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Religion and manners (or lack there of)

DynoReads

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Going through chemo I haven't minded too much the physical changes happening. Well showering when my hair was falling out was a nightmare - very fine hairs that I could feel but not get off.

 

How others are reacting is getting to me. At work I've had to report two cancer survivors to administration. Both tried to offer me support, before I had announced my cancer. One chose to discuss it in the public bathroom where students were present. The other thought it was a great idea to tell me her horrible experience with the IV port on the day I was getting the port, then the day before my first infusion with it.

 

There are also all the people wanting to pat me somewhere. I understand the need to touch. But chemo doesn't just kill cancer and hair follicles. It also kills bone marrow cells, the ones making blood cells. So chemo patients get sick and bruise easily. 

 

Now I have complete strangers wanting to give me blessed or annointed religious objects, while I'm on my cell phone.

 

  • Wow 5


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People want to be empathetic and offer support, but few know how to be tactful about it. Sorry you're going through this. There are several people I know experiencing chemo treatment right now, and I don't know how to be helpful other than offer a kind word and be present if/when they need me for something. 

 

That being said, I hope that you are doing all right. 

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People mean well, but they need to realize that not all advice or comments are welcome or helpful.  I can't stand it when people tell horror stories to someone about to go through a difficult procedure.  I'm sorry you're dealing with all this.  What you're going through is stressful enough without all the added 'help'.  :hug:  I hope you're doing ok otherwise.  

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I've been where you are.  Tell the unwanted advisors to take a hike. Preferably a long one off a short pier!

36 minutes ago, MacGreg said:

People want to be empathetic and offer support, but few know how to be tactful about it. Sorry you're going through this. There are several people I know experiencing chemo treatment right now, and I don't know how to be helpful other than offer a kind word and be present if/when they need me for something. 

 

That being said, I hope that you are doing all right. 

The best thing you can do Mac is treat them the way you did BC ( before cancer).  Make sure they know you would like to help, dont treat them any differently, and DON'T avoid them on the basis of they may not feel up to it. If they are not up for something they will tell you.

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I’m so sorry you are going through this; doubly sorry you are being inundated - and hurt - by well meaning, yet clueless individuals. 

 

I offer you my hopes for healing and peace for restoration. 

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5 hours ago, MacGreg said:

I don't know how to be helpful other than offer a kind word and be present if/when they need me for something. 

Everything I’ve read says be specific, like ask if you can make dinner for them, give them a ride. Don’t take it personal if they overreact, this is overwhelming at times. You know your friends, cancer hasn’t changed their personality, so keep treating them as before. 

 

My biggest unmet need was someone to talk about the negative aspects, fear of death, etc. I found a program that links people with my particular cancer with an oncology social worker. Maybe you can find a similar program for your friends.

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:hug:Sorry you have to add to what you’re already dealing with.. 

Thinking of you, and hoping all will be/is ok.. 

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