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So, This Happened


Dabeagle

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We're in a little bit of a tail spin over here.

 

In March of this year we were asked if we'd consider adopting our foster child as his mother wasn't doing what she needed to. We said yes and we've been laying the groundwork since then. So you understand, this mother has had 10 years with this child. She is a meth addict who will not cooperate with treatment to get sober. She repeatedly breaks rules, something she taught her son by example, by calling our home, showing up at his school repeatedly, calling him and describing a friends suicide in detail, right down to little things like giving him junk food at visits when he won't eat dinner afterward and she knows this. She continually brought more clothes for him when she was told to stop, that we just didn't have room for anything else.

 

She had a bowel perforation and ended up in the ICU for a few weeks last winter and has a colostomy. The DR won't operate to remove it until she gets sober, too dangerous so she still has it, months after she should have had it removed. They found her an in-hospital treatment facility to get sober, she got kicked out before she could go into the actual program because she was trying to deal in the waiting room. Like a lot of addicts, she lies and cannot be trusted.

 

His court date is for Aug 4. I get a call that his mom has come up with a permanency plan. Some woman they knew 5 years ago and now the county, by law, has to check it out because this waste of humanity says she wants her son there. We told the county that we wouldn't allow contact, post adoption. This person will. Given how toxic moms influence is, you might wonder why the county would allow this - clearly not in the best interests of the child. Well, guess what? For all she's done, even that she's losing custody for good, she still has rights.

 

All we've been able to ask over and over is when he becomes more important than her rights? And all I can do is go to court and tell the judge that this transition isn't in his best interests because 1) his mother, 2)he cannot go back to his old school ( lottery school, his place wasn't saved), 3) The school system he was due to go into is measurably better than the ones they'd put him into, 4) He has been in a stable environment where he has thrived and attached and they want to take it away based on his mother's desires?

 

She had her phone calls taken away until she had some sobriety under her belt; she was talking to him while blasted.

 

The system is broken.

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I'm so sorry to hear this.  He's a darling boy who deserves the best that life has to offer - and that is not his biological family.  I hope the court listens to you and does what's best for him and allows your adoption to go through.  I don't blame you one bit for not allowing his 'mother' to visit him.  :hug:

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I don't quite know what to say...prayers/good vibes...all sending in your direction. My heart goes out to you and tremendous respect to you as you clearly care a lot about the kid.

 

Here's hoping to a speedy and painless resolution

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From what I understand about the process, inquire about stability with him staying with you.  Document her lack of stability with him and continue to collect the data.  The most important part is to build a factual case with her as unstable and you as being the more stable choice.  Courts tend to resort to birth parent status unless the facts support severance.  For you to build a positive case as such is important.  Then give the evidence to a competent attorney to leak to the judge.  The story must unfold smoothly for a judge to buy it.  At least, that's my experience in the field.  God bless your efforts.  This sounds like a nightmare. 

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From what I understand about the process, inquire about stability with him staying with you.  Document her lack of stability with him and continue to collect the data.  The most important part is to build a factual case with her as unstable and you as being the more stable choice.  Courts tend to resort to birth parent status unless the facts support severance.  For you to build a positive case as such is important.  Then give the evidence to a competent attorney to leak to the judge.  The story must unfold smoothly for a judge to buy it.  At least, that's my experience in the field.  God bless your efforts.  This sounds like a nightmare. 

In case I wasn't clear, the mother is petitioning for him to go to someone else to live, but this other person would allow contact whereas we wouldn't. I do intend to show that contact with the mother is a detriment to him, but whether or not the judge buys into it is another story.

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There's little I can do but wish and pray for the best for this little guy and that I will do.

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Is there anyway you can work with the Guardian ad Litem to get your views in court?  Here that would have extra clout along with whatever standing you have as pre adoptive parents.  Good luck with this incredibly difficult situation. 

 

Pax. Steve

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