I got as far as Tremonton, but I'm supposed to be in Logan. I was supposed to be in Logan at 3 p.m. today, but obviously that didn't happen. My boss is really pissed. I'm pissed, too, but for an entirely different reason. The trailer I picked up had a flat tire. I tried to fix it and eventually got it filled with air on Tuesday, but this morning when I checked it before leaving it had gone down to 55 psi.

So, I contacted our over the road maintenance people and they sent me to a tire shop in The Dalles, OR, which didn't open until 8 a.m. In total, I lost 7 hours on the front end of this load.

Then I said I'd be in Logan at 10 p.m. tonight, but I ran out of hours and had to stop in Tremonton. My boss is going to be pissed, again, tomorrow.

On a happier note, I think I'm getting suicidal, again. I just can't stop thinking about how things would be so much easier if I wasn't doing them or worrying about whether they got done at all. If this continues, of course, it may actually lead to be having to stop driving, again. I definitely don't want that, but I don't know what else to do.

I think it has a lot to do with the amount of stress I allow to affect me and the negative way my mind handles it. What I should be doing is trying to find someway to lessen the stress other than formulating plans for doing myself in; or, putting myself away. I've always thought of that as a preferred means to leaving this present life without actually killing myself. Do some act that is either perceived as insane and leads to hospitalization or do something definitely illegal and enter the criminal justice system. I'd prefer hospitalization, but it's next to impossible to end up in one of those places unless you do something horrendously illegal and are deemed to have acted in an insane manner. That would take too much planning.

On the other hand I could consider just acting out attempting suicide. That would probably ensure a short stay in a facility and if it was done in some location far away from home, I might not be able to make it back. That could lead to essentially dropping off the radar screen for however many years it took for my crazy mind to actually do itself in.

Oh well, it's late and I need to get some sleep before my boss yells at me for not being in Logan, which I said I would be. It'd probably go a lot better if I cared, but I don't. I don't care about a lot of things these days and that might be my biggest problem. I'll have to think about that some more.

No Harold and Bernie tonight as my mind is running out of steam.