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Biphobia

Fishwings

Entry posted by Fishwings

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Does Bisexuality Exist?  

16 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you believe in bisexuality?

    • Yes.
      13
    • No.
      0
    • Not sure.
      1
    • Other: Leave a comment.
      2

disgusted_cat_is_disgusted_by_zipperzipzip-d4p888x.jpg

Disgusted cat is disgusted.

 

 

Biphobia.

 

What a strange word.

 

So bisexuality actually never has been a huge topic of interest to me (ironic since I identify as bisexual), but since I've started to become more open about my preferences I've seem to be meeting more and more people who find the concept confusing, controversial, and even highly offensive. When I started dating, I was actually really surprised at the number of people who doubted the very existence of my sexuality.

 

I've had to come out to my mom a total of 5 times as bisexual because she just could not grasp the concept (including tonight). Her beliefs fall in line with the many others that I have encountered who doubt the existence of bisexuality:

 

1) People who identify as bisexual use it as an excuse to get around. Many of these people are probably primarily straight, or gay, but would/could/like to sleep with members of the same/opposite gender, respectively. Thus, because bisexuality here is only a product of lust, it cannot be defined as a "true" sexuality.

 

2) People often come out as bisexual to reap the privileges of heterosexuality, when they are in fact homosexual. Bi now, gay later, because it's "easier."

 

3) People who are bisexual are constantly in a state of indecision -- they must eventually make the ultimate decision to be gay, or be straight, once they enter a relationship. Once someone gets into a relationship, they can't be bisexual because being bisexual means that you'll be constantly wanting things from the gender that you are not dating.

 

 

 

So I'm gonna address each of these points from my perspective.

 

 

 

1) People who identify as bisexual use it as an excuse to get around. Because bisexuality here is only a product of lust, it cannot be defined as a "true" sexuality.

 

I'm sure there are some guys out there who like to experiment but identify themselves as straight anyways. Sure whatever, gay it up in the locker room dude I don't really care, and I will believe that you are in fact straight/gay if you believe it too. If you're true to yourself, you can define your sexuality however the hell you want it to and no one should doubt you.

 

So it becomes sort of a problem when someone who defines themselves as straight, says they're bisexual because it will get them more ass. I've honestly never really met someone like this, but I'm not going to deny their existence.

 

And so, these people exist, but this is really a moot argument and belief, because just because there are some people out there who use bisexuality to get more sex, doesn't mean that everyone who identifies as bisexual do this.

 

2) People often come out as bisexual to reap the privileges of heterosexuality, when they are in fact homosexual.

 

I can see where this comes into play. In some circumstances, it is easier to come out as bisexual because it means that you still have some "hope" to end up with someone of your opposite gender. Usually this is in conservative environments where straight privilege is more important.

 

But it's not like that for a lot of people. Heterosexuals and homosexuals both often shun bisexuals because it's unfamiliar and misunderstood. It would have been much easier for me to come out to my mom as gay rather than bisexual, because bisexuality was a concept that she did not understand or accept.

 

3) People who are bisexual are constantly in a state of indecision -- they must eventually make the ultimate decision to be gay, or be straight, once they enter a relationship. Once someone gets into a relationship, they can't be bisexual because being bisexual means that you'll be constantly wanting things from the gender that you are not dating.

 

I think a very common misconception of bisexuality is, what's that quote, "I realized I'm not bisexual, I'm just slutty!" Well, a lot of people who aren't bisexual are just as and just as not promiscuous. Someone's sexuality doesn't change when they get into a relationship, and if they want to sleep around while they're in a relationship... well, that's their sex drive talking. Their bisexuality is just a pointer that points them to both genders.

 

I don't think most bisexuals are in a constant state of indecision. There are bisexuals who know exactly how much they are attracted to each gender. For me, it's always been a bit fluid. Sometimes I'll meet a guy I really like, and I'll feel like guys are all I like for awhile. Sometimes I'll find a girl that I really like, and I'll feel like I'll only ever be happy with a girl too.

 

It's taken a long time for me to realize that my preferences change over time and situation, but I've always had the capacity to fall in love and lust with either gender. That's my own definition of bisexuality; there's nothing indecisive about that.

