Lavender & Gold - 13. The New Beginning

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

The New Beginning

 

‘And last but not least, here to promote his new film Country Sunsets—and if I’d known before what I know now, he would never have gone single for so long, the scoundrel—Please give a warm welcome to the extremely talented Benjamin Connor!’

The applause and cheering from the audience was deafening, and Ben thought he had never been so nervous to go out there and talk to a chat show host, but there it was, and he trotted out onto the stage, smiling and waving.

Graham stood from his chair and they hugged. Ben turned to the other guests, gave them hugs as well, and sat down.

‘Welcome, Ben!’ Graham beamed at him, and that look clearly said ‘fresh meat’. Ben just smiled.

‘Lovely to be back, Graham.’

‘You’ve had a rather short American press tour this time, haven’t you?’

Ben shrugged. ‘Well, I’ve had things to do here. Didn’t want to stay away too long.’

‘I think we all know what, or should I say whom, you’ve been doing by now.’ The audience cheered and whistled. ‘You’ve kept very quiet about it in other interviews, but I really feel I have to ask . . . I mean, we’ve all followed your Twitter feed, haven’t we?’

Ben laughed. ‘It’s been wild. Feels like my follower count doubled overnight.’

‘So how are things going, then? Is your man fully recovered after that awful assault?’

‘You know,’ said Ben, crossing his legs and leaning back in the sofa, ‘I don’t really want to tell his story, as it’s his to tell, but I can tell you that his recovery has gone remarkably well. He is, perhaps, not fully healed, but definitely getting there.’

‘And I’m sure we’re all very happy to hear it.’

‘What I will say is that he has a new single coming out next Thursday. It’s debuting on Radio 6 Music at five pm. It’ll be available on Spotify and iTunes and all those places, too.’

‘Same day as your premiere? Fantastic news! Now, how is your life after your coming out? As liberal as Hollywood appears to be, I understand there’s been some trouble with certain studios?’

‘I don’t like to name names, but yes, there has.’ Ben picked up a glass of white wine from the table and had a sip.

‘Being gay in Hollywood . . .’

‘You know, Graham, I honestly don’t think of myself as gay. I’ve had many relationships with women in the past, and they were real. I’m not really a fan of labels.’

‘Fair enough.’

‘Well, I for one think you’ve handled this remarkably well,’ said one of the other guests, a moderately famous singer. ‘You’ve been so much in the media spotlight. The tabloids write more about you than they do about Justin Bieber.’

The audience laughed.

‘Well, it is what it is, really,’ said Ben. ‘I am a very private person, I like to decide for myself if and when personal information about me will be circulated. But the news cycle will turn.’

‘I think everyone was just very surprised when it turned out you liked, well . . .’ said Graham, raising his eyebrows, and the audience laughed and cheered again.

Ben made a face. ‘It’s not really that, even. I like Mark. Doesn’t matter which appendages come with that package.’

A drawn out ‘awww’ from the audience culminated in applause. Graham smiled. ‘I know some folks in the audience would like to say something to that. Would you be willing to take a few questions?’

‘Absolutely,’ said Ben. ‘Can’t promise I’ll answer all of them.’

The audience laughed again.

A woman sitting at the edge of row three was given a microphone.

‘What’s your name?’ asked Graham.

‘Ellie,’ said the woman.

‘And where are you from?’

‘Essex.’

‘I’m terribly sorry.’ More laughter from the audience. ‘Now what’s your question?’

‘Well,’ said Ellie, ‘there were a lot of rumours about you and Matilda Weber while you were filming The King’s Man. How did your boyfriend feel about that?’

Ben smiled. ‘Matilda and I became very close, and I consider her a good, personal friend. Mark knows this, and trusts me. He isn’t really the jealous type.’

The microphone travelled up the rows to somewhere in the back, where a man in his late twenties stood up. He introduced himself as Dan, and said, ‘Don’t you think it’s a bit of a cop-out to avoid labels? If you were to publicly identify as gay, that would do a lot for the LGBT community.’

‘Well, I mean, it’s not like I’m straight, either. I suppose you could call me bisexual if you want,’ Ben conceded. ‘But honestly, I just fall in love with people. Gender is irrelevant. Many other people who are part of the queer community feel that way as well, so maybe I’m granting them visibility.’ He paused. ‘Mark is incredibly gay, though.’

The audience laughed, and Dan sat down, looking mildly embarrassed.

The microphone was passed to a young man in the middle of the sixth row.

