Aw that sucks

Really, he should have confronted you personally to talk about it. It sounds like, since he avoided that approach, he wanted to wait until you were in front of them so he could make himself look good.

Or maybe he was just grumpy, you never know. Sometimes people don't think before they act. Most of the time, they'll regret it too.

It's weird, it almost seems that in Academia people are nice to each other in private, and save the verbal reamings for public or where there's an audience.

Your experience is very typical to situations that have happened to friends of mine at this university. In department or senate meetings, or at presentations, people can get nasty professionally, but still expect to be chummy and friendly outside those settings. I never got that...

It's like that in court. i have been stabbed in the back so many times before the judge by people I had thought were friends that i'm immune to the blades now. It's hard when that happens and it isn't about how it turns out, or why it happened... it's about the betryal.. the feeling that someone you thought you knew let you down, someone you respected didn't deserve it. I feel for you. I hope he realises how stupid he was.

It seems academia is a lot like the business world. A usually collegial atmosphere can be destroyed in an instant by someone who feels he must perform anytime he is in front of a audience. There are also plenty of people who are always negative, who don't want any change to the status quo.

It's always best to discuss your misgivings about a proposal with the advocate. You may have an influence you will never have through a confrontation. You may even be credited for your contribution.

Mark, you should ask yourself or perhaps others why he did it. He must have a reason.

Are you competing with him ?

Is he afraid of you ?

Why doesnt he like your project ?

Nobody do what he did without a reason, open or hidden. I think it's important that you find it. Sadness is not the right reaction. You have to go deeper :mace:

Politics within a bureaucracy are always complex and cut throat. You never know what relationships lie under the surface, who are allies and who are allies of convenience and only the most naive of players puts his cards on the table. The Byzantine web of relationships make allies of enemies and enemies of friends.

"The best way to deal with bureaucrats is with stealth and sudden violence."

Butros Butros-Ghali

Sounds to me like he's really jealous of you,otherwise he would have spoken to you in person or via email. What a shame you can't count on him for friendship.

I'm going to have to figure out how to deal with him on Monday. Am I nice, so he feels guilty (do you know how painful that would be for me to do?) Do I rip him a new asshole. He's a pussy. I could scare the shit out of him with a look. Do I ignore him? Do I pretend to be OK with it and plot to expose him for the dickwad he is?

Maybe you could just be honest with him? Let him know that you feel betrayed by what he did. If he truly is a friend he will feel guilty, and it will hopefully not happen again.

I think that it could be possible that he might not even know that you are upset over this? Maybe he is someone that prefers to separate business from his friendships? If that is true he still went about it in the wrong way, but it could have been a lapse in judgment on his part.

I hope that you are well.

punch him in the tits.

Personally....I'd wait to hear what he has to say...and then just be true to yourself.

Thanks for all the feedback. It's been really helpful. I'll let you know what happens.

We don't really compete, only to the degree that anyone strives for visibility. But it seems that the thing to do is to let him come to me and explain himself. If he doesn't, then I'll shred him to f**king pieces next time around.

I hate political bullshit. Sounds like you've got it handled.

If he does it again, just stand up, go right up to him, put a finger in his face and proclaim loudly that no matter what HE thinks, Brenda and Laura are still going to be at the movies on Saturday. Then turn around and pee all over his notes.

THAT'll teach em.

Mark, think like JP Crampton. He'd know of how to deal with this "John" guy.