Death is Not an Option - 6. Chapter 6

Apparently he had received a telephone call the previous day from a rather eminent City lawyer wanting to see Isaac’s criminal files, then a few hours later from a private investigator more interested in his personal information and then, that morning from the police telling him that they had re opened the case.

He was ringing to see if Isaac was up to attending court that afternoon. I had to say no. At that point Isaac was still under deep sedation and would never have recovered enough to leave the hospital in time. That had been my idea. I was hoping that my chat with Ruth would bear fruit and, to be honest I was being a complete coward. Putting all my eggs in one basket, banking on the longshot etc... and keeping Isaac on ice while I was waiting for it.

Marsden was deeply against my plan because it meant keeping Isaac at the hospital rather than shipping him back to prison or to an institution. He was practically foaming at the mouth, ranting on about wasting scare resources on those who did not deserve them, but for once I neither bit and ended up flirting with abuse, nor felt overwhelmed and upset. I was far too distracted to give a damn about him.

Isaac was so vulnerable at that point. I was completely aware that there was nothing I could say that would get through to him and the insane thing was that I could see why. I was supposed to be getting inside his head and not letting him get inside mine. It was a difficult decision to make to resort to drugs so soon but the xrays and tests had shown that he had done some damage to his neck and shoulders and needed physical rest more than mental aerobics at that stage and so I felt that complete rest for a while was a better option than any attempt to analyse him... which would in any event have necessarily been hampered by the fact that drugs... at the very least strong painkillers were inevitable in any event.

Anyway... I could never have imagined that my plotting would have brought such immediate and dramatic results. It seems that after my visit to the community Ruth had taken things into her own hands. She had persuaded at least some of the community to pay heed to their consciences and go to the police with the truth. After a brief investigation the police had decided to withdraw the rape charge in respect of Isaac and the matter was to go before the judge that afternoon. Several members of the community were to attend and speak up and the judge, who was the same one who had sat on the original trial had expressed a desire for Isaac to be in attendance.

As Isaac could not, with the best will in the world, be there I decided that I would go myself. It was a real eye opener. One by one the members of the community took to the witness box and admitted to their part in the conspiracy. They told how frightened they had been when the police invaded the community, how Caleb had taken it upon himself to speak to them, on behalf of the community, and had promised to carry out an investigation and hand over the results to them. As a result of Caleb’s promise the police had agreed to leave them alone.... for the time being.

Caleb had called a meeting of the whole community and told them that their very existence was at risk, that a police investigation would be the end of them because the police were outsiders and would never understand their way of life. He said that the police would look for reasons to close down their operations, take away their children and it would be the end for all of them.

The woman had reported that she was attacked by a tall powerful man with black hair and dark eyes. There were two men at the community who could fit the bill and everyone knew it. At first Caleb had tried to convince them that it had been Isaac but no one would believe that because they knew Isaac. At that point he was angrily professing his innocence and in the end he was able to prove that he could not have done it.

Once that happened Caleb had changed his tune and had pointed out that the police would not look too far to find a scapegoat and that they would point the finger at him. He said that, as one of the Elders he would be vilified and, through him the whole community.

Things were desperate. The police were pressing and Caleb persuaded everyone, including Isaac that if he were to allow himself to be put forward as the guilty party, if he simply refused to speak to anyone about it no matter what then, before the matter got as far as a trial Caleb would make sure that the truth was told. It was just buying time they were told, to enable Caleb to find another way, to take the pressure off and allow them to deal with things their own way.

Right up to the very end they all believed that Isaac was merely diverting attention from them to allow the truth to be found and that the truth would be told before anything bad happened to him. They did not expect him to be remanded. They did not expect him to have to spend any time in prison and when that is what happened they had challenged Caleb who promised, just one more day, then just one more day, then just one more day.

None of the members of the community had attended the trial. Caleb had made sure that they did not know when it would be. He had gone alone and had carried out the ultimate act of betrayal without the backing or knowledge of anyone else.

When they had found out what had happened, what Caleb had done they were appalled but it was too late. Caleb persuaded them that if anyone tried to tell the truth at that point they would be arrested themselves for lying. He repeatedly pointed out that Isaac had always been different to the rest of them, more worldly and they could not deny that this was true. He told them that, of everyone Isaac was best equipped to cope with what had happened and what it meant. He promised them that he had spoken to Isaac, told him that he had the full support of the community and that he had willingly accepted his fate.

