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Monogamy Does Exist Right?

AFriendlyFace

Entry posted by AFriendlyFace

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So today sucked!

 

Let's see where to begin? Well first off I text messaged, then eventually called and old (very dear) friend of mine, Claire. I could write pages on end about the complicated, but awesome sorta past we've had, but to get to the subject at hand; she broke up with her girlfriend, Mary. They'd been dating about two years now too. And actually they were one of those examples of "a happy gay couple I knew in real life". I dunno after hearing all about it, I guess it's for the best. But the thing is it's still really complicated. See my friend is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. So basically the entire time they were going out, she was supporting Mary, she paid all the bills etc. Well when they broke up, she basically just went ahead and let her stay. Then to top it all off, she moved, and Mary moved with her. I mean I guess it isn't really any of my business, but they're broken up, I get that they're still really close, and that's awesome, but I think the least she can do now is start pulling her own weight. I don't know though, I guess if I put myself in her shoes.....I'd have trouble kicking out an ex too, especially if he didn't have anywhere to go, and we hadn't broken up badly (apparently their break up wasn't that messy). But I do think I'd have said something along the lines of "OK so now that we're not together, you can stay till you find a job and a place to live, but then you're on your own, just let me know if you need help".

 

Well anyway the story doesn't end there. Mary's ex girlfriend Pam (from before Claire), is apparently moving back to the state. And planing to move in with them! Pam is in love with Claire it seems, and while Claire likes her as a person, she's doesn't feel that way (Plus, obviously that'd be complicated). Well Mary now wants Claire back, and Claire thinks it's because she's worried/jealous about something happening with Pam and Claire. Pam's solution to all this is what really depressed me about humanity. "why don't we all be together?" Some kinda three way relationship or something. I shouldn't criticize I know, but a monogamous (two person) relationship, is a value I hold rather dear. Anyway Claire, rightly, pointed out that was crazy and there's no way she'd go in for that (go Claire!). It just upset me that that was a real "viable alternative" or whatever. And it also upsets me because I feel Claire's totally getting the shaft here, and she's one of my all time favorite people. Then I'm also upset because they pretty much were the last "successful" gay couple I knew, so I guess I'm disillusioned.

 

I guess it doesn't have anything to do with being gay anyway. Straight couples face problems with cheating and lack of commitment too.....but uh...that really doesn't make me feel any better. I mean monogamy does exist right?? Actually I still know of a few successful cases firsthand (in the straight community).

 

Anyway moving right along. Something's wrong with my knee and I don't know why or what. It just hurts to touch it, but I can't see a bruise. My shins are killing me, I think I'm developing "shin splints". And this morning, Lucky was running along side of me, so I had to walk closer to the wall than I wanted to, to avoid stepping on her, and I scrapped my toe against the corner part of the wall. So yeah my legs aren't doing so well right now.

 

I get plenty of sleep, but still had a really tough time getting out of bed. I almost just skipped my class, but instead I rushed and made it last minute. Then I got to work and everything just went down hill from there (note the saracasm).

 

When this semester started, I transferred to a different location. Well today the owner tells me he's decided to promote Kim to manager (the position vacated by my transfer). This sucks because Kim's the one I had the complicated, conflicted relationship with at work. And like the last week I was there, she thoroughly ticked me off with a homophobic remark. Someone was talking about a movie (no not Brokeback) and It was something like "As long as there's no gay stuff, it's so nasty when guys kiss". Of course we already weren't getting along that great, but that didn't help. So then I find out that my remaining close friend over there, Coressa, is having a really tough time with Kim. We were good friends, and I suspect alot of this is, at least indirectly my fault. Plus she told me Kim's been talking about how nice it is that I'm gone, which in all fairness I'm really happy about not working with her anymore too, but still. Anyway the worst part is that the owner is more or less on Kim's side, and there's no one to stick up for Coressa. I tried to put a good word in for her, but there's very little I can do not being directly involved anymore. So anyway I think this is bothering me the most, because I feel all sorts of guilt and responsibility about this, which I could, and maybe eventually will explain, but I don't have time right now. No right now I must go sit through the most boring class I have this semester. Oh yeah I'm running late too :/

6 Comments

Recommended Comments

Coming Undone

Hi Kevin

 

I'm sorry that I can't help you with the Claire, Pam and Mary triangle. :( And I'm sorry I can't help with the Kim and Coressa problem. :( But I can help with the pain in your legs. :thumbup: If your developing shin splints and your knee hurts without any apparent cause, there is only one thing to do. As much as you will hate this, give them a rest for a few days. Oh and take some Tylenol or an equivalent.

 

After a few days if they don't get better then see a doctor. To keep pushing them now will only cause more problems and it seems that at present, you already have enough to think about.