 

keep-calm-im-bisexual_zps71b2e9e3.png

LOL THIS IMAGE wtf

 

 

I think I'm going to end it here. I was gonna make this blog super funny and shit but honestly I'm kinda tired of hearing people tell me that my sexuality just isn't valid.

 

Anyways, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

  • Like 4

17 Comments

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Fishwings

Although I self identify as gay I don't believe in labels  - I believe in the Kinsey Scale :)

 

Hehe. I think the Kinsey scale is a very quick and simple way to show that sexuality isn't strictly categorical, but it doesn't take into account a lot of other sexual identities.

  • Like 1
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asamvav111

I'm bisexual leaning gay. And I go through the exact same phases like Fishyy. At times I like girls and find men less attractive while other times it's the opposite. I didn't come out to my friend and family as bisexual, because in that case they may or may not take my homosexuality seriously. Plus most of the times I am into guys than girls. So I identify as gay. I think I'm a sensuous person irrespective of my sexuality. Besides, sexual identification has more to do with what you do outside the bedroom than in there.

  • Like 2
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rustle

Bi? It defies our very human desire to categorize things and people. It requires us to either think or accept without definition or limitation.

 

As I learned from some transgendered folks, just 'cause I can't experience it doesn't mean I can't get it. Now, if a biological female says he's a guy, he's a guy.

 

I don't care about the plumbing. There are two times it matters - when you're in the throes of passion, and technique is dictated by geometry; and when you're planning a family.

 

It doesn't matter to me. That doesn't always mean somebody's apathetic; sometimes, it means they're enlightened.

  • Like 4
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Fishwings

I didn't come out to my friend and family as bisexual, because in that case they may or may not take my homosexuality seriously.

 

I actually seriously considered just telling my mom that I was gay because it would've just been easier and she would've taken the fact that I liked guys easier too, but after some consideration I realized I was either gonna go big or go home.

 

 

As I learned from some transgendered folks, just 'cause I can't experience it doesn't mean I can't get it. Now, if a biological female says he's a guy, he's a guy.

 

Exactly. People just need to be more open minded. Until you walk a mile in someone's shoes you usually aren't in a position to make quick judgments.

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CassieQ

Strangely, this type of topic came up when I was talking to one of my coworkers the other day.  She noted that she didn't think it was possible for two men to have sex unless they were gay.  When I asked about them being bisexual, her eventual answer was that she didn't think bisexuality exists.  My mother thinks that sexuality is something you are born with, either gay or straight, but the one time I saw her react to a bisexual person it was with great disgust and contempt.  So what I am seeing a lot of, is that is it more acceptable to be gay or straight than it is to be bisexual.  :(   

  • Like 2
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MikeL

I have a question.  If all gays refused to have sex with anyone who claimed to be bisexual, would it force bisexuals to make a choice?  :P

  • Like 1
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joann414
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I could write a book about this, but I'll try to keep it short.  From the time I was twelve, I knew I liked girls and boys.  First kiss was a girl.  Of course where I'm from, I didn't dare let it be known.  The girl I kissed was gay, and obviously so.  She still is in the closet to this day she thinks, from the people where we grew up, but everyone knows.  She's had a partner for almost thirty years, but lives away.

 

So, that being said, I married my brother's college roommate when I was 21.  Don't know why; I just did.  My dad even asked if I was sure, and I said yes.  Being my dad, he accepted it and let it go.  I'll always believe that my first husband was gay.  Very masculine, but gay, none the less.  After thirteen months of watching him almost drink himself to death, trying to be a husband, I cut ties.  Divorced him, and moved on because I was drinking along with him.  We'd go home, pass out, and sex was rarely mentioned.  We were best friends, very affectionate otherwise, but could've cared less about sex.  He had a good friend that would come and visit a couple of times a  month, and I questioned the hubby about their relationship.  He started crying and said they had been together a couple of times while he was still in college.  Both of them were from a small town about fifteen miles where I was from, and were in strong devout Catholic families that would rather them be dead than gay.  His friend came the next weekend, and my husband told him he'd told me the truth.  They both cried.  I filed for divorce two weeks later in self defense.  I was not going to live in an unhappy environment and eventually become a full fledged alcoholic.  I was better than that.  My hubby was nine years older than me, making him thirty one when I left.  He died ten years later from alcohol, still in the closet, alone.

