Prophylaxis - 26. Chapter 26

I was warm.

My eyes felt leaden, but opening them didn't seem important. I was too comfortable to worry about looking around. Besides, if I woke up, I'd probably have to pull myself out of my comfy spot and deal with shit I didn't want to deal with. I felt pillows under my head and heavy blankets on top of me. One seemed to be made of fur. I ran my fingers through it. It was thick and smooth, but not very soft. It was extra warm, like an electric blanket, and was heavy as though it was weighted. Weighted blankets were an awesome invention.

It was also growling.

"Come now," I heard Takashi's voice from nearby. "Is this display really necessary? The healer said he was fine. He didn't even really need much healing. His condition was normal, considering his rather vigorous activities. The healer soothed some sore muscles and such then gave him a bit of energy to perk him up. Mick will wake up shortly. Don't fuss yourself."

That didn't seem to decrease the intensity of the growling much at all.

"Guy, please, calm down." Riley sounded closer, like he was on the bed with us. "This situation isn't Takashi's fault. None of us knew the king would ask that of Mick or that Mick would ever accept."

The growling cut off, replaced with a heavy sigh as it felt like Guy laid his furry head on my chest.

"I'm sorry he made an entertainment out of you both," Takashi said gravely. "When fae grow very old, often boredom is their greatest enemy. They chase their entertainments relentlessly, and the Unseelie King has some rather… interesting tastes in his entertainment."

"We're actually kind of lucky that healer stepped out of line and attacked Mick."

Guy made an affronted bark at Riley's observation.

"Riley's right," Takashi said. "I'm not glad it happened, but that Mick was attacked within the court while he was supposed to be under the king's eye… It closed off quite a few of the less savory avenues the king might have used to bend the situation to his pleasure. He was forced to deal with Mick honorably and it kept him from simply snatching Mick and bespelling him." It was Takashi's turn to sigh. "I didn't think it would ever come to that, or I would never have brought Mick here. I've never known the Dark King to approach his games in such a way. He prefers coercion and seduction to compulsion."

"We thought the king would demand that Mick work for him," Riley said gently. "And Takashi said he'd never heard of the king confining his people to the court. We thought he'd let Mick have his home in Iowa City, but give him a passthrough key, so Mick could come back whenever the king needed him for Sifter business."

I felt Riley curling against my side. It felt nice.

"Come on," Riley soothed. "I know you're upset. Things are crazy right now. But you can't just sit on Mick and snap at Takashi every time he comes close. It's not Takashi's fault the king slept with Mick. And it's not Takashi's fault Mick's scent changed, either."

My what did what, now?

"I know you are all working important things out…"

"What is it now, Zeru?" Riley grumbled.

Was everyone just hanging out in a bedroom with me? I didn't even know whose bedroom it was. I knew it wasn't where Tigger had fucked me. This mattress was much softer and the blankets were different.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd noticed your cute little lover is awake."

Dammit, the jig was up. Looked like I wouldn't be avoiding all the shit I'd have to deal with any longer. I forced my ridiculously heavy lids upward and blinked slowly at the dim room. It appeared to be the room they'd given us before. That was a bit of a relief.

Riley was snuggled up next to me while Takashi stood a few yards away looking tense. Zeru was sitting in a chair next to the door. I wondered if Riley had banished him there after getting annoyed with the half-siren's behavior. Seemed likely.

Guy was half-laying on me in his huge wolf form. I'd seen him as a wolf when he and Takashi had scrapped in my yard, I was still a bit grumpy about my hyacinths, but he looked much larger close up. He peered down at me, his normally hazel eyes had bled to green. I should have been terrified, there were a whole bunch of very white pointy teeth close to my neck and he was effectively pinning me down. I couldn't seem to scrounge any fear of him, though. His weight felt protective, as though he was keeping himself between me and any harm that might try to get me. He was warm and solid.

I reached up to bury my fingers in his thick ruff and he licked my wrist. I smiled, turning my head when Riley brushed my silver hair away from my face.

"Hey, there you are." Riley's voice was gentle, as though he was talking to a spooked animal. "You gave us a scare, Mick. You doing okay?"

"Uh." I cleared my throat, wishing for a glass of water, a hot shower, and a chance to brush my teeth. And flossing. Christ, I needed to floss. "I'm fine."

Not sure I was actually fine.

Takashi drew closer. Guy grumbled, but didn't act like he was going to take Takashi's arm off. My ebony-haired lover perched on the edge of the bed, taking my warm hand in his cooler one.

