Prophylaxis - 16. Chapter 16

Content/trigger warning: violence, rape, torture, captivity, enema

The desire to fight, to win, filled me as I looked up at my ex-stepfather looming in the doorway of the bathroom. He’d startled me from a nightmare of a memory. It was a memory of something that had made me lose my fight. Remembering it now brought my fight back, but it was different than what I’d had as a kid. The burning desire to persevere and triumph was something tight and contained, waiting, ready. It told me to be clever, be patient… and then when the right moment came? Be ruthless. Don’t hesitate. It also told me survival is more pressing a matter than vengeance.

As I peeked up at Lester from under my little hood of a towel, I knew I’d kill him if I could, but escape came first.

He smiled warmly at me and I wondered what he saw when he looked at me. Not reality, that was for fucking sure. There was something off in his eyes. It had been there when I was a kid, but now it was much more pronounced. I’d been an idiot to think I could talk reason into him. My mom had told me many times that you can’t talk to crazy. I’d been stupid, thinking things were different because I wasn’t a kid. Like having a mortgage and paying taxes was a shield against this fucker’s madness.

I looked up at the tall man. He was stronger than me, probably crazier, but I had gotten away from him once. I could do it again. Last time had taken a baseball bat. I wondered if my eyes looked crazy too as I sat there, huddled in a nest of towels, wishing I’d been able to finish the job with that baseball bat back when I was 16.

My gaze slid from his face to his hands. They were open, hanging at his sides. Not planning to hit me, then. At least not yet. I didn’t move to get up, trying to stay unobtrusive. My mother always called me “conejito”, little rabbit. I felt like one now, body motionless, hoping the bad thing would pass me by. I held a moment’s hope that he would come and go quickly without bothering me, check on me and leave. I knew better. He was here for me.

“Nathan?”

I hunched down under my towels.

“Aw, baby, don’t be like that.” I heard his heavy sigh.

Don’t be like what? Terrified? Fucking pissed off? Homicidal?

I tensed as he stepped toward me, flattening my back against the wall. Fuck. He crouched in front of me and reached toward my face. The back of my head pressed against the wall tight enough to hurt, like I could slip through paint and sheetrock and wood if I pushed hard enough. I turned away as his fingertips reached my cheek. My hood of a towel fell back and the light fell on my face. I heard Lester suck in a breath as he saw my battered face in the unforgiving glare of the bathroom light.

“Oh, Nathan,” he said gently. “I’m so sorry I had to do that to you.”

Fucking liar. He had enjoyed it. He’d loved letting his inner beast out and wallowed in satisfying his jealousy and rage. His fingers caught my chin. I felt twinges of concern, but no regret, followed by a tendril of vindictive lustful glee. I tensed but didn’t fight him as he turned my face up to the light. “You’ll be alright. It looks worse than it is.” His hand slid lower and I heard the chain clink. He stood, letting the metal links slide through his fist. “Come on, then. Let’s get a look at the rest of you.”

I glared up at the big bastard. He wanted me to stand up and do a little twirl so he could see what scrapes and bruises he fucking gave me? Fuck that. I preferred my little towel fort. A quick yank of the chain let me know continued towel fortification wasn’t an option. I held onto one rectangle of terrycloth as I struggled to stand, the random tugs at the collar around my neck not helping my balance at all. The dizziness was there, but not as severe. A hand on the wall kept me steady as I clutched the towel to my waist. Tension tightened on the chain, forcing me to lean forward a few inches or take a step forward. I chose to lean.

“Drop it,” he growled.

I clutched the thick fabric for a moment before releasing it to fall at my feet. I could let it go or it could be taken from me. Either way I would lose it. Refusing would get me nothing but hurt… for now.

I ground my teeth at his muttered, “Good boy,” but I said nothing.

He tugged harder at the chain, forcing me to take those steps forward. My hands clenched into fists as I felt him touch me, fingertips light over scrapes and bruises. The strokes were gentle but I felt the sentiment behind them, he liked seeing these marks he’d put on my flesh. Bastard.

He catalogued my injuries with his fingers and eyes as I stood and swallowed all the venom that bubbled in my gut. Patience. There was nothing I could do right now, I had to keep reminding myself. My head ached, the throb leaving me nauseated. I closed my eyes, knowing I should keep an eye on Lester, but needing just a minute away from the stabbing light and the disgusting sight of the man caressing the purples and reds decorating my flesh.

His perverse joy shifted to possessive anger when his calloused hand drifted from my thigh back to my ass. I opened my eyes to find Lester had moved behind me. I felt a moment of ridiculous glee as Lester traced the fading marks Takashi had given me. I took childish joy in Lester’s displeasure, even if it was likely to hurt me. Stupid, petty, but oddly satisfying.

The pain in my skull crackled brighter as Lester yanked my head back by my hair.

“God,” he hissed, “I don’t know how you could do it. How you could let someone else touch you.” He swallowed thickly as I gritted my teeth. “Did you… you let him fuck you, didn’t you?”