 

I stayed single for a year, dated no one because I wanted to be sure of who I was and what I wanted without involving or hurting anyone. In my heart I knew I liked both sexes.  The other facet about myself that had me in a turmoil is that I had no maternal feelings whatsoever.  Children weren't a part of my future.  I thought:P

I finally started meeting a girl for drinks once a week, and we'd hang out on weekends.  Thinking she may be the one, I tried to settle in.  Along came Jimmy.  The physical attraction to that man was off the charts.  The only other person that had attracted me that much was my first kiss, and she and I were doomed from the start because of where we lived.  I started seeing him, and we were opposite in every way, but we clicked.  Three months later, we married, and I've never doubted my decision.  It's not what sex the person is, it's the person.  I'll always believe that.  I'm proof of it thirty years later.  He knows I'm bisexual, and has no problem when I comment on an attractive woman.  He has a gay brother that he was not close to until he married me.  Now they have a great relationship.

 

Sorry this was so long, and I hope it said what I wanted to say.  I strongly believe in bisexuality.  The only drawback I see in being bi is I have a hard time making trustworthy women friends because I can read them so well, and very few measure up:P

  • Like 10
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Mann Ramblings
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I think some people use the bisexual label as a transition from straight to gay and that damages the perception of those who are not actually transitioning. Sexuality is not absolute for most people; I've been with a number of women before I finally accepted that men make me happy. I don't have a need to require anyone to make a decision beyond my partner.

 

If you're happy with who you are, go with it. Fuck the rest of them.

  • Like 6
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JamesSavik

As long as you aren't 100% heterosexual, your sexuality may cause you some controversy. The reason is that so few people in our culture are truly comfortable with their own spot on Kinsey's scale. There are a whole lot of people that spend a great deal of time punishing themselves and everybody else for that time a seventh grade or college or seventh grade through college when they were bi/gay sluts and humped everybody that stood still long enough. You don't have to go far to meet people like that. I know two that played more skin flute than band in high school and are now Evangelical fuck-wads.

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TetRefine

I keep hearing from people about how bisexuality is so looked down upon, but in my experience I've seen the opposite. From the people I've known most of my life, they'd rather have someone who was bi instead of gay, because if you were bi you were still more like them to an extent because you had at least a partial interest in women. To them, you retained your masculinity because you still liked pussy, as opposed to being gay where you might as well just hand in your man card right then and there in their eyes. To people like that, gay guys are as alien as green men from outer space and carry such a negative connotation. 

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Fishwings

She noted that she didn't think it was possible for two men to have sex unless they were gay.  When I asked about them being bisexual, her eventual answer was that she didn't think bisexuality exists.  My mother thinks that sexuality is something you are born with, either gay or straight, but the one time I saw her react to a bisexual person it was with great disgust and contempt.

 

I'm thinking homosexuality is just a easier concept to grasp because to heterosexuals it is heterosexuality... but like, reversed, lol. With bisexuality comes a whole host of uncertainty as well as the connotation that bisexuals are just more promiscuous.

 

It's not what sex the person is, it's the person.  I'll always believe that.  I'm proof of it thirty years later.  He knows I'm bisexual, and has no problem when I comment on an attractive woman.  He has a gay brother that he was not close to until he married me.  Now they have a great relationship.

 

Wow Joanne that sounds like quite the journey. For me gender does matter when it comes to attraction on a superficial level, but who that person is is ultimately important.

 

I think some people use the bisexual label as a transition from straight to gay and that damages the perception of those who are not actually transitioning. 

 

I think it's sad that anyone has to first come out as bi and later as gay, but I totally do understand that for some people, in some environments where coming out first as gay could be complete social suicide, that it is sometimes necessary. 

 

As a bisexual who experiences these adverse effects, I am actually not against their actions and I totally understand it. The problem lies within people who lump transitioning gays with bisexuals, and that includes heterosexuals and homosexuals alike.

