What makes a relationship "successful"?

[AFriendlyFace]

Hi all,

 

It seems like recently there's been a lot of discussion around here regarding what constitutes successful relationship, so I thought it might be fun to create a poll on it. Obviously it's tempting to pick all or most of these choices and obviously they will be very inter-related, but which are the most important and best determinants? Which are just more or less side effects or incidental qualities? Are any of the choices completely irrelevant for a relationship? Obviously the poll will also reveal what the respondents value most in their own relationships.

 

Just for the record, I did mean this poll to evaluate what is generally considered to be a "romantic relationship" (whether or not romance is a major aspect) and not a platonic, familial, or business relationship.

 

I think I'd rather weigh in with my thoughts once the poll progresses a bit more.

 

Have a great day all

Kevin

Edited March 7, 2009 by AFriendlyFace

[SRevol]

Success of a relationship: Each person in the relationship wouldn

[JamesSavik]

I didn't answer the poll because it is clear that I don't have a f-ing clue.

[old bob]

It was not so easy to answer !

The longer you live, the more experiences (good and bad !) you make, the more it becomes difficult to distinguish the differents reasons of a "successful" relationsship.

After almost 80% of a century of experiences, I would like to summarize my answer in a very few words : a successful relationship is one which last at least 50 years . Its length is the best criterion.

[GaryRoger]

I decided to stop at one thing, the length of the relationship. Because apart from the stuff you collect over the years all of it is equally important to me. And without length of time I can

[Sir Galahad]

I was a tad perplexed with the poll. For us it's just about having fun & being honest with other. We talk about things that are bothering us & work it out before it gets outta hand. Oh, & great sex is kinda cool to! lol

Edited March 8, 2009 by Sir_Galahad

[Krista]

I picked trust the people have in one another. If one doesn't have that or can't trust people then I don't think any relationship will work.

[rknapp]

In the first part, I picked:

The happiness each person experiences - If you aren't happy, then the relationship suffers. This is evident with a friend of mine, who claims he makes her happy when it's painfully obvious that he doesn't. The relationship has been on and off for years and it seems like they're together only to make their parents happy.

 

The opportunity each person has for personal growth - If one obstructs the other in their growth, be it financially or academically, then at least one person will be unhappy. See above.

 

The degree of trust each person has in the other - I think this one kind of speaks for itself. If you don't trust your lover, then the relationship will be short lived.

 

The number of common interests and activities the partners share - This is subjective. Personally I feel it is the differing interests and therefore lack of common interests that aid in making a relationship successful. Having different interests gives each person the chance to learn more about their lover each day. Having similar interests gets boring and after a while, you might feel more like friends than lovers when doing things together, and I think romantic ventures might eventually feel weird. Others might feel differently on this. Personally, since John is so interested in sports (particularly foreign sports) and I am not, I have been able to learn about things that I otherwise would have never learned, and I enjoy every second of it. That said, there is a degree between these differences that needs to be considered. An Eagles fan probably won't get along with a Cowboys fan. I'm not saying it's impossible, but they should probably attend separate sports parties when those teams play each other.

 

The ability of the relationship to provide for the physical health and needs of each partner - I think it's all too common that when physical needs can't be met, the relationship deteriorates, and not always in the physical sense. It's usually a mental one as the one that can't provide very well feels guilty and therefore unhappy. This isn't significant, as solutions can always be found.

 

The general affection each partner has for the other - How can you not love someone and be happy in a relationship with them?

 

 

I forget which one I chose to be the most significant but honestly I think the question has no answer at all. There isn't really any one single thing that is the most important in a relationship. It's like saying horsepower is the most important thing in a car. You can say that all you want, but other people will value torque, while others will value fuel efficiency. It's all relative, but the important thing is all those things have to come together to make a truly great car.

 

Someone said length is the most important thing, and I can't disagree more. Length of time in a successful relation is actually undefined. Much like the summation or difference of an even function with an odd function. *looks around at all the dazed and confused faces and curses Advanced Calculus* If there is a finite length of time to a relationship, that means that the relationship has failed and subsequently ended. Had the relationship been successful, it would still exist. Therefore a successful relationship has an as yet undetermined length of time. As the marriage vows go, "till death do you part" is the only variable that can truly define the length of time of a successful relationship.

[AFriendlyFace]

In the first part, I picked:

The happiness each person experiences - If you aren't happy, then the relationship suffers. This is evident with a friend of mine, who claims he makes her happy when it's painfully obvious that he doesn't. The relationship has been on and off for years and it seems like they're together only to make their parents happy.

 

The opportunity each person has for personal growth - If one obstructs the other in their growth, be it financially or academically, then at least one person will be unhappy. See above.

 

The degree of trust each person has in the other - I think this one kind of speaks for itself. If you don't trust your lover, then the relationship will be short lived.

