Early this week, probably Tuesday night, I was watching an episode of CSI: Miami when I experienced something I haven't experienced in quite a while because I don't watch television when I'm on the road. Oh, I catch a program or two in trucks stops, but I don't have a television in my truck so whatever entertainment I utilize comes via the internet or what I have saved on the laptop. Anyway, this particular episode triggered a shot of adrenalin quickening by pulse, changing my breath rate, and triggering the ever popular fight or flight response.

Damn, don't you just love watching television and getting those jolts of hormones. Well, it's certainly better than being in a copse and realizing a leopard is sharing your tree; or, bedding down in some tall grass and hearing a bear snuffling around for a tasty morsel of long pig.

Well, anyway, that jolt of unexpected hormone lasted a few days and triggered a number of unwelcome changes in my behavior like more aggressive behavior out on the road and an unwelcome exposure to the dark side of my creative process. The aggressive driving was quickly recognized and dealt with in an appropriate manner. The expression of my dark side, however, was allowed to progress to a logical end.

I'm working on Chapter 11 of The Pastel Cowboy an Zach is seeing a psychiatrist because of the gay bashing that occurred in Chapter 10. He is suffering from Anxiety/Panic Attacks and the psychiatrist is helping him deal with that and other issues he has with being gay. One of those issues is Zach's submissive tendencies with partners. He's probably totally a bottom, but, unfortunately, he's not very good at recognizing inappropriate behaviors in that regard, which, as in the case of the bashing, sets him up for violence.

Anyway, I was doing pretty well with Chapter 11 until yesterday when Zach remembered being sexually abused by his oldest brother. I know, as I'm sure most everyone else is aware, that male to male sexual abuse does not have anything to do with causing a boy to become gay. But, there are those who may interpret the writing in a negative sense.

So, I'm at a quandry as what to do. I can rewrite the chapter and do away with this section and, possibly, come up with some other logical reason for Zach's submissiveness, or I can add sufficient supporting narrative and dialog for Zach to realize that being gay has absolutely nothing to do with the abuse he suffered. I'd prefer the latter, but at the same time realize the former is probably the safe solution. You know, add more than sufficient disclaimers at the beginning so that whoever is reading this chapter hopefully realizes my position on this situation. I've never been one to play it safe as far as writing goes, but in this situation maybe it's better to keep the dark side at bay and come up with another solution.

I've been playing with this entry for a couple days trying to work it out, but tonight we went to our favorite Mexican restaurant and I had a Grande Gold Margarita on the Rocks, a Chicken Caesar Salad, a Sierra Mist with a double Cuervo Tradicional, a side order Tamale (I love Tamales and one of the waitresses has promised to teach the wife how to make them!), and a Gold Mexican Coffee. Needless to say I'm feeling very good and was able to type this after getting home. Nothing like good Tequila to get the ol' creative juices flowing. :wacko: