In all cases -- your friends making out, Chaz bringing friends, Selene asking to be picked up -- nobody did anything wrong. Your unhappiness is entirely self-generated, from setting up artificial expectations and then not letting go of them.

To paraphrase one of the 4 noble truths: suffering arises from attachment to expectations.

And then you take out your own self-generated unhappiness on Chaz and Selene!!

Green Dude-

Transference: a psychological defense in which the source of anger/anxiety is transfurred from its real source to another. This usually happens when the source of the anger is unreachable or unassailable and the anger is transfurred to a "safe" target. This is very destructive to relationships and causes anger completely out of porportion with the irritation.

In the four cases of your friends rubbing you the wrong way, yes- what they did was annoying BUT none of them had any reason to think that it would be offensive. The boys making out probably didn't think you would be mad. Selene asking you to pick her up was a favor between friends that you've exchanged a hundred times. Chaz bringing other people to the movie may have been irritating but you didn't say not to and as soon as he saw it was a problem, he was sorry.

Having read your blog for a while, I think I have a pretty good idea who it is that you are really angry at and why. Put that focus where it should be and you can avoid hurting the friends that you love and are close to.

Another thing that may reduce some friction with your friends is to create clear boundries. When you don't have clear boundries, and you show yourself to be accepting and mellow, people will tromp all over them. This is not out of malice but because they don't know where the line is and you have to gently show them where it is.

-JS

Hey Green, I know I've never posted in your blog before, but I hope you don't mind this time. Anyway I think it's mostly true that no one was trying to hurt you, but it's easy to understand why their actions did.

Speaking for myself I can't stand to feel "out of the loop". I'd have been a little hurt to find out that two of my closest friends had secretly paired off when no one was looking too. Also it's TOTALLY logical that it would make you feel better that Selene didn't know either.....no one wants to be the "last to know". So your feelings are very VERY reasonable.....but try to see it from their point of view too (of course I don't really know the situation just takin a shot, based on normal human emotions). There's a good chance this hasn't been going on very long.....in fact is it possible that today was the first day? I mean maybe something just kinda happened between them right before you came in, and that's why it was awkward, and perhaps they just kinda "picked up" where they left off. And even if it isn't the first time, chances are it is pretty new still, otherwise they probably wouldn't be going to the trouble of keeping it a secret. Maybe they don't really know where it's going, and don't want all the pressure and expectations of their friends. So they find it easier to keep it quiet until they sort out their feelings. Also they may even have had your feelings in mind (perhaps not the best way to do it but still), I mean maybe they didn't want you to feel left out, or embarrassed. Also the fault you have with them isn't that they did it but that they didn't tell you. Well if it's newish, they really may not have had the natural chance to tell you. I mean there's nothing to tell until it happens, and it's possible it's only just starting ot happen. If people are feeling that "magic moment" for the first time, and just starting to lean in for that first kiss or whatever, chances are no one would really pull back and say, "ok so lets tell everyone important to us about this". Anyway I hope I didn't offend you, and really I'd have felt the EXACT same way in all likelihood, this is just how I"d have tried to make myself feel better, so I figured I'd give it a shot with you too. Anyway take care and I hope you can work stuff out with them.

Green, the other entries say it best...so, just chill..I am betting that your friends are new at kissing each other....so chill, see what happens...and honestly, if even Selene (who to me always has the 4-1-1 before anyone else since she has good intuition doesn't know..then I am betting its new)

As Friendly said, its probably so new that your friends don't even know what it is (past a kiss that is)

so, hang...lf there is something to tell, I am sure they will spill the beans:)

In the mean time, worry about Green since you have had a tough November....so Hugs sent your way and take care of yourself....you deserve time for yourself and I say go give Chaz a kiss or kisses..that will make you both feel better:)

Michael

Green dude, are you alright, I don't think we have heard from you in a bit and it's starting to freak me out.