Have you ever fallen in love with someone who is straight?

[Tiger]

What's being suggested here is an entirely unbalanced relationship where at least one person is doomed to be miserable.

That's exactly right. Nobody should be miserable in a relationship. A relationship is supposed to be built upon love, trust, and devotion. The ideal relationship is one in which the two people complete one another. I would never settle for a relationship where I did not love the other person or vice versa. That's exactly why we shouldn't fall in love with straight men. They can NEVER make us happy.

[FrenchCanadian]

That's exactly right. Nobody should be miserable in a relationship. A relationship is supposed to be built upon love, trust, and devotion. The ideal relationship is one in which the two people complete one another. I would never settle for a relationship where I did not love the other person or vice versa. That's exactly why we shouldn't fall in love with straight men. They can NEVER make us happy.

The same goes with falling in love with someone that is already taken. Or in my case fall in love with someone who also being wanted by another guy, to see him choose the other one. It ends up in hurting and lots of emotional pain. The only thing is that you can't really control your heart.

[BeaStKid]

i guess i phrased it wrong... i meant that if you had feelings for both of them but stronger for the one who doesn't love you, you should go for the one who loves you.

[Tiger]

i guess i phrased it wrong... i meant that if you had feelings for both of them but stronger for the one who doesn't love you, you should go for the one who loves you.

I don't even suggest that. If you have strong feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same about you, you need to give yourself time to get over that person first. Then, if the other guy who likes you is still available, go for it! Otherwise, it's time to start fresh.

[YaP]

(8)if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with(8)

lol, sorry, a bit out of topic.. but reading those last posts reminded me of that song line (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young : Love the one you're with).

But i think love doesn't work that way.. you can't switch it on and off as you please.

 

I agree with Tiger... (or is it Tigger ? )

[corvus]

I read this quote and thought that it was quite good--->

 

It is better to marry the one who loves you than marry the one you love

 

And it is so true. The one who loves you would keep you so much better, happy, than the jerk you love and doesn't return the feelings...

That might be true in some instances, but not always. It wasn't when I was the one at the receiving end. :wacko: If I had to choose, I might choose the opposite. Though ideally I'd go for mutual, of course.

[Tiger]

(8)if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with(8)

lol, sorry, a bit out of topic.. but reading those last posts reminded me of that song line (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young : Love the one you're with).

But i think love doesn't work that way.. you can't switch it on and off as you please.

 

I agree with Tiger... (or is it Tigger ? )

You can call me Tim or Tiger. Tigger is a pet name only certain people can call me. hehe

 

I don't know why anyone would settle for anything less than mutual love and adoration. I refuse to do so. If I don't love someone, then that person deserves someone who can return the love. The opposite is true as well. Love is special. True love may only come once in a life time. I will know when I have it. That is what I am searching for, the other half of my soul.

[Hylas]

The only thing is that you can't really control your heart.

Nods head violently.

[AFriendlyFace]

I picked the "no, but I've had crushes.

 

I am curious about the definition of love you use. Infatuation and crushes seem likely, but I find it hard to imaging falling in love with someone whom you had never dated or shared really intimate moments with (although that could happen with a close friend, I guess.) I've never been in love, and I've never felt anything more than a mild physical attraction for a straight guy. Some of them are all right, but nothing that would cause me to fall in love.

Perfectly said, Menzo.

 

 

And what Ieshwar says about real love being 'over', i've got to agree, i still think about my first love, more than i should i think and i'd say there's certainly still love there... even though i've now been in love with my second love for over 2 years! I don't think he'd appreciate knowing i still have strong feelings for my first love... but, anyway, I don't really fall in love with anyone i don't know very well already, so i'd hopefully know they were gay before i started letting myself (all hypothetical, of course)

Hmm, none of my business, and I certainly wouldn't want you to alter your actions in this case because of anything I might say, but if it were me I would want to be able to discuss that with my partner. I think people should be understanding and supportive about these things with their S.O.'s. As long as you do love your current boyfriend, and wouldn't leave him to be with the other guy if the other guy suddenly became available and interested in you, and as long as you wouldn't cheat on him with the other guy, then I don't think there's a problem or anything to feel threatened or jealous about.

