New 12 Step Program

[JamesSavik]

As I was at my regular Tuesday night meeting of the Anonymous 12 step group of my choice, it occured to me that there needs to be a new one.

 

Idiots Anonymous

 

Who is an Idiot?

 

Most of us do not have to think twice about this question. We know! Our whole life and thinking was centered in Idiocy in one for or another- complete idiocy, displaying the ability to say and do the wrong thing at the worst possible moment. Very simply, an Idiot is a man or woman whose life is controlled by their idiocy.

 

What is the Idiots Anonymous Program?

 

IA is a nonprofit fellowship of men and women for whom their Idiocy has become a major problem. We are recovering Idiots that meet regulary to help each other think through their hair-brained ideas before we making flaming fools out of ourselves. This is a program of [near]complete abstenance from all idiocy. There is only one requirement for membership, the desire to stop being a flaming idiot.

 

Why are We Here?

 

Before coming to the fellowship of IA we could not manage our own lives. We could not live and enjoy life without making complete wankers out of ourselves. We had to be different and we thought that we had found the way in our idiocy.

 

How it Works

 

If you are tired of being a flaming idiot, and are willing to make the effort to improve, then you are ready to take certain steps. These are the principles that make recovery from idiocy possible.

 

1. We admitted that we were poweless over our idiocy, that our lives had become unmanageable.

 

2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

 

3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to our higher power as we understand him.

 

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourseelves.

 

5. We admitted to our higher power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

 

6. We were entirely ready to have our higher power remove those defects of character.

 

7. We humbly as him to remove those defects of character.

 

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed and made amends to them all.

 

9. We made direct amends to such persons except when to do so would injure them or others.

 

10. We continued to take a searching and fearless moral inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

 

11. We sought though prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with our higher power as we understood him.

 

12. Having had an awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to idiots, and practice these principals in all our affairs.

 

This sounds like a big order, and we can't do it all in one day so remember- easy does it.

 

We feel that our approach to the disease of idiocy is completely realistic, for the thereputic value of one idiot helping another is without parallel. We feel that our way is pratical for one idiot can best understand and help another idiot.

 

The only way to keep from returning to active idiocy is to avoid making idiotic choices. If you are like us, you know that one is too many and a thousand never enough. We put great emphasis on this because when we engauge in idiocy or substitute one form for another- pratical jokes, slapstick, vaudville, then we release our idiocy all over again.

 

This is not to say that a recovering idiot can't make a wanker out of himself. It is simply much harder to do when you follow the steps.

 

The Disease Theory of Idiocy

 

Most people are not born idiots. There are such unfortunates but most idiots learn idiocy from our idiotic society. Our society promotes and encourages idiocy by promoting and encouraging counter-productive and unnatural values and mores like sexual neurosis, gender idenity problems, religion over spiritualty, lying as courtesy, and many, many other examples.

 

Who would not be confused by all of this bullshit you ask? The answer is no one. Everyone is a recovering idiot to one degree or another- the trick is to recognize this fact and act accordingly.

 

There is no shame in being an idiot- if you are human then you are probably one of us. It happens to the best of people. Who can claim that they have NOT been an idiot at one time or another?

 

The only shame is to know that you are an idiot and refuse to do anything about it. Release yourself from society's idiocy, work on the idiocy within and maybe, just maybe, someday you'll be a happy idiot.

 

 

I'm James and I'm a recovering IDIOT.

 

Now what's your excuse?

[Conner]

Excellent, James. Ok, here goes...

 

I'm Conner and I'm a recovering idiot.

 

Hugs,

Conner

[Masked Monkey]

This is all well and good for you idiots, but can us normal people still watch and laugh at you?

 

:king: Snow Dog

[sat8997]

My turn, my turn !!

 

I'm Sharon and I agree with Conner, he's an idiot.

 

Sorry Conner, my zap meter is set on high stun today. I apologize.

