Saying "No!"

[reychop]

Ugh. Here, I am just starting my way off and I'm already giving you guys problems. But I'm actually at a conflict with this one. I spent the night thinking about this one and thus losing a chance at beauty sleep.

 

Last night, when I came home from school, a board mate of mine invited himself in my room and started introducing some sort of business strategy (I believe it's about network marketing or something. My brain's still fried from Trigo and Chem so I wasn't thinking clearly). Being a good guy that I am, I allowed him and listened to him. As he continued, my inner skeptic self came out. Well, nothing much has happened after that except he invited his friends over and a persuasion session ensued. I know that if it wasn't a scam, I'm not cut out for it (this thing seems to rely on one's social skills and I don't have that.). I told them I'll think about it and give my answer on Monday. We bid each other good night and they're on their way.

 

As I laid on my bed waiting for sleep to come, I realized that my "skill" for saying no is almost non-existent. I surrounded myself with sensible minded friends so I wasn't ever forced into a situation where I have to say no (well, except for alcohol, drugs and smokes. I can totally say no to them). I'm actually determined to say no to join their little activity. But I don't know how to get around it. The fact that we lived in the same house would complicate things if they get the wrong idea. So I'm asking some pointers on how to say no. It doesn't have to limit on this situation alone, though. I really want to development the skill of saying "no".

 

But the fear of offending them or sparking a misunderstanding that could risk my safety (my parents were at least a five-hour trip away from the city so that even complicate things). Any hint on where to start? I'd greatly appreciate it. There's a series of exams next week so my pathetic little mind isn't really up to the challenge of dealing with "Public Relationships" and "Life's Complications".

[Nephylim]

I'm totally crap at saying 'no', the world's worse but in this case I really think you should.

 

What's wrong with saying... I've listened to everything you've said and I really appreciate it but its really not for me. If they persist ask them what is it about the word no they don't understand.

 

You can say that you have exams coming soon and you really can't give them the time.

 

Or you could tell your parents and get them to send these guys packing with a flea in their ear. If these people are friends then they wouldn't pressure you and if they're not friends you're better off without them and what the hell does their opinion matter anyway.

[Tipdin]

You are not alone. There are, oh, I would guess others in the same boat. Ten or twenty MILLION others!

 

First, you have the responsibility to stay true to yourself.

Second, you have the right to say no when you want to say no.

 

I also think you answered your own question. You can simply tell them what you told us, here.

 

1. You know you're not cut out for being in the situation in which they want you involved.

2. You don't want to offend anyone or make any enemies.

3. You have exams coming up and want to focus on getting good marks.

4. You hope all goes well for them.

 

And if you think you need even MORE reasons, you could always add that you're a worrier and getting involved would mess up your beauty sleep!

[JamesSavik]

Reychop- I suspect that there is a cultural component to this.

 

We Americans are constantly bombarded by hair-brained schemes to separate us from our money. If you do NOT tell them to get stuffed, you'll wind up broke.

 

If you are worried about your safety, then its extortion.

 

The only things that I have trouble saying no to are long-legged red heads. They can use me, abuse me and spank me like a bad puppy. It's all good.

[Tipdin]

The only things that I have trouble saying no to are long-legged red heads. They can use me, abuse me and spank me like a bad puppy. It's all good.

 

OMG. LMAO!

[DragonMando]

I have a lot of trouble saying no to people, too, so I know what you're talking about, reychop. I know it's tough, but probably the best thing would be to just say you've thought about it, but it isn't what you think is best for yourself. It's gentle but to the point and if they press you for an explanation, you don't have to give one.

 

In a way, my roommate last year put me in similar situations trying to hook me up with people for one night stands and I had to learn how to tell her no, fast. I knew I couldn't do that and keep my sanity, so after a while of backing out at the last minute it became easier to just tell her no up front. It was hard, but once I started doing it I found a power in myself and it's easier to stand up for myself now. Hopefully the same will be for you. The hardest time is the first, so if you manage to say no this time it'll be easier in the future.

[paya]

This is easily said. Just say no. NO. Try training that in front of the mirror. NO. You can add "I'M not interested." "I don't need it." Try to neg everything they say. If they say you earn more money, say you don't need more. If they say you will earn them fast, say that you're ok with current speed. Don't oppose, just give them a clear signal that you're not interested. Just SAY NO.

[PrivateTim]

Why don't you want to do what it is they want you to do?

 

Because I suspect they will not take a simple "no". If you say "no it doesn't appeal to me" they'll ask "what doesn't appeal to you" if you say "no, I don't have time for it" they will persist to explain how it takes no time at all.

 

You probably just have to be strong and say "no" and if they press for a reason, say as nicely as possible, "I don't really want to discuss it more, I've made my decision, but thanks for thinking of me".

[reychop]

Thanks for the advices guys! I can finally relax. I guess the answer is right in front of me all along (as you nicely outlined, Tipdin. That's better than my wall of texts ). My brain was just fuzzed off at the moment that it stopped thinking. Add their nonstop speeches and it just might have overloaded. Or it could be my inner pessimist talking. I guess that's settled for now, though. I just hope I won't get used in saying "no" too often or I might miss a cutie. Thanks again for the support. Now I can finally focus on a stress-free sleep.

 

Oh and Neph, they aren't actually friends. They're just boardmates so I feared their numbers at first. But then I thought that if that's my reason for fearing them, am I really that much of a wimp? I'll unleash the forces of darkness and kill them in their nightmares, buwahaha. It feels so good to be rid of a problem. But wasn't that a fast change of mood? Hehehe. Once again, a thousand of thanks to all of you. -disappears and flies off to my dreamland-

[hh5]

Because I suspect they will not take a simple "no".

 

What PrivateTim say there is pretty much true ... You have to guage the kind of person your dealing with ... its a matter how desperate they are to get a yes out of you.

The worst thing is how related they are to you ... the more related ... the more hard it is to say no.

 

You definitely have to be smarter than them ... smart enough to get the message of NO through to them.

 

So of these desperate ones take No in different ways

* Breaking the phone call

* Slamming the door in their face

* Showing them out of your house

* A show of breaking (threat - that you're not scared of caring out) something of value to them

ie: Someone wouldn't take a no who kept on asking ... so I kept on tapping on his glass table harder and harder ... that sent a message ... he valued the table more than what he owes ... gosh if I knew that when I met him - that would certainly get him out of my life.

 

Again this is after trying a smart way of a verbal NO ... the ones that make it their business to hound you to get a Yea .... even if they own you but really they won't pay back .... you have to writer the loss off ... its like you value your way of life more than theirs

[reychop]

As an update all went well. I just told their "groupmate" who seemed the most sensible and level-minded. He tried to change my mind at first but I've been firm enough so he let it go. They didn't bother me this night so he might have explained to them and everybody got the hint. So to all who replied to this thread, thanks a lot for your words. They gave me a boost in confidence and gave me a push in the right direction.

 

@hh5: Those advices were great. I do hope I'd get to use them one day. My mother have a growing lists of debtors who refused to pay. I just hope that I won't go into a situation where I have to slam a door into someone's face. I'm kind of soft-hearted when it comes to that, hence my coming here for advice.

 

At any rate, everything's fine so far and I appreciate everyone's replies. And it might be a bit early but let me all greet you "Happy Holidays!" Thanks again for the replies.