There were many people at the community who did not accept what he said, who challenged him and would not listen to his lies. In the end he was forced into admitting the truth and that was when he simply invoked his authority as supreme elder and banned any mention of Isaac’s name. He made it clear to everyone that what was done was done, that he had no intention of explaining himself and expected everyone to either toe the line or leave.

The community is such a closed unit that to its members, to leave, to be expelled is the ultimate disaster. No one who lives there has any other family, any other friends, anywhere else to go. He had them by the throat and, short of deposing him which, at the time they could not contemplate, there was nothing they could do.

The judge asked them what had changed now, what had made them come forward at this point. They all said the same thing... that they could only maintain the deception in the belief that Isaac was alright, that he was coping with the fall out. When they found out about his suicide attempt the cracks began to show and when Ruth put pressure on them, pleading his case, begging for his life, the cracks widened until there was nothing else they could do.

Initially it was Jacob who took it upon himself to go to the police. Caleb found out about it and went after him. When he brought him back he sought to make an example of him, to cow the rest of them through him. But he went too far, beat him too hard, hurt him too much. He had shown himself to be what he truly is, a vicious brute with scant regard for human life or dignity.

In the end the men had wrested the birch from his hands and attempted to restrain him. When he realised that he had lost them and that they were going to tell the truth no matter what he broke free and ran. No one had seen or heard from him since.

Jacob had attended the hearing and had shown the judge his back which was practically shredded. He spoke quietly and sincerely, telling about a visit he had made to Isaac in prison. How he had promised him that he would make sure the truth was told, how he had felt when he realised that Caleb had betrayed him. How much he had wanted to speak up right at the start and how Caleb had terrorised him out of it.

When he spoke about what happened on the day he had tried to speak up, how Caleb had intercepted him and dragged him back to the community, how he had abused him verbally in front of the whole community while he was beating him, there was absolute silence in the room. When he spoke about what he was thinking and feeling as Caleb beat him, about what Isaac had suffered, what he must have gone through in prison and, even worse, knowing that his own people had turned on him and betrayed him, every person in the court room wept.

At the end the judge made a speech about how this was the most appalling miscarriage of justice he had ever experienced, how everyone had failed Isaac, not just the community, how if he had his way everyone who had lied would be punished and that it was a matter for the police whether they took any action against them but that, on the whole he felt that under the circumstances they had already been punished by their own consciences and they had done the right thing in the end.

He said that the only reason he would not recommend there be further action is that Isaac would need his friends and family around him and it was up to every single individual person to make amends and ensure that Isaac was supported to pick up the pieces of his life.

It sounded good but I wondered if it would mean jack shit to Isaac. I didn’t think it would.

After the hearing Ruth approached me and asked about Isaac. I told her the truth. That this was the right thing to do, the right thing to happen and that it would undoubtedly help Isaac in the long run but that it didn’t undo what had happened to him, what he had been through and the damage it had done to him. I told her that I really didn’t know if he would be okay. She asked if she could come and see him and I was happy to encourage the idea.

I will never forget the look on Ruth’s face when she first laid eyes on Isaac at the hospital. I have never seen anyone look so tender and so horrified at the same time. For a long time she stood in the doorway and just stared at him. Then slowly, painfully slowly she walked forwards to the side of the bed.

For another long, long time she just stood and looked down at him, her eyes taking in every inch, every flicker, every breath.

At last she reached out slowly and touched his arm stroking the bandages with her fingers. Heaven knows what was going on in the mind that lay behind the pale, pale face and bluer than blue eyes.

With tears streaming down her face she moved closer and touched his face, stroking his hair, touching his lips, brushing his cheek with her hand, all the while biting her lip and weeping.

Eventually she looked up at me, her eyes swimming with tears. “Why is he so still? Why doesn’t he wake up?”

“He’s sedated. He was very upset and it was making him ill. He needed to rest.”

“When will he wake up?”

“Now that you are here and things have been addressed I think that he will not be so upset and there is no reason any longer to keep him like this. Why don’t you go and take a walk around the grounds for an hour and we’ll see what we can do.”

“I don’t want to leave him.”

“It won’t be for long and by the time you come back you should be able to talk to him.”
“Really?”

“Hopefully.”

And now they are not talking, they are communicating but wordlessly, staring into each other’s eyes and conveying a world of information with barely a flicker. I feel that it is safe to leave them to it, although, as I move towards the door Isaac looks up at me and there is something in his eyes that disturbs me. I make a mental note to speak to him later.