 

Okay, I'm Sharon and as you can see from the above, I'm an idiot. But could we move the meetings from Tuesday? I already have plans.

 

Sharon

[Mark Arbour]

Since 75% of these programs (at least) are usually bullshit, I'll narrow it down to 4 points:

 

1. I agree with Conner, minus the word "recovering".

2. Being an idiot is part of who you are. We think it's funny, you think it's endearing. We're both right.

3. There is no higher power that can help you.

4. No one likes missionaries.

[Masked Monkey]

Since 75% of these programs (at least) are usually bullshit, I'll narrow it down to 4 points:

 

1.  I agree with Conner, minus the word "recovering".

2.  Being an idiot is part of who you are.  We think it's funny, you think it's endearing.  We're both right.

3.  There is no higher power that can help you.

4.  No one likes missionaries.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What's the matter kitty, strike out again last night?

 

:king: Snow Dog

[Mark Arbour]

Since 75% of these programs (at least) are usually bullshit, I'll narrow it down to 4 points:

 

1.

[Masked Monkey]

I like hockey, not baseball.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hockey is the best spectator sport ever invented. I grew up watching the Triple Crown Line

[JamesSavik]

Since 75% of these programs (at least) are usually bullshit, I'll narrow it down to 4 points:

 

1.  I agree with Conner, minus the word "recovering".

 

Well, I don't know Conner well enough to comment.

 

2.  Being an idiot is part of who you are.  We think it's funny, you think it's endearing.  We're both right.

 

quite

 

3.  There is no higher power that can help you.

 

The belief in a "higher power" has been placating idiots for eons.

 

4.  No one likes missionaries.

 

Their position is quite popular in some circles.

[Masked Monkey]

4.  No one likes missionaries.

 

Their position is quite popular in some circles.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually, that position is quite difficult in "circles"

 

:king: Snow Dog

[JamesSavik]

4.

[lurker]

Did someone say hockey? <ears perk up>

 

And Snow Dog, hockey isn't just for spectators. It's the greatest sport to play, too!

[Masked Monkey]

Did someone say hockey? <ears perk up>

 

And Snow Dog, hockey isn't just for spectators. It's the greatest sport to play, too!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yea, I didn't respond when you first mentioned it. Unfortunately, the American sunlight must have caused a birth defect because I didn't inherit the ability to skate from my Canadian parents (well, my dad's American now). I'm simply an uncoordinated (major motor skills wise, I'm awsome with fine motor skills) geek -- so I just watch and scream.

By the way, F... Kerry Fraser.

 

:king: Snow Dog

[Conner]

Since 75% of these programs (at least) are usually bullshit, I'll narrow it down to 4 points:

 

1.  I agree with Conner, minus the word "recovering".

2.  Being an idiot is part of who you are.  We think it's funny, you think it's endearing.  We're both right.

3.  There is no higher power that can help you.

4.  No one likes missionaries.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

1. You're right. Talking to you hasn't helped my idiocy score. Go figure.

2. So what do you call people who spend their time watching idiots?

3. Betty loves idiots. She made so many of them.

4. I'm a missionvirgo.

 

Hugs,

Conner

[Conner]

My turn, my turn !!

 

I'm Sharon and I agree with Conner, he's an idiot.

 

Sorry Conner, my zap meter is set on high stun today. I apologize. 

 

Okay, I'm Sharon and as you can see from the above, I'm an idiot. But could we move the meetings from Tuesday? I already have plans.

 

Sharon

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Admitting one's idiocy is liberating. Why hide it?

 

Ok, we'll move the meeting but it has to be a night Mark can watch. He's a voyeur. That's French, Mark. Deal with it.

 

Hugs,

Conner

[Mark Arbour]

My turn, my turn !!

 

I'm Sharon and I agree with Conner, he's an idiot.

 

Sorry Conner, my zap meter is set on high stun today. I apologize.

