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What should I be looking for?


W_L

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I have had to re-evaluate this several times with various short hands: LTR, NSA, FB, and ect.

 

Some of you probably have used all these along with other short hand expressions, but I just don't know anymore what I am looking for.

 

Seriously, I really want a long term relationship, but most guys are in it for the quickie. I can't blame them, since I do the same thing, which is a crappy way to live life in my view. It is just a lonely existence without someone to cuddle up with, but it is even worst if the guy is in it for a one night stand.

 

It doesn't help that my personality makes it difficult to find a guy that likes me for my interests or work.

 

I guess I am catching that same Spring Fever I always catch trying to find a guy to be with for the long haul and stuff, but it's just that I don't know what I want right now.

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this is all spoken from the position of someone who has been unable to solve a similar problem...

 

but i do notice that socially, the people who need something too badly of course do not get it, because need is socially unattractive (for some reasons that make sense and others that are horrible).

 

the ridiculous thing people would tell you is that you'll find what you're looking for when you stop looking, and yet those people end up correct for reasons that we puzzle-everything-to-death types will never understand.

 

in other words: try not to try?

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myself i must remakes response was between mine (he posted before i finished my long one) but better put vs. my huge novel, he is still a huge loser but yeah what he said.

 

don't date people 5 years younger cause they'll act that.

 

a while back a dude older than me he'd be 27 now dated some 18 year old when he was 25 and that didn't work out and he pined about it forever

 

HERRRRRDUUURR

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I wouldn't try to stick one of those labels onto anything you're looking for. It limits your opportunities and like you said, you may come off badly to the other guy. Just meet people, not meet people for ltr, meet people for nsa, or whatever. It's my approach anyways. Sure I'd love to date again and be in a relationship but I'm not going out with that written on my forehead and I'm not gonna look for it. it's one of those things that I'd prefer to just come alone anyways rather than coerced into.

 

So in short, you should be looking for friends.

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Nah sorry, "not looking for it" is crap. You have to look for it; nobody will help you if you don't help yourself. Don't be needy - be driven and determined. You know what you want and there is no reason you should not have it. You must believe in yourself 100% that someone else deserves you and that you deserve them. You can't take a back seat and hope something will just fall into your lap while you're sat in a dark room on your computer. That only works for a few very lucky people and it's best to assume that it won't work for you.

Otherwise you'll eventually end up asking "Why does nobody want me?!" and you will be needy and desperate, when the answer is simply because nobody knows about you.

 

Get yourself out there, reconnect with your old friends because they may have picked up new gay friends while you've been out of touch with them. Sign up to dating sites and make profiles filled with decent photos of yourself (news flash: people are shallow, not that I would know...). Your profile must make you seem friendly and approachable and at the same time the guy that everybody wants to date. Know your strengths, emphasise them.

Be down to earth, not arrogant. Be up for anything while knowing your limits and yet being prepared to push them.

Don't argue with people you might want to date, be that online or offline. It will make you appear rude and aggressive.

If they make a major blunder do not be afraid to walk away physically or virtually: you are in control here because you have something they want. If they destroy that thing about them which you want by their own stupid actions then you are in control because they have nothing you want.

Sound much like applying for a job? It is.

 

 

TL:DR - veni vidi vici. Above all - you must come to the party. You must come to be seen and you must be seen to conquer.

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