WOW. I'm really glad your Dad accepts you the way you are. And if you bring Silven and your kid over for Christmas you'll win over the other family-members too

Dem,

That had to be one of the hardest conversations of your life. I'm so happy for you that your dad is being so understanding and supportive of you. Absolutely priceless.

When he asked... it was definitely a shock to me at first, but I could tell the conversation was headed in that direction, so I had some time to prepare myself... actually, I've had a lot of time to prepare myself to have this kind of conversation with my dad. I wouldn't have been able to talk to him like this and definitely not about this a month and a half ago. I owe a lot to GA, the people here, and especially Silven for this. Thanks Guys!

Also, just added a little bit more to the entry, in case you didn't catch it.

Wow Demetz ...

I see a problem growing inside you now. You made a decision not to share what happened for fear of how your family would react, and you fear sharing Silven with them for how they will react.

I can see you starting to blame yourself for the distance between you and your family. It is natural, it was your choice to hide the truth. When you were young it was fear of having done wrong or for getting hurt. Then it became status quo with nothing to be gained and everything to be lost. As you pulled away to protect them from what you held inside, they could not have been ignorant. Yes, they may have thought that it was simple teenage behavior. You don't sound like you were the type to get into extra trouble or into drugs. You seem to be the type who was lost and looking for something to allow your life to make some semblance of sense. It is easy to see the problems with a child when there is a sudden change in behavior. It is when the changes are slow and gradual that the probelms are hard to spot. If the child does not eventually act out in an extreme fashion, the unobservant parent will never notice. You blame yourself for pulling away from your family as though you had some other choice. You were simply trying to maintain your safety as you understood it. At each step along the way, reaffirming the choice made sense, in that combination of relived childhood memories and the understanding of the current circumstances in your growing brain.

The danger I see is, now that this information is out in the open, you are apt to start blaming yourself more and more for the distance you created, and the things you have lost that can never be recovered. None of it is your fault. It is obvious that your parents did not have the son they had hoped for when you were growing up. They wanted a son who was more a part of the family. They wanted a son who was happy and connected. They thought it was just you being you, and they were right. What they didn't realize and you couldn't tell them is that there is a "you" inside that wanted to be connected, wanted to be a part of the family but could not risk the rejection for fear of what he already had. It was not you who dropped the ball, it was your parents. There is no such thing as "typical" teen behavior, if they wanted a child who was more connected, they should have worked harder to find out why you weren't. The fact that your parents finally figured out that something was wrong, even what it may be, tells me that they never meant to drop the ball. It tells me that, just like you, they thought they were doing the right thing. When they figured out they might not have, your dad came to you and asked you one of the questions that no parent ever wants to feel the need to ask, much less hear the feared answer. It is so much easier not to ask the question and deal with the consequences. Just like it is so much easier not to tell and deal with the consequences. As little as 2 weeks ago, you were never going to tell, and just live with that separation, particularly since Silven would just most likely add to it. Your dad did the right thing, he did the brave thing that many parents are unable to do. He did his job. It was his responsibility to try. it is the responsibility of every parent to work their hardest to maintain emotional and physical contact with their children, regardless of the age of the child. Even as an adult, you are always a son first.

At this point in time, I think it is right not to share Silven with them. Unless you have experienced it, you cannot understand what an online relationshipp can mean; how real it can be. They most likely will not understand and may come off skeptical. Once you have had time to build an "offline" relationship, then you will be ready to tell your family regardless of if they are ready to hear it. But you can always bring him over for Christmas, and that really says all you need to know.

I might add, as a parent, you want what is best for your children even if they don't want it. We force our kids to go to school when the very thought of it is more than they can take. We make them do chores, when often it is quicker and easier to do it ourself. We want to hide the bad and highlight, even exagerate the good. We all want our children to be straight, to fall in love with someone of the opposite gender, have a wonderfull loving marriage that lasts for decades without any problems. We want them to get along in society never knowing what the local police uniform, or hospital tile looks like. We want them to sleep well every night. Having a child be straight makes all (or most) of those things easier to believe possible. When you are young you think that love is sufficient to overcome all problems, and it isn't. When who you choose to love, or who you are attracted to places you outside of the norm, makes you something that stands out and is easily noticed, parents fear. So yes, even the most enlightened parents would prefer that their children be straight, but more important than sexuality is happiness. While parents have many dreams and desires for their children, none is really stronger than the hope that they are happy with the life they make for themself. It sounds to me that you have a good dad who is struggling to connect with a son he doesn't understand, but loves more than he can ever explain to any living soul.

It would be a wonderful world if every child was so blessed.

:king: Snow Dog

Snowy has some good points, but this one stands out most, And needs to be understood most.

The danger I see is, now that this information is out in the open, you are apt to start blaming yourself more and more for the distance you created, and the things you have lost that can never be recovered. None of it is your fault.

It's not your fault.

I'm so glad things with your dad went well and seem to be heading in a good direction! That's awesome

Snowy's post is excellent and very insightful!

Good luck with everything!

Kevin