[JamesSavik]

All fun aside, 12 step programs are useful to a whole lot of people. Everybody has heard about Alcoholics Anonymous but there are many others.

 

Narcotics Anonymous is the second biggest 12 step fellowship.

 

Others include: Codependents, AlAnon, Smokers, Overeaters, Gamblers all have an "anonymous" 12 step program.

 

If they help some people, and they clearly do, it's all good. I just got a 9 month chip for being drug free for 9 months. I thought that it would suck but I'm a lot better off now than I was.

 

There is one 12 step program that I have an issue with- there is something called Homosexuals Anonymous. It is very tiny compaired other 12 step fellowships. They've pretty much dried up as far as I know.

[Conner]

I love French.  Pretty weak on the language, but I've got the kissing part down. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

So you're saying you like to kiss both cheeks?

 

Hugs,

Conner

[sat8997]

All fun aside, 12 step programs are useful to a whole lot of people. Everybody has heard about Alcoholics Anonymous but there are many others.

 

Narcotics Anonymous is the second biggest 12 step fellowship.

 

Others include: Codependents, AlAnon, Smokers, Overeaters, Gamblers all have an "anonymous" 12 step program.

 

If they help some people, and they clearly do, it's all good. I just got a 9 month chip for being drug free for 9 months. I thought that it would suck but I'm a lot better off now than I was. 

 

There is one 12 step program that I have an issue with- there is something called Homosexuals Anonymous. It is very tiny compaired other 12 step fellowships. They've pretty much dried up as far as I know.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Congratulations on your sobriety.

 

Sharon

[Masked Monkey]

All fun aside, 12 step programs are useful to a whole lot of people. Everybody has heard about Alcoholics Anonymous but there are many others.

 

Narcotics Anonymous is the second biggest 12 step fellowship.

 

Others include: Codependents, AlAnon, Smokers, Overeaters, Gamblers all have an "anonymous" 12 step program.

 

If they help some people, and they clearly do, it's all good. I just got a 9 month chip for being drug free for 9 months. I thought that it would suck but I'm a lot better off now than I was. 

 

There is one 12 step program that I have an issue with- there is something called Homosexuals Anonymous. It is very tiny compaired other 12 step fellowships. They've pretty much dried up as far as I know.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My sister-in-law is very active in NA, she has been clean for 10 years now. It can be done James.

 

:king: Snow Dog

[Mark Arbour]

I love French.

[gobears20022002]

I have to wonder how the classifications of idiocy go. What would Level 1, 2, and 3 idiots parameters be? Are there professional idiots, besides George W.? I would have to guess he is a level 3.

[Conner]

I have to wonder how the classifications of idiocy go. What would Level 1, 2, and 3 idiots parameters be? Are there professional idiots, besides George W.? I would have to guess he is a level 3.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Idiocy is not a true addiction. It's more of a commitment that has negative results. :wacko:

 

There has been considerable research into idiocy. Unfortunately, most of it has been conducted by idiots. There is strong evidence to suggest that idiocy has its roots in our genetic make-up. While this may make idiots feel better, it suggests that idiocy is here to stay. While the conservative right admits that one's environment (family, schooling, diet, political affiliations, etc) may well have an impact on the degree or level of idiocy, it believes firmly that idiocy is a choice. This means of course that the government will never subsidize idiocy.

 

There are those who argue that idiocy is in the eyes of the beholder. What is complete idiocy to one person may well be quite normal and, in fact, sometimes attractive to another. As idiots tend to associate with other idiots, many are often unaware of their behaviour. This pattern suggests that we're all idiots, it just depends on whom you ask.

 

Idiocy, unfortunately, is not treatable. IA and its 12-step program is really an excuse for idiots of similar proclivities to get together. Acceptance into the IA program does require a Level 3 certification as the waiting list is just endless. George Bush would be welcome at any of our chapters.

 

Hugs,

Conner