What does Prevention look like?

[hh5]

I like to ask the question that those said was the answer to suicides?

 

* * * This is a non-soap box thread - so keep things friendly * * *

 

What does Prevention look like?

 

NJ Senator Lautenberg plans to introduce Federal Legistation for colleges and schools to have Anti-Harassment policies in place and NJ Legistation on Anti-Bullying.

 

With laws being introduce and I presume there are more to come or changes to come over time like the next year or so.

Isn't it a start before Prevention can be considered throughout the whole country?

 

Below is an article from FoxNews\Dr Dale Archer - he gives a summary of the five suicide victims and the circumstances. And then he outlines the lessons we can learn from this.

 

Are these lesson good enough as Prevention guidelines? Is there more to that? What are they?

 

Many groups, organizations, individuals taking up the cause ... do we call these part of the steps of Prevention?

 

jamessavik posting -> does-it-really-get-better?

 

It gets better project on youtube channel page

http://www.youtube.c...f/0/7IcVyvg2Qlo

 

 

 

From the Website

 

dr-dale-archer-tyler-clementi-seth-walsh-asher-brown-billy-lucas-teenboys-gay

So, what lessons can we learn from this?

 

1. To those young people questioning, hiding, or struggling to defend your sexuality: Please know that there are resources in every community available to help you and the Internet is the place to start.

 

2. To the parents of the bullied: Speak out. Ask your child questions. If your child comes out to you, let them know you love them. If you have no idea what they are going through, ask and educate yourself on what it means to be gay in America. 3. To the teachers, officials, and administrators: Take charge. It is your responsibility to teach this new diversity in your schools. Education, understanding and acceptance are the ultimate keys in ending this tragic new bullying trend.

 

4. To the parents of the bullies: This is not an easy topic for most parents, but you must teach your children about sexuality and that it's OK to be different. Also, that it is NEVER OK to harm another human being, to invade their privacy, or to make another person feel less than normal. Research shows that current adolescents show significantly less empathy for their peers than 30 years ago. This concerning trend must be addressed by parents if it is to be reversed.

 

5. Finally to the bullies themselves: Understand that just because someone is different than you are doesn't mean that they are any less of a person or any less valued

[hh5]

Here are my comments on those five lessons - just opinions to start us off but I like to hear yours.

 

0. When I heard somewhere that the old resources need to be repeated to the children. I found that enlightening idea ... like yea right ... it works ... it doesn't or hasn't ... there is proof like five in the past few weeks.

 

1. Young People and Teens need to know where are the resources for help ... its has to be obvious to them and it has to be show to them like an educator, youth group organizer, or whoever. The message needs to be available like in commercials, ads in the teen magazines, radio stations, Youth church Groups, youth organizations, etc.

 

2. I love to see more parents have talks with their children about Bullying ... My parents nor my teachers never talk about it ... Parents need to be help on how to start a talk with their children about it. Schools, Churches, etc need to have materials and videos so they can help educate parents on how to have that talk with their children. It can be tricky when it comes to sexuality .. I can imagine how many parents would choke at this.

 

3. I sure like to see more teachers, police, bus drivers, etc ... a lot of the adults ... get involved to keep an eye out for every child. Every child needs to know that there is someone they can go to in an event of an emergency or needing someone to talk to. In my day ... there was nothing ... except to go to a police man ... but they were never around. Imagine having no one to turn to.

 

4. Gosh I love to see the parents of bullies make a difference with them. But the biggest eye opener for the parent is "My child a bully?" Its a real shocker but maybe those parents need to show some empathy to their own children. I can probably imagine some of these parents are origins of where bullying came from. I remember visiting various friends houses, They were never happy in their home and you can see the frustrations and anger ... it worried me if they would become bullies or just needed to take their anger out on someone. Another problem ... there are parents that are bullies to their own children ... I don't see how this lesson would ever take place.

