Depression

[Mark92]

Hey folks I'm out of likes again

 

Lily babes, as I know more than most, I will write you a PM. But as you are about to get Marzipan beating on your door I will leave it a day or too. Hope you have much fun girl. You deserve it

 

Hugs all round Stay happy people

[Andrea]

Didn't read all the replies, but depression is a mental illness. I really dislike when someone says depression is something the person experiencing it can change without help, like it is their fault they are depressed and they are weak individuals. So not the case and if the person saying that ever experienced even mild depression, they would change their stance on it.

 

I've suffered from it for years. Seeing a therapist has really helped me (doesn't help everyone, so you won't see me trying to pressure someone into going). I don't take meds for it right now as my therapist and I think we have it under control. Doing okay.

[Zolia Lily]

It's a slippery slope, huh.

Thought i was just feeling a little homesick and a little tired and a little unwell and slightly PMS-ing and a little weepy and a little confrontational (also, weepy and confrontational is not such a great mix...) and then the lady in HR told me i needed a holiday and then i started crying and now i can't stop. The GP at work asked me if I had hayfever and then I started crying again... i know i'll be ok. Just right now I feel small and so so so sad. I didn't really want to be back here. Hm. Time to start focusing on getting back out.

[Guest blondboi1]

Dear Ashessnow- So, depression is the person's fault, is it? No I don't think so. I have been depressed most of my life. Most of mine stems from growing up extremely religious (Baptist) and being gay. Fear is a big part of depression- a fear of failure, a fear of success, a fear of living, a fear of not living enough. Fear of hellfire and damnation is also a potent factor for many LGBTQ people. Whether Christian, Jewish, Moslem, Mormon or what have you, the fear of being eternally damned, cut off from those you love forever, and being separated from the love of God, this fear is a POWERFUL depressant. Please take it from one who knows this first hand: it has the power to blot all the light out of your life, and short of taking ones own life, there is nothing you can do about it. Or so it seems to those that suffer from/through it.

Depression has little to do with self-pity. For years, I longed to be like 'everyone else', those who were strong enough not to be burdened down with heavy thoughts of guilt and 'God/the Universe doesn't/couldn't love me because of who/what I am.' I however, was raised with a damnable Baptist conscience, and NOT feeling guilty over being 'wicked' was impossible.

It took me years of wrestling with this issue to realize that I was the one who was actually strong; stronger than most of the people around me on any given day on a daily basis. I learned this by opening up to others about what was weighing down in my heart and soul. Many of those that heard what I had to say asked me how it was I hadn't taken my own life by this point. You CAN get through depression, but I have found in my own life experience that it is tackling the FEAR that surrounds so much of depression, that helps you get through it. When we conquer our fears, we often times triumph over life's biggest hurdle-our own sense of our inadequacies. When we realize that we are just as good, brave, happy, sad, embattled, strong, weak, human, ect. as the guy sitting next to us on the bus, the girl behind the sales counter, the gym trainer, our boss, ect., then we have cut off the head of the viper Depression, and need to fear it's toxic fangs no more.

[Mark92]

Thank you Andrea for you words of wisdom, we all see it differently. Like mine isnt the same as yours and so on. We each tackle it differently and pick out points of it that suit our needs.

 

Lily you will get past this sweetheart, maybe you need a little help? Someone who you can bare your soul too? I know I still owe you an email, getting there

 

Hi and welcome blondboi Everything you say is true, depression is fear in a big part. My particular fears are from years of abuse. I fear failure, I fear disappointing others. I make promises I never break and fight to the death to make them happen. The fears of my issues and hang-ups. It's a day to day challenge to try and stay "up" and focused. Thank you for your input

 

Hugs all round

[Mikelaing74]

I've been missing for a while, but I've been busy dealing with something.

 

Snuggle and I have had a fight, but it was over once he admitted he was wrong so we're back in the land of happy.

 

I have been reading what's been going on however. It will never cease to amaze me how much support is available in this forum, and I hope it keeps on going.

 

to everyone who needs or wants them.

