exchange glances. “Do you think... I mean... Sean and I are partners, I’m sure your secretary told you that. It seems that she had something of a problem with it. It never crossed my mind that Isaac might...”

“Trust me, Isaac is not going to have a problem with it. I am very certain of it.”

“You are?”

“Indeed I am... in fact I think it is the best thing that could have happened for him at the moment. As you may imagine, given his upbringing, Isaac has not had the opportunity for much sexual experimentation. Ruth is the only person he has been consistently close to and repeatedly alone with. Throughout their adolescence they spent a lot time alone together in the woods and mountains.

“Ruth has been in love with Isaac for a very long time and yet... nothing ever happened. Since being at the hospital Ruth has opened her heart to Isaac... and Isaac has told her that he loves her as a friend but nothing more. He spoke to me, briefly about the times he was raped in prison. He intimated that, although he appreciates it was an act of violence, of force and that he was not a willing participant, it provoked feelings in him that has made him question himself.”

“Isaac thinks he might be gay?”

“It is refreshing to speak to someone who gets right to the point and doesn’t talk around a subject. In a nutshell... yes.”

“You say... intimated. Have you spoken openly to him about it?”

“No. At the time he wasn’t in a place to do that and then the matter became overshadowed by events and he certainly hasn’t been in any condition to think of it let alone discuss it. But I think that this might be one of the issues he is struggling with. I have to say that when I got the message from Noreen about you two I said a silent prayer of thanks. I think you are EXACTLY what Isaac needs right now, in so many different ways.”

Jon looks at me, a thoughtful expression on his face. He is clearly a thoughtful man. He pinches his lip and frowns. “I can’t lie to you; this is difficult for me, for us. Isaac is my brother, but I don’t know him. I don’t know him at all. I have... considered his circumstances, the religious aspects, and it has concerned me. My family are... liberal, open minded and... somewhat unusual. I have had a moment or two of disquiet as to how he would take to us.”

“I don’t think you need worry about that. Isaac is not your typical... well he’s not a typical anything. Perhaps it’s time for you to meet him. I am afraid that I have plans this evening but I will be on duty first thing tomorrow morning so if there is anything you wish to discuss at that time then I would be happy to speak to you then.”

“There is a lot to be said about jumping in at the deep end. I suppose that nothing much you say to us, over and above the basics, is going to mean very much until we have met Isaac.”

“Very true. Are you ready?”

Again they exchange glances and both smile at the same moment, the same smile.

When we get to Isaac’s room I ask Jon and Sean to wait outside for a moment and slip in. Isaac is asleep. Jacob and Ruth are speaking quietly to each other in the corner, holding on, lost in their own world. They both look up in the same instant, wearing the same expression and they remind me somehow of Jon and Sean. Do Katie and I look like this to others, I hope so?

“How are you doing?”

“We’re fine thank you. Have you come to speak to Isaac? He’s asleep.”

“I know, I can see. How is he?”

“I don’t know. He had a really bad dream. They had to call the doctor. His heart was hurting and I think they were quite worried. He went back to sleep again and he’s been very quiet since. I don’t know if they... you know... put him to sleep again. The nurses are not here all the time any more so there has been no one to tell us, they’re always so busy.”

I smile. She looks very young and very tired. Jacob also looks exhausted. I forget that they have been through a lot too. Jacob has shadows around his eyes... he has been in pain.

“No. He isn’t sedated. All they have given him is pain relief, although that does make you sleepy too. He’s just exhausted. He is going to be weak for a long time. He is not going to be anything like normal for a good few days yet.”

“Oh. Ok.”

“I have a favour to ask you.”

“Anything. If it hadn’t been for you...”

“I want you to go home... both of you.”

Ruth’s eyes widen and she immediately shakes her head. “No. I can’t... I can’t do that. I can’t leave him here alone.”

“He’s not alone Ruth.”

“I know but....”

“No... you don’t know. Isaac’s brother is here.”

“His... his... brother? But... but he... he doesn’t...” she stammered, struggling with the words and their implications.

“It seems that he does. His father was married to someone else before he met his mother, when he was very young. He had two children and they remained very close, good friends. When he met and married Isaac’s mother she was welcomed into the family and became very close to Isaac’s grandmother and to his step siblings’ mother. They were all devastated when she became consumed with grief after his father’s death and ran away.

“It was not until some time later that they discovered she was pregnant and when they tried to contact her they came up against a brick wall.”

“Caleb,” she spat bitterly.

“Yes. They had no idea if the child had survived, if it was a boy or girl. They didn’t even know that Isaac’s mother was dead.”

“So how....?”

“It seems that Isaac made a very powerful friend here. He was kind to a little boy who was a patient. His grandmother happens to be a lawyer and she did some digging around and found them. He has a family Ruth. A grandmother, half brother, half sister, aunts uncles, cousins. He has a family.”

Ruth is wide eyed, tears flowing down her face. She is shaking and Jacob puts his arm around her.

“He’s gone. Isaac’s lost to us. He will never come back to the community now. Why would he? He has a family, a proper family, one who will love him and take care of him and never betray him, not like we did.”

“Ruth. You are Isaac’s closest friends. No matter where he goes from here, whatever happens he will not simply walk away from you. He won’t abandon you, won’t forget you.”

“Why not? We abandoned him.”

“Because that isn’t Isaac. It isn’t in his nature.”

“I know.” She buries her face in Jacob’s shoulder for a moment, then squares up and nods her head, trying to be brave. “I suppose we should go. We should let Isaac’s real family be with him.”

“Ruth. You are Isaac’s real family, the only family he has ever known. Yes, he has relations who are related to him by blood. But they have never met him, they don’t know him. They don’t have, and maybe never will have, the kind of bond that you have with him.”

“Maybe.”

“No maybe Ruth.... for certain. It may be that you and Isaac are not destined to be together. It may even be destined that you do not see each other very often but he will never abandon you, never forget you, never stop loving you in his own way.... both of you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am absolutely certain.”

Tearfully she nods and allows Jacob to lead her from the room. Before she goes she pauses at the side of the bed and touches Isaac’s face. He stirs and sighs in his sleep and she leans forward to kiss him gently before she finally turns and leaves. There is a heaviness in my heart. For all my encouraging words I know what she is going through. Something has just ended and she knows it.

I give them a few moments, hoping they take time to speak to the boys, not wanting to intrude. Then I open the door and call Jon and Sean inside.

I watch their faces as they set eyes on Isaac for the first time. They both register shock.

“That’s my brother? That’s Isaac?”

“It sure is.”

“He.... he is... like his mother, very like his mother. I... I have seen photographs of her. But... but there is something of my father in him too. I would have known him, I think, even if I didn’t know who he was. I didn’t think that he would be... that he would... He’s a bit of a surprise.”

“Yes... he is.” Sean reaches for his hand and squeezes it, is rewarded with a smile, a smile like Isaac’s which starts on the inside and shines outwards. “Would you like me to leave you alone?”

“Yes... please... if you don’t mind. I would prefer to speak to him on our own without...”

“Without some shrink analysing the conversation? I quite understand.”

They both laugh, the laughter lighting their eyes. I am happy to leave them alone with Isaac. I know he is in good hands.