It took a while to get everything in the chapter 4 revision just the way I wanted it. Part of it was adding in new scenes and dialogue. Cory says he and Efrain hang out and become closer, but I never actually show it. Efrain also has friends or associates outside of the BrainTrust (he wasn't out with teammates when they ran into each other in chapter two), hence Jef, who may be used later as needed (dunno if he'll be a full character). Outside of being the object of Cory's longing, I didn't really do enough to establish Efrain's character. Even his primary flaw, his self-absorption, was incidental and went unnoticed until my husband read the earlier chapters (Yes, my heterosexual, cis-gendered, recovering-broflake husband read up through Efrain and Cory's second sex scene in the earlier, less polished drafts--shocked the hell out of me, too!) and pointed out how much he hated that trait in Efrain.

The other major change was in their first sex scene. There were a couple things that I cringed over when I re-read earlier versions and wanted to revise. **WARNING: REALISTIC SEX-IN-EROTICA/AUTHORIAL SELF-LOATHING RANT** At the time, I was still operating under the assumption that erotica didn't need to conform to reality because readers were there for the fantasy. However, there are things that are so unrealistic that it breaks immersion within the moment. Like Efrain holding off Cory's orgasm with some hair-brained pressure point technique that I'd looked up. WTF was I thinking?!? I can't even use the fact that I'm female as an excuse. It has been a really REALLY long time since I've slept with a person under the legal drinking age, but young people (regardless of sex) are more known for their enthusiasm and vigor in bed than their technique and skill. This isn't to say that young people lack skill, just that they are less likely to be masters of the bedroom arts. Hell, your average person (of any age) isn't going to be a world-renowned lover. And here I have a nineteen-year-old guy who's hot as hell and intelligent--and a jock to boot. Then I made him an amateur Latin ballroom dancer and apprentice chef. Oh yeah, and he's a soft-BDSM power top. Barf. I had to cut out the teenage Tantric sex master bullshit or else I'd hate myself forever. Especially when that little ability of his was just a plot device to get them from one sex position to the next (seriously, I just needed an oral-to-anal transition) and doesn't ever show up in later scenes between them--I don't even recall Efrain using similar abilities. Plus, it's really weird that he could do this his first time with Cory, when a lot of Tantric sex practices are founded in the relationship between its practitioners (and Efrain doesn't even do relationships).

It's for this same reason that I have a personal vendetta against the "hands-free orgasm" trope (when the bottom comes exclusively from penetration with no stimulation to their primary sex organs) or the "hands-free orgasm because love" trope (when that orgasm is sign of the couple's deep/deepening emotional bond). There's one that comes up between Efrain and Cory in a later chapter that I want to fix. Like the shower Tantra, occurs maybe once as a plot device but never shows up again, so why bother with it in the first place? Especially when I can do something more meaningful.

I like to think thoughts like this are signs that I'm growing, and remind myself that this was my first writing project (the shower scene was the first erotic scene I'd ever written). But, it's still hard seeing the evidence of my inexperience and knowing that people have read it. Maybe there's something to be said for not publishing your neophyte writing. **END REALISTIC SEX-IN-EROTICA/AUTHORIAL SELF-LOATHING RANT**