 

 

I keep hearing from people about how bisexuality is so looked down upon, but in my experience I've seen the opposite. From the people I've known most of my life, they'd rather have someone who was bi instead of gay, because if you were bi you were still more like them to an extent because you had at least a partial interest in women. To them, you retained your masculinity because you still liked pussy, as opposed to being gay where you might as well just hand in your man card right then and there in their eyes. To people like that, gay guys are as alien as green men from outer space and carry such a negative connotation. 

 

I can totally see that. It's interesting because I think biphobia is kind of a first world problem prevalent in environments where there IS established support for homosexuality, wherest in conservative societies bisexuals are able to experience straight privilege because homosexuals are so looked down upon.

 

The problem is when I try to date a girl I can't really tell her I'm bisexual, because I'll likely be seen as a "transitioning gay" which is retarded.

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Yettie One

If I am honest I really don't understand the Bi world.

I can only reference that looking from my own point of view, not trying to stand in your shoes so to speak.

 

I mean attraction is a complicated thing, and I guess that it is possible to accept that it can come in any shape, size and guise, even I have felt attracted to a woman in my past.

 

So does that make me Bi?

God I don't have a clue. For me sexuality and the idea of attraction is to complex to try to fit into a label.

If I had my way, we'd all be sexual beings, be it sex with this or that, it is irrelevant. 

But that would be an ideal world, and humans are incapable of keeping it simple stupid!

So the complexity of Bisexuality will continue to confuse those of us that just want things to be what they are and for people to be allowed to be who and what they are without having to justify it to the likes of me in a word that is only going to confuse me more.

Haha

Who you sleep with?

Not my worry. That you are happy.

The one thing that SHOULD be important to every one of us that considers ourselves a friend and fellow human.

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Y_B

whatever it was I had wanted to say I accidentally deleted all of it so f*ck me and now all I'm gonna say is that bi guys are hot....like straight guys who admit they have a little things for guys are hooooootttttttttt. 

  • Like 1
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Fishwings

If I am honest I really don't understand the Bi world.

I can only reference that looking from my own point of view, not trying to stand in your shoes so to speak.

 

I mean attraction is a complicated thing, and I guess that it is possible to accept that it can come in any shape, size and guise, even I have felt attracted to a woman in my past.

 

So does that make me Bi?

God I don't have a clue. For me sexuality and the idea of attraction is to complex to try to fit into a label.

If I had my way, we'd all be sexual beings, be it sex with this or that, it is irrelevant. 

But that would be an ideal world, and humans are incapable of keeping it simple stupid!

So the complexity of Bisexuality will continue to confuse those of us that just want things to be what they are and for people to be allowed to be who and what they are without having to justify it to the likes of me in a word that is only going to confuse me more.

Haha

Who you sleep with?

Not my worry. That you are happy.

The one thing that SHOULD be important to every one of us that considers ourselves a friend and fellow human.

 

I totally agree with this, and I think in an ideal world labels wouldn't matter at all since sexuality can be so multifaceted. Unfortunately pretty everyone operates categorically and need labels to function in our modern society.

 

 

whatever it was I had wanted to say I accidentally deleted all of it so f*ck me and now all I'm gonna say is that bi guys are hot....like straight guys who admit they have a little things for guys are hooooootttttttttt. 

 

LOL OKAY DUDE you need an outlet

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Kitt

Some day the words "homosexual", "Heterosexual", 'Bisexual" and all the rest will become obsolete and people will realize we are just "sexual". I doubt we will make it in my lifetime, but once people realize that the bodily parts involved only dictate HOW we show our attraction to one and other, and its really the person under the skin that you fall in love with, all the terms will become superfluous.  Here's to the day when we all learn to live with each others choices!

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Johnathan Colourfield

I totally agree with Kitt. I mean I identify as gay but i can see when a woman is attractive. But i would never act on those observations.

 

I identified as bi from 12-14 because I grew up in a slightly homophobic household, i didn't want to be seen as weird or different. But then my mother told me (i never actually came out to her xD) i was gay when i was 14 and low and behold HELLO :D It was actually shortly after I joined GA that I started to come out - GA really helped me believe that being gay was normal and acceptable :)

  • Like 2
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