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Heaven Forbid You End Up Alone

AFriendlyFace

Entry posted by AFriendlyFace

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So this won't be a particularly cheerful entry just to let everyone know.

 

I went to Wal-Mart the other night. Everytime I go I check in the music department for this cd, but they never have it. They didn't this time either. However, on the way out I saw The Fray cd. So I bought it on an impulse. I'd really liked "over my head", of course I'd already downloaded it, but the trouble with that is you don't get to hear the less popular, unreleased songs, and sometimes those are the best (like this time :P ). So anyway I'm driving home and this one song came on and it was like WOW. I mean it could have been written about/for me. It described exactly how I feel:

 

"Heaven Forbid"

 

Twenty years, it's breaking you down

now that you understand there's no one around

Take a breath, just take a seat

your falling apart and tearing at the seems

 

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

 

It's on your face, is it on your mind

would you care to build a house of your own

How much longer, how long can you wait

It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away

 

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

 

It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)

It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)

It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)

It feels good (Is that reason enough for you)

 

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

Heaven forbid you end up alone, you don't know why

Hold on tight wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

 

Out of this one

I don't know how to get you out of this one

I don't know how to get you out of this one

I don't know how to get you out of this one

I don't know how to get you out of this one

I was going to bold the parts that were particularly relevant, but it's like the whole thing is particularly relevant.

 

I mean I'm happy, I really am....just not always. It's funny too, it's always at the weirdest times. Like it was actually the night before I bought the cd, and I was suddenly feeling down and lonely, and I tried to shake myself out of it, remind myself I was being irrational. I mean just the night before that I went to that party and had a great time then went out with my friends. Yes, my new friends. I mean okay we're not that close yet, but they're definitely my friends and everything's going fine. Also at that party (which I'm really going to blog about eventually), I was talking to my upstares neighbour and I mean it's like I'm sorta even making a connection right here, right next door. Plus I'd just gotten off line and finished talking to a few other really nifty people ( ;) ). So I don't know why I was suddenly all lonely and emotional, but I couldn't talk myself out of it, and the really amazing coincidence is that I finally gave up and reminded myself, "don't worry, you'll be fine. It won't hurt in the morning." I mean heck that's practically, "Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright" .

 

Of course I know why I couldn't talk myself out of the loneliness the other night. Why it didn't matter that I'd just spent time with friends. Obviously it's because I'm looking for something beyond platonic. I mean Heaven forbid I end up alone. This part struck me ALOT too:

It's on your face, is it on your mind

would you care to build a house of your own

How much longer, how long can you wait

It's like you wanted to go and give yourself away

It's so messed up though. I mean I've always been a firm believer in, "if you can't be happy by yourself you can't be happy with someone else.", and all the many derivatives like "you have to love yourself first" etc. Well I mean I do love myself. I'm one of my favourite people! Yay me! And I am happy by myself (at least 95% of the time). But I guess there's still that something missing. I mean just because I can be okay on my own and happy doesn't mean it's my first choice....well sometimes it's my first choice, I can't say I regret the time I've spent single. Freedom is nice and I've had fun, but I guess it's "getting old"....or maybe it's me that's getting old(er). I have to admit I often think, "well if you don't find someone permanent in the next few years it'll be harder". I mean, I like the way I look right now (I guess there's no way to say that and not sound self-involved so screw it). I'd like for the person I end up with to at least get to be with me while I'm at my best. I know it's not impossible to find true love later in life, I know it's probably not even unlikely if you go about it right, but...well it's like a quote from another song I like, this one by Eve 6 called Good Lives :

Good lives are gold, like the oldest story

Will mine be told while im still young and horney

(great now I sound shallow and sex-obsessed). But it's true, I would like my story to be told while I'm still young and horney. Not just horney, but engergetic in general. I'd like to run around, play games, travel, climb stuff etc with my soulmate . And I know I can still do that stuff with him when I'm in my 40s or 50s +, but we won't feel like it as much, we'll need to rest longer in between, that might be about ALL we do that day etc. And I can (and do) do that stuff now by myself or with friends, but it's not the same.

 

Heck it's even my mind as well. I mean my mom and grandpa for example have better short term memories than I do. So yeah obviously older people can stay very sharp, but the key part of the phrase is "than I do". I'm already extremely absent-minded and scattered. The sad truth is it'll probably only get worse the older I get. I'd like to meet my future husband (I still don't particularly like that word, but it's just word, I know I want to get to married...I guess I just feel like it's supposed to be me that's the husband :boy: ) while I'm still able to remember his name! "ohh you look familar", "yes sweety, we got married last month". :blink:

 

Anyway I'm being silly, whiney, self-involved, and probably offensive. But "it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to, whine if I want to, you would whine too if it happened to you." (bonus points if anyone can guess what 60s song I modified to serve my purposes :P ). Anyway I'm done with both my complaining and my singing for the evening. Sorry if I did sadden or offend anyone. Take care and have an awesome day everyone.

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Matthew

Matthew 1

Posted

Haha Kevin, you've validated my arguments! You had to know that if you told me not to read it that I have to.

 

But you have nothing to worry about. You're a great guy and I know your perfect husband is right around the corner. It's just people like me who are going to end up senile and alone. And I'll come and visit you and impose on you and your guy to fill my lonely days.

 

You'll be fine.

sat8997

sat8997 552

Posted

"It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To" - Leslie Gore. I had the <gasp> album.