 

...but what do I know, lol

 

I agree with what you've said, but Tarin gave an example of how it can happen. When you've spent a lot of quality time with someone, even if they don't realise it, it can be like being on a date. It'll be rare, though.

Yes, I agree Graeme! I've often felt as though I were dating people I wasn't actually dating simply because of the nature of our activities and interactions. It's definitely feasible that over time I could have fallen in love with them.

 

That's exactly right. Nobody should be miserable in a relationship. A relationship is supposed to be built upon love, trust, and devotion. The ideal relationship is one in which the two people complete one another. I would never settle for a relationship where I did not love the other person or vice versa. That's exactly why we shouldn't fall in love with straight men. They can NEVER make us happy.

I don't know why anyone would settle for anything less than mutual love and adoration. I refuse to do so. If I don't love someone, then that person deserves someone who can return the love. The opposite is true as well. Love is special. True love may only come once in a life time. I will know when I have it. That is what I am searching for, the other half of my soul.

Sorry, but personally I find this Origin of Love style of pursuing a mate very distasteful. Don't get me wrong, I actually very much agree with everything else you just said about love except the bolded remarks, and if that's your way of looking at it great, good luck and I hope you find it, but I just find the very idea that somehow someone is "broken", or "incomplete", or only "half a person" until they meet their mate to just be...well disgusting and destructive (again, just my personal opinion). I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't their own person and mostly self-contained without me.

 

I have no interest in co-dependent relationships. I want a partner an equal, someone strong and independent in their own right, who isn't with me because he has to be because he's "missing something" without me, but someone who is with me because he's in love with me, and he wants me.

 

Don't get me wrong, over time I expect us to come to rely on each other for support and to be there for each other. That's natural and healthy. But if he can't function without me...well that's certainly not the ideal.

 

In my opinion, people should enter loving relationships because they're already happy and well-adjusted and want to share their lives with someone else. They shouldn't go into it thinking it's going to be a fix all for their current problems. You have to learn to be alone before you can learn to be with someone.

 

I'm not intending to attack your ideal at all, however Tiger, if that works for you then great!

 

i guess i phrased it wrong... i meant that if you had feelings for both of them but stronger for the one who doesn't love you, you should go for the one who loves you.

I actually really liked that and it made sense to me. The way I see it, it's an urging to remain realistic and in difficult times to reassess the situation and perhaps realize that the one you thought you were in love with is just not going to happen, but that maybe there's someone perfect already waiting for you, that you could easily fall in love with.

 

It seems like a sensible aphorism to me. Certainly one should never settle for someone who doesn't love them or someone they don't love, but we must also remember that it's not always a fairytale. Love takes work, commitment, and time.

 

Anyway, like I said, those are just my opinions. My own concept of romantic love is a complicated marriage between practicality, realism, and even cynicism and the classic "happily ever after", "love at first sight", now-love-is-going-to-be-a-big-romantic-picnic-forever version.

 

That's what I'm searching for,

Take care all, and may you all find/stay in your fairytale happily ever afters,

-Kevin

Edited January 20, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[Ieshwar]

Sorry, but personally I find this Origin of Love style of pursuing a mate very distasteful. Don't get me wrong, I actually very much agree with everything else you just said about love except the bolded remarks, and if that's your way of looking at it great, good luck and I hope you find it, but I just find the very idea that somehow someone is "broken", or "incomplete", or only "half a person" until they meet their mate to just be...well disgusting and destructive (again, just my personal opinion). I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't their own person and mostly self-contained without me.

I don't think they meant this. I have read this as someone who is compatible to you. Not someone broken. Someone who understands you well. Knows your ways and all. I think the half part refers to the way they 'click together' and not necessarily the state of mind before or after. I'm saying these bacause I used to day this 'half' stuff and this is what I meant.

 

But, Kevin is right too.

 

Take care,

Ieshwar

[Dark Princess]

All the time