How to break it to him? Print this quote out and show it to him:

I'm pretty sure he'd like to give dating a chance, but I...well I don't think I want to. It's ironic because when we first met I was interested, then we just sort of got in the "friend zone". He's adorable and wonderful, but I just think it would be a bad idea. For one thing I think I would be devastated if it didn't work and we broke up. I mean I've lost so many people I was close to for one reason or another over the last 5 months that I just don't know if I could handle losing him too. Plus, while I think it could be good for awhile I just don't think it would would work out in the forever sense.

Good friends are way to important to risk loosing it with an attempt at dating.

Good luck Kevin!

Vic

Well, I understand that guy. I'm oceans away yet always ready to jump on you!

Nah, seriously, it's up to you to decide. All we can do is advice. Part of me is telling you is go ahead. I mean, it's rather rare to have the spark and also reciprocated one. And as Graeme said, sometimes, we should take risks.

But then, it's about feelings. I wouldn't like any of you to be hurt. Or even ruin your friendship.

I think you should listen to Vic and tell him everything frankly. Then, talk!

Hope it works out!

Take care,

Ieshwar

You know, I actually went through this same thing, only from his end. I actually brought it up, and we both agreed to just be friends. I'm really glad that this happened because it's only been a couple of months and my feelings are no longer even closely romantic. He's a great guy, and we're incredibly close now, but I just don't see him in that way anymore and I feel like a relationship between us wouldn't have lasted all that long anyway. I'm glad that nothing ever happened between us because we managed to sidestep the whole awkward issue.

I think that's definitely an issue though, since I've had that talk with almost every single gay friend that I've had, and of the ones that I ended up dating for a while, I don't talk to any of them anymore.

:hugs:

I have some other gay boys for friends, but we never think of eachother has boyfriend material at all, and is it also you don't want gay male friends cause your afraid of attraction?

what I really want is a couple of casual, carefree, non-serious relationships. Perhaps that sounds bad, but I'm just...drained emotionally when it comes to stuff like this and I'd just like something fun in which we're not thinking about the future

Hey Kevin,

Its just what you have to tell him, in a friendly way. But if you are not sure, let it go.You can tell him later !

It seems to me that your mood changes very quickly from one day to another. Be careful about yourself. There are so many moments in a day where you can be happy! Enjoy it . Its a pity not to be aware that life is worth to be lived .

old bob

O.o WHAT IS WITH THIS TREND?!

~twitch~

All I seem to hear nowadays from every boy I know is some weird version of this idea. It's like all the boys who actually want a real boyfriend who forms a relationship with the intent of staying in it indefinitely have just disappeared or been replaced by lil pod people.

Don't get me wrong, I am quite aware that things change over time. I do not pretend to be able to make some sort of miraculous guarantee that my feelings for another person will never change, or that the relationship will last forever. Even so, it's like now people don't even attempt to make ANY commitments whatsoever. Bah, maybe I'm being melodramatic about it.

As to the whole being friends with gay guys thing... lol, I have so few real life gay male friends that, um, I'm positive I can count them all on one hand, and I can pretty much narrow the close friends who are gay and male down to just one. Me and boys just don't jive for some reason. I am usually friends with straight girls. They are the only type of human being who makes absolute, total, complete, and unrelenting sense. For all the jokes about how nonsensical women are, they really do make perfect sense to me. Put it this way... if I were straight, I would get laid so much it would've fallen off by now.

Meh, anyway, Kevvers, you're wonderful. Do whatever makes you a happy Kevvers. The more I think about this particular mode of thinking, the less my internal Jamie screams "WHAT?! That's stupid!" and starts saying "Hm... they might have a point."

How to break it to him? Print this quote out and show it to him:

Good friends are way to important to risk loosing it with an attempt at dating.

 

Good luck Kevin!

 

Vic

Thanks Vic!

I didn't end up doing that (printing the quote), but your statement about good friends definitely sums up how I feel about him. Boyfriends are nice and all, but I just don't see me settling down for good just yet, and he's way too special to, as you said, risk losing with an attempt at dating.

Take care and have a great day!

Kevin

It sounds like you're emotional worn out, Kevin. If that's the case, then do what you can to take a break. A change of scenery for a week might help, if you can work out a way to do it. How about going up to Dallas and visiting Joe for a day or two?

 

You're a sensible and caring guy, so if what I'm about to say doesn't come out right, I hope you'll take it in the way it's intended....

 

Kevin, one of the first things that sprung to my mind when I read what you have written is that it sounded like you're afraid to try a relationship because so many haven't worked out. A break is good, but don't be afraid to take some risks.

 

Some relationships take time to develop -- you won't have that instant rapport with them, but you'll find growing over time. This is especially true with friends. The "friend zone" is good, but it can be a trap, too. If your friend is the sort that doesn't normally initiate things, then the fact that he did implies that he might be testing the water to see if you were interested in trying. If you take it slow, and both talk about why, you could try to find out if your friendship could become more.

 

Ultimately, you're the only one who can know what you want from life. Just don't let yourself become too comfortable with "just friends" that you don't give yourself a chance to find a "friend Mr. Right".

 

Good luck!

 

Graeme

Hey Graeme

That's some excellent advice, but I really don't think it's what I want right now, especially with him. What I need right now, much more than a boyfriend, is just a bestfriend. Someone who actually lives in the same city as me, and won't randomly decide to end our friendship.

Yes, there's a fear of losing him, but I think that's more or less irrelevant in that I just couldn't imagine taking things in that direction with him right now.

Thanks though!

-Kevin

Well, I understand that guy. I'm oceans away yet always ready to jump on you!

 

Nah, seriously, it's up to you to decide. All we can do is advice. Part of me is telling you is go ahead. I mean, it's rather rare to have the spark and also reciprocated one. And as Graeme said, sometimes, we should take risks.