 

The number of common interests and activities the partners share - This is subjective. Personally I feel it is the differing interests and therefore lack of common interests that aid in making a relationship successful. Having different interests gives each person the chance to learn more about their lover each day. Having similar interests gets boring and after a while, you might feel more like friends than lovers when doing things together, and I think romantic ventures might eventually feel weird. Others might feel differently on this. Personally, since John is so interested in sports (particularly foreign sports) and I am not, I have been able to learn about things that I otherwise would have never learned, and I enjoy every second of it. That said, there is a degree between these differences that needs to be considered. An Eagles fan probably won't get along with a Cowboys fan. I'm not saying it's impossible, but they should probably attend separate sports parties when those teams play each other.

 

The ability of the relationship to provide for the physical health and needs of each partner - I think it's all too common that when physical needs can't be met, the relationship deteriorates, and not always in the physical sense. It's usually a mental one as the one that can't provide very well feels guilty and therefore unhappy. This isn't significant, as solutions can always be found.

 

The general affection each partner has for the other - How can you not love someone and be happy in a relationship with them?

 

 

I forget which one I chose to be the most significant but honestly I think the question has no answer at all. There isn't really any one single thing that is the most important in a relationship. It's like saying horsepower is the most important thing in a car. You can say that all you want, but other people will value torque, while others will value fuel efficiency. It's all relative, but the important thing is all those things have to come together to make a truly great car.

 

Someone said length is the most important thing, and I can't disagree more. Length of time in a successful relation is actually undefined. Much like the summation or difference of an even function with an odd function. *looks around at all the dazed and confused faces and curses Advanced Calculus* If there is a finite length of time to a relationship, that means that the relationship has failed and subsequently ended. Had the relationship been successful, it would still exist. Therefore a successful relationship has an as yet undetermined length of time. As the marriage vows go, "till death do you part" is the only variable that can truly define the length of time of a successful relationship.

 

 

Wow! I would have to say that of all the responses so far I agree with yours the most, Robbie! In fact I pretty much completely agree with what you've said

[writeincode]

I really wanted to pick longevity as well but I already has four. I think measuring the success of a relationship is a combination of all of the options except not really 'things acquired' unless you're also business partners but then that's just complicating the matter too much :wacko:

[rknapp]

Yeah I skipped over anything having to do with material possessions. You can have everything or you can have nothing and still have a successful relationship together.

 

Although, it's not unheard of for possessions to end relationships. In my Grand Prix community, several marriages have ended because the guy spent all his time with his car, modding it and racing it. Then again, if both people like the possession, then having/using it can solidify a relationship or fix a failing relationship. As if they both liked a certain car, so the guy buys one from a junk yard and they spend quality time fixing it, then driving it. But then, I would say the possession was merely a catalyst and not the true reason for making the couple successful.

[AFriendlyFace]

Although, it's not unheard of for possessions to end relationships. In my Grand Prix community, several marriages have ended because the guy spent all his time with his car, modding it and racing it. Then again, if both people like the possession, then having/using it can solidify a relationship or fix a failing relationship. As if they both liked a certain car, so the guy buys one from a junk yard and they spend quality time fixing it, then driving it. But then, I would say the possession was merely a catalyst and not the true reason for making the couple successful.

Oddly enough, I think substituting "child" for "possessions' almost makes sense, and speaks the truth, in the above paragraph as well.

 

Put simply, I think having a child can help or relationship, or it can make things much worse. Similarly, the parents can bond over the common parenting experience, and spend their time doting on the child, and driving it [crazy]. But of course the child would just be a catalyst and not the true reason a relationship worked or didn't work

[rknapp]

So... they spend quality time fixing the kid? Ouch.

Edited March 13, 2009 by rknapp

[Sir Galahad]

Oddly enough, I think substituting "child" for "possessions' almost makes sense, and speaks the truth, in the above paragraph as well.

 

Put simply, I think having a child can help or relationship, or it can make things much worse. Similarly, the parents can bond over the common parenting experience, and spend their time doting on the child, and driving it [crazy]. But of course the child would just be a catalyst and not the true reason a relationship worked or didn't work

 

I don't know. Really in two minds about this. If two people are unhappy in a relationship, should a child be used to keep them together? As you said it could make things a hella lot worse! If they already have kids, they should at least try. If they don't, until they sort out whatever problems they have, they really should refrain from having children.

[Benji]

The opportunity each person has for personal growth

The degree of trust each person has in the other.

The number of common interests and activities the partners share

The general affection each partner has for the other

 

The opportunity each person has for personal growth

 

I don't know how significant my choices are here, but personal growth seemed to be a factor, plus trust, common interests and affection. It has worked for going on 26 years so I guess it has merit.