"You were unconscious when the king brought you back from wherever he'd taken you," Takashi explained. "He wouldn't explain why. He sent us back here and had a healer come check you for injuries… The king seemed concerned that the healer ensure you had no internal injuries. But you really weren't physically hurt." He laid his other hand over top of mine. "You said some things while you were unconscious that were very worrisome."

Guy whined and stuck his cold, wet nose under my chin.

"Oh." I frowned and patted Guy's furry noggin. "What did I say?"

"You sounded like you were being attacked," Riley said slowly, as though carefully choosing each word. "You were begging them to stop whatever they were doing."

Riley looked at me and his green eyes held so much compassion it made something in my chest ache.

"You said something about blood on your legs and about something hot and burning." Riley bit his lip and looked about ready to cry. "You started screaming."

"Jeez, I'm sorry." I would have hugged them, but Guy didn't look ready to move. "I didn't mean to freak you out."

Riley, Guy, and Takashi exchanged glances. I fucking hated when people looked at each other that way. It meant I was missing a chunk of conversation somewhere or I was being excluded from some sort of decision. They were figuring out what to say or how to say it and it was kind of pissing me off, which was irritating. I was all warm and comfy. Being angry would ruin all the coziness.

"They're trying to figure out if our king hurt you so bad when he was fucking you that it gave you nightmares," Zeru said matter-of-factly from his chair as he fiddled with his harp. "Or if you were dreaming about some guy who kidnapped you and tore you up."

"Zeru!" Riley hissed.

"Aww, don't be mad, sweetheart," Zeru cooed. "You were just getting Mick all worked up beating around the bush. He's young but he's not weak. The way he behaved with our lord proves that. Even if he's a little bitty thing, he deserves to know what's going on around him without hours of hemming and hawing." The half-fae shrugged. "Besides, I'm his Guard, now. You can't ask me to keep things from him. You all were so wrapped up in your tip-toeing you didn't notice the daggers his eyes were shooting at you."

"Thanks, Zeru. But, please, never call me itty bitty ever again."

Zeru just grinned at me.

Guy licked my chin to get my attention. Ew, wolf drool on my face. I wiped it off and blinked at him. My werewolf was looking extremely serious for a canine.

"Oh, right." I looked away, but Takashi and Riley were right there, too, giving me concerned, imploring looks. "Uh, I wasn't dreaming about the king."

There. That should calm them down a bit.

"If it wasn't the king… Then was it the one who took you?" Riley asked, holding a hand over his heart as though it pained him.

Damn it. They didn't look calmer. They were supposed to look calmer.

"It's not a big deal," I said, trying to make my voice light. Not sure how successful I was. I tried to wriggle out from underneath Guy. "I'm gonna go grab a shower. I feel grimy."

Guy chuffed, refusing to be moved, trying to make very significant eye contact, which I dodged.

"Jesus, you weigh a ton," I groaned. "Let me go bathe."

"I believe Guy may be suggesting that it's time to address what created the need for you to be rushed to the Unseelie Court in the first place," Takashi said firmly but not without kindness.

I blew out a frustrated breath, still shoving ineffectually at the werewolf sprawled on me. Panic was crawling up my throat, but it wasn't because of Guy holding me down. I didn't want to have this conversation.

"Look, I know you all were kind of freaked out when you couldn't find me and then I showed up hurt…"

"Just kind of?" Riley muttered, I glared at him and continued talking.

"But I'm back and I'm fine, now," I snapped.

"You are not fine!" Takashi suddenly shouted, startling the crap out of me. I had never heard him raise his voice before. I stared at him, shocked.

Where Guy's furry body was touching me suddenly tingled with pins and needles, even through the blankets. I gasped as I felt his body moving in ways a body shouldn't. It was over in seconds and warm hazel eyes were looking down at me from Guy's human face.

"Mick, please," he said gently. "You don't know how you looked when I found you in your car… There was so much blood. We need to at least know who had you and how he got you, so we can help make sure it can never happen again."

"It won't happen again," I said stubbornly, turning my head away from those eyes that seemed to see much more than I wanted them to.

"Then explain why so we can stop worrying about what might happen the next time we're out in the world and can't be with you," Guy said, voice obnoxiously patient and reasonable. "And promise that you'll talk to someone about what happened. This kind of thing is part of my job. I've seen people self-destruct after traumas much less severe than what you've been through. I can't stand by and watch it happen to you."

His words hung in the air. I'd nearly forgotten that Guy was some weird combo of a cop and a therapist for the pack. I also knew he was probably thinking about the time he'd tried to drag me to the hospital after I'd gotten a bit overzealous with my knife after a hard day. Shit, he probably thought I was some kind of ticking time bomb, ready to implode the minute they took their eyes off me.