 

 

[Mark92]

Sorry to hear about the fight Mikey, so cool everything is okay again

 

Hugs all

[harcallard]

I have not been away my self lately.. for several reasons... (1) I am beginning to realize, and realize the hard way, that I am not the center of everyone's universe.. (2) Things with my bf seem to be on the rocks at the moment (3) I haven't chatted on line with my friends on line or the ones off of line for several days...This seems to bother me more than it does them.( 4) and finally my new job has me working pretty strange hours. This may be contributing to not being able to chat with people.(5) I guess I have always wanted to be important in somebody's life, not the center of it, just the next in line.

 

So I have decided to start writing again as well as I have three people I am editing for so their work will keep me busy....I am sad beyond compare at the moment. HOwever, I need to take care of me so this is why I need to start back writing again..

 

I am not disappearing, I just need to take some time for myself.. I appreciate each and everyone of you.. I hope you all have a great day and a great week to come.

 

Hugs and Love

Edited August 19, 2012 by harcallard

[Mark92]

With you all the way Tim Writing helps me too. I haven't done any for ages just too busy, with Stuby and new piglets.

So you do what you need to do for you.

 

 

Hugs all

[SidLove]

Everyone is depressed at some point of time. I have been, quite a few times. It is the tough situations in life that lead to it. Yes, people are responsible for their own situations and state of mind. Things shouldnt affect life because life is to live. We cant waste it for something as worse as depression.

But of course, we aren't robots. Toughest man in the world cant claim nothing affects him that deep, because we are humans. We have heart. While we have love filled in it, there's always a place for guilt, sadness and numerous other emotions.

How to get out of it? I cant tell you that but I am sure I can tell you what ways to NOT choose to get out of it. Killing yourself just because you cant bear it, is just insane. You might think nobody cares, but there is always one person at least who cares deeply. Think about that person, family, friends that you are leaving behind. What about their pain??

Also venting out your anger on someone else is not a good way to go either.

I am not a psychological expert but I believe, depression is good. Kinda. We suffer and we learn from those sufferings.

[comicfan]

Har - As much as we'd like to think we are supermen, able to do it and be it all to everyone we aren't. As much as you want to know you are important, and for many you are, they aren't going to show it constantly. It is sometimes the small gestures and comments that show how they care. I agree that keeping busy can help but don't drown yourself in work and forget to live your life. Always try to find a balance. It isn't easy but it is worth it.

 

To everyone else, remember if nothing else this thread gives you a chance to vent. We might not be able to do much in person but we can at least support each other here. to those that need them.

[joann414]

Hi everyone. I have been to the beach for a few days on a much needed vacation, but missed all of you.

 

Well , Mike, glad you and yours got through rocky waters. I am sure we have all been there done that, but it still makes hard when things are out of sorts between the two of you.

 

Mark, sounds like you are in hog heaven and stuby heaven, so not much I can say, but enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Hugs

 

Wayne, sounds as if life is going your way. Hope your dad is still on the mend, and work is great. Hugs

 

Harcallard, can't tell you what to do about the bf, but I will tell you , if you learn to put yourself first, then you will never feel like you are standing behind anyone, you will feel like part of the crowd. Always try to be a part, not just a you, wondering if you are being noticed. You are there, with a purpose in life that only you can fulfill. Whether it be small or large, it will influence those around you, so hopefully, you will be positive in all that you do. Keep your chin up, and keep trudging along. Everyday is not going to be a walk in the park, but when you get them, enjoy them. Make them forget the bad days. ( hops off the soapbox now ) Have a great week and hugs guy.

 

To eveyone else, a helping hand if needed or wanted.

[harcallard]

Thanks Joann and Wayne and everyone else.... I have had some time to think and I know what I need to do but just don't know how about doing it.....I hope everyone has a great day and a wonderful tomorrow.

 

Hugs and Love

[harcallard]

Oh Mark..you and the little piglets.. I am so jealous.. Now those bring a smile to my face.. hey name one after me and make sure it is one your keeping:) name it something like "Lord Harc"

 

Hugs and love

 

Wayne....I am sorry if I have failed to ask you about your dad! I hope and pray that he is getting better...