 

5. To the bullies themselves?? ... I say they need a place they can turn to ... to talk to someone ... in a movie called "Boys Town" ... Father Flanagan said there is no such thing as a bad boy ... I am sure bullies have it hard in their lives ...

 

I am sure there is another kind of bully ... the ones that have no empathy ... and that's one enigma that I have no idea how that's handled?

 

Any one got answers to this one?

[Bumblebee]

I like to ask the question that those said was the answer to suicides?

 

 

1. To those young people questioning, hiding, or struggling to defend your sexuality: Please know that there are resources in every community available to help you and the Internet is the place to start.

 

2. To the parents of the bullied: Speak out. Ask your child questions. If your child comes out to you, let them know you love them. If you have no idea what they are going through, ask and educate yourself on what it means to be gay in America.

 

 

1. - I'm not sure about in America, but where I live, unless I want to come out to everybody who lives near me or that I went to school with or have it spread on facebook, then the lgbt clubs arn't an option. Seeing a psychologist is another option, but genrally if its the parents that have to pay the bill, they want to know why your seeing them.

 

2. Teens don't like talking to their parents, we are more likely to fight and argue then answer questions, and being told that your parents love you isn't "cool"

but I agree with parents educating themselves about being a lgbt teen, since they (normally) don't have a clue what we might be feeling.

 

In my old high school, being straight, skinny, blond hair and a tan was "normal" and if you didn't fit into that, then you got bullied.... but being bi was cool, just as long as you didn't do anything gay, if you did anything gay, then you were bullied

 

 

Here are my comments on those five lessons - just opinions to start us off but I like to hear yours.

 

Imagine having no one to turn to.

 

 

and thats what it feels like to alot of these suicidal teens,

no one listerns

no one cares

no one will miss me

everyone will be happy if I'm gone

 

(I may have gone off topic )

but the only way to prevent suicide is to seek help, even I know that..... but its finding the right sort of help thats hard to find but can save yourself when you find it

 

(and to remember that when you go to your 20yr high school reunion that you bullies will probably be fat, balding and in a shitty job)

Edited October 8, 2010 by Bumblebee

[hh5]

Thanks Bumblebee ... I appreciate the voicing of your opinion ... (don't worry if you stray - just voice out what you feel) ... its being honest

 

I have to agree about it ... my parents wasn't some people I could turn to at all too ... not even my brothers. Even when something real bad happen to me when I was 6 or 7 years old ... there was no open place in their hearts for me to confide in to tell them what happen.

 

Years of abuses of all sorts and bullying builds up ... some teens are lucky to have someone ... some teens aren't ... that surely does impact their lives ... I am proof of the latter.

 

Again I appreciate your share ... I hope you will continue to participate as the thread takes off.

 

1. - I'm not sure about in America, but where I live, unless I want to come out to everybody who lives near me or that I went to school with or have it spread on facebook, then the lgbt clubs arn't an option. Seeing a psychologist is another option, but genrally if its the parents that have to pay the bill, they want to know why your seeing them.

 

2. Teens don't like talking to their parents, we are more likely to fight and argue then answer questions, and being told that your parents love you isn't "cool"

but I agree with parents educating themselves about being a lgbt teen, since they (normally) don't have a clue what we might be feeling.

 

In my old high school, being straight, skinny, blond hair and a tan was "normal" and if you didn't fit into that, then you got bullied.... but being bi was cool, just as long as you didn't do anything gay, if you did anything gay, then you were bullied

 

 

 

 

and thats what it feels like to alot of these suicidal teens,

no one listerns

no one cares

no one will miss me

everyone will be happy if I'm gone

 

(I may have gone off topic )

but the only way to prevent suicide is to seek help, even I know that..... but its finding the right sort of help thats hard to find but can save yourself when you find it

 

(and to remember that when you go to your 20yr high school reunion that you bullies will probably be fat, balding and in a shitty job)

 

I found an article of a students opinion about campus life ... and it talks about how unsafe it feels to be there.