 

Just thought that I would repay you for the kindness you have shown to me. :D

 

Hope you feel better

 

Eric

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TheZot

For whatever it's worth, poly arrangements do work for some people, as do open relationships in various forms. (Where one partner or the other, or both, is free to have sex with someone outside their primary relationship) I can't say I quite understand, since it doesn't work for me on a pretty deep level, but I know of people for whom it does work, and who are getting along just fine. I figure as long as everyone involved is a consenting competent adult then I don't much care -- whatever does it for you is fine, I've got plenty of more important things to worry about.

 

Monogamy does exist. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I have been for what's nearly been 18 years. (21 if you count when I started dating) And hell, I've been married all that time, so if I can manage, I fully expect people in a relationship with a member of the appropriate sex could if they chose. (On the other hand, an awful lot of people do manage monogamy just fine, it's that you don't notice, since it's unexceptional and thus not likely to catch your attention)

 

The "gay community" has a different view of monogamy (and, honestly, a poorer self-image on average) and ranges between being forgiving of and encouraging infidelity in a lot of places, which can be a problem, but these days it's not like the straight community's much better, unfortunately. People seem to have lower standards overall, which is kind of sad.

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Rocketcnj

Kevin,

 

Listen to what Eric said....look at the long view. You want your shins and knees to be in good condition forever..so some down time can't hurt. If you are running, then time to invest in good running shoes.

 

Your supervisor who engaged in homophobic comments in front of you, IMO, also engaged in work place harrassment of you. She created a hostile work environment. I don't know if your state has Laws against Discrimination for such conduct. That would be the kind of conduct that I would report to the Human Resources Department and plus she has disparaged you in front of others by saying she is glad you are no longer at that work site and its better now that you are not.

 

I feel for your friend. Maybe she can put in for a transfer?

 

I don't know what to say about Claire but if she is uncomfortable, then maybe its time to tell both Mary and Pam, its time for both of you to go live somewhere else. (If you need to be there for moral support, she can say it in front of you in their presence.)

 

I agree with Zot. There are all sorts of relationships under the Rainbow. It is what both consenting adults agree upon. Personally, I am with you, I vote for Monogamy. That's just me. However, its whatever works for those involved. So, I leave it at that. I hope Claire is ok....she sounds like a total sweetie who will I am sure be pursued by potential GFs. Maybe she needs her time to heal, space to be and to be Mary and Pam free. Lucky for Claire, she has the best friend in the world...YOU:)

 

I hope your shins, knees and work place envirnoment improves. Too bad it couldn't be said to the ex boss moron, "Oh I hope there are no kissing scenes too. I hate watching breeders kiss..so gross" But then again you have a lot of class and smarts and wouldn't be so gross and tactless as she clearly is. I know shame on me for typing this...but I read that comment and I want to scream....I was at an end of year party last year at one of my friend's and her friend said the same thing (He didn't know I was Gay) but I was furious. (I said to my friend, his true colors came out...he didn't know I was Gay and he made a homophobic ignorant comment. My friend defended the moron and said "oh, he's not like that" duh..he sure as heck is)

 

I just looked toward him as I walked away and said loud enough for him to hear "damn Homophobe" and walked away. I avoided him the whole night as he stood next to his wife making smug comments. I was the only Gay Guy at the party and I could see the others eyes on me as he made the comment watching for my reaction (The rest have known me forever) and they knew I was upset (I get very quiet and one of them pointed out how quiet I was....)

 

I ramble but I do feel your upset and pain regarding your former moronic boss. Is there a cure for homophobic morons? I sometimes wonder.

 

Hugs Kevin, I hope you are ok:)

 

Michael

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AFriendlyFace

Hi Kevin

 

I'm sorry that I can't help you with the Claire, Pam and Mary triangle. :( And I'm sorry I can't help with the Kim and Coressa problem. :( But I can help with the pain in your legs. :thumbup: If your developing shin splints and your knee hurts without any apparent cause, there is only one thing to do. As much as you will hate this, give them a rest for a few days. Oh and take some Tylenol or an equivalent.

 

After a few days if they don't get better then see a doctor. To keep pushing them now will only cause more problems and it seems that at present, you already have enough to think about.

 

Just thought that I would repay you for the kindness you have shown to me. :D

 

Hope you feel better

 

Eric

 

Thanks Eric,

 

I appreciate the advice. And I think you're right too. I did a little research and the consenses seems to be that I do need to take it easy until I've recovered, and then change the habits which got me there in the first place. Which sucks since I was just getting to where I could run a pretty good distance at a clip. I suppose I shouldn't have been running on cement though, and I guess my shoes weren't that great. Anyway thanks again, and I will cut out the running for awhile (I may still try to get in some light walking though). Anyway have an awesome day and thanks!