[TommyZ]

I get depressed from time to time. It usually starts when I experience a series of small set backs that keep piling up and then depression hits me.

 

I feel that (this is for me now) depression is some type of chemical inbalance in my body.

 

I can feel it take hold of me and from experience, I know that if I wait it out long enough it will go away.

 

It has never gotten bad enough for me to consider suicide but I can see how some people who do seriously think about commiting sucide can get to that point.

 

You just get to feeling so bad that it doesn't matter what you have done with you life, whether you were successful or not, you just want to throw in all your cards.

[joann414]

Tommy, you have done a great job describing what I feel is depression sometimes. It comes and goes, and you don't feel like suicide, you just want to give up. took me a long time to try to channel my thoughts otherwise. Thanx for great input!

[Andrea]

I get depressed from time to time. It usually starts when I experience a series of small set backs that keep piling up and then depression hits me.

 

I feel that (this is for me now) depression is some type of chemical inbalance in my body.

 

I can feel it take hold of me and from experience, I know that if I wait it out long enough it will go away.

 

It has never gotten bad enough for me to consider suicide but I can see how some people who do seriously think about commiting sucide can get to that point.

 

You just get to feeling so bad that it doesn't matter what you have done with you life, whether you were successful or not, you just want to throw in all your cards.

 

I agree 100% with your entire post. Things piling up, even minor setbacks, is what usually causes my bouts of depression also.

[Mark92]

Hey folks

I know I'm not the only one who has considered suicide and more than once, hopefully that part has gone now.

I have Stuby I'm getting better, it's slow, painfully slow. My body has chosen to give me the lost part of my past in nightmares. I wake up screaming and sweating. Baz sometimes shaking me awake. I'm getting even less sleep than I did before. But this is healing isn't it? Seeing things my mind had blocked out for years? I couldn't face it then, I don't really know how I'm handling it, you'll have to ask Stuby. He's there, he's always there. The love of my life.

 

Be well my friends and try to be happy Hugs all

[JOeKEool]

Hi to all-Decided I needed a new avatar. I am thinking of all of you even when I'm not able to be here. My heart breaks when I read of the hard times some of you are having. Glad to see so many doing well.

Welcome to the new voices here. Glad you found this Eden of support and love.

 

Blondboi 1_Big welcome my friend !! I had the same home life. I still try to distance myself from the religion while I try desperately to find some idea of a God that could love me. It sounds like you might be finding the answers. I don't know if I am. I think we have to learn to love our self.

 

I'm in the dreaded 2 weeks with no kids. Can't find an outlet for all that rattles around in my brain most days. Day 3-11 to go. Kids will be back to school real soon. The 2 week rotation might change.

I will have 3 kids in 3 different schools now. All spread out in town. I hope my car holds up. And my gas tank.

 

New baby is doing great ! So much personality already. I hope Dad and MOm can get along thru' all this. It's only 18 years.

 

I went to my old swimming hole at the river a week or two ago. Hadn't been out there for several years. I used to HAVE to be there every day. Roan told me I needed to and he was SO right. A magical day. I posted a poem @ FSO about it. It won't be up for a couple days I guess. Still in review.

 

Had a great visit from my son's best friend when they were kids. He was like a second son to us for years. He joined the Marines, then college and he's in graphic design for some little firm called Microsoft up in Seattle.

 

So glad to see Roan home now. Daz is spoiling him well.

 

I'm trying to keep my head up. Hope all of you can too.

 

(HUGS) for all

 

Joe

 

 

EDIT: Blondboi 1: I just posted this one. I thought you might relate. All my love ,Joe

Edited August 22, 2012 by JOeKEool

[bashfulpie]

I've found that being around the right people is much more effective than drugs or therapies. Some people tear you down on purpose. Others bring you down to their level without even realizing it. But there are those who can cheer you up. I hope to find more of the latter type of people.

bp

[Bumblebee]

only recently I've finally been given a medication for my ADD that seems to work, and since I've started taking them I've seemed to be happy, settled with things. I'm sure its just temporary but its making me feel a little bit uneasy simply because I'm not sure how you go about being happy.