I felt off balance. Takashi had shouted and Guy was being way too reasonable. It was like being in bizarro world. Next Zeru would stop baiting Riley and Riley would start dressing like a leather daddy. Anxiety was curling tighter and tighter in my chest like a snake coiling to strike. I didn't want to talk about Les and the things he'd done. I wanted to take all of it, every moment, and shove it down so deep I never had to look at it again. It was like if the words passed my lips…

Lester

I was stupid

He took me

I should have known

So stupid

He did things

I couldn't get away

Couldn't make him stop

Thought he was going to kill me

Would have maybe been better if he had

… those words would come out like poison and cover everything with filthy tar that would never come off again.

"You're going to give him a panic attack," Zeru said but it sounded far off, like he was speaking from down a hall instead of across the room.

I slammed the lid down on the memories of Lester and the things he'd done. I could almost hear the echoing clang in my mind. I locked it tight but other things swirled in my head. Tighearnain. I couldn't get away from him either. He'd used magic to bind me physically and to try to trap me mentally. The fear that he was going to tear my body apart, leave me broken and injured as badly as Lester had... The king was too big and he wasn't gentle. He took what he wanted and my opinions meant nothing.

Yet, even with the fear and the pain, I'd liked it, had come so hard I'd blacked out. And I was going to be doing it all again in a few months on the summer solstice, when he'd have even more time with me and I might be alone. I couldn't expect the men to drop everything and nanny me several times a year so I could get fucked by court fae.

So I could come be the King's whore.

"Yep, there he goes."

There was Zeru's voice again, it sounded even further away this time, but that might have been from the rushing in my ears or that it was hard to hear him over the pounding of my heart.

"Get off me, Guy." My words thrummed with power, compulsion. I hadn't even done it on purpose, but I didn't care. I'd had enough.

Guy jumped off me like he'd been scalded and I noticed he was stark naked. It was sad that I wasn't in any state of mind to enjoy the view. I shoved the blankets off and shot to my feet so fast the room lurched around me. I felt a hand on my arm and yanked away so violently I nearly knocked myself to the floor. I turned my head to see Takashi at my side, hands up like I had a gun on him. I also noticed I was as naked as Guy. Fucking great. Everybody could have a nice look at my junk and my scars.

"I'm taking a shower." My voice felt loud in my ears but I could hardly hear it over the banging of my heart.

"Mick," Guy said gently, but it felt like steel wool raking across my brain.

"I'm fine. Gimme twenty minutes to wash up."

I had to walk all the way to the bathroom, which seemed really far away. There was an added level of difficulty since the floor seemed to be tilting under me like a fun house. I made it, though, stumbling through the door. I had said I'd take a shower, but my legs were feeling noodley. A bath seemed safer. I clambered gracelessly into the oversized tub, shivering as I dropped my ass to the cold surface beneath me. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them to hide how badly I was shaking. My head snapped up when I heard the bathroom door click shut.

"Your shower looks kind of like a bath." Riley walked over, sitting on the edge of the tub. "Looks pretty dry, too."

I didn't look at him, I was working on not breathing like a gasping fish.

"Hey." The red-headed fae slipped into the tub, sliding behind me. His legs stuck out straight on either side of me as his arms surrounded me, wrapping over top of mine. "Breathe with me. Slow in, slow out. Breathe when I breathe."

"Ugh," I wheezed. "Fucking…fuck."

"Come on, baby." Riley ran his fingers through my hair gently. "You're okay."

He sat there with me, soothing fingertips dragging gently over my scalp, taking slow deep breaths that I struggled to match. Eventually, my heart stopped running like a jackrabbit and the iron band crushing my chest released.

"Ready for some actual water in this bath?" Riley asked softly.

I nodded, too wiped out to bother with actually speaking. Riley shifted me around so he could get up, strip off his clothes, and turn on the water. He climbed back in behind me, tugging at me until I laid back against his chest. Warm water kissed my toes, slowly swirling higher.

"How you doing?" Riley asked gently, wrapping his arms around me.

It didn't make me feel trapped, though. Even though Riley was smaller than me, he made me feel safe. The skin on skin contact was pleasant and soothing. Probably a combination of Riley being someone I felt comfortable and safe with and that weird fae need to touch other fae.

"Meh," I grumbled, letting my head rest back on his shoulder. "Shitty."

"You've had kind of a shitty day." I could feel him shrug, causing my head to lift and lower.

