If you have, you know how much it sucks. You know that your survival isn't guaranteed when you are helpless in the hands of those that have bad intentions.

It's happened to me twice as an adult. I pretty much lived with it as a teen.

Once was a rather serious beating I took as an 18 year old freshman. There was more too it than that but it was bad enough. The second a few years later. I don't remember that one. I was beaten with a blackjack and suffered a severe concussion. Probably left for dead. I was unconscious for three days. I don't remember much of what happened that summer. It took a long time to get my shit together afterwards. Broken ribs went with it and, it was a long, painful recovery.

After that last time I decided that was NEVER going to happen again. I would do whatever it takes. NEVER AGAIN.

If you've been there, you know that there is more too it than healing broken bones, cuts and other wounds. What it does to your thinking can be just as bad.

You second guess yourself. You wonder what you could have done different. You think that you are just a weak POS and probably deserved it.

It can be worse. If you survive and others don't, the survivor's guilt can be a bitch.

There is something called hyperviligence. It's one of my big symptoms for Post traumatic Stress Disorder. It's loads of fun. You know how you get wired with adrenaline when you get rattled? Hypervigilance is like that ALL THE TIME.

When I go into a place, I want to know where the exits are. When I walk down the street, I see EVERYTHING. I notice EVERYTHING. I evaluate EVERYTHING. I think three moves ahead because that's what it f-ing takes.

I live in a shitty place. #10 murder city in America.

Don't tell me that's no threat because there's a f-ing threat. That kid in the red hoodie? He could be an Alabama fan or a shooter for the Bloods. You just never know. Best to stay out of his way.

I hear gunfire at night. Occasionally, you hear a lot of it. Makes you wonder when you don't hear anything about it on the news.

You want me to give up my guns in this shithole?

Seriously?

You might as well just shoot me and get it over with on the way out.

It'll be cleaner that way.