 

I couldn't sleep last night until 3am and then had to wake up at 5.30am and normally I'm a right grump and just want to go back to sleep and end up being tired all day, but today I was annoyingly happy, extremely talkative (I was told to shut up a few times) and surprisingly, now being almost 10pm, I'm not tired at all.

 

I've been talking to a girl recently as well... well my stumbling attempts at talking to her and shes being quite patient with me until I find the confidence to say what we both know that I have to say. Its been nice in a way because we are becoming quite good friends, she is my age, single and an out lesbian, the only issue really is that she is in America and recovering from an abusive relationship with her ex-girlfriend. I want to cuddle her and make her feel safe, shes this amazing girl and just sending her a hug over the internet just doesn't seem enough. I know that I am not falling for her, I won't let myself but I just want to be her friend and I'm afraid that me being me will say something stupid that will hurt her.

[Mark92]

Hi all

 

Bee, That is excellent news and it might feel strange at first, but being hugged is good. And she will appreciate them, even if you feel awkward giving them. I'm so glad about the meds I do hope they continue to work for you Take things easy, and if you are her friend too, then a lot can be forgiven, once you can tell her how you are. I am so pleased Bee I've got everything crossed for you. Good Luck and have a hug

 

Hug for everyone

[harcallard]

I have felt much better lately... I amlearnign ot take everyday as it comes... I have had to make some difficult choices int eh last few days and I don't regret making them... I had to separate myself from things and people who were bringing nothing but negativity in my life... I did feel sad for a time, but sometimes we have to let go and move on.

 

I hope everyone has a great day and a wonderful week to come

 

hugs and love

[JOeKEool]

 

Hello from Nevada_Things are going well here. My head is in a good place. I've been writing most days. I get a big pile of pebbles, but sometimes one looks like a gem. My emotional state is about equal to that of a 12 year old so I can allow myself the 7th grade poetry.

 

Bee_ it sure is good to see you feeling better. Being happy is not normal for me either. I'm beginning to get used to it. Remember a bad day or two is not the end. You found this step forward and if you take a step back you can move forward again. You are always on my mind. I just never know what to say. You deserve the best. HUGS Bee

 

bp_you're right about needing good people around. I'm learning too,that we have to accept their flaws. I see sometimes that what I expect from people is unrealistic. I forget that they fight their own daily battles too.

 

Mark_A belated congrats on the piglets !!! It's been ages since I talked to you. The nightmares might be a way to heal.

I'm sorry you have to deal with them. I'm SO glad you have your Stuby !!! HUGS Mark And HUGS for Stuby !!!

 

I had lunch with my little Olivia today. She's almost 3 weeks old now. So tiny. She is really peaceful and quiet. I have not heard her cry yet. It wouldn't matter now what any DNA said. I've totally fallen for her. And what baby doesn't like sitting on Grampa's big belly?

 

Grandma( my ex) was at lunch too. Seems her home might be in chaos again. I'm glad I left that room empty. Boy, it's not going to be easy. I just have to wait and see what we do next.

 

Keep on keeping on, Joe

[JamesSavik]

I haven't contributed to this thread but I probably should have all along.

 

I guess I'm down because I have physical pain sometimes. Another part of it is frustration and feeling trapped. I hate where I live but I can't leave. My past is like a long bad road full of shit I'd like to forget.

 

I quit drinking and smoking pot about 9 years ago. That helped for a while but when I get to feeling like I do now, I don't have anywhere to go with it.

 

The feelings are all RIGHT THERE in my face with no escape.

 

Not to mention that living in Mississippi is a never ending circus with candy and carnival rides. There's always the chance I might run into the wrong bunch of rednecks and get to see how many I can stab before I get murdered.

 

I'm angry, frustrated, tired, hurting, afraid and before the day is over I am sure some asshole is going to tell me that Jesus loves me.