Anytime hun... I really believe what I said, but no need to restate it all here...

Hope things get better soon with Justin...

Viv

Aww *hug* it sucks when people start going out with someone and seem to forget that they had friends before then...

I've told this to you before, but I will repeat it again:

You need to lower your expectations from this friendship and decide whether/how much to include Justin in your life. Yes, it sucks when your best friend ditches you for a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's a lousy thing to do to a friend, though nearly everyone is guilty of doing it, to some degree, at some point in life (especially as teenagers).

But you can't make Justin dump his girlfriend and the more you try to harp on how manipulative and evil she is, the worse YOU look, and you help her build a dichotomy where it is the two of them versus the rest of the world.

The situation sucks. You can't keep him from acting like an ass of a friend. But you CAN control how disappointed/hurt you are when the predictable continuation of the saga happens...

.....and the more you try to harp on how manipulative and evil she is, the worse YOU look...

I don't think I've been making this clear when I tell about what is happening....the only time I've ever told him what I thought about her is when I spilled my guts in that email after the homecoming incident. It's not like I'm constantly telling him how bad she is, because I know that will just drive us further apart until he realized what she is doing to his friendships.

Xander, how about you find ways to spend "friend" time with your friend and enjoy those moments together. I am sure he has his own pressures, as we all do....so I am betting he will enjoy your time together as much as he does.

Look at it this way..there will be the day when you will have a BF and you will be spending a lot of time together...there will be friends that don't get the exclusive time with you that your BF gets. I venture to say some friends will be upset with that and some friends may not even like your BF and think him evil for putting you under his spell...it will happen.

So, in the meantime, as Lurker said, you don't even need to mention your friend's GF when you spend time with him...but at the same time be a listening supportive friend (no need to be the "Judgmental" friend and say what a mean harpie evil witch you believer her to be....since I bet he will feel that then says your friend has no taste/discretion and Judgment in his choices)

Now maybe you can find time with other friends..is there a GLSEN you wish to be involved in..a Gay teen center? Are you OUT or wish to find some Gay/Gay friendly friends....does your friend know you are Gay..are you ready to tell him...stuff for you to focus on and work on....sounds like you a substitute Mom in your friend's Mom....a cool person per your blog..so maybe someone to hang with to get cool good advice from?

Just some thoughts....I know I have been there when friends get involved with their BFs and drop me like a hot potato then come back when the latest BF is history....it happens..just hang in there and focus on you:)

Michael

Hey Xander, sorry to just intrude on your blog, but I saw your post about just starting it on the main page. And what can I say I'm nosey. Anyway it's a pleasure to meet you and I hope everything works out.

I had/have a friend, and in fact we were probably right around your age when all this was going on (ok I think that's the first time I've used the "when I was your age..." line ,,,scary.....anyway). So I guess I do have a little jealous streak running through me, and I was really close with my best friend in High School (though I was never really in love with him, maybe mildly infaturated in like 7th and 8th grade, but I'd lost interest in him like THAT by high school). Anyway I didn't see much of him for like a week or so, but I didn't really make anything of it, until one day we're standing in line in the cafeteria, and all of a sudden another guy suddenly makes some remark about my friends girlfriend. I'm like "what! Girlfriend?? when did this happen" (more or less, it's been along time I can't remember word for word), anyway he kinda smiled and laughed nervously saying something to the effect of "I thought I told you" or "I meant to tell you". Anyway I was thrown for quite a loop. And at first when I got to know her, and we all (some of her friends and his other friends) started hanging out....I kinda didn't like how fast they were moving, or how he was suddenly drinking alot more, and actually spending the night quite often at her house, in her bed (which just seemed so scandalous to me at the time), but the truth is, while deep down I still kinda thought she was a bad influence, and that he was "better", I actually had alot of fun with the new little group we had. And I really grew to like her, and while I did spend less time with him, I made a few new friends as a result. and I really couldn't complain anymore about him staying over at her house, when we'd ALL sometimes stay over at her house after we'd been drinking a little (maybe a lot) too much. Anyway I ended up making the best of it, and wouldn't you know after like 3 maybe 4 months, she cheated on (which really hurt him), and they broke up. Then suddenly I was very much the "important best friend" who helped pick up the pieces. Of course I'd rather he hadn't gotten hurt in the first place, but at least we were still close enough that I could be there for him when he did. Anyway I know your situation is different, like you don't like the girl, whereas I always kinda did, and would still be pleasent to her today if I ran into her. But maybe you can make the best of it. Like others suggested, if you just give them their space one of two things will happen. It'll work out, in which case you'll have to learn to interact pleasently with her if you want to continue the friendship. Or it won't, in which case he'll probably naturally turn to you for support in the break up period. Either way all you can do is be there for him. Good Luck!