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Update on the last one

JSmith

Entry posted by JSmith

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So I took my own advice from last blog and that a few others said to do, and I just walked away. I didn't say anything to him because I knew I would end up caving and just end up miserable again. So I let it all go and ignored the calls.

 

Well, I went up to Coppell tonight to hang out with an old friend I haven't seen in years, and while I was there my phone wouldn't connect to the network, or it was down or something. Either way I couldn't receive calls or texts until I was on my way home. I was up there for a good 3 and a half hours so when I finally got all of my messages, I got this one from his best friend:

 

Him: "I said I'd f**k you up if you hurt my boy. You have. Watch your back."

 

I didn't know whether to laugh or be pissed. So I did both. I laughed because it was funny that someone like him would actually try and threaten me. But I was pissed at the same time because he really did threaten me. I know I should have continued to ignore it, but I couldn't. And while I was tempted to send something back along the lines of "Good luck, I have plenty of people to watch my back for me..." I didn't. But I did respond with the following:

 

Me: "I was in Coppell and the AT&T network was down. But I just got your... threat I guess it was. And I just want to say that you can't even begin to comprehend what I'm going through, but thank you for the warning."

 

Alright, so it wasn't exactly mean, but I did make a little poke at him being stupid. I kinda took the high road, but I responded so I guess I didn't.

 

Him: "Look I'm dealing with a very upset friend. I won't do anything. I'm so sorry about w/e happened, but some word needed to be communicated to David. I hope ur okay but I don't see how not even a 'shit happened, can't talk for a while' couldn't have been sent to David, or me or Lance or anyone."

 

Me: "Actually I did communicate that a while back and asked him to let me finish school. He didn't and I wanted it to work so I let things start again. Then as you say, 'shit happened' and I snapped. I couldn't say anything that would make things better so I didn't. I walked away to save whatever part of me that wasn't f**ked up, left. I knew it had the potential to hurt, but my mind went into survival mode. Fight or flight kicked in. I'm not one to just leave without an explanation and would have come around to talk about it, and then you threatened me. So if this is what you wanted, then there you go. A vague explanation that won't help the situation between us, but will only cause me to be more f**ked up. So thank you."

 

Most of that is true, and while I really would have liked to explain things to David eventually, I couldn't do it just yet. And this little f**ker trying to threaten me didn't help in the least. It only made it worse. I know David didn't put him up to it because that's not the kind of person he is, but even so, in the back of my mind I'm still slightly blaming him because this particular friend has never liked me to begin with because he's in love with David.

 

He just responded with the following:

 

Him: "Joe i defended u since u disappeared but after this long with no contact I couldn't anymore. I figured the situation with u was exactly as u are telling me now. I understand why u did what u did, I never didn't. But the complete cut off communication-wise just isn't okay. Again, I hope ur okay."

 

So he can understand why I did what I did, yet it's not alright. And he goes from threatening to "f**k me up" to "hoping I'm okay". I really think the first message was just to provoke me into talking, which it worked because I'm not the type of person to take a threat, even if I do laugh at the person it's coming from, without saying anything in return. So I think I'm going to do the smart thing and just stop talking to him again because he turned my rather good night of hanging out with an old friend into a ranting one that's leaving me exhausted and wishing he would try something on me just so I could punch him in the face. I may be non-violent and non-confrontational, but if someone else is going to start the fight, then you better believe that I'm going to defend myself. And if I get in a few punches against a f**ker that annoys the hell out of me, then there's nothing wrong with that.

 

 

That feels better :)

 

Joe

5 Comments

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NaperVic

David's lucky to have some good & loyal friends who can help pick him up :)

 

I think you did this with a past ex, but maybe you should write this most recent ex a letter. That way you can get whatever you want to say to him out. A face to face talk might end with the two of you back together again.

 

Take Care,

 

Vic

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B1ue

I feel dumb. I just NOW realized where you got the title of your last blog.

 

Glad things are resolving for you. Vic may have the right idea for you, if you feel opening he lines of communication won't put you in danger of once again dragged back into it with the guy.

