.....I swear I was born right in the doorway.

Everything felt so delightfully shiny and new today. I had a nice dream about my grandfather. It was so real, like I was really talking to him again. Anyway, I was in a good mood when I got up and the weather was awesome! It was cool, but not cold, and it wasn't so damn dreary like it's been lately! So I had a nice shower, with some new body wash I used for the first time. Then I put on some new clothes and walked out into my day.

As I left my house my thoughts turned to my friends. My friend William moved away about a year or so ago. He's always been so ridiculously resilient. Some of the worst crap happens to the poor guy, but he always comes through with a shiny smile and an unflappable demeanor. He moved back recently...and I found out the real reason he'd left. He was seriously depressed. What the hell? I felt like the worst friend ever! How could I not have seen that? Instead all I ever saw was bright smile.

The whole thing reminded me of an experience I had recently with another close friend. Delightful guy, one of the wittiest most amusing people I've ever known. He announced he's now on anti-depressants and in therapy.

Geez, what's wrong with me that I can't spot these things? I've always thought of myself as an empathetic, emotionally perceptive person, but I totally missed both their conditions and they are two of my closest friends. Anyway, they're both doing better now (I think...obviously there's no way I could really tell).

Finally though, I settled on my friend Dave. He's legitimately shiny. I'm sure he feels unhappy and miserable sometimes - he is human after all - he's nevertheless the shiniest boy I've ever met. Needless to say I've always wanted him. Damn the luck that I met him shortly after he began his relationship with his boyfriend. They're ridiculously happy of course and being a fairly shiny boy myself I can't help but to be pretty damn happy for them as well. Still, I wish I could have found out what might have happened between us. I feel like with most of the guys I meet, they seem whole at first, then after awhile I discover this gaping emotional hole that they want me to plug up for them. I'm sure part of it's my own pattern. I'm quite aware that I have a protective, nurturing streak and I'm probably subconsciously just as attracted to someone who needs me as they might be to me. Thing is, I always have been ridiculously attracted to Dave, and I have no doubt that he doesn't need me, especially not to fix his mood. It would have been unique. Anyway, maybe I would have f**ked him up somehow instead. Or maybe he would have f**ked me up by being the more stable one...or maybe we'd have just been f**king happy all the time. Well, for the most part we both are anyway, so all's well that ends well, right?

When I got to work I was pleasantly surprised to discover a locked door and a darkened room. I'd forgotten that my co-workers were going out of town till Wednesday. This is pleasant, because despite being legitimately fond of them and really enjoying their company, I kinda dig hard on my alone time, especially in a work environment where that equals more peace and quiet and fewer interruptions. So I had a lovely, quiet day at work and also felt like I got a lot done (I was a good boy and didn't goof off ).

Anyway, by the time I got off work I was a ball of energy so I decided to go to the park for some rollerblading. On the way to the park someone rear ended me (I just can't help placing innuendo in my blog, just ignore it or indulge the dirty thoughts if ya want ). It wasn't too bad though, and it was completely his fault. I'm pretty cavalier about such things as long as no one gets hurt and the damage isn't too bad (and the damage was actually almost non-existent despite the fairly hard impact. I think it's because we were both driving trucks with sturdy, metal bumpers instead of the crumply plastic kind) so when he apologized I told to him to just forget about it and went on my way.

I had a lovely time at the park. I had long chats with Scott, Jesse, and my mom on the phone. I'm sure most people don't go rollerblading so that they can chat on the phone, but for some strange reason it's something I enjoy doing and I usually make some phone calls while I'm blading.

I'm so happy for Scott. He seems happy with his new boy. They've only been out three times, but it's going pretty well. I haven't met this one yet. I think I should give them some space for awhile. Scott and I are pretty close and I think it might not be best for the new boy to see us together just yet. I think I might have accidentally scared off the last one. I really didn't mean to either. I approved of the last one. I wanted him to stick around. But we went out, got a bit drunk, and spent the night laughing our asses off at stuff the other guy didn't get. In general I worry sometimes that he spends a bit too much time with me instead of dating. I know that's silly, but Scott isn't like me when it comes to dating and relationships. He feels like something is "missing" because he isn't in a serious relationship. Apparently this was actually one of William's main problems as well.

I just don't feel that way. I have a lot of fun with the "single lifestyle" and I'm fine maintaining it indefinitely, or even permanently. I'll have kids at some point down the line, with or without a mate, but for now I'm having a blast and definitely not waiting for anyone or anything to come along. Scott really wants and needs that though. Most, if not all, of my boys do. So, I hope they all find it, and I hope they all start blowing me off to spend time with their boyfriends. I have no problem whatsoever being the single friend who dates around but doesn't settle down.

On the bright side, I'm wildly in favour of William's new boy. He's actually an old friend of mine I don't see very often. We ran into each other a couple of weekends ago while I was out with gang, I introduced them, and lo and behold the sparks are flying! It makes me really happy. I have nothing but positive things to say about the dude and I really think he'd be awesome for William.

Anyway, after I finished the rollerblading I hit WholeFoods on the way home, got myself an artichoke, and had one of my favourite dinners (An artichoke is a main dish for a vegetarian ).

Now I'm comfortable in bed and looking forward to another lovely day tomorrow. Those are the things that I did and thought about today. Sorry I've not been around much lately. I've been having tons of fun though and I've been quite well.

On a final note, I feel compelled to share this quote from the book I read this weekend. The book is "I Am Not Myself These Days" by Josh Kilmer-Purcell. It's about his experiences in living in New York as a drag queen with an alcohol problem and his boyfriend, a prostitute with a drug problem. This line is written in response to Josh/Aqua's reaction to seeing his boyfriend's drug buddy, Trey. I found it to be the funniest sentence in the whole book and it literally had me rolling around laughing for several minutes:

"It's hard to imagine how someone could be a bad influence on a sadomasochistic hooker, but I consider Trey just that."

Trust me, that's crazy funny if you've read the 242 pages that come before it

The book's really good by the way. Both the main characters have some heavy flaws what with being a severe alcoholic and a crack whore and all, but they're actually extremely sympathetic and endearing characters. I was pulling for them the whole way through and desperately hoping they could make it work.