I said nothing. There were no right answers here. There was no car door to beat my head against here, either. I wondered if he would use the wall or the counter. Maybe the edge of the toilet? My breath sawed in and out of my chest as my eyes danced over all the things he could use in the room to hurt me. I jerked when Lester suddenly released my hair.

“No.” He took a long slow breath in and then blew it out gustily. “It’s okay. I forgive you for,” he paused, voice turning harsh, “being such a whore.” He took another calming breath and his voice gentled. “That’s over now.” He patted my shoulder. “But you’re dirty.”

I shivered as his twisted emotions battered me. Anger and disgust swirled with excitement and domination. Whatever he was thinking of, I wasn’t going to like it. Not that I generally liked anything he thought of.

“You let them…” I saw him shake his head. “We have to clean you up, and then it will be okay. Then you won’t be dirty anymore.” The rings of the shower curtain clicked as he shoved it aside. His grip was firm as it wrapped around my bicep. “In you go.”

I suddenly really didn’t want to be anywhere near that tub.

“I already showered!” I stammered as he tried to yank me forward. “I did a really good job! I’m clean! I can’t imagine how I could get cleaner, I swear. Jesus, I squeak I’m so damn clean!”

Lester’s eyes were like chips of ice. “In. You. Go.”

I fought not to shiver as I stepped in the bathtub, wrapping my arms around myself.

“That’s a good boy,” Lester told me as he gathered the chain attached to my collar. “Two steps forward.”

I complied, shuffling forward on the cold plastic under my soles. There was a sturdy hook above the showerhead I hadn’t noticed before. He attached my chain to it, leaving little slack. Lovely. If I slipped I would hang myself.

“Stay right there.” Lester said. “I just need to grab something.”

Like I could go anywhere. Yeesh.

All too soon, the bastard was back carrying something with a long tube. The diameter of the hose looked to be about the same as my thumb. Lester hummed softly as he hooked one end of the tube to a slot on the pipe to the showerhead. The other end of the hose just confused me. It was a metal wand just slightly wider than the tube and about a foot long with a rounded tip.

Lester leaned over to fiddle with the knobs for the water as my eyes widened in understanding.

“Lester, no, I don’t want to do this.”

He stuck his hand under the faucet, testing the water. “Hush. You’ll be fine.”

I tugged at the collar, scooting back as far as it would allow as cool water lapped at my toes.

“Lester, please don’t. I don’t want to.”

He looked up at me grimly. “Maybe you should have thought of that before you started whoring around.”

I tugged at the chain, I almost slipped and heard Lester curse under his breath.

“Shut up and hold still and this will be over faster.” He reached into his back pocket to pull out a pair of handcuffs. “Don’t make this more difficult.”

I forced myself to be still. I could do this. This would surely be easier to take than other things Lester had done to me. I squeezed my eyes tight and tried to breathe evenly. I did fine until I felt that cold metal wand touch my ass, I couldn’t stop myself from trying to squirm away. My hands came down, smacking Lester’s away from me.

Lester dropped the wand and growled as he grabbed me. I had nowhere to go, I was chained by the throat. Struggling was stupid, but I did it anyway. An open-handed smack to the side of my head left me disoriented. Lester took advantage by snapping the cuffs on my wrists and hooking them in the same spot that held my collar’s chain. I fought him the whole way, though, even catching him in the cheek with an elbow. My hands were up too high for me to stand comfortably. I was practically against the damp wall, standing on my toes. A punch to my side made me groan in pain.

“Dammit, Nathan!” Lester snapped. “Can’t ever just be a good boy, can you? Well, we’re doing this whether you like it or not!”

Lester roughly grabbed the knobs again, the warm water pouring over my toes turned scalding hot. He yanked the lever up to switch the water from the faucet to the shower. Nothing came out of the showerhead though. Instead, I felt steam rising up behind me. I clenched my ass cheeks together and tried to brace myself. I earned myself a swat to the ass. It startled me enough that I relaxed a moment. It was enough for Lester to wedge the tip of the wand between my lily-white cheeks and then force it inside me. The noise that came out of me was nothing as dignified as a scream, it was much more akin to a squeal, high-pitched and desperate.

Strangely enough, the scalding water felt cold instead of hot at first, a confusing stinging bite. It passed into a feeling of being filled up with needles, all stabbing at my insides, trying to get out. I wasn’t able to keep still now, it didn’t matter what Lester might do or threaten. I twisted on my tiptoes, trying to escape the searing pain, but it was inside me, filling me up. Lester moved with me, keeping that fucking wand inside me.

Another sensation intruded, I was too full. I felt stretched and bloated. A cramp ripped through my belly, making me fight to draw my knees up though my position made it impossible. My body wanted to curl in a ball and it was forced to stay straight and upright. I keened my distress, tremors wracking my body and sweat covering my skin.

Lester did something in front of me… The lever. He turned off the water to the shower. Oh thank fucking God. Scalding water rushed around my toes, I didn’t even notice the heat or pain.

“Hold it in.” Lester said harshly, as he slowly began withdrawing the wand.

“Wh-what?” I whimpered.