 

It shows that there is a need to create a safer environment and this is what NJ Senator Lautenberg is trying to push for.

 

Here is what Toby Simon Says!! ( its only a sample )

 

From the Website

 

Simon.Says.Enough.Already

 

Sadly, on our own campus, we have bias related incidents targeting gay and lesbian students. I sit on the Bias Incident Committee and our group has more reports involving harassment of gay students than any other group of students. We should all be asking ourselves "why?" What kind of community lets this happen?

 

Ask students who are brave enough to be out on the Bryant campus if this is a safe campus. My guess is that the majority of them have had to deal with some kind of anti-gay sentiment if not on a daily basis, a weekly basis. This can include a gamut of behaviors from the use of words that are offensive to gay students to more heinous behaviors which include physical and emotional abuse of students. Several years ago we had a hate crime committed on campus against an out gay student.

 

What happened to Tyler Clementi could happen at any campus.

[Bumblebee]

 

Again I appreciate your share ... I hope you will continue to participate as the thread takes off.

 

 

 

well i have some views on this subject that needed to get out

 

and the sad part about what happened to Tyler, is that it will have to happen a few times before something is put in place to try and stop it from being repeated

Edited October 8, 2010 by Bumblebee

[hh5]

well i have some views on this subject that needed to get out

 

and the sad part about what happened to Tyler, is that it will have to happen a few times before something is put in place to try and stop it from being repeated

 

Here is an article ... from the Clementi thread ....

 

rutgers_hosts_a_town_hall_meet

 

The NJ Senator came to Rutgurs Uni to have a town hall meeting ... it went very well ... the people share their issues and views ... the people identified with the problems ... the senator explain the new laws that NJ will have and a Fed law too. The idea is to stop bullying and internet harassment. Promote a safer environment for children and college students. The article link above is provided. Its marks a wonderful start for everyone ... Gay or straight ... bullying is independent of sexuality ... but our lives are only made worst when people find out about us and take negative actions. I hope these laws will help change the world we live in.

 

photos - Town hall meeting

 

There are tributes and other things happening ... I think this is all a start ... one step at a time ... one step followed by another ... to move forward ... promote healing ... promote prevention

[hh5]

This is KWGN-TV article reporting a solution to combat cyber-bullying. I am not sure if top universities are using this or not. But major corporations are using this to combat cyber-crimes. The proposed idea is to use this class of software to scan active emails, messages, and images sent through the school network and intercept the cyber-bully messages before the intended victim receives it. Alerts can be sent to the school official in charge like the principal.

 

Some people would call this Big Brother \ 1984 ... well in this cyber age ... its easy to abuse the freedom we're given ... for committing bullying or spying or crimes. Corporations need to protect their internal documents and intellectual property. Schools need to protect their students. Reducing the liability of a student get cyber-bullied. Even the gov't has similar software to combat cyber-terrorism and cyber-crimes.

 

However, this report does not comment on the cell phone companies that also need to use this software ... on all children phones. This is another way that bullies use (texting, phonecam, and emails). I kinda thought this was the most common way to do bullying then the school system.

 

There will be debate on this solution ... as software companies in this class are eager to make money in this niche market ... selling security policing.

 

We must also remember that policing software can be used for other means as those that read Big Brother \ 1984 would fear.

 

But for now ... cyber-bullying is an issue that needs to be fought in cyberspace, celluar-space, and the social networks ... while society helps the current victims of bullying to come forward and let us know they need help.

 

If successful then the bully will have to return to the old fashion way.

 

 

From the Website

 

New tool helps schools take control of cyberbullying

 

When it comes to placing blame on the problem many point the finger at parents.

 

Schools are on the forefront of this issue. Schools and Universities can take the steps to prevent hostile messages, posts and images send within the school's network.

 

"A lot of bullying can take place at school, at colleges and universities should also bear some of the responsibility," says Ed Rowley, senior product manager at software security company M86 Security.

