I sometimes find it funny the way people describe the act of having sex or making love, or some would even say f**king... I guess it comes down to a few factors though; who the two people are and what type of commitment you have to one another, but then... in the end really, it is the same act... maybe it's the amount of emotional feeling you put in to it that makes the difference.

It had been just about two weeks yesterday when we finally got to engage in that same act ourselves. That is a LONG time for us too but I had this crazy stomach flu for some days and then we left on this trip to Arizona for the funeral and were staying at a friends place and in a hotel room with our kids in the next bed... nuff said, and by the time we got home to our own bed... well, let's just say that I had some girl issues happening. UGH! So by the time that was all over... it had been like fourteen days!

I mean we snuggle and cuddle every night in bed and I even helped him out a few times but it's just not the same, you know? And... I missed him, and that feeling he gives me. Not THAT feeling, although I do appreciate that one alot also, but the one where my brain finally lets go of all the millions of details it is thinking and working on and trying to remember, and I just... LET GO and FEEL instead of think.

I told Rich the other day as we were passing all the cactus and nothingness in the car, that I think I sort of thrive on chaos and stress, but what I didn't say is how he is about the only on who can calm it all down for me. Make me just forget everything, even if it's only for an hour, it's magical, necesary, perfect.

We were in our bed yesterday morning and I had a couple hours before I had to get up and go to work and since we had some privacy and no girl issues standing in our way and it was only obvious that we both were quite available I took it upon myself to initiate something, but it was strange because you would think after fourteen days of not having sex that he would have been all over that idea, but instead he just cuddled me, and then...

He made love to me, his fingers in my hair, his lips against mine without it really being a kiss, but just enough so I could feel them there, and his warm breath. Fully clothed, but every sensation was magnified, multiplied, and every place his fingertips touched seemed to come alive, a feeling of heat remained as his touch moved on, and after a long while of this... being intimate, letting go, he did make love to me in every sense of the word.

Later that night, after I got home from work and we went to bed, we had sex again, but this time it was more about THAT feeling. And afterwards he said... we should do this every night. while I fell asleep.

Vivian

PS. I can't wait to read the spring anthologies