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A Lethargy

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Mikiesboy

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Did you know you can be seized with a lethargy?  You can, it's an archaic noun, but you can be. 

 

I have been. 

 

Things had been going along great guns for a while. Started taking Natural Calm. Suddenly i was sleeping ... all night ... What a difference not being tired makes. I felt calm, i felt happy. I went to the shrink for my weekly visit. He was happy. A couple of weeks ago he reduced my meds. He said that likely in the New Year we could reduce my visits a lot.

 

Then this week happened. Michael and i had issues over treatment of my knee problems. I felt myself sinking until Wednesday i didnt want to go home after work. So i didn't. I went to see my nephew. I was frustrated enough with my Husband and home, that i didn't tell anyone where i was going. I didn't care.

 

I knew i had to come back. i didn't have my hiv meds with me and i know what messing them up could mean. i knew Michael would be worried. He'd call everyone he knew, call hospitals, call the police pals he has ... He called them all.  He called our nephew, who just didn't answer for awhile. He spoke to friends on GA.

 

One of them i was talking to on Hangouts when Michael emailed him. So, after some talking, i called home.

 

My Husband, while not perfect, is a good man. He can see his imperfections and mine. He knows usually what battles to pick. He will never abandon me, no matter what.

I needed Him and He got in the Jeep and drove downtown to pick me up. If He was angry, He never showed it.

 

But that was not the end of my lethargy. It stuck with me. While not suicidal, i wished i could be, i was so sick of me. I do not have the balls for that.

 

This morning i went to the shrink. I told him all of the above. I showed him my diary.

He said you need to learn to deal with your moods. He said it is not abnormal to feel down, even for a few days.

 

I told him i don't care about writing. He said i'm not interested in what you don't care about. Tell me what you do care about.  i talked awhile about that.

 

He said, "Go home and think about where you head is. Think about what you want, what you love, and who you love. Sit there and wallow for a few hours but then you get up and go bake something, or cook something. Write something, go back to your roots. You are able now to pull yourself out of the trough."

 

So i came home. I wallowed ... i wrote a couple of poems. I made coffee and ate two poached eggs.

 

i decided, as i watched the weather turn to crap, that i can do this thing.

 

Not perfectly, and not alone; never that.  But i can do this thing called life.

 

 

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39 minutes ago, BHopper2 said:

You got this, my brother. You are a tough, brave, talented, person and you have friends who will be there till the end.

Hugs and Prayers, always. :hug:

love you too, A. xo Thank you.

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you are so loved

and it's wonderful that you share these things with us

i'm also continually struck by  the compassion and wisdom your "shrink" shows in how he deals with you

xoxo

 

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23 minutes ago, mollyhousemouse said:

you are so loved

and it's wonderful that you share these things with us

i'm also continually struck by  the compassion and wisdom your "shrink" shows in how he deals with you

xoxo

 

thanks very much molly ... my shrink knows me pretty well now.. and he knows how far he can push me.  and he was right.  thanks for everything.. for all your support and friendship xoox

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7 hours ago, Ashi said:

Nice to have a love one who looks out for you.  Go bake something!  :gikkle:

How does Morning Glory muffins grab ya?  Seriously, it is very nice having someone who looks out for you.  Thanks, Ashi xo

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I'm glad to read you overcame the lethargy - I came here after reading your introduction to your poem.

It's important for everybody to have other person(s) who can catch them. Despite your lethargy you were active - the poem speaks of your inner numbness but it's much that you decided not to go home because it didn't feel good at the moment, whatever the exact reasons. All the best and I hope you are fine now :)

 

 

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1 hour ago, Zenobia said:

I'm glad to read you overcame the lethargy - I came here after reading your introduction to your poem.

It's important for everybody to have other person(s) who can catch them. Despite your lethargy you were active - the poem speaks of your inner numbness but it's much that you decided not to go home because it didn't feel good at the moment, whatever the exact reasons. All the best and I hope you are fine now :)

 

 

yes, things are fine ... i have a very wonderful Husband and we talk a lot .

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