We were quiet for a while, watching the warm water fill the tub. It stopped on its own when it was a few inches from the top. Crazy sentient bathrooms were kind of nice, if a little creepy.

"We were worried about you," Riley said carefully, as though I were a bomb that he wasn't sure had been defused and he was poking it with a stick.

"I know…" I sighed. "I just couldn't take anymore. Everyone was so loud and too close to me."

"Do you need more space?" Riley asked, loosening his arms.

I grabbed them and pulled them back around me.

"No, this is fine. You weren't bothering me."

"Hmm, good. I like bath snuggles." I felt him rub his cheek against my hair. "You've had a lot thrown at you lately, a lot to deal with. How you're feeling, whatever that might be, is understandable and okay."

"You sound like a therapist," I snorted.

"Well, thank you," Riley said teasingly. "Not sure naked cuddling with clients is allowed for psychologists, though. I'd rather be your friend, I think."

"Thanks," I said, feeling strangely choked up.

"You're okay, Mick," Riley soothed, kissing the back of my head. "I've seen a lot of things and a lot of people go through hell. You're going to make it through and it's going to be okay. I know the others came on kind of strong. They need to cut that crap out. But it's because we all really care about you. You're not alone, you know?"

"Did you take a class on how to make freaked out dentists feel better?" I asked, but my voice sounded flat, tired.

"Nah, I've just been around the block." He shifted behind me, making the water ripple. "I'm an old fogey, you know."

I snorted.

"You don't look or act like one. How old are you, anyway?"

"I don't know exactly," Riley said thoughtfully. "After a while the years start to blur a little. Over five hundred but less than five-fifty."

"You're, ah, very well preserved."

"Thank you. I forget sometimes that you didn't grow up as a fae. Age isn't much of a thought except for the very young and the very ancient. And fae are very good at hiding, blending in," Riley explained. "We pick up on changes in language and things like that extremely fast. And I've been out with the humans for quite a few years." He gave me a little squeeze. "And I've seen enough people be hurt and used to have picked up a couple of things. Like that if you keep pushing away all the bad things and try to pretend they never happened, it's going to eat you up inside and kill you. And I don't mean that euphemistically. Fae can fade from sadness and despair. You could die." Riley took a hitching breath. "I don't want that. I like you, Mick. I want to be able to be your friend for a really long time."

"So, you think I need to see a therapist?" I asked guardedly.

"You need something. What that is depends on you. You need to work through some of this stuff and let other people help you." Riley traced a spiral over my heart with a wet fingertip. "I'd like to be one of those people, and the others do, too. I can't speak for them, but I'm not going to run away or freak out about anything you tell me. Like I said, I've seen some shit."

"So, if I tell you…" My mouth was suddenly dry as a desert and I had to swallow and try again. "I tell you who snatched me and hurt me before Guy found me, then what happens?"

"It depends on what you want to happen," Riley said, that careful tone back in his voice. "Whoever it is has to die," he said firmly, as though it was a given. "I'd think you'd want to be involved in that. You have the right. None of us would go and chase him down without you. Usually, if something like this happens, the loved ones of the person wait until the fae is ready and then they are there as backup when the bastard is confronted and disposed of."

"Usually?" I choked out. "Is this kind of a common thing?"

"Not so much anymore," Riley said soothingly. "A long time ago, there were more wars. Bad things happened. Some fae went crazy and did really fucked up things and had to be dealt with. The person wronged was always supported by their family and friends when vengeance was meted out." He paused. "You don't have to decide how you want that person punished right now. You don't have to decide anything right now. I just wanted you to know."

Something caught my attention and I looked up. Tiny purple and blue flowers were blooming from vines on the ceiling. They began falling, one by one, twirling slowly through the air to land in the water of the bath. A sweet, calming scent drifted with them. When I opened my mind a crack, I felt the Hollow watching me with warmth and concern. I snapped my mind closed again before I could be overwhelmed by her. The flowers were nice, though.

"My stepdad, Les," I whispered, closing my eyes and feeling velvet petals landing on my face as I tipped it up. "He's the one who took me. It…it was really bad. I thought I was going to die. Something happened, I think my glamour broke. Whatever happened when the magic cracked ended up stunning him and I got away. I don't know, maybe it killed him. I was a little out of it. But, I managed to get the keys, take the car, and call Guy."

I felt and heard Riley take a slow, deep breath behind me.

"I'm both glad and grateful that you were able to escape and reach Guy." Riley nuzzled into my hair. "And you're very cute with or without your glamour."

"I feel like I look like a weirdo," I snorted.

