This morning I woke up to a really sad email telling me that someone I met online years ago passed away. He'd been given a diagnosis of 6 months to live not long ago, but I guess sometimes the doctors are wrong. Anyway, I've tried hard to separate the online friends I have from the friends I have irl, but it doesn't always work that way. I still find myself wondering and worrying and hurting for others, even though I've never met some of them face to face.

I have exactly one friend that I've met online that I've maintained a solid, emotional attachment to. Others have gotten to know me and decided for one reason or another that I wasn't worth it. There are some who I've held at arms length, too. Mainly as a defense mechanism, I think.

But no matter who's ever disappointed me, or who I've had a falling out with, there's one friend that I have who I've always gone back to. He never hit on me or asked me for my number. He didn't ask me if I have any nude pics, and he didn't get impatient with me when I was wrong about something and wouldn't admit it. He remembers my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and other times. He sends me e-cards randomly just to say hi.

And he's the one that had to sit down at his pc this morning and pass the news along to me. I feel horrible that I know he's hurting and that I can't do anything to numb his pain. I'll go on with my day today, bitching and moaning that I have to work in this cold weather and that I have to go shopping later on. I'll stop what I'm doing at some point to blow some hot breath on my fingers and curse about it, but my life will go on. So will my friend's life, but it's going to be harder for him. He's endured so much in his life, and sometimes I don't think he understands what his purpose is on this planet.

But I know one thing that's true. No matter what, if we ever do or ever don't meet irl, I know that my life will always be better for having met him and for being able to call him my friend.