Unfortunately, when I left Isaac I got tied up with hospital politics and by the time I finished I was way late for dinner. I had to hurry home to a telling off from Katie and a night of making up to her. I was greeted the next day with more politics and now it is late afternoon. I pause outside Isaac’s room and listed to the animated conversations going on inside. It makes me smile, hearing young voices in deep discussion. By the sound of it there are at least three of them in there.

“It’s lovely isn’t it?”

I look up, it’s Sandra, one of Katie’s friend, the nurse on duty. “How is he today?”

“So different. He didn’t have the best night. He was in a lot of pain. When I came on shift this morning he was very sleepy but he got better through the day. He really is a lovely boy. It's such a shame what they did to him.”

“How does he seem in himself?”

“More steady than he was but....”

“But?”

“I don’t know. His friends have been here all afternoon and he has been chatting with them and seems a lot brighter but.... there’s a sadness about him and it seems to be getting deeper. Sometimes I have caught him looking at the others when they are not looking at him and it’s as if... I don’t know. He just looks so sad.”

“I imagine he would. They think he’s the same. They think that now the truth has come out everything can go back to the way it was before. But that’s impossible because he isn’t the same as he was before. How can he be?”

“I suppose.”

“I’ll talk to him, see if I can’t help put things in perspective a bit.”

They all look up at me as I go inside. They all smile and Isaac, the brightest. Ruth and Jacob are both sitting on the bed and Isaac has his arm around Ruth. They all look so natural, so young, so full of life. There is a glow about them, an energy and yet... I can see exactly what Sandra was talking about.

“So how are you three doing today? How’s the back Jacob?”

“Fine.... well, it’s still a bit sore but worth it.” He is intense, earnest. I can see that he is a caring, serious soul and he has been badly shaken by what has happened. Isaac touches his arm with a gentle smile. Jacob ducks his head a look of pain on his face.

“It's okay Jay. We’ve been through this. It’s okay.”

“You almost died Zac. Because of us. I...”

“You did what you had to do. You did the right thing.”

“Eventually.”

“No. The whole time. You could never have stood up to them all alone. You know that. You did what you had to do and you kept doing what you had to do. It’s okay.”

Jacob looks up and smiles. It is a shaky smile but it is a beautiful one. My estimation of Isaac just keeps getting better and better. He’s a remarkable man. But it only makes the whole situation worse and worse.

“Do you mind if I have a word with Isaac for a while? Go and get something to eat in the cafe, my treat.”

“No, it’s alright. We have money.”

Ruth kisses Isaac as she climbs off the bed and he smiles at her but it is a hesitant smile.

When they have gone I sit down and look at Isaac. He is very different to the Isaac I have spoken to before, more animated, more alive. And yet....

“How are you feeling now Isaac? It must be a great relief to you to know that things have been straightened out.”

“Yes, of course.”

“Do you still think that you would be better off dead?”

He smiles at me. It is a shy smile that lights his eyes with an inner glow. “No. I.... I was very stupid, I know. It’s just...”

“I know. As you said before I can’t begin to imagine what you have been through. It must have been a terrible shock to you... being in prison after the sheltered life at the community.”

He gives me a strange look, it is almost calculating. I think he is weighing up whether he can trust me. “It was... it was a shock. But.... it was... it was what... what they did... the community... what they did to me... I could have handled the rest. I could have lived with it. It was terrible but I am strong. It was being alone. Knowing I was completely alone and that, no matter what I couldn’t go back.

“It’s all I’ve ever known. My home, my family, my friends. When I thought they were all gone... what did I have to live for?”

“I can understand that.”

“I don’t know if you can. When I was there, at the community I fought against them. I hated the restriction. I wanted to be able to read what I wanted, to look things up on the computer. To know things, to see the wide world. Well.... I’ve seen it and it stinks. But.... the only reason I could do that, that I could fight against, them, be myself was because I was safe, because I knew they would always be there. Without that.... without the security, without something safe to fight against.... what do I have?”

“What ‘do’ you have?”

He looks up at me with that strange, sad look in his eyes. “I can’t go back.”

“Why not?”

“Because I have changed too much.”

“How have you changed?”

He thinks for a moment, that same calculating look in his eyes. “Well, for one thing it is a religious community and I no longer have any belief in God.”