"You look like what you are," Riley said warmly. "Fae. I'm sure I looked odd to you when you saw me without my glamour."

"Of course not." I turned my head to look at him, taking in his fiery hair and his exotic green eyes that seemed even brighter next to his golden skin. "I always thought you were fucking stunning."

"And that's what I think about you," Riley said with a grin.

Dammit. I walked right into that one.

"I guess it'll just take some time to adjust," I said, a little grumpily, facing forward again.

"You have time," Riley told me, grabbing a little glass pitcher and pouring something sweet-smelling into his hand. He worked it into my hair, cupping water in his palm and dumping it on my head to make it damp enough to lather. Fuck, it felt good. I nearly melted as he scritched my scalp.

I thought about it. Would it really be so bad being like I was? Everyone seemed to think I'd be able to get some kind of glamour back and I'd be able to look like my old self again; better than hair dye and contacts could ever pull off. And when I wanted to relax, I could be this strange new person I'd discovered. At least my empathy seemed to be under control without the forced glamour I'd had before fucking it up. I wondered how my family would react if they could see me as I truly was.

I sat up suddenly, splashing water out of the tub and making Riley squeak.

"Fuck! My family!" I shouted. "They probably think I'm dead in a ditch, or something!"

The door immediately burst open, causing Takashi, Guy, and Zeru to nearly fall into the room as they all pushed in at once.

"Were you all listening at the goddamned door?" I bellowed angrily. "Get out!" I demanded, the power lacing my words causing them to turn on their heels and exit as quickly as they came in. The door slammed shut behind them.

I sunk down into the water until it was up to my chin.

"Shit, shit, shit," I hissed. "Do you think they heard what I told you? Fuck!"

I dunked myself completely, holding my breath and closing my eyes. It was warm and quiet under the water. The heartbeat in my ears was the loudest sound. I decided I might just live there and never look at anyone ever again.

My new home didn't work out. I started running out of air, stupid need for oxygen so I wouldn't die, and Riley yanked me up by my blossoms stuck to me everywhere. I groaned and slicked my hair away from my face.

"Weren't you going to tell them?" Riley asked gently, hugging me from behind.

I couldn't answer, because I didn't know. At that moment, I would have plucked my confession from Riley's brain if I could have. It was bad enough I had to know. Having anybody else know made me feel fucking dirty. I sighed, poking the flowers floating around in front of me. They dunked under, then bobbed up again. Persistent little buggers, kind of like some nosy friends I knew. But I'd seen their faces when they came in. They were all ready to charge forward and kick some ass for me. Like some villain had crawled through the pipes into my bathroom. Although, considering we were in the dark court of the fae, that might be a reasonable concern.

"I don't want to," I whispered. "I don't want them to look at me and know."

"Honey," Riley said, pain in his voice. "We already knew." I jerked, turning around to look at him with wide eyes. He waved a hand at me. "No, no. Not like that. We didn't know all the particulars and we didn't know who did it, but we all saw how hurt you were and we've seen how it's affected you. We haven't really talked about it, but I'm sure we've all been able to work out enough of the probable details to paint a pretty awful picture."

I started to pull away, but he stopped me and pulled me back to his chest. He was stronger than he looked.

"And you know what?" Riley said softly, as though anything louder would make me bolt like a scared bunny. "We don't look at you any different. We still respect you, still care about you, and we're still here and we're not going anywhere if we can help it." He brushed a blossom from my shoulder and kissed the spot. "It's beyond awful, what happened. And it makes us angry at that piece of shit and worried over you. But you need to know, it's him that all the shame and disgust and anger should be put on. Those things aren't for you. Don't let him make you take on that shit that he needs to own. You get all the warm, fuzzy, nice things from us wanting to love on you extra, and maybe cuddle you half to death."

I clenched my eyes tight so I wouldn't cry. I rolled around in the water so I could hug Riley properly.

"I think you'd be a good therapist," I said shakily, still not sure I wasn't about to embarrass myself with some serious waterworks.

"If the stripping doesn't work out, I know what my next job can be," Riley said, hugging me back, his voice still warm and gentle.

The water was beginning to cool. It was time to get out of the tub. I knew it was time to get myself together and go face the others. Staying in the cold bath and turning into a prune sounded much more fun. Really, a baseball bat to the groin sounded like a more enjoyable activity. Unfortunately, I was all out of baseball gear and Riley had pulled the plug with his toes.

I wondered if I could have the upcoming horrible conversation while sitting in Riley's lap, hiding under a blanket. Maybe two blankets, with a bottle of vodka under there with me to keep me company.