I’m sure many of you read that this past week my cousin decided to end his own life. As I’ve been struggling with this, crying constantly, and the likes. I’ve found strength that I never knew I had. Over these past twelve months that I’ve been a part of gayauthors, I’m sure you’ve gotten to know me (to some extent) and where I stand on the topic of suicide. On September 27^th one of the questions that I posed to our fellow authors/admins/editors, etc, was simple and direct to this fact.

“Given the modern climate in our society, constantly hearing of another gay teen committing suicide across our television screens, how would you, given the chance, save someone's life? Yes, the Trevor Project is amazing, as is the It Gets Better movement. So, in as few words as possible, how does it get better and why does it get better?”

Here’s the link if you’re interested.

Despite the attitude of this being directly correlated as teens committing suicide because of their sexual orientation, is moot at best. Regardless of orientation, anyone doing such an act is tragic and not only hurting the person, but also their entire family. Including me in this instance.

Some of you may know my own past and possibly not. But I was suicidal for two years about eleven years ago. That time in my life was hell on earth, but unlike some; I actually had a support system and a logical mind that told me that if I went through with such an act, not only would I no longer be here, but I would crush my family. This was something I didn’t want to do.

So in that respect, I know how it feels; I’ve been there. I just wish he knew how much he was loved. During the viewing and funeral, people like myself, couldn’t understand why he’d done such a thing. Everyone was crushed, torn, and left feeling empty. About 300 people showed up to pay their final respects, while many others couldn’t even enter the room. They wanted to remember him like he was; a joyful young man who always had a smile on his face.

To say it was a difficult day would be an understatement. But my resolve is the same, I want to help people, and unfortunately I couldn’t be that rock for my own cousin. I know I can’t dwell on the what ifs, and the whys. But I still know that tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe one day, given the chance, I’ll once again try my best to save that one life. That’s always been my goal.