“Is that something that has come as a reaction to what has happened to you or something you have thought about before?”

Isaac looks at me thoughtfully, his eyes narrowed, considering. I’ll give him his due he’s really thinking about this one.

“I.... I don’t know. In the beginning, when I was most afraid and then... then when.. when bad things happened... I prayed but.... I... I don’t think I ever expected a response. Maybe some would say that is why I didn’t get it.

“I have always had a kind of.... difficult relationship with God. Caleb says I question too much, that I should have faith, just accept that some questions have no answers. But... I can’t just accept things. I can’t have blind faith. I have read the bible from cover to cover a thousand times. I have listened to what the preachers say, to what the elders teach, to the answers they give to my questions. I have read theological texts and watched television discussion programmes.

“To be honest, I never had faith. I had hope. I had a desire to believe. I suppose in a way I was lazy, I accepted because it was easier to do so. When the police came and took me away I was afraid. I... prayed for strength and I got it but.... as things moved on, as I lost faith in myself and in the community I lost my strength, I lost my faith I lost my belief.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what the answer to your question is.”

“I think you’ve answered it Isaac. Where does this leave you? Where do you go from here?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know. I think that I am going to have to go back, at least for a while but it is going to be on the basis that I am not going to stay. I’m not the same any more. I can’t fall back into that life, be the person I was. And I know that the community itself will be different now that Caleb is gone, it will be more free and it will change. Part of me thinks that I should stay and help it change, be the sand in the oyster, it’s what I’ve always done after all but...”

He looks up at me, a child with ancient eyes. “I’m tired Rick. I’m really tired. I feel like I have been fighting. I don’t want to have to fight any more. I have seen what is out there and it’s ugly but it’s full of life. I want to find a place I fit. Do you know what I mean?”

“I think so. What about Ruth?”

His face turns dark. “Ruth is... she is... she has been my best friend forever and I have always loved her... in a way but.....” He sighs deeply looking intensely introspective. “She is sweet and gentle and so caring but... she’s the same as ever... I’m not. Things happened.... bad things. When I was in prison I... well, I think you can imagine... looking like I do... being so... so... naive.” He grimaces, squeezing his eyes closed. “I am..... I am.... not... not innocent any more.”

He looks up at me and his eyes are pleading, dark and depthless, mirrors of a soul as beautiful as the face from which they shine. I can’t help but smile.

“Isaac.... the things that happened to you were bad, no one can take that away, erase the memories, the fear, the shame... but they were outside your control. They were things that were done to you not that you did. Innocence is not something that comes from the body, it is something that comes from the soul. Trust me... you are still innocent.”

“Not that innocent, not any more, not enough for her.”

“Are you sure that’s what it is?”

“Partly. I could never talk to her about what happened to me. I could never tell her how I felt, how angry I was with everyone, how bitter I became. I can never tell her what... what they did to me. And there was a part of me..... there was....” He squeezes his eyes closed and takes a few deep breaths. “There is now a whole part of my life that is closed to her. I don’t know if I can live with that. I don’t know if I can close myself down again, become part of something... I’m not part of anything any more... I am just... just me and that’s the way I want it.”

“It sounds like you have though a lot about this.”

“Yes, I have. A lot.”

“Maybe too much. You have a whole life ahead of you Isaac. You can go anywhere do anything. But the decisions you make now will shape that life. You are not used to making those kinds of decisions so don’t rush it. Take your time. Relax, get your strength back, get used to the way you are now. You don’t have to make any decisions right away. You can stand a few months back at the community can't you?”

“I suppose.”

“Have you thought about what you would like to do next?”

“I know what I want to do. I want to go to university. I want to be a lawyer.”

“That’s very impressive. What made you come to that decision?”

“I learned a lot about law at the community. They were always getting into trouble, mainly because of Caleb being so unbending. I had to deal with all sorts of things from planning permissions to driving offences and tax issues. And then when I went through the criminal process.... the lawyers I had were great. There wasn’t much they could do for me because of the situation but they were the only ones who were listening to me, they made me feel that there was someone there on my side, or at least who would have been on my side if I could have let them. They made a difference. I want to make a difference.”

“I think you would make an excellent lawyer. Can’t you study whilst you are living at the community? It makes a difference if you have a place to go back to, a base, some support.”

“I don’t know. I will think about it. When I go back I will speak to the Elders and see what they are prepared to do for me.”

“Do you feel positive about that?”