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Mark Arbour

The guy that still wants you (and who can blame him)....maybe he just wants/needs closure? I know that sounds stupid, but when you're obsessed with someone, sometimes it's easy to block out the strong signals that they don't want to be with you and just grab at straws that say they do.

 

In a round about way, he got his closure and it's done. Dunno if I'd blame the guy who texted you (the guy in the middle) too much though. Didn't he kind of do you a favor?

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AFriendlyFace

Hmm, well I have some thoughts on this. You might not like them so much though.

 

I kinda agree that it's unacceptable to just break up with someone by completely ceasing to communicate with them in any way. I hate breaking up with people, and I've done my share of vague excuses and general ignoring. However, I don't think that's really the best way to handle it and I definitely don't think a complete break in communication without any explanation or notice is okay. Even if everything is really overwhelming I think a simple text saying, "I'm sorry, this really isn't working for me and I can't be with you anymore and will no longer communicate with you from this point forward." Is better than nothing.

 

Second, I can't really fault David's friend. If someone f**ked with one of my boys I'd be pretty pissed and protective too. Indeed, while I wouldn't threaten anyone, I'd certainly act to prevent anymore harm from happening. It sounds like his friend is being pretty reasonable. He had an initial, visceral reaction and then started to think more objectively while still making his loyalties apparent. Maybe he is in love with David or maybe he just loves David and is pissed when people hurt him. Or maybe both. Either way his loyalties are supposed to be with David.

 

My loyalties of course are with you. If you've found a way to make your situation better and to be happier then believe me I'm delighted and glad you did it. Even if it was at the expense of other people's feelings; I care about you and your feelings more. Sometimes these sorts of painful things are unavoidable and relationships are always messy things with the potential for a lot of hurt feelings and disappointment. At this point I hope you can just move on with a minimal amount of pain, anger, guilt, or disappointment. I hope your next relationship either doesn't end or ends much better. Either way I hope it's very happy and rewarding for you. I also hope you're able to take something good from your time with David, and your time with all of your exes and find something to smile about from each of them.

 

:hug:

 

Take care and congrats on being free and able to start to move on :)

 

-Kevin

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JSmith

Alright so I guess I wasn't completely clear in one of these blogs. I never intended to just walk away completely without saying anything. I've been burned one too many times like that and I know how it feels to have someone just walk out of your life without any sort of parting words. When I cut ties at the time, it was more of a "let me get my shit together before I talk to him again" type of thing because I knew if I did talk to him, I would have ended up in the same situation. It's damn near impossible for me to say no to someone, especially someone that I care about. He doesn't have a cellphone so the only way I could have said anything to him would have been to call him which would have put me in my not being able to say no situation.

 

I did, however, tell this to David in an email. I told him I wasn't going to just walk away without an explanation, yet his friend is still harassing me. It's getting irritating that he keeps making threats, but he never intends to do anything about them. I finally called him on it last night and told him to either follow through with his plans or shut the f**k up and leave me alone. He then ratted on David and said the threats were his idea from the beginning and showed me the IM messages to prove it. Which could have been fake or changed, but I really doubt it. And if they were his idea from the beginning, it makes me wonder what kind of person he really is. I feel like I didn't really know him at all because I never would have guessed that side of him was there.

 

But yes Kevin, I don't blame his friend for being mad. He has the right. But he doesn't have the right to constantly harass me and send me threats when he's not attempting to solve anything. He's just trying to cause drama and drive an even further wedge between David and I. He's tried before, and now he's actually getting his wish, but it's just pathetic that he won't stay out of something that he has no right to intrude upon. Truth be told, David doesn't even really like the kid. He's highly annoying and just causes drama for him. So when he's not even that good of a friend, he doesn't have the right to do what he's done. Yes, he can be pissed all he wants. Yes, he can try and talk to me about it. But when that little f**ker just sits there and trys to cause more drama, I get sick of it.

 

Joe :)

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