Well I've had 3 counseling sessions already - everything is now open with my counselor. I'm comfortable with the confidentiality agreement but beyond that...i'm hitting a brick wall. I've even gone and assigned an "alias" for the gay thing. Something I can type - funny enough - but can't say aloud. Yet.

She has me focus on breathing exercises (taking deep breaths to return to the present moment instead of going back and forth from past to future thoughts) which is effective in the very very short term...but beyond that, the effectiveness dissipates and I'm subconsciously going right back to where I was.

Something inside me is fighting my executive control (a term I learned in psychology class meaning that part of me that makes final decisions and is the "me" inside of me) on this...