I have some significant issues. I think most people have one or two, but are able to keep them in check. Over the past few months it hasn’t been as easy for me to do the same with my issues. They keep sneaking up on me at inopportune times and trying to take me down. Every once in a while, they succeed.
I wouldn’t be surprised if people thought I was nothing more than a spoiled child seeking attention. Every now and then my social anxiety gets the better of me, and I overreact, and I start threatening to leave whatever social scenario I’m involved in. Regardless of what may be thought of me, I don’t do these things in my right mind. I don’t claim I’m going to leave and then stick around because I want to be known as the ‘boy who cried wolf’. I do them because I start to freak out because the stress gets to me, and then before I know it I’ve said something that simply isn’t true.
The reality is that I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to quit writing, or leave GA, or even reduce the time I spend in the wonderful online communities I’ve become a part of. Sometimes the depression becomes almost unbearable, and it makes me want to run away from everything, but in the end I choose to stay. Why?
Because these communities I’ve become a part of are what is keeping me alive. Being able to interact with you, the vast ocean of people who understand what it means to struggle against oppression in everyday life, is what keeps me going. Knowing that there are people out there who actually care if I live or die is a wonderful thing. Knowing that I actually make some sort of difference here . . . I couldn’t really ask for anything else.
If you see me post something like “I won’t be around for a while” or “You may not see very much of me”, just know that it’s coming from a place I don’t entirely control, and hope someday I’ll be able to move past. You don’t have to say anything; I get that it grows old very quickly. But, whether I’m a petulant child or not, I’m here to stay for as long as you’ll have me.
Thank you for reading. I plan to do update my blog from time to time, and hopefully with less annoying subjects.

Peace,

Cynus