 

"Alerts can be generated and send automatically to teachers to principals so that they can act very very quickly. Also the content can be blocked so the intended victim will never get to see it."

[ricky]

Here is the bottom line. Until gay couples who are not campy really start to make their presence know in society, not much will change.

 

The key is education and confrontation. The public thinks that because we all aren't campy that we don't exist and that the six they have seen in their lives are the only ones. Thank you Hollywood. And I mean no disrespect to our campy brothers and sisters, although I don't think I've ever seen a campy Lesbian . . . hmm.

 

Stern legislation helps in the way of bullying. But to win and put an end to it, everyone has to face their own bully do what it takes to not have to take it anymore. Whether it is kicking some butt (in defense of themselves) or standing up against (a so called friend) the aggressor when an attack was made on a weaker. In short, a lot of gay boys need to grow a set and come out and be themselves. And those lacking the courage need to support them and try and muster the courage. There is safety in numbers. But only if you are counted. Everybody wants to be free but nobody wants to fight for their freedom.

 

The more that are out the better desensitized society becomes. Look at all the GLBT clubs in high schools. Just having the club is not enough. They need to join other groups in fund raisers. Groups like football fundraisers in a joint venture. This grays the lines between straight and gay. It also lets straights see that gays are no different in what they want or in their adaptive behavior.

 

I know soo many gay people who won't go to gay pride marches because it always turns into a freak-show aimed not at educating the public but at rubbing their noses in the fact that gays are here whether the straights like it or not. If we want to find the freedoms we desire we need to not be a freak-show.

 

Recently one of our gay kids came out to his mother. I'm talking about a boy from here at GA. His mother showed him college pictures and video of a couple of her gay friends from college (Uni for you UK'ers) They were of course swishers and extremely campy. She asked her son, "Do you see any of those qualities in you or your behavior? Do you talk like that or want to? See you're probably not gay, you're just going through a phase. That's normal for boys your age."

 

Do you see the damage of staying in the background when you are not campy and only letting the freak-show represent the gay community? This boy knows that he is gay. He knows it now too. But he is now forced back into the closet for another 4 years. 4 Years of thinking he is flawed and a bad person. These should be the best years of his life.

 

@ Bumblebee You aren't alone hon. And don't feel that I am saying to take risks. But do what you can to be happy safely. It sounds like you have had those thoughts before and hopefully you can see that is not the way. Those that have taken that way out are only mourned. I can't imagine being a father of a child who felt so bad that they couldn't come to me, their parent. Let me tell you something about parents. Sometimes it is a shock to them but once they are told and they know there is no going back, they generally come around and realize they need to support you. You can reduce that by talking to them about it. Bring home some brochures that will open dialog. Think about it and test the waters. Nothing compares to having a good family support network. They love you. You are part of them. A piece of each is in you. And most of all be happy. You deserve to be happy.

 

A side thought. If they see you going into a GLBT center then they would have to be there. Unless it is in school. And if you have those thoughts again hon. Talk to someone. I don't have the tears it would take to tell you how sad that choice would make me and many who know you. You're too special. Your mission here isn't done. Hugz.

 

And you out there, that are lucky enough to have a partner. Get off your butts and join a march. Not in wild dress but in normal business attire and holding hands. Hold hands in public, in restaurants, kiss openly when parting. We need to gray the lines between gay and straight. It's working. Look at the progress we've made.

 

"We" need to do more. "YOU" need to do more. "I" need to do more.

[hh5]

Here is some ideas when you tackle bullying with school officials ... its more than just a simple report

 

stop_bullying_by_complaining_but_complain_in_writing_and_send_copies_all_over_town

 

 

6_signs_of_cyber_bullying_and_what_you_can_do_about_it

 

From the article:

Signs that Your Child Is a Cyber Bully

 

- Uses the computer at all hours of the night.

 

- Quickly switches screens and/or closes windows when you come by.