‘What’s your name?’ asked Graham.

‘Kevin,’ said the man. He had a high, clear voice. He didn’t look more than nineteen at most.

‘And where are you from, Kevin?’

‘I’m from Belfast.’

‘And you came here to see Ben?’ The young man nodded. ‘That’s a long way, well done. Well, let’s hear what you have to say.’

Kevin seemed to hesitate, but did so only for a moment. ‘I just wanted to say that I’m really grateful for how honest and open you’ve been with fans, in spite of how private you are, and how supportive you’ve been of the queer community. You may not realise how much that means to people. Thanks to you, I gathered the courage to come out to my family as trans.’

The audience gave a great big cheer at that.

‘I’m so happy to hear that, Kevin,’ said Ben, and he truly was. As many supportive tweets as he had read in the past couple of months, he hadn’t really thought much about what his coming out could mean for queer fans.

‘I always knew I was really a man. I’ve come out, I’m starting on T, I’ve met a wonderful guy who loves me for who I am.’

Another cheer and applause rose up from the audience.

‘And is he here with you?’ asked Graham.

‘Yeah, he’s sitting next to me. He doesn’t want to get up, though.’

’And now you’re out on national television too,’ said Graham.

Kevin laughed. ‘I suppose I am. Worth it. Thank you, Ben.’

Ben smiled, and felt a tear on his cheek. He didn’t trust himself to speak, but put his hands together and bowed his head in respect for this brave young person.

‘Well, Ben? What do you say to that?’

Ben wiped the tear from his cheek. ‘I really don’t know what to say.’ His voice broke slightly and he cleared his throat. ‘It’s a bit overwhelming to hear a story like that. Thank you, Kevin. Thank you so much.’ Then he stood up, went off the stage and took the steps up to the sixth row two at a time. He went to the middle of the row, shaking a few hands along the way, and when he reached the young man Kevin, he hugged him.

Kevin hugged him back, clearly moved and overwhelmed and shaking slightly.

‘Really,’ said Ben as they pulled apart. ‘Thank you. You are a braver man than I, and I think your story will inspire other members of the queer community far more than I ever could.’

Thunderous applause and cheers followed him back to his seat.

‘Well,’ said Graham, looking quite emotional himself. ‘That was certainly one of the more powerful moments we’ve had on this show.’ Changing his demeanour to his normal self, he continued, ‘Now, I thought we might have a look at some amusing tweets from fans we’ve managed to dig up . . .’

* * *

Ben threw his keys on the hall sideboard and unlaced his shoes. ‘Mark?’

Mark hobbled out of the sitting room, smiling. He was still limping a bit, but was down to only using his crutch when he was outside. More importantly, the bruising on his face was completely healed. He was in his pyjamas. ‘Hey!’

‘Hey.’ Ben returned the smile.

‘How was Graham Norton?’

‘You’ll see tomorrow, won’t you?’

Mark cocked an eyebrow. ‘What did you say about me?’

Ben avoided the question by swooping him up into a deep kiss. He tasted faintly of pineapple, and Ben briefly wondered what he had eaten to make him taste like that. The thought vanished promptly when Mark began to kiss him back, his velvety soft tongue making Ben moan. When they pulled apart, they were both panting.

Ben wondered, as they moved towards the bedroom, whether they would ever stop wanting each other like this. Whether, after a couple of years, sex would become routine, like it did for so many couples. But then, he just couldn’t imagine it, and when Mark wordlessly pulled him down onto the bed, Ben knew there was nowhere he would rather be than here, right now, in this moment, with Mark.

He felt suddenly vulnerable. ‘Mark?’ he breathed, as Mark worked on his belt buckle.

‘Mhm?’

‘Will . . .’ Ben hesitated. ‘Will you fuck me tonight?’

Pulling down Ben’s trousers, Mark looked at him, and smiled. ‘I will do whatever you want.’

‘Then, please fuck me.’

Mark’s smile turned vaguely predatory, and he took Ben’s cock into his mouth.

* * *

The week passed. The Graham Norton appearance had been a roaring success. The Internet buzzed with positive energy from every LGBTQIA fan and ally out there. Ben got so many messages of thanks on his Twitter that he felt quite moved, and he was told that screenshots and gifs from the show were spreading across Tumblr like wildfire.

He and Mark both woke up on Thursday feeling nervous. Ben because the Country Sunsets premiere was that evening, and Mark because this was the day his first ever single would debut on national radio. The day before, Alice had picked up and delivered Mark’s suit for the premiere, a beautiful three piece ensemble in charcoal grey, tailored precisely to him.

