(no title YET- written June 5th)

[Christian000]

From the shadow approaches

With gossamer steps

Who hums harmonic depth;

With eyes as colored as skin as bold;

With hair as black as black untold.

Here is my body!

Your wine, my breast.

Fill it whole with your breath.

Feel it tremble with your test.

It is yours, all that is left,

My maiden,

My sweet sweet Death.

Edited June 5, 2008 by Christian000

[AFriendlyFace]

Dude, I love that!

 

Until I got to the last couplet I was thinking "What a pretty, romantic poem". Totally caught me unaware that it was about death, but the description works so well in that context too! Awesome job! I think it might perhaps be my favourite of yours thus far.

 

It is also had a good rhythm and I liked the rhyming. I can get a bit picky about rhyming sometimes. I often find that far from enhancing a poem some ill-used rhyming totally destroys the effect. In this case though, I'd say you nailed it.

 

 

Well done,

Kevin

[Christian000]

Until I got to the last couplet I was thinking "What a pretty, romantic poem". Totally caught me unaware that it was about death, but the description works so well in that context too! Awesome job! I think it might perhaps be my favourite of yours thus far.

 

It is also had a good rhythm and I liked the rhyming. I can get a bit picky about rhyming sometimes. I often find that far from enhancing a poem some ill-used rhyming totally destroys the effect. In this case though, I'd say you nailed it.

I was really hoping the readers would recognize the sinister emphasis- "what type of creature/person would come sneaking out from the shadows with such a vibrant, powerful and dark appearance?" -then it becomes much more painful to see the narrator offer his body so willingly- generally, I do not want the reader to know exactly who ("it could be hopelessness, hate, maybe love personified as evil, the devil, generally anything naturally sinister and nonhuman) it is until the end.

 

I love this poem and yet I was hoping to make a large narrative poem describing the narrator's love affair with death with a few passages of dialogue between him and death, and also a message addressing his true love (his human love). Ultimately, I wanted the reader to truly get the sense "Death loves me more then you!" and because of this the narrator owes himself to Death.

 

I use a lot of play on words; the same way the reader has to walk down a fine line to read the alliteration, rhyme, and puns (steps-depth, fill-feel, breast-breath; when usually rhyme, alliteration and puns make it easier to read I use it make it harder ) the narrator has to walk down a fine line to continue his affair with Death yet not die.

 

THANKS SOO MUCH FOR COMMENTING ALL MY POEMS!!!! YOU WORK SOOOO HARD!!!

[AFriendlyFace]

I was really hoping the readers would recognize the sinister emphasis- "what type of creature/person would come sneaking out from the shadows with such a vibrant, powerful and dark appearance?"

A good point! I'm embarrassed that I hadn't taken that into consideration upon my initial reading of the piece.

 

As I said, I had originally thought the poem about love (which I imagine was just some silly preconceived notion I had when going into my reading of it), as such I took those lines to emphasize the surprise of finding love, almost as if it were some sort of ambush, something that did indeed sneak up from the shadows and hurl itself at you when you weren't looking.

 

Your intent and explanation make much more sense and as I said I'm a bit embarrassed that I hadn't clued into that possible interpretation in my first reading of the lines (of course after I realized it was about death I went back and re-read it in that context).

 

-then it becomes much more painful to see the narrator offer his body so willingly- generally, I do not want the reader to know exactly who ("it could be hopelessness, hate, maybe love personified as evil, the devil, generally anything naturally sinister and nonhuman) it is until the end.

I indeed wish that I had initially considered it from a dark angle so that I might have experienced that wondering and brooding, uncertain fear.

 

I love this poem and yet I was hoping to make a large narrative poem describing the narrator's love affair with death with a few passages of dialogue between him and death, and also a message addressing his true love (his human love). Ultimately, I wanted the reader to truly get the sense "Death loves me more then you!" and because of this the narrator owes himself to Death.

An apt topic given the way many people throughout history and into modern times have continually maintained a fascination, and indeed love affair, with death.

 

I use a lot of play on words; the same way the reader has to walk down a fine line to read the alliteration, rhyme, and puns (steps-depth, fill-feel, breast-breath; when usually rhyme, alliteration and puns make it easier to read I use it make it harder ) the narrator has to walk down a fine line to continue his affair with Death yet not die.

Skillfully done

 

Paradoxically these techniques made it EASIER for me to read because they caught my attention, fascinated me, and caused me to the read the piece more carefully. Well I suppose 'easier' isn't the best word; they made my reading more effective. I paid more attention to the piece and thus got more out of it. Well done

 

THANKS SOO MUCH FOR COMMENTING ALL MY POEMS!!!! YOU WORK SOOOO HARD!!!

It was a pleasure and a small labour compared to the work that went into writing them and providing them for us all to read

 

So thank you

 

 

Take care and have an awesome day,

Kevin

Edited June 6, 2008 by AFriendlyFace

[Christian000]

A good point! I'm embarrassed that I hadn't taken that into consideration upon my initial reading of the piece.

 

As I said, I had originally thought the poem about love (which I imagine was just some silly preconceived notion I had when going into my reading of it), as such I took those lines to emphasize the surprise of finding love, almost as if it were some sort of ambush, something that did indeed sneak up from the shadows and hurl itself at you when you weren't looking.

 

An apt topic given the way many people throughout history and into modern times have continually maintained a fascination, and indeed love affair, with death.

 

It was a pleasure and a small labour compared to the work that went into writing them and providing them for us all to read

 

So thank you

PLEASE don't feel embarrassed!! Actually, when I went to see who commented my poems I noticed that you also read and commented all the others in the WHOLE FORUM; not just that but you did this at 1-am, what could I (or you) expect :lo:

Sometimes, I write papers for school early in the morning that I feel at the time to be utter genius. I walk into school, expecting my due praise, with my head held high despite the weakness in my neck and hand into my teacher's hand some of the worst work I ever put on decent paper.

 

Sometimes I open a book to read some poetry, read one poem, then immediately close the book to take a casual nap knowing I did not understand a single line I read. And not caring either.

 

We can not be at our best all the time. Sadly only once in our life will we reach our pinnacle(by definition of what a pinnacle is), for the rest of our life we must settle for our best effort.

 

Lately I have been preparing for the SAT lit exam, I read this one modern poem (written in the 1930s) and after analyzing to my deepest satisfaction I answered the questions and went to check my answers. Somehow I managed to answer all 8 multiple choice questions wrong (when I have 1/5 chance to guess a question right).

 

That day I learned that modern poetry and classical poetry emphasis very different themes. While classical poetry (if not directly addressed) often alludes implications to more universal themes-love, youth, death, unrequited love, nature, etc- modern poetry often does no such thing (focusing more on current issues like industrialization, immigration, identity and culture, sexuality, human rights etc. . . often times without recognition of even one universal themes. Modern poets are more likely to use the literal meaning (or new meaning) of words while recognizing more the intricate interrelationships of groups in society.

 

-Sometimes even just a inkling of knowledge can upset the efforts of great ability.

 

If not the hundredth time,

Kevin, thank you for your time and effort.

Edited June 6, 2008 by Christian000