 

- Child is unusually upset when they cannot use the computer.

 

- Avoids discussions about what they are doing online.

 

- Laughs excessively while using the computer.

 

- Becomes irritable if you question them or interrupt their computer time.

 

Signs that Your Child Is Being Cyber Bullied

 

- Unexpectedly or suddenly discontinues use of the computer.

 

- Appears nervous, jumpy, anxious or scared when an instant message appears.

 

- Discontinues interest in going to school, extra curricular and/or general outside activities

 

- Is visibly angry, frustrated, depressed or sullen, after using the computer

 

- Becomes abnormally withdrawn and distant from family, friends, and favorites activities

 

- Lack of appetite with food in general and specific favored foods

 

cyberbullying_when_enough_is_enough

 

From the article:

 

The main way that is sure to keep your child from suffering the same fate as the young adults in the media is to talk to them. It may seem incredibly simple and like it won't help at all, but odds are if you and your child have a close, open bond, they will come to you if someone is bullying them. Another good alternative to completely restricting or monitoring computer use is to give your child a reason to spend time with the family and not in front of the computer. Children who have other things to do don't normally have enough time in the day to sit and worry about networking sites.

 

Opinion: Its best to seek advice on the matter with a professional ... once you find out the complexity of the bullying

 

schoolyard_bullying_a_survivors_tale

 

From the article:

 

"Hey," said a man I had never seen before "Are you alright?"

 

I remember stuttering through a quick reply, something noncommittal that informed him that I was indeed alright.

 

"Are you sure? Do you need anything? You look pretty sad." He persisted as he fully stopped his car to gaze at me through his driver's side window, his faced filled with obvious concern.

 

the trevor project

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

866-488-7386

Opinion: Its important that the victim learn that they do matter that someone actual cares about them. Without a leg to stand on ... where do you think they will end up? So make the difference ... be a friend ... let them know they exist and they matter ... that they have a friend.

[hh5]

Credit to Red HairCrow for finding the article. He stated in his blog that even standing up to a bully isn't enough. I read the article and it seems that there was more than one bully ... but a group ... first thing is the victim needs to seek safety in numbers ... the parents need to speak to a professional to learn how to handle this situation. Like in the previous post read the article on about writing your officials in your town ... putting out the word ... to find some official that would listen. Somewhere there is a resolution to the problem.

 

Any one being bullied by a group ... you have to tell your teacher, principal, your parents, your older sibling, etc. Its important to do so. Don't go at it all alone. Its an unfair bully fight.

 

the trevor project

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

866-488-7386

us_bullying_one_town

[hh5]

CNN Videos

 

cyber.bully.prevention

 

IReport - Parents and students can share their bullying stories on iReport.

 

Dr Phil - what can you do about bullying

 

My life as a bully victims (see kids talk about it)

 

(continued) Teens share sadness of being bullied

 

Inside the Rutgurs Tradgety - Well Done News

 

Article - Teach empahty to ward off bullying

[Canuk]

I think that one key is that children/young adults need to have an established relationship with a person (ideally their parent(s)) where there is a "tradition" of free, frank and open communication. then, should bullying (or anything else) occur there is already somewhere to go. If there is no established relationship, then trying to start one in the midst of a crisis is difficult-verging-on-impossible.

 

I made it quite clear to my two boys that they could talk about ANYTHING with me and I repeated this again and again ad infinitum. I thought my eldest put it quite succinctly to a mate who had just crashed his father's car and they had come to me to work out what to do - my boy's comment was that the only thing worse than telling me what they had done would be not telling me!

 

from a parents perspective it is impossible to protect your children from everything, but it is essential that you are there when they want you and they have to know that you will be there then.

[ricky]

I think that one key is that children/young adults need to have an established relationship with a person (ideally their parent(s)) where there is a "tradition" of free, frank and open communication. then, should bullying (or anything else) occur there is already somewhere to go. If there is no established relationship, then trying to start one in the midst of a crisis is difficult-verging-on-impossible.

