I called my doctor today and we had a telephone consultation because he's the best doctor in the clinic and you have to be practically bleeding from several wounds to get a same day appointment with him. I figure we could do all the necessary shit over the phone. It helps, too, that, while he is probably only a few years older than me, he's not all that cute, but he isn't uncute either, but he's not my kind of guy, sort of.

Okay, I don't have the hots for my doctor, but I could, maybe.

He put me back in therapy, which is good.

I'm off the Wellbutrin and back on Celexa, which worked pretty good a couple years ago.

I quit Celexa because I'd heard Wellbutrin doesn't mess up the sexual function of the human body. I can say that Wellbutrin is good stuff.

Initially, I started out on Prozac. Nasty stuff! Turned off the libido. Shut it DOWN! Not only I couldn't, but I didn't have any interest in doing it in the first place. I look at a cute guy and NOTHING! NOTHING! No feelings, no tingling, no nasty thoughts, NOTHING! I might as well have been a eunuch. Talk about chemical castration, Prozac certainly shut me down. No wonder they give that shit to teenagers.

Celexa turned on the libido. I could look at guys again and get all those great nasty thoughts. The only problem with Celexa was the connection between the brain and the physical action. It was barely functional, at best. Not only couldn't I get it up, it didn't want to get up to begin with. My mind was going, "This is going to be fun. You're going to enjoy this," but it wasn't listening to anything my mind was saying. The signals weren't getting through.

So, I'm back on Celexa. It really doesn't matter since I don't have anyone to share a sexual moment with anyway. So, why worry about nonfunctional genitals. If you don't need them, why worry about them not working.

Sanity won out. Now, I have a chance to live. I don't drive right now. The wife is doing all the driving. I don't trust myself not to run off the road and hit that power pole over there.

You see, I think if I did do something it would be one of those spur of the moment actions. One of those recognizing the opportunity when it came along and taking the dive.

Only, I'm not ready to go. There's this big part of me that doesn't want to go out the next available exit. So, I'm staying off the road right now and looking forward to months of looking at cute guys and getting all those wonderfully nasty thoughts and knowing if the opportunity came along, I won't be able to do anything about it, not that I'm expecting anything of the sort.