 

There's nothing wrong or whiny about the way you feel. I think everyone goes through a similar spot every now and then. My life is extremely full (husband, kids, house, job, family) but once in a while I really feel lonely and unhappy. I call it my 'blue mood'. I feel weepy and worn out and I just want to chuck everything and run as fast as I can in a different direction. It sort of hits me that 'this is it?'. I'd like to be your age again and start over. Chances are, I'd make the same choices, but every now and then, I'd like to think I'd do things differently. I sometimes wonder what's worse....being alone, or being half a couple and still being lonely.

 

Give it time, the mood will pass.

 

Sharon

Caipirinha

Caipirinha 14

Posted

Um, I don't know if you were aware, but you're only 22. You have more time than you could possibly know what to do with to find someone. Just be patient grasshopper.

 

<333333334567

AFriendlyFace

AFriendlyFace 191

Posted

Haha Kevin, you've validated my arguments! You had to know that if you told me not to read it that I have to.

Grrr Matt! LOL I should learn to keep my mouth shut! 0:)

 

But you have nothing to worry about. You're a great guy and I know your perfect husband is right around the corner. It's just people like me who are going to end up senile and alone. And I'll come and visit you and impose on you and your guy to fill my lonely days.

You'd better! Who else is gonna help me find my way out of the park! :lmao:

 

Just be sure to bring the boyfriend when ya come ;)

 

:hug: have an awesome day, dude! :)

 

Kevin

AFriendlyFace

AFriendlyFace 191

Posted

"It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To" - Leslie Gore. I had the <gasp> album. [/quote

Yay!! 5,000,000 bounus points for Sharon!! You may redeem these bonus points for the imaginary prize of your choosing (and don't worry your imaginary prize is guaranteed to be in stock ;) )

There's nothing wrong or whiny about the way you feel. I think everyone goes through a similar spot every now and then. My life is extremely full (husband, kids, house, job, family) but once in a while I really feel lonely and unhappy. I call it my 'blue mood'. I feel weepy and worn out and I just want to chuck everything and run as fast as I can in a different direction. It sort of hits me that 'this is it?'. I'd like to be your age again and start over. Chances are, I'd make the same choices, but every now and then, I'd like to think I'd do things differently. I sometimes wonder what's worse....being alone, or being half a couple and still being lonely.

 

Give it time, the mood will pass.

Thanks Sharon, I know you're right and that does pretty well describe how I feel. Most of the time I feel extremely pleased with my life. But sometimes I wonder what's missing. You're definitely right though, the mood does pass, and I don't think I would change much from my past.

 

Thanks for the encouraging words! Take care and have an awesome day!

 

Kevin

AFriendlyFace

AFriendlyFace 191

Posted

Um, I don't know if you were aware, but you're only 22. You have more time than you could possibly know what to do with to find someone.

 

aww thanks Luigi! I guess you're right. Sometimes it just seems like I'm wasting my time though. Thanks for the perspective though :)

Just be patient grasshopper.

I'll try for now

 

**Hops away**

 

Have an awesome day! :P

 

Kevin

AFriendlyFace

AFriendlyFace 191

Posted

Hey Kitty!

 

You've probably already figured this out, but don't wait until you've found your soulmate to do the things you want to do. Climbing, traveling, whatever ... either join groups that do those things, or go with friends.

Thanks, I definitely try to do that now, but I do admit sometimes I think, "well I'd like to go do X, but it'd be more fun if I waited until I could do it with "that special someone" **cheesey grin** , but yeah for the most part I try to pride myself on being the kind of person who goes after what he wants and doesn't miss out on things.

 

You never know when you'll be out, doing things that you enjoy, and you'll meet someone. Doesn't have to be a gay-specific group. Your mate could be someone's brother, or the cute waiter where you stop for lunch, or ... who knows.

I know you're definitely right there! I'll just have to try to keep that in mind.

The chances of you ending up alone are slim to none. Ain't gonna happen. You have a lot to offer, and them Texas boys are going to be beating the doors down to get to you. You get to choose.

oh wow thanks! :D:boy: That's so sweet of you say :) I only hope you're right :D

 

 

"It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To" - Leslie Gore. I had the <gasp> album.

Well, you beat me to it. :D

Kitty :)

hehehe don't worry I'll give you the second prize

 

**awards Kitty 2,500,000 bonus points**

and we should still have whatever you want in stock available at that cost (just imagine it's cheaper if necessary :P:boy: )

 

thanks and have an awesome day!

Kevin

Guest Kitty

Guest Kitty

Posted

**awards Kitty 2,500,000 bonus points**

and we should still have whatever you want in stock available at that cost (just imagine it's cheaper if necessary :P:boy: )

I want your soulmate's straight older brother. Is he in stock? 0:);)

 

 

Kitty

 

edited to add: or I guess it could be his dad, if he's single.

MayaMys

MayaMys 0

Posted

Um, I don't know if you were aware, but you're only 22. You have more time than you could possibly know what to do with to find someone. Just be patient grasshopper.

 

<333333334567

 

You're younger then him, do you even have the right to say that?

 

Then again, look at me be all 15 and such.

 

But seriously, you're not old until you're thirty, and even then look at Johnny Depp. (Why does he always end up being the scapegoat when someone wants to proove that 40+ people can be hot?)

MayaMys

MayaMys 0

Posted

Um, I don't know if you were aware, but you're only 22. You have more time than you could possibly know what to do with to find someone. Just be patient grasshopper.

 

<333333334567

 

You're younger then him, do you even have the right to say that?

 

Then again, look at me being all 15 and such.

 

But seriously, you're not old until you're thirty, and even then look at Johnny Depp. (Why does he always end up being the scapegoat when someone wants to proove that 40+ people can be hot?)

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