 

I made it quite clear to my two boys that they could talk about ANYTHING with me and I repeated this again and again ad infinitum. I thought my eldest put it quite succinctly to a mate who had just crashed his father's car and they had come to me to work out what to do - my boy's comment was that the only thing worse than telling me what they had done would be not telling me!

 

from a parents perspective it is impossible to protect your children from everything, but it is essential that you are there when they want you and they have to know that you will be there then.

 

Well said and I concur completely. I have had the same results with my boys. They were always amazed that the big things I always sidestepped with, was anyone hurt? Things can be replaced. Parents need to allow them to be who they decide to be, not who we want them to be. I as a parent am the archer. I make the arrow as true as I am able but when it is time to launch you have to let go of the arrow and let it fly. Trust your aim. Support the landing.

[VickyS]

Bullies dont need a reason, they bully for the sake of bullying. They choose to behave the way they do. Its unfair to blame their parents for their behaviour. And in that regard, it would be of little help to "educate" their parents.

 

Also this "line of thinking" about educating people that gays are normal, not different, etc etc etc seems out of context. I mean are all cases of bullying-affected suicides related to gay teens? There are bullies who harass people to the point where they commit suicide. And not necessarily gay people.

[ricky]

Bullies dont need a reason, they bully for the sake of bullying. They choose to behave the way they do. Its unfair to blame their parents for their behaviour. And in that regard, it would be of little help to "educate" their parents.

 

Also this "line of thinking" about educating people that gays are normal, not different, etc etc etc seems out of context. I mean are all cases of bullying-affected suicides related to gay teens? There are bullies who harass people to the point where they commit suicide. And not necessarily gay people.

 

You are correct that there are many things that bullies go after. Here however the scope is narrowed to the gay. Education is still the key. Normalizing the non-average. Being different and diverse is societies strength, not it's weakness. Whether it is large or small fat or skinny Gay or straight. It doesn't matter. We as a society need to teach and demand tolerance and acceptance.

 

Racism is a perfect example. Education and enforcement has brought about change in society. Is it gone? No way. BUT! When crimes are committed for that reason or on that basis, it is no longer acceptable to society. Race has been normalized. Those that commit transgressions against someone because of race pay a much heavier price for doing so. That is a great deterrent and as such is the case, it happens less and less. But the change did not even "start" to occur until society deemed it unacceptable behavior.

 

That's what needs to happen here.

[VickyS]

Yes Ricky "We as a society need to teach and demand tolerance and acceptance."...

 

Abt Racism, I am not sure if the society ever "supported" it. And I have no idea, whether racist attacks have lessened or increased in recent times.

[hh5]

justusboys-pledges-10000-corporate-donation-to-matthew-shepard-foundation

 

JustUsBoys is seeking to raise funds and awareness for the Matthew Shepard Foundation, an organization created by Matthew's family to raise awareness and promote human dignity for everyone by engaging school, corporations and individuals. Our goal at JUB is to raise $10,000 for the Matthew Shepard Foundation, then match those donations with a corporate donation of another $10,000. We will not be bullied, and we will not stand by or turn our heads when others are bullied.

[phana14]

Ricky,

 

:wub:

[Rilbur]

Abt Racism, I am not sure if the society ever "supported" it.

 

Take a look about 100 years ago... or 200, when slavery was widely supported, and even many of those that rejected it still thought blacks were 'inferior'. Because, after all, if they weren't they wouldn't have been made slaves, or they would have had civilization already, or another dozen reasons. (Mind you, the civilization point has some false legitimacy; as badly screwed up as Arabic culture is, African culture is quite possibly worse... and was worse then)

[VickyS]

yes ribur, i agree. of course there was racism. i didnt mean to deny its existance, on the contrary, my point was, has it really been eradicated. we see frequent cases of racial attacks. how do we determine, whether we r making any progress.