Ben spent the day brushing up on the celebrities and other VIPs who were likely to show up for the premiere. Mark mostly sat around plucking no melody in particular on his guitar. Half an hour before they were due to play his song, he nervously switched on the radio, and sat next to it, brimming with anxious energy. Ben felt excited. Mark had refused to let him hear the song, so it would be brand new to him as well.

At five, it started. ‘. . . happy to present to you the debut single of the talented Mark Harrison. This is Lavender and Gold.’ Ben sat down next to Mark.

It began with a soft acoustic guitar intro that segued into quiet strumming on the one. Ben recognised the timbre of the old banged up Gibson. Then came Mark’s voice, as beautiful as in real life.

 

Words and conversation, there is no warm embrace

Applause and great ovations just so I can see your face

There are treasures buried in me, dig deep, you’ll find them there, if you just take the time

 

The strumming became more energetic and rhythmic. No percussion, just the rhythmic strumming.

 

Eyes of gold gleam like sunlight on the sea

A galaxy of colour means you’re far away from me

Still I wonder now if only you were free, maybe you’d take the time

 

The time to let me see what’s going on in your mind

What genius I might find

But as it is you’re somewhere out of reach, but not out of sight

 

Because want travels faster than light

And what I want I think you know

I want you to dig a hole in me and make a home

Somewhere you can be safe and whole and never alone, no never alone

 

Ben had almost forgotten that chorus. It was beautiful, and now, something about it seemed so deeply sensual, almost erotic.

A bass joined in.

 

Quietly and softly, the waves hit the shore

Lavender and steely grey and hidden evermore

Crashing then so suddenly, oh let me hear your voice, this could be heaven

 

It’s not about me, it is all about you

You know it to be true

And no matter if you want me now, I’ll see this through

 

Soft backing vocals joined in for the first and third line of the chorus. Mark’s voice, overdubbed and mixed back.

 

Because want travels faster than light

And what I want I think you know

I want you to dig a hole in me and make a home

Somewhere you can be safe and whole, and never alone, no never alone

 

An instrumental portion followed, with Mark’s voice mixed down in the background, vocalising a haunting, ethereal melody, before the bridge returned. Mark’s voice sounded somehow more urgent now.

 

You’ve taken all my reason, you’ve taken all my rhyme

It’s changing all the time

And you don’t even see it, but you shine so bright!

 

Because want travels faster than light

And what I want I think you know

I want you to dig a hole in me and make a home

Somewhere you can be safe and whole and never alone

 

Mark’s voice grew stronger, more vigorous, as he added some vocal improvisation to the final chorus.

 

Want travels faster than light

And what I want I think you know

I want you to dig a hole in me and make a home

Somewhere you can be safe and whole, and never alone, no never alone

Never alone, no never alone

Never alone, no never alone . . .

 

The song ended on a single major seventh chord, followed by the sound of strings being muted and the guitar being put down, and that was it.

Ben sat frozen for what felt like several minutes, whatever they were saying on the radio completely filtered out. His cheeks were wet, and he wondered when he had started crying. After a long moment, he turned to Mark, and as he spoke, his voice broke.

‘That’s . . . Oh, God, Mark, that’s the most beautiful . . .’ He couldn’t express his feelings in words, so instead he pulled his boyfriend into a tight embrace. Mark drew a shuddering breath.

‘I was afraid you wouldn’t like it . . .’

Ben hugged him tighter still. ‘How could I not like it? It’s . . .’

‘It’s a very public love letter.’

Ben laughed softly, because he didn’t know what else to do. Then he released Mark, looked deep into those deep grey eyes shifting in lavender, and kissed him deeply and thoroughly. He ran his tongue along Mark’s lower lip, and Mark gave a shuddering sigh. Ben slid his hand up Mark’s t-shirt, sliding a thumb over his nipple, and Mark gasped against his lips.

They broke the kiss, and Mark rested his forehead against Ben’s. ‘We . . . we need to start getting ready. We have to be at the cinema in two hours.’

‘Plenty of time,’ said Ben, squeezing his nipple.

‘Ah! What if we’re late?’

‘I don’t give a shit. I need you.’

Mark kissed him fiercely. Ben stood, pulled Mark to his feet, and lifted him off the ground. Mark put his legs around Ben’s waist, and Ben carried him into the bedroom, laying him down on the bed and crawling on top of him.