 

Kevin

Link to comment
AFriendlyFace

For whatever it's worth, poly arrangements do work for some people, as do open relationships in various forms. (Where one partner or the other, or both, is free to have sex with someone outside their primary relationship) I can't say I quite understand, since it doesn't work for me on a pretty deep level, but I know of people for whom it does work, and who are getting along just fine. I figure as long as everyone involved is a consenting competent adult then I don't much care -- whatever does it for you is fine, I've got plenty of more important things to worry about.

 

Monogamy does exist. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I have been for what's nearly been 18 years. (21 if you count when I started dating) And hell, I've been married all that time, so if I can manage, I fully expect people in a relationship with a member of the appropriate sex could if they chose. (On the other hand, an awful lot of people do manage monogamy just fine, it's that you don't notice, since it's unexceptional and thus not likely to catch your attention)

 

The "gay community" has a different view of monogamy (and, honestly, a poorer self-image on average) and ranges between being forgiving of and encouraging infidelity in a lot of places, which can be a problem, but these days it's not like the straight community's much better, unfortunately. People seem to have lower standards overall, which is kind of sad.

 

Thanks Zot,

 

I'm sure you're right, "open relationships" and "poly arrangements" probably can work. I just don't personally want to be in one, and have a little trouble understanding them. But of course I should mind my own business and let people be.

 

I'm glad for you pulling it off for 21 years :2thumbs: . I hope your relationship continues to be happy and healthy. And you're right it does seem that overall people have lowered their standards, it is sad :( .

 

Anyway thanks, and have an awesome day!

 

Kevin

Link to comment
AFriendlyFace

Kevin,

 

Listen to what Eric said....look at the long view. You want your shins and knees to be in good condition forever..so some down time can't hurt. If you are running, then time to invest in good running shoes.

 

Your supervisor who engaged in homophobic comments in front of you, IMO, also engaged in work place harrassment of you. She created a hostile work environment. I don't know if your state has Laws against Discrimination for such conduct. That would be the kind of conduct that I would report to the Human Resources Department and plus she has disparaged you in front of others by saying she is glad you are no longer at that work site and its better now that you are not.

 

I feel for your friend. Maybe she can put in for a transfer?

 

I don't know what to say about Claire but if she is uncomfortable, then maybe its time to tell both Mary and Pam, its time for both of you to go live somewhere else. (If you need to be there for moral support, she can say it in front of you in their presence.)

 

I agree with Zot. There are all sorts of relationships under the Rainbow. It is what both consenting adults agree upon. Personally, I am with you, I vote for Monogamy. That's just me. However, its whatever works for those involved. So, I leave it at that. I hope Claire is ok....she sounds like a total sweetie who will I am sure be pursued by potential GFs. Maybe she needs her time to heal, space to be and to be Mary and Pam free. Lucky for Claire, she has the best friend in the world...YOU:)

 

I hope your shins, knees and work place envirnoment improves. Too bad it couldn't be said to the ex boss moron, "Oh I hope there are no kissing scenes too. I hate watching breeders kiss..so gross" But then again you have a lot of class and smarts and wouldn't be so gross and tactless as she clearly is. I know shame on me for typing this...but I read that comment and I want to scream....I was at an end of year party last year at one of my friend's and her friend said the same thing (He didn't know I was Gay) but I was furious. (I said to my friend, his true colors came out...he didn't know I was Gay and he made a homophobic ignorant comment. My friend defended the moron and said "oh, he's not like that" duh..he sure as heck is)

 

I just looked toward him as I walked away and said loud enough for him to hear "damn Homophobe" and walked away. I avoided him the whole night as he stood next to his wife making smug comments. I was the only Gay Guy at the party and I could see the others eyes on me as he made the comment watching for my reaction (The rest have known me forever) and they knew I was upset (I get very quiet and one of them pointed out how quiet I was....)

 

I ramble but I do feel your upset and pain regarding your former moronic boss. Is there a cure for homophobic morons? I sometimes wonder.

 

Hugs Kevin, I hope you are ok:)

 

Michael

 

Thanks Michael,

 

You're right I am going to take it easy on the running for awhile.

 

Actually when she made that remark I was technically her supervisor. Also I'm not "out" to her anyway. So while she is very blunt, and probably would state her opinion if asked; I doubt she would have volunteered that comment had she known. Besides that I was ticked off, but I didn't feel at all threatened or harassed. As for the gossip.....well that's just gossip, and the truth is pretty much EVERYONE there would be fired if it came to gossip. Anyway it isn't really my work situation that's unpleasent. I've been having quite a bit of fun in fact. I'm just concerned about Coressa, but she's looking for another job anyway.

 

Actually I don't at all mind "breeders kissing". For one thing I think it's sweet when any two people who are in love kiss. And I'm a little bisexual anyway, so there's really nothing I find disgusting at all about a guy and a girl or two girls (though again I think it's sweeter if their in love :wub: ). As one final bit of irony (which I really do hope I'm wrong about), I personally think her fianc

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