Then the invading metal was gone and I was pushing the scalding water out of me as quickly as my quivering muscles would allow. When I was finally empty the throbbing pain was there, but not excruciating as it had been. I stood there on my tippy-toes, shaking and panting.

A harsh crack and sharp pain across my back made me yelp. My eyes shot to Lester, he held his belt in one hand and that damnable metal wand in the other.

“I told you to hold it in!” He shouted angrily.

“Hold… What?” My mind spun in dazed confusion.

“We’re going to do this again, and this time when I pull out you hold the water in, you hear me?” Lester snapped.

Understanding dawned on me but I just as quickly realized what he was asking was impossible.

“T-too hot!” I whimpered. “It’s too hot, I can’t keep it in!”

Lester sighed heavily. “Fine, little pansy. It won’t be hot, but you had better hold it in this time or we are going to do this again and again until you do. Understand?”

I nodded jerkily. “Yes.”

A small frightened noise left my lips as I felt the still-warm metal touch me. I closed my eyes tight, holding myself still. Lester worked it into me slower this time. It wasn’t particularly thick. If I weren’t still stinging from the burn it probably wouldn’t have hurt. I pulled in a shuddering breath as he worked it inside me. He rested a hand on my shoulder and I felt his sick delight wash over me. The feeling was so strong it nearly made me retch.

“Ready, baby?”

I didn’t answer.

He leaned down and flicked the knobs controlling the temperature before popping the lever. I tensed, but the water wasn’t hot this time. I let out a shaking breath. I was relieved until I noticed that the water was shifting from soothingly cool to downright frigid. I said nothing until I felt myself begin to shiver.

“Lester… Lester, please, it’s too cold…” I begged.

I cried out as the metal was shoved harder inside me. “Too hot.” He mimicked. “Too cold. Never fucking happy, are you? Just shut up.”

I couldn’t see how water that cold could come out of regular pipes. It felt like ice water inside me. It hurt, though differently than the scalding water had. It seemed to affect my whole body. Shivers wracked me, shaking me on the hook set into the wall. The cramps hit me hard and fast, my breath leaving me in a whoosh. It felt like my insides were turning to ice, like I had a core of it growing inside me. A pitiful whine squeezed past my lips as that horrible bloated feeling pressed on my belly and guts.

“Now,” a harsh whisper brushed my ear, “hold it in.”

The icy metal wand pulled out of me smoothly, a trickle of cold water following it until I clenched my ass with all I had.

“I saw you let a little out,” Lester scolded. “You get one for that. Stay tight now.”

One what? I thought, but then I heard the crack of leather on skin and the biting pain that came with it. I’d forgotten about his belt.

“Oop. There’s a little more.”

I was ready for it this time, I clenched my whole body, even holding my breath as the leather whistled through the air. My body twisted in pain, but my muscles held tight.

“Good boy,” Lester hissed in delight. “Just a little more…” He flicked the lever, cold water poured from the faucet to rush around my toes. “Okay, baby, you can let go.”

I relaxed my muscles with a sob, feeling like my whole body was one big cramp. I couldn’t hold myself up anymore, I hung from the cuffs, lucky the chain to my collar was long enough it didn’t choke me. Lester unfastened the hated hose from behind the showerhead and dropped the hose and wand in the tub behind me. I lost track of what Lester was doing for a moment. Suddenly icy cold water was pouring from the showerhead just inches above me. The sudden shock snapped my eyes wide, for a moment I couldn’t breathe, chest heaving but throat closed. My toes slipped uselessly as my body shook with violent shivers, the cuffs digging into my wrists.

Lester roughly ran a washcloth, hastily soaped, over me. I hung. I shivered.

Eventually the water turned off. I didn’t feel any warmer, though.

He dried me quickly with a towel as I shook. Lester had to help me stand when he opened the cuffs and unhooked my chain. My arms dropped, limp, to my sides. I couldn’t feel my hands. He shuffled me out of the tub and had me lean against a wall as he unlocked my chain from the wall. Lester wrapped me in a large towel and picked me up. The chain rattled as he carried me to his bedroom.

“Come on, baby, let’s get you warmed up.”

He laid me on the bed. It was still hard to breathe. I felt in a haze as he flipped me over. He was talking…

“…just the way to warm you up…”

I lay on my belly as pins and needles covered my hands up to my wrists.

I didn’t feel much when he entered me. It hurt some, but I just couldn’t seem to make myself respond to it physically or emotionally.

Was this shock?

I liked shock. Shock was awesome.

He grunted over me as I slowly regained feeling in my fingers, then my knuckles. My palms came back before the skin on the top of my hand. I wiggled my fingers, let them dig into the blanket under me. My wrists were starting to bruise, but the skin hadn’t opened. That was good, right?

I was still so cold. I needed twenty blankets and a gallon of warm tea. I hated tea.

I remembered how Guy was always so warm, like he had a fever. Guy.

Lester groaned, his weight crushing me for a moment before he rolled off to my side. He tugged a blanket over us and pulled me close.

“There,” he whispered, kissing my aching temple, “isn’t that all better now?”

Lester reached above us and suddenly there was darkness.

I closed my eyes.

I didn’t think I’d ever be warm again.