‘You are the most beautiful, most amazing human being in the world,’ said Ben. ‘You make me so incredibly happy. Every moment we’re together, I love you more and more. I don’t know how else to put it, I’m—‘

Mark reached up, grabbed him by the back of the neck and kissed him, hard. Then he pulled away slightly and whispered, ‘Shut up.’

Ben didn’t know how, so instead he found something else to occupy his mouth, pulling down Mark’s trousers and pants and taking him into his mouth. His lover was already hard, and it made Ben want him even more desperately than he already did.

‘Fuck . . .’ Mark’s voice was husky, and his breathing ragged. ‘Oh, God, Ben . . . That feels amazing.’

Ben pulled his mouth off Mark’s cock, gave the tip a lick, sending a shudder through Mark’s body, and stroked his shaft while he said, ‘What do you want, Mark? Tell me.’

‘Ugh . . . I don’t know . . . Everything.’

Ben chuckled. ‘Be a bit more specific, love.’

‘Difficult when . . . when your voice is like that. God, you make me so hot . . .’

Ben gave the tip of his cock another gentle lick, and then caressed up and down his thigh with his fingertips, getting closer to his arse with every movement. Finally, he stopped, and teased at Mark’s hole with the tip of a finger. Mark threw his head back and swore.

‘This what you want?’ asked Ben silkily.

Mark nodded. ‘Mhm . . .’

‘Then tell me.’

‘I . . . I want you to fuck me. Please, Ben . . . I need you.’

Ben kissed his way up Mark’s body until he reached his lips, kissing him deeply. Then he leaned over him towards the bedside table and got the lube out of the drawer. He watched Mark’s face while he prepped him.

‘Oh . . . God, fuck . . .’

Ben groaned. ‘God, you’re so fucking hot . . . I can’t wait to be inside you.’

‘Then . . . fuck, then don’t wait!’

Mark turned over on his side. Ben pulled off his shirt and his trousers, giving his cock a few loose strokes before positioning himself at Mark’s entrance. He slowly began working his way inside, and Mark moaned helplessly. Mark’s back rose and fell against Ben’s chest as he slid all the way in, kissing the back of his neck.

‘Fuck, Mark . . .’ Ben licked his lips. ‘You feel so good, you have no idea . . . Oh god . . .’

‘Kiss me,’ Mark whined. ‘Please . . .’

Ben did as he was asked, Mark craning his neck to find Ben’s lips. Ben took Mark’s hand, entwining their fingers, and started to move. Mark felt like Mark always did. He felt like velvet. And he felt like home.

Fucking him was finding home.

‘Ben . . . Oh god, Ben, I’m getting so close already.’

Ben licked his lips again. ‘Me too. Don’t want to come yet.’

‘Me . . . me neither.’

Ben pulled out of him for a minute, looking down at Mark, his lidded eyes, his chest rising and falling, his hair, freshly dyed light purple, almost pink. He kissed him again, and suddenly found himself crying.

‘Hey . . .’ Mark rolled over and put his arms around him, holding him tightly. ‘You okay?’

Ben nodded. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I’m really very okay, I just . . . I didn’t . . . I don’t think I understood until right now, how you feel about me. How I feel about you. I love you, I know that and you know that, but this . . .’ He paused. It was hard to express himself. ‘You’ve made me whole. You’ve given me a home.’

Mark smiled. ‘Now you’re just paraphrasing my lyrics back at me.’

‘No, it’s true, though. That’s what’s so amazing. That’s why . . . That’s why it moved me so much. Because it’s what you’ve done, what you said in the song. And I know you sang me that chorus months ago, but . . . You know, I remembered the song, but I didn’t understand the words, not properly, not until now.’

He stroked Mark’s cheek with the back of his hand. ‘I don’t want to fuck you.’

Mark frowned. ‘What? Why?’

‘Because I want to make love to you.’

Mark’s expression softened, and he smiled. ‘You’re the only one who could ever say that and make me want you more.’

Ben reached down, stroked Mark’s cock a couple of time, watching his eyes flutter closed. Then he pushed him over on his back, positioning himself between his legs, and pushed inside him again, slowly, gently. He made love to him. Moved inside him until they moved like one, kissing him, kissing his neck, and whispering, ‘I love you, Mark. I love you so much.’

‘I . . . I love you too.’

They built up together, and Ben held back until he could see Mark’s cock twitch, until his moans that filled the room turned into desperate, high pitched groans. Then he took his cock in his hand again and stroked it until he came. He tightened around Ben, impossibly tight, and Ben came as well, with a loud groan.

