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Two Kids and a Dog


AFriendlyFace

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Scott and I went to a housewarming party for some friends of ours, a straight couple, recently. It was a fresh change. I don't socialize with straight people very often anymore, and when I do it's usually in some type of "gay" setting and they're the minority. So it was weird to go to a party at which Scott and I were the only two gays. It was fun though, I really like the couple and their friends were nice.

 

There were a couple of small kids there. A four year old girl and her baby brother. So anyway, it's later in the evening and several people have already left and we're just sitting around in smaller groups chatting and I'm on the couch. So the little girl, Savannah, comes up and starts talking with me, telling me all about the tricks she's learned in gymnastics, and what she's going to do for her next birthday party, and about her friends and brother. Anyway while I'm chatting with her Gregory, the little brother, crawls over and starts trying to climb up on the couch, so I pick him up and hold him while Savannah keeps telling me her stories. A little while latter Charlie, the dog, comes over and starts nuzzling for attention. Just around that time Scott looks at me, laughs, and remarks that I've got a whole little crew.

 

It's funny, I hadn't even really thought about it. I love kids and dogs, so when the little girl wanted to talk I just naturally started listening. When the baby crawled over I picked him up. When the dog started pushing for attention I just started playing with him. It was nice though. Predictably it got me thinking. I mean, it would be nice if it had been my own two kids and dog, and if I'd just been sitting around on my own couch enjoying their company.

 

I just find it all so odd though. I don't think of myself as a "traditional" sort of person. I'm really not, not at all. I want to travel, come and go as I please, perpetually be in school and bouncing around careerwise. I don't want a house and I yard in the 'burbs, I want a condo in the city and I want to spontaneously move whenever I feel like it. I really enjoy being single and "free." I love that I can go out whenever I want and not have to come home at any certain time - or at all - if I don't feel like it.

 

I really don't know how two kids and a dog fit into this picture. Heck, the reason I don't have a dog already is that I don't think I have the time and don't want something that high maintenance. With my cat I just fill up her giant feeder and waterer once a week, throw away her litter box and buy her a new one every couple of months (yeah I don't scoop or actually change litter, I just change the whole box :*) ) and she's pretty much set. That's not really a huge time or effort investment. Yet, if I were going to have kids, I'd want to be a really attentive parent. I'd want to really enjoy them and nurture them and be a big part of their lives and have them be central to mine. How would that work? How would I fit all these pieces together?

 

It would feel right though, having the kids. I feel like I've re-evaluated - and rejected - the majority of "values" that society has tried to indoctrinate me with, yet I really don't think the raising kids thing is an external pressure. I really think it's something that has always been a strong, compelling, internal drive. Oh I guess that's why this whole "two kids and a dog" thing is the stereotype. I guess it's because it really is something a lot of people truly want for themselves. Despite having always wanted it...I'm still kinda surprised I want it though. I mean the "husband to share it with" part is pretty negotiable. I don't feel like that's an especially big issue though. I mean I'm sure it is easier to raise kids in a two (or more) parent home, but I think I could be a pretty damn competent single parent. Anyway, who knows, maybe I will have a partner; it's just no big deal either way. The kids though...well that is kind of a big deal. I think I'd really regret it and, yeah, maybe even feel like something is "missing" if I don't have them.

 

*sigh* I just hope they like faced paced urban life and don't mind being in college (or at parties 0:) ) with their dad. :boy:

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I really don't know how two kids and a dog fit into this picture.
Encourage your siblings to have kids. Being an uncle let's you have the benefit of being able to play with the kids and be 'Uncle Kevin, he's cool!' without having all that other pesky responsibility of 24x7 care.

 

I have occasional periods of wanting kids, but a good baby sitting session brings me back down to reality. biggrin.gif

 

If you are considering some of this, I'd suggest starting out with a dog. Dogs need much more care than a cat and might be a good test drive towards a kid.

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With my cat I just fill up her giant feeder and waterer once a week, throw away her litter box and buy her a new one every couple of months (yeah I don't scoop or actually change litter, I just change the whole box :*) ) and she's pretty much set.

 

LOL That's hilarious. :)

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I like the term re-evaluate and reject. I think its good practice for people to re-evaluate what society expects of them and what they expect of themselves. One can't, however, re-evaluate an instinct. the nature of an instinct dictates it as being done without conscious thought.

 

Wanting kids is, at base, an instinct. It is something we are all bound to want at some fleeting moment or another, even with constant exposure.

 

It's a nice thought really. That one, inside, whispering "I can do this..." Don't lose it, and don't discount it because it doesn't fit into your life now, or what you expect your life will be later. I'm sure you will again come to a time when it is right to re-evaluate those expectations.

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Having a dog isn't even remotely like having your own kid -- okay it awakens the protective instincts in you, but if you don't really, really want a dog, definitely don't get one, and do not get one to "see what it's like".

 

And I don't suppose I really need to tell you that baby-sitting someone else's brats, or even cute little kids in some cases, isn't anything at all like having your own either... and it gives you no indication whatsoever what it's like to have a child, because you have a completely different role in that child's life than the parents have, so your interaction will be completely different. Having a child is amazing, scary, sometimes really difficult, and often great, and if you want one, have one. They're not an obstacle, you can still have a life with kids, too. :D

 

 

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...but if you don't really, really want a dog, definitely don't get one, and do not get one to "see what it's like".

 

Yes, yes...I didn't mean to suggest getting a dog on a whim, something you can return if it doesn't work out blush1.gif .

 

The point I was trying to make was that since a dog needs much more care than a cat, it might be a good test drive before having a kid.

 

I take good care of my dog and try not to let her be alone for more than 4 hours at a stretch. What was a real eye opener for me was the amount of care that a dog needed. I suppose I always knew that a dog needed care everyday...but it doesn't hit home until those days when you're sick and you still take have to take the dog out for a walk. Or the days it's raining and crappy outside but still you trek outdoors.

 

Take Care,

 

Vic

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Yeah, I agree that if you can take care of a dog you're capable of taking care of a baby as well -- and just so you know, Vic, I didn't think for a second that you don't take good care of your dog. ;)

 

But we had a dog when I was still living with my parents, and my mother has a dog now which I'm dog-sitting from time to time, so I know what it's like to have a dog, and I know I really don't want a dog of my own, it's so much work. Even though I really liked our dog back then, and the one my mother has now, too.

 

But the fact that I don't like the whole business of taking care of a dog doesn't mean I don't like taking care of a kid -- I have a son and if I'd get the chance to have more children I'd be so happy, even though they're much more time-consuming. It's so amazing and so exciting to have a kid, it totally makes up for any sacrifices you need to make.

 

Then again, I also have friends who know they definitely don't want kids, and I'd never, ever try to convince them to have kids -- many people do pester them about it and they're getting really sick of it, and that's rather sad as well.

 

 

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I've been thinking about kids recently too. and I want the same type of life as you too. where the two meet is going to be difficult to work out, the travelling thing at least goes right against it. pretty much at least.

 

i'm shit at looking after our family dog though, so not in the near future at least :), need more practice.

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Maybe you need a kid to practise before you have a dog... :P

 

You can still travel though, even if you have kids, a partner is a much greater obstacle for that kind of thing than a kid. Then you have to make sure both of you have jobs in the new place, you have to agree on a place in the first place, and yeah. A kid just comes with you and accepts it, unless you make a big deal out of asking the kid first or something. Okay when they're in their teens it may be different, but even then you can still reason with them.

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