He looks me right in the eye, his face serious, his eyes calm. “To be absolutely honest I am terrified. I am excited about the future and so scared of it at the same time. I have spent my whole life walking down a road that stretched straight in front of me. Now, all of a sudden I have been diverted down a side road that led me to a very dark place. I walked through fire and ice and now... now I am out of the shadows but the road is gone and instead there is... there is.... a huge plain. I can go in any direction, anywhere but I don’t know where the fire is, where the shadows are.”

“Whichever direction you choose there will be shadows Isaac. There are always shadows... but there are so many other things too.... sparkling blue oceans, sunsets over deserts, adventures to have, mountains to climb, people to meet, love, laughter and tears. Every day you will have some sunshine and some rain. You will be stronger for it, with every moment that passes. You are the master of your destiny and, as frightening as it is it is your greatest adventure. Just think of it as a series of steps. You don’t have to know where the journey ends, you just have to know where to take your next step, and maybe a few after that. Eventually you will take enough steps to bring you to the top of a hill and you will be able to see a little way down into the next valley.”

“Wow, when you put it like that it does sound more exciting than scary.”

“What are you going to do about Ruth?” Immediately the light that had come on when we were talking about the big adventure, goes out.

“I don’t know.”

“I think that it would be kinder to her to tell her how you feel. Don’t let her believe that everything is as it was, that things are going to go back to the way they were, not if you don’t think they are.”

“I know but... she.... and I... I don’t know any more if... how she would. None of this makes sense does it? I don’t have the words. I know it’s unfair. I know it is but....” He sighs and hangs his head. “I know you’re right. I’ll talk to her.”

“Good. Is there anything you want to talk to me about? Anything that’s bothering you or worrying you?”

“No.”

“What about the things that happened to you when you were in prison. Do you want to talk about them?”

His head jerks up. His eyes are wide. He shakes his head convulsively. “No. I can’t. I can’t talk about that.”

“You know I won’t judge you Isaac. It might help to get it all out in the open.”

“No. Not now. Not yet. I... I can’t think about it. I can’t..... it was.... I was....” He pauses and swallows heavily. “I had no idea, none at all. I thought... I thought I was safe. I thought I could.... I didn’t know that people could be like that. I have never had experience of people who could be like that.

“I tried to be friendly, to talk to people, to be myself but...” He shakes his head. “At first it was just aggression. People seemed to feel threatened by friendliness and they reacted with violence. I didn’t get hit at first, they just pushed me about a bit and threatened me. I was confused, upset. When they saw that, it was as if they were wild animals scenting a wounded creature. They taunted me. They threw food at me in the canteen.

“Then they deliberately started to goad me, to humiliate me and I... I couldn’t just let it pass. I tried... I really tried but... eventually they pushed me too far and I snapped. I have never been physically violent. I have been punished plenty of times so I am used to taking it but I have never given it back, never.

“It was as if something happened inside me, a switch flipped. They started to beat me up and I went mental. I don’t know what would have happened if the guards hadn’t broken it up. When they dragged me away the guys were yelling at me that they would make me pay for every drop of their blood I’d spilled, and they did.

“I spent a couple of days in solitary and the first night I was out they came for me. The guards must have been in on it because we were supposed to have been on lock down. They came into my cell. There were six of them. They beat the hell out of me and then took turns to... to...”

He bites his lip and takes some deep breaths to calm himself enough to be able to continue to speak. I want to comfort him, to reach out but I know that what he needs now is to be able to speak. He needs to be able to get it out, to tell someone, to talk about the pain and so I remain silent, just smiling at him to show him that I am with him and it is safe for him to continue.

“They were telling me that it was what I deserved, after what I had done. That that they were just giving me a taste of my own medicine, showing me what it’s like to take what I had given out.”

“You don’t believe that do you? That you deserved it?”

He looks puzzled, his dark eyes even darker, as though he can’t believe I would even have asked.... well I had to didn’t I?

“Of course not. I didn’t do anything... and I wouldn’t have deserved that, even if I had.”
“That’s right. Were they punished for what they did?”

“I don’t know. Maybe, but I doubt it. I was unconscious by the end of it... in fact I was unconscious after the third. They left me bleeding. I spent a week in the infirmary and when I came out I went straight into solitary for another week.”

“Did they leave you alone after that?”