He collapsed on top of Mark, breathing heavily, and Mark put his arms around him, kissed his cheek and his neck. This. This right here. This was everything. This was his home.

* * *

Ben got out of the shower and began to dress. Grey shirt. Gold cufflinks. He frowned. Where was his blue tie?

‘Alice and I picked this out for you,’ came Mark’s voice, and Ben turned around to see him hold up a tie, golden yellow. ‘Got you a matching pocket square, too.’

He came up to him and tied the tie for him, folding down the collar and giving him a peck on the lips. ‘There.’

He turned away, and began to get dressed.

Ben checked his phone. ‘Wow, people are already talking about your song.’

‘What are they saying?’

‘That it’s amazing, which of course it is. I’m getting a lot of mentions too, though.’

As he stood there, his phone rang in his hand. It was Harry. ‘How are you? Ready for tonight?’

‘As ready as I can be,’ said Ben.

‘Good, good! Well, I just wanted to check in. Also wanted to ask you to tell Mark how amazing his song is. I cried.’

Ben smiled. ‘Will do.’

‘Hey . . . Think he’ll do anything unpredictable tonight?’

‘Well, this is Mark we’re talking about.’ Mark perked up at the mention of his name and looked at Ben. ‘Be ready for anything.’ Ben was rewarded with a grin.

When they were ready, they stood across from each other, Ben in a black suit and charcoal shirt, with golden tie and pocket square, Mark in charcoal suit and black shirt, with a lavender tie and pocket square.

‘Wow,’ said Ben. ‘You look amazing.’

‘So do you.’

Ben frowned. ‘Wait. Does this mean Alice heard the song before I did?’

Mark smiled sheepishly. ‘Almost everyone heard it before you did . . . I just wanted it to be a surprise.’

Ben closed the distance between them and kissed him, trying not to mess up his hair, but he wanted so badly to run his fingers through it. It matched the tie.

When he pulled away, he sighed. ‘Can’t we just stay in and have sex?’

Mark laughed. ‘No, we can’t. Mike will be downstairs waiting just about now.’ He took Ben’s hand and kissed it. ‘But when we get back here tonight, after the party . . . I’m all yours.’ He paused, looking pensive. ‘Also, if we get really desperate, we can always suck each other off in a bathroom somewhere.’

They both laughed.

* * *

They drove up to the theatre, and Ben’s heart was in his throat.

‘Ready, guys?’ asked Alice.

Ben nodded, but he felt slightly sick. He wasn’t normally nervous at premieres, but then he’d never brought Mark to one before either. Mark seemed to notice, and squeezed his hand gently. ‘It’ll be fine,’ he said.

Ben nodded. The door opened, and they stepped out of the car.

A cheer rose up from the assembled crowd as they began to make their way up the red carpet into the cinema, Mark at a slight limp. Cameras flashed. This was the first time Ben and Mark had officially been seen together in public, and Ben knew people would be curious, but he hadn’t expected this. Country Sunsets wasn’t even a particularly big movie, but here the paparazzi stood assembled, journalists called his name, and fans jumped up and down. Some were holding signs. He caught sight of one that read, Ben + Mark, in purple glitter, inside a gold heart. Some waved rainbow flags.

‘Ben! Ben, are you looking forward to tonight?’

‘Ben! What made you decide to bring a man to tonight’s premiere?’

And then, ‘Mark! Mark, was Lavender and Gold about you and Ben?’

Mark stopped, making Ben stop as well. He turned towards the journalist who had asked the question and smiled. ‘Yes,’ he said simply. ‘It was.’ Then he turned towards Ben, and pulled him into a deep and sensual kiss. The clicking of cameras, the cheering of the crowd, all became background noise as they stood there, arms around one another, lips moving against each other.

God, how he loved this man. This kid who had come out of nowhere and turned his world upside down. Who had showed him the kind of love Ben thought was reserved for fairytales. This perfectly imperfect human being, spontaneous, unpredictable and reckless, but ultimately the most loyal and loving of people. And what luck, what infinite fortune, that Mark loved him back.

Ben wanted to spend the rest of his life, just like this.

When at last they separated, Ben felt his face flush. He felt hot, and quite turned on, and deeply embarrassed, because he had never, ever kissed anyone like that in public before. He shook it off, though, smiled and waved at the crowd.

Then he took Mark’s hand, pressed it to his lips, and hand in hand, they walked into the cinema, together.

 

END