 

But then, it's about feelings. I wouldn't like any of you to be hurt. Or even ruin your friendship.

 

I think you should listen to Vic and tell him everything frankly. Then, talk!

 

Hope it works out!

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

Hey Ieshwar!

Thanks for the support! We both just ended up not bringing it up again. We're also both sort of pursuing new relationships. He had a date tonight and I have one tomorrow

He still delayed his plans to do me a big favour though! And he's still definitely above the guy I'm going to see tomorrow in terms of priority for me as well. But I really see that as more of a friend thing than anything else.

Take care and have a wonderful day!

-Kevin

Hey Richie!

You know, I actually went through this same thing, only from his end. I actually brought it up, and we both agreed to just be friends. I'm really glad that this happened because it's only been a couple of months and my feelings are no longer even closely romantic. He's a great guy, and we're incredibly close now, but I just don't see him in that way anymore and I feel like a relationship between us wouldn't have lasted all that long anyway. I'm glad that nothing ever happened between us because we managed to sidestep the whole awkward issue.

Exactly!!!

I think that's definitely an issue though, since I've had that talk with almost every single gay friend that I've had, and of the ones that I ended up dating for a while, I don't talk to any of them anymore.

Exactly what I'm worried about again!!!

LOL, things can just get so complicated :wacko:

I'm glad things worked out for you!

Take care and have a fantastic day!

-Kevin

:hugs:

 

I have some other gay boys for friends, but we never think of eachother has boyfriend material at all, and is it also you don't want gay male friends cause your afraid of attraction?

Hey Drew

Well good, I'm glad you don't have that problem with your friends! I'm certainly not afraid of having gay male friends for fear of attraction, in fact nearly all of my local friends are gay males!

I love being friends with other gay guys. It's great, and I definitely need these friendships in my life, I was merely expressing a regret that due to the nature of attraction there's often a line in these relationships that both people have to be careful to avoid crossing, which other combinations of friends don't have to worry about quite as much.

As I've often said I've had a lot of close friendships with lesbians, and what I've really enjoyed about those relationships is the freedom to tell them they look great, or that they're wonderful, or to use terms of endearment or to touch them in a friendly, affectionate manner without worrying that they're going to misconstrue my intentions.

I actually think it's quite nice that there is the possibility of "something more" in my friendships with other gay guys, but I think everyone needs friends they can be as "friendly with" as they like without either person considering it the least bit sexual.

Anyway take care and have a great day!

-Kevin

Hey Old Bob!

Hey Kevin,

Its just what you have to tell him, in a friendly way. But if you are not sure, let it go.You can tell him later !

Thanks! That's exactly what I did, and I think it's worked out pretty well

It seems to me that your mood changes very quickly from one day to another.

*sigh* I think you're right about that. I'm usually pretty happy and upbeat, but my feelings, desires, ambitions, goals, motives, etc. have been changing rapidly lately. Every time I think I know what I want, something changes my mind before I even get a chance to pursue that something, and that is not just about interpersonal relationships, but all matters recently :wacko:

Be careful about yourself. There are so many moments in a day where you can be happy! Enjoy it . Its a pity not to be aware that life is worth to be lived .

old bob

Thank you! Excellent advice

Take care and have an awesome day!

Kevin

O.o WHAT IS WITH THIS TREND?!

 

~twitch~

 

All I seem to hear nowadays from every boy I know is some weird version of this idea. It's like all the boys who actually want a real boyfriend who forms a relationship with the intent of staying in it indefinitely have just disappeared or been replaced by lil pod people.

 

Don't get me wrong, I am quite aware that things change over time. I do not pretend to be able to make some sort of miraculous guarantee that my feelings for another person will never change, or that the relationship will last forever. Even so, it's like now people don't even attempt to make ANY commitments whatsoever. Bah, maybe I'm being melodramatic about it.

 

As to the whole being friends with gay guys thing... lol, I have so few real life gay male friends that, um, I'm positive I can count them all on one hand, and I can pretty much narrow the close friends who are gay and male down to just one. Me and boys just don't jive for some reason. I am usually friends with straight girls. They are the only type of human being who makes absolute, total, complete, and unrelenting sense. For all the jokes about how nonsensical women are, they really do make perfect sense to me. Put it this way... if I were straight, I would get laid so much it would've fallen off by now.

 

Meh, anyway, Kevvers, you're wonderful. Do whatever makes you a happy Kevvers. The more I think about this particular mode of thinking, the less my internal Jamie screams "WHAT?! That's stupid!" and starts saying "Hm... they might have a point."

Jamie!!!!

Sorry to disappoint you, or further add to the disturbing trend you've been seeing!

Things just get way too complicated sometimes...I definitely want something more....eventually. Right now though I pity anyone who tries to get into a serious relationship with me. I'm just not in a very "relationshipy" place.

As I said, I just keep changing my mind about everything right now: what I want to do careerwise, what I want to do educationwise, where I want to live, whether or not I want to stay in Houston (for good? for a few more years?? for a few more months???).

I'm also just being completely spacey and all around flakey in general. I'm having fun, and because I'm not in any serious relationships I'm not hurting anyone, and presumably I'll settle down eventually, but right now it would just be really unfair for someone to consider building a picture of their life with me in it for the long-haul.

They could very well fall in love with a nice Houston boy, who likes playing pool, is pursuing a degree in social work, and working with the elderly (all more or less true right now), and then discover in three months that he's a New York boy, who's into theatre, isn't interested in any further degrees, and works as a freelance writer (all also fairly possible, and things I'd love to do/be). *shrug* Who in their right mind would want to take that on? LOL

Anyway thanks for the support, and BTW, I think you're super-nifty!

-Kevin