“Hardly. They did it again... and again... and again. Although after the first time there were never more than four of them and only one or two actually.... you know... the others just held me down and made sure I didn’t scream too loud. They made sure they never hurt me so much as the first time.”

He speaks so matter of factly, as if none of it touches him, almost as if it happened to someone else. People do that, distance themselves from bad things that happen to them.

“How do you feel about that? How do you feel now about what happened to you then?”

“How do I feel? I feel... I feel....sick...disgusted, ashamed.... and I know you are going to tell me that I have nothing to be ashamed of, that I had no control over what happened that there was nothing I could have done.... and you will be right... but I feel ashamed nevertheless. It is like my body is.... like it isn’t even mine any more. I don’t know myself any more.”

“That is very natural Isaac. After what happened to you it would be surprising if you didn’t feel like that. Just remember that what happened to you had nothing to do with sex, nothing to do with love... it was about power and control. One day you will find someone who you will be able to tell about this and you will see the truth in their eyes. You will see that this was nothing more than a bad experience. You will find love despite what happened, and then it won’t matter.”

“Do you think so?”

“Unless you close your heart to it. That’s the only danger Isaac. People react to things like this in different ways. I am not going to insult you by trying to suggest that it was anything but a terrible experience or that it has undoubtedly changed you or that it is going to be difficult to get past it. But it is not something that defines you. It is something that happened to you not something that makes you who or what you are.”

He gives me a long, strange look, his eyes like black mirrors, blank and closed to me. I am a little concerned. What is he thinking about? What is he going to make of this, what is he going to do with it? I would have bet money that Isaac is strong enough to deal with this, if only.... if only he hadn’t given me that look, that vulnerable, hurt, damaged look.

Now more than ever I want to reach out to him, to take him into my arms and comfort him like a child. That is what he looks like, sitting on the bed, very upright, his hair too long and none too clean, hanging over his face in lank strands, his patched and worn pyjamas, brought in by Ruth, too big where he has lost weight, his face pale and anxious, turned up to me as if for asking for approval. He looks like a child, a lost and lonely child.

“I.... I...” He hangs his head and I hold my breath, wondering what’s coming. “I felt... When I was at the community I... didn’t think of... love. I thought for a while... Ruth and I... but it wasn’t something that... When I was in prison... I... thought about it and.... I got... I got confused.”

“Confused?”

“Sometimes I would dream and... and it would start off being a dream about Ruth but... but then... then it... it would change and....” He looks up at me. “I thought it was because I was surrounded by men all the time... because I... I was separated from Ruth and... but then when... when I was... when I was... attacked... it all turned... made me feel....”

“I think I understand. The most important thing is that you have to be true to yourself Isaac. Maybe at the moment you don’t know quite who you are. You’ve been shut away for a long time. You are... innocent. You need to take time, be open to whatever comes, don’t run away from your feelings, embrace them. Look for love and don’t turn it away no matter how it comes, in what form. You don’t have to put yourself into a box and apply a label... just allow yourself to be yourself.”

“I... will try.”

“You’ll be alright Isaac. I have faith in you.”

“Faith? What’s faith?” He is scornful, bitter.

“Faith is putting what you know to be true into a frame with what you don’t know and letting it fill in the gaps.”

“I have never heard it described that way before.”

“It’s my interpretation.”

“I like it.” He smiles and nods and the darkness is gone. He is full of light. That’s the thing about Isaac, the thing that gets to you, the thing that gets under your skin. Even when he was in his darkest hour that light shone through and now it is bright and it makes you feel warm when you are in its presence.

“Would you like to get out of here?”

He looks at me as if he can hardly believe what I am saying, with a desperate eagerness, and nods.

“I will speak to Dr Marsden. I don’t know if he will want you to stay for a day or so but as far as I am concerned I am happy for you to go home. I would like you to come back in a week, just to have a chat, make sure you are getting on alright. But I don’t think I have to worry about you any more.”

“Thank you.”

“I haven’t done anything Isaac. You have done it all by yourself. You are stronger than you think.”

“Maybe.”

“Oh certainly. Don't get too hopeful now, you have been very ill, about as close to the edge as you can get and still come back. I believe that you are doing well. Katie tells me so, but the next step is down to Dr Marsden and suddenly he is not quite so eager to get rid of you.”

We exchange a look of wry amusement. Ever since the truth came out Dr Marsden has been forced to eat humble pie and, whilst he would never openly admit that he was wrong he is basically